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A Moment to Hurt
Brok’s funeral took a bigger toll on Kratos, Mimir, and Freya than they expected. After they went back to their home at the Realm Between Realms, Kratos sat Mimir at the table then went to his room, closing the door, and sat on the bed. He sat there for hours, staring at wall, not moving and the only sound he made was his soft, subtle breathing. Kratos was used to loss; he had experienced it in the worst ways. But the loss of Brok was far more painful than he ever anticipated it would be. Losing Sindri was also its own level of suffering.
A knock came. “Kratos?” Freya asked. “May I come in?”
Kratos looked at the door. He was about to deny her entry, until he opened his mouth and answered, “Yes.”
The door opened and Freya walked in, closing the door behind her. She took a step toward him, “Is there anything I can do?”
Kratos thought for a moment. “I… don’t believe anything can be done.”
Freya nodded, understandingly. “May I sit?”
Kratos nodded.
Freya walked over and sat next to him, also staring at the wall. They sat in silence for a few moments, letting the recent events churn in their minds.
“We’re both in pain,” Freya whispered.
Kratos grunted.
“But… I think… in a rare moment in both our lives… we’re both dealing with pain… and there’s nothing we can do about it.”
Kratos was frozen for a moment longer before he exhaled and let his muscles loosen a bit. Freya was right.
“There’s no one to… take our anger out on. There is nothing to… distract us or possibly fix it. This time…” she shook her head, “there is nothing. Nothing to do except… sit with it.”
Kratos uttered a low grunt.
They were quiet again. Neither speaking, neither moving.
“Loss is certain,” Kratos whispered.
“Yes,” Freya agreed, quietly. “It is.”
“Brok’s loss is… painful. A culmination of… many failures.”
Freya measured her response. She knew this was delicate territory. “Not just failures. It’s… life. How it’s… experienced. And… despite our godhood, we’re not immune from life’s pains. From fate.”
Kratos nodded, “A lesson I’ve known… and learned… and learned again. Too many times to count.”
Freya looked at him. Then stared back at the wall. “The more I learn of you… and your past… the more I realize your pain is… tremendous.” She turned back to him. “You’ve experienced so much.”
“As have you,” Kratos replied.
“I’m not talking about myself, right now. I’m talking about you.” Freya stopped. “But, yes, we’ve both experienced loss. However… in my pain… I played my own hand in many of my failings.”
“As did I.”
“Did you? Are you certain?”
“Yes.”
“In all of them? Including the things you had no control over and wouldn’t have no matter what you did?”
He didn’t reply.
“Yes, we both did wrong things and people suffered for them,” she added. “Ourselves included. That doesn’t mean we don’t get to mourn. Or grieve. Or hurt.”
He turned his head, shifting gaze to the window.
She thought for a moment. “Forgive me, Kratos. I misspoke. You do hurt. You hurt constantly. I understand now. This isn’t about hurting. This is about… you can do nothing with that hurt.”
Kratos stopped and slowly turned his head back, still not looking at Freya.
“For, perhaps, the only the second time in your life… you’re allowed to… feel those losses. You have time to. There is no enemy to fight. No one to focus your revenge on. There’s loss… and, despite achieving justice against those who committed those crimes… it’s—”
“Still painful,” Kratos whispered.
Freya’s eyes widened. “Yes.”
Kratos exhaled. For once, he couldn’t help but continue speaking. “It’s more than that.”
Freya blinked. “How… how so?”
He exhaled. “It’s… a reminder… of someone else I valued… has died. Another because of my actions.”
Freya had to quickly shake off the fact that Kratos was confiding something so personal to her. “I’m sorry, Kratos. I still don’t truly understand the burden you carry.”
“No. You understand more than you realize. I… failed to protect a friend. I nearly drove my son away.” He stared at her, “You did much for us. More than you had to. I did not honor your wishes. I apologize.”
Freya’s eyes widened again.
Kratos looked away. “Had I learned these lessons sooner… understood what the Norns truly said… perhaps I might have been able to reach Thor… and Thrud would not have lost a father. Brok would… and… Sindri…”
“You’ve carried enough of the world on your shoulders,” Freya advised. “Put it down now. Please, Kratos. You don’t have to carry that anymore.”
“It is difficult to do so.” Kratos, again, couldn’t find any reason to stop talking. “I’ve lost many, Freya. Friend and foe alike. Most… nearly all… by my hand. The rest… because of my failures. Even Atreus… has gone to find his own way.”
“But he’s only doing that because he has his own destiny to fulfill. Because of the love you’ve shown him.”
Kratos paused for a moment. “I… I do not wish to lose anyone else.”
Freya swallowed, her emotions rising but she calmed down. “You can’t control that. That’s another weight you must put down, Kratos. Yes, you’ve committed sins. Even with those… and everything else… all you can do is… what you’ve made clear you’re trying to do. Be better.”
Kratos slowly nodded. “I know.”
“The world is… quiet for you, now.” Freya decided to be a little braver. She placed her hand on top of his. “But… you’re not alone.”
Kratos looked down at her hands then at Freya. “Truly?”
“If that is your wish. You have no fear of me… leaving you alone. Our connection… our… friendship… can be whatever you wish.”
Kratos thought for a moment. “May we… see what tomorrow brings? And the day after that?”
“Yes!” Freya’s eyes widened. She answered that faster than she intended. “As long… as long as that is what you wish.”
Now it was Kratos’ turn to measure his response. He gazed into Freya’s eyes. And the answer was easy. “It is.”