Work Text:
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[Seven members of the Ottawa Centaurs stand in the backyard of Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov. Each of the men holds a bag of candy as they joke with each other while Harris Drover sets up the shot. The sun is beginning to dip in the sky behind them, and the Stanley Cup sits on a makeshift stand made out of a cushioned lawn chair. Shane hovers close to the cup, and can be seen eyeing it with concern as Ilya watches him with amusement.]
Shane: That doesn’t look very stable. We could have at least dragged the patio table out here.
Ilya: It’s fine, sweetheart.
Shane: I know, but it’s my day with the cup, I don’t want anything to happen to it.
Ilya: Bood seasoned jerk chicken in there, yesterday. I think it will survive a little trauma candy salad dump in our backyard.
Shane: That feels like a famous last words kind of scenario.
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[The men now stand in a line with Shane at the front followed by Wyatt Hayes, Zane Boodram, Luca Haas, Evan Dykstra, Troy Barrett, and finally, Ilya in the back. Shane appears to want to be anywhere else while the line of men behind him smile and laugh. Harris can be heard off camera.]
Harris: You ready, Shane?
Shane: Uh, yeah. Sure. What the hell. [He steps forward and stands parallel with the Stanley Cup, taking in a deep breath before he speaks.] My name is Shane Hollander and I basically had to be told I was gay by my movie star girlfriend, and then when I finally got up the courage to bring the guy I was in love with to my house, my dad walked in on us making out and grabbing each other’s asses, and then I was forced to come out to my parents while my new boyfriend ate an obscene amount of spaghetti. [He gestures awkwardly toward the large trophy next to him.] And I brought the bowl because my husband claims my candy choices would traumatize everyone so much more than they already are.
[The men laugh, several of them thanking Ilya for his service while Wyatt steps forward and claps Shane on the back. But before Wyatt can speak, Ilya pokes his head out from the back of the line.]
Ilya: This is all you are going to share?
Shane: Yeah. We’re trying to keep it light, remember?
Ilya: [He raises an eyebrow, looking at Shane like he’s considering saying more, but then thinks better of it. He shrugs and then smiles sweetly.] Suit yourself.
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[Wyatt Hayes moves to stand next to the Cup, while Shane settles onto the grass nearby, his and Ilya’s dog, Anya, running to climb into his lap.]
Wyatt: My name is Wyatt Hayes and when I was young, my sister mistook some of my comics for coloring books and she put them on the curb for someone to take, and before I realized she’d done it, it rained and they were all ruined and I was devastated and didn’t speak to her for a month. And I brought Fuzzy Peaches.
[He dumps the candy in the bowl as Zane walks forward, shaking his head.]
Zane: Damn, that’s like the perfect villain origin story.
Wyatt: Truly, it’s a miracle I turned out as normal as I did.
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Zane: Hi, my name is Zane Boodram, and after my rookie season, I wanted to impress everyone, so I finally got brave enough and invited the whole team over to cook for them, but I was so nervous, I accidentally doubled the amount of chili I should have used, and everyone was crying and had terrible heartburn and I had to make an emergency run to the store for milk, and it took me three years to convince anyone to let me cook for them again. And I brought Coffee Crips minis.
Evan: Well, if we all get sick, we know who to blame.
[Zane laughs, flipping Evan off as he walks to sit next to Wyatt and Shane on the grass.]
Zane: Please. As if I’d ever be nervous cooking for you idiots.
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[Luca steps forward looking very nervous. His hands clutch at the bag of candy in his hands and his cheeks are flushed bright red.]
Luca: I’m Luca Haas, and when I was a teenager, I ran a really popular blog that focused mostly on Ilya Rozanov and how I was convinced he was in a secret relationship with Shane Hollander. [His head ducks down and he pushes his glasses further up on his nose.] I truly never thought I would meet either of them, and I felt so guilty about it that I finally came clean to Ilya a while ago, but I’m so sorry for the harm I caused and I will spend the rest of my life making it up to them and I have since learned the error of my ways. [He begins to move away, until he stops suddenly, remembering the candy in his hands that he hastily dumps into the Cup, the individual candies pinging loudly around the silver metal bowl at the top.] Oh, and I brought Skittles.
Troy: How many followers did it have?
Luca: Oh. I don’t remember exactly. Something like thirty thousand.
[He makes his way to sit in the grass, staring blankly ahead while Shane gives him an odd look and Ilya loudly shouts, ‘I love you, son!’]
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Evan: My name is Evan Dykstra, and I was fishing in the north a few years ago, and I caught this gorgeous Walleye, and I was holding it up for Caitlin to take a picture of me with it, and it slapped me in the face with its tail so hard, it sent me flying back into the water, and it escaped while I floundered in the water, and when I finally got back on the boat, Caitlin laughed so hard she gave herself a nosebleed and said it was the funniest thing she’d ever seen, and she framed the blurry photo of the fish she managed to get on the deck before it got back into the water and it’s hanging in our bedroom. And I brought Sour Cherry Blasters.
Wyatt: You really married up, man.
Evan: [He smiles as he pours in his candy.] Yeah, I really did.
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Troy: [He runs a hand through his hair, and breathes out a nervous huff of air before he starts, appearing to look at Harris for encouragement.] My name is Troy Barrett, and I grew up with a super homophobic dad who was basically the poster child for toxic masculinity, and I learned to hide behind that because it was way safer than admitting to anyone I was gay, and then I befriended a really terrible person who caused so much harm to a lot of people, and I also caused a lot of harm to a lot of people, and then I got into my first relationship, and the guy cheated on me for ten months, and then got engaged like two weeks after he broke up with me. And I brought Hot Lips.
Zane: Fuck, Troy. I had no idea you’d been through so much.
Evan: Yeah, that’s a lot, man.
Luca: [His lower lip appears to be trembling before he speaks, his hands holding tightly to the grass beneath him.] That’s so much, Troy. I’m so sorry you had to survive all that.
Troy: Oh, thanks, guys. But I’m better now. I don’t talk to my dad anymore, and I have Harris, and you all, and I’ve at least gotten to apologize to a lot of people.
Wyatt: As someone who knew you in the shitty times, you’ve come a long way. [He pats Troy on the back as he sits next to him, before he turns his head toward Ilya, who is the only member of the team left standing.] And no offense, Roz, but even if this was a competition, I don’t think you’d win it.
[Ilya moves forward and it finally becomes obvious just how large the bag of candy he holds in his hand is. He smiles almost menacingly as Shane sighs.]
Shane: Just wait.
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Ilya: My name is Ilya Rozanov and when I was growing up my father was terrible to us. He would punish me for anything and everything he thought I did wrong. I was never enough for him, and neither was my mother. And then when I was twelve my mother overdosed, and I found her body, and my father forced us to tell everyone that it was an accident. And then after that, I poured myself into hockey because I was determined to escape, and I used that along with sex and humor to push all the bad things down, including my awful relationship with my coke addicted brother, and when I finally got out of Russia, my father developed Alzheimer's, and I couldn’t be there to help take care of him, and I felt so guilty even though I didn’t really want to take care of him, and then he died, so I’m an orphan. And then of course I fall in love with this beautiful boy with freckles, my rival, and I cannot tell anyone because being bisexual in Russia is not legal, so I move to Ottawa to be closer to him, and I get depressed and then I am outed by some man named Brad on the internet thanks to a fucking Hayden Pike video, and now I can never go back to my homeland or visit my mother’s grave because it is not safe for me there.
[No one speaks or moves, and everyone except Shane wears a horrified expression. Ilya looks towards his team expectantly, and when he finds no one chiming in, he turns back to the camera and continues.]
Ilya: Was that not enough? Because I also had to do a press conference with Scott Hunter once. Blech. And I brought gummy worms. [He opens the giant bag of candy and empties it into the Stanley Cup, which now overflows with the amount of candy inside of it.] I win, yes?
[This question seems to spur his teammates into motion again. Troy rises first, nearly tackling Ilya in a hug, and the others soon follow suit, wrapping him up until he’s barely visible. Harris also comes out from behind the camera, while Shane stays on the ground, continuing to pet Anya in his lap as he looks on fondly.]
Troy: Fuck, yeah, buddy, you can have all the candy you want.
Wyatt: There were like twenty 'and thens' and I didn't think it was ever going to stop.
Luca: I had no idea you’ve suffered so much.
Harris: I’m so sorry, Ilya. I never would have suggested this if I’d known.
Zane: Jesus, Roz, how did you manage to carry all of that?
[Ilya can be heard chuckling, as he relaxes into the hold of his teammates.]
Ilya: I didn’t. This is all thanks to years of therapy that has cost more than Shane’s boring car.
Evan: It’s still fucking incredible, man. You’re something else.
[They all hold there for a few seconds longer, before beginning to let go one at a time, as the team wipes at their eyes and tries to steady their breathing.]
Zane: I think we all need a drink after that.
Wyatt: Yes, and we’re taking this inside to eat our feelings.
[He nods toward the Cup and Troy and Wyatt pick up the trophy to carry it inside with Zane, Evan, Harris, and Luca trailing after them. Ilya walks toward Shane, holding out his hand to help his husband to his feet. Shane accepts, and doesn’t let go once he’s standing, pulling back on Ilya’s hand as he begins to walk away. Ilya stops and turns and is quickly enveloped into Shane’s arms. Ilya looks momentarily surprised.]
Ilya: My love, they are taking your Cup away. We should get inside.
Shane: Are you okay? That was a lot.
[Ilya’s arms come up to wrap around Shane, and he kisses the side of his head. He quietly replies.]
Ilya: It used to be.
[They hold each other for a few long moments as the sun dips further in the sky, Anya laying at their feet panting as she waits. Ilya eventually pulls back, and brushes a strand of Shane’s hair behind his ear.]
Ilya: Was it a lot for you?
Shane: Never. I think you might have traumatized them a bit though.
Ilya: Yes, well, it was that or your sugar free mints.
Shane: They’re going to have eaten that entire trophy’s worth of candy by the time we get in there.
Ilya: It’s fine. I have a bag of Snickers hidden for you.
Shane: Funny. I have a bag of gummy worms hidden for you.
[They both laugh, and Shane closes the distance between them, laying a soft kiss on Ilya’s mouth, but he doesn’t have a chance to pull away before Ilya deepens the kiss, his hands coming up to hold and dip Shane’s face back, as Shane melts into him. The video cuts to black but Shane and Ilya can still be heard speaking as they walk away.]
Ilya: I definitely won, though, right?
Shane: Of course you did.
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@centaurshockey We’re so proud of our team for being open to sharing their experiences ❤️
Posted July 15th at 10:31 AM
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@puckerup10 OMG not their poor socials guy thinking this was going to be some silly thing and Rozanov having The Trauma of All Trauma.
@iheartrozanov Wow. That was…a lot. I can’t imagine going through all that. I’m so glad he has good people around him ❤️
@troybarretthockey When you think you have a corner on the trauma market, but along comes Ilya Rozanov.
@wyatthayes We love you, Roz!
@realshanehollander If you or someone you know is need of mental health assistance, we encourage you to reach out to the @irinafoundation
@realshanehollander @harrisdrover95 Did you really have to leave in the part where we’re making out? I was really hoping for one video where I didn’t have to apologize for it.
@harrisdrover95 @realshanehollander It’s tradition at this point, buddy.
@realshanehollander @harrisdrover95 Fuck. Sorry we made out, everyone.
@zambonidryver I think we all need therapy after that. Holy shit.
@censrideordie I love how none of them talked about the fact that they literally almost died in a plane crash together?
@shanehollanderfan01 Okay, but I hope Shane’s had a chance to process all the trauma I KNOW he has from fuck-ass Montreal.
@blackandred1990 Are we just going to gloss over the fact that LUCA HAAS ran a hockey RPF blog?
@b00dramzane Yeah, @lucahaas. Drop that URL!
@lucahaas @b00dramzane sorry, it’s not there anymore!
@ilyarozanov81 https://www.tumblr.com/iheartilyarozanov81
@lucahaas Captain nooooooooooooo!!!!
@evandykstra Luca Haas New Trauma: unlocked