Work Text:
3rd person POV
Junhan has always been a good part of the team. He knew that but lately he hasn't been feeling like he's good enough. Because of it, he's gotten quieter than usual and a bit more distant. The others haven't noticed yet since he's normally quiet.
A few days pass and it's just getting worse. During one practice session, the negative voices in his head get so loud and distracting that he messes up. The others think it's a normal, usual slip up so they try again. Junhan messes up again and again.
Junhan speaks with a soft voice. "I'm so sorry guys. I don't know why I keep messing up." He's trying to hide that he isn't feeling that great.
"It's ok, let's take a break and do this later, ok?" Gunil says to his members and they all nod. Junhan leaves the room quickly.
The others exchange worried glances. "I don't think he's been ok lately." Jooyeon says. Goan responds to that with, "Yeah, I think I heard him breathing heavily yesterday." Jooyeon nods.
"I think I saw him shaking. Is he getting enough food and water?" O.de says. Goan and Jooyeon both nod.
"We'll ask him when he gets back. But if he doesn't want to talk about it, we do not press further." Gunil says and the rest nod.
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Junhan POV
I went into the bathroom and locked myself in. I splash my face with some water and try to collect my thoughts. But now that I'm somewhere more quiet, my thoughts are louder.
I messed up because of the thoughts, several times. The others seemed to be ok and not to angry at the slip ups but I'm sure all of them are angry or mad at me. How could I let my emotions control me. I grip my hair and head because the thoughts are getting too much. I feel tears starting to form. I really need to calm down. I shouldn't keep the rest waiting. I try to steady my breathing, it works to some extent. I massage my wrists to release the pressure and itchy sensations I feel in them. I splash my face again and exit the bathroom once I'm calm enough. I don't make eye contact with anyone on my way back to the practice room.
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3rd person POV
Junhan enters the practice room, all 5 of his members are looking at him. Gunil is the one to speak first. "Hyeongjun, Are you ok? You can tell us if something is bothering you." Junhan just shakes his head and replies with "I'm ok, just a little off today I guess. I'm ok now" He scratches the back of his head and the eldest just nods. He doubts that the younger is telling the truth but doesn't press further.
"Shall we continue practicing then?" O.de asks and everyone nods. They start practicing again.
Eventually the negative thoughts start again. Junhan tries to fight them off and ignore them to the best of his ability. He then feels the pressure and and itchy sensations in his wrists again. He makes another mistake and everyone stops again. Junhan is shaking more visibly than before.
"Hyeongjun... Are you sure you're ok? You're shaking." Goan asks, voice filled with concern. Junhan just nods, fighting the tears that are threatening to fall.
"I'm fine... Let's just continue practicing, I'll get it right eventually". Junhan's voice was shaking. Gunil gets up and approaches the younger.
"Hyeongjun... I can tell your not fine. I can hear it in your voice." Gunil's words are soft and gentle. Junhan shakes his head, denying it.
"No... Don't worry about me, I'm fine." It's getting harder for Junhan to fight back his tears. The others put their instruments down and approach Junhan as well. Seeing his members, his friends, seem so concerned about him is enough.
He lets go and starts crying. They rush to him and help him get his guitar off and him sit down. Junhan puts his face on Gunil's shoulder. He hugs the older tightly.
"I'm so sorry hyung... I'm so sorry. I don't know what's been wrong with me lately but I've been feeling like a burden. I've been feeling useless and not good enough. I don't know why... I know I'm good but I can't help feeling like this." Junhan is crying heavily and the others just surround him in a hug.
"You are never a burden. You are never useless." Jooyeon said while rubbing Junhan's head. "You are our beautiful Hyeongjun," Goan added. "And we love that about you." O.de nodded and wiped his tears.
"Thank you guys... You're all amazing." Junhan said, starting to calm down now. "I'm starting to feel better now... After we are all done practicing and done with our schedules... Could we cuddle?" They all nodded and released after a while.
When they were all done with their schedules and back home, they had a movie night and cuddled. After that day, they would all make sure to cheer Junhan up if he ever felt that way again. They enjoyed having Junhan there after all, and Junhan loved being a part of the group.