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Moonlight streamed in through Yuji’s ajar curtains, the gentle caress of light across his face a further mockery in the silence of his apartment. The silence gnawed at him, a constant itch he couldn’t scratch away.
He turned over in his king-sized bed, reaching his hand to settle on the empty side of the mattress–why had he bought a king-size in the first place? What difference did it make in the face of things? He was alone, regardless of whether he had the space for another or not.
Despite this, his hand trailed up to the pillow left abandoned at the top of the bed; his hand settled on the pillow, before fisting it, pulling the pillow into his embrace, wrapping his arms around the fluff.
Exhaustion of non-stop missions, special grade after special grade, pulled at him–why did Yuta have to move full-time to Africa with Maki after graduation? Just for some fancy cursed weapon? What about Yuji? All the other special grades were–
Yuji pushed himself up, pillow held within his arms–he couldn't think about that. He wanted to actually sleep tonight for once.
He reached for his phone on the bedside table, scrolling through his music list till he landed on it: a playlist, simple and modest, full of Megumi’s favorite songs, courtesy of both the boy himself and Gojo’s suggestions.
Yuji hit shuffle, soft melodies filling the space, a temporary balm to the aching emptiness around him along with a temporary reprieve from the buzzing of his thoughts.
He laid the phone back in its rightful place on his bedside table, before returning to his own rightful spot on the bed.
Yuji held the pillow within his arms, gaze absentmindedly staring at the empty spot next to him; despite the lulling comfort the playlist brought, his mind still persisted, thoughts slowing yet still stewing within his awareness–was Megumi a cuddler? Yuji liked to think he was, if what Nobara said was anything to go by.
Yuji's thoughts continued, growing sluggish and stilted the more he laid there; he thoughtlessly pulled the blanket over his shoulder, the warmth enveloping him further.
For once, he didn't immediately feel the aching longing of how he wished it was another's warmth; instead, he was comforted by it, further lulled into the welcoming arms of slumber's embrace–his eyes drifted closed.
Yuji slowly blinked awake, sight hazed yet quickly clearing as his surroundings solidified into tangible shapes.
Morning light streamed in through his curtains, illuminating the room in a soft embrace, streams of light adorning his ceiling; his gaze drifted to the side–Megumi laid next to him in his bed.
Megumi was adorned in morning light as if it was worshipping him, soft light framing him like a benevolent god; Yuji’s heart skipped a beat. Megumi’s gaze was on him, making Yuji’s pulse stutter; Megumi laughed, Yuji felt like he heard the music of angels.
Megumi’s hair had gotten longer, long enough to be put into a low ponytail; Yuji frowned at that. He reached out, lifting his hand to dip into Megumi’s hair at the nape of Megumi’s neck, trailing his hand up until he reached Megumi’s ponytail, dipping his fingers underneath the elastic, before slowly pulling it, freeing Megumi’s hair into a halo of ink across the pillows.
Megumi huffed, lifting his hand to take the elastic from Yuji’s fingers, pulling the hair tie to wrap around his wrist, before lifting his hand to cup Yuji’s face. “You always do that.”
Yuji blinked; Megumi looked downright ethereal, a beauty so far out of Yuji’s league that he was sure he was undeserving of the attention–Yuji still took it, for he was selfish.
Megumi gifted Yuji a soft smile, something so sacred that Yuji’s breath caught in his chest. “You also always do this.”
Yuji didn’t–couldn’t respond, for his angel had taken his voice away.
Megumi took the silence in stride, caressing Yuji’s cheek with his thumb, before dipping his fingers into the hair at Yuji’s nape, cupping the back of Yuji’s head, pulling the man forward till their lips met.
Their lips slotted together with a practiced perfection, a gentle rhythm that gave Yuji a glimpse of heaven, before it was pulled away; Megumi pulled Yuji’s head down, placing a gentle kiss on his forehead, before pulling Yuji forward to lie against his chest.
Yuji’s shoulders relaxed, melting into the moment, when he allowed himself to just exist; he wrapped his arms around Megumi, fingers fisting the fabric–he couldn’t waste this opportunity. It may never come again.
“Relax, we have all day.”
Yuji nodded; his fingers still fisted Megumi’s shirt tighter, firmly keeping his angel with him.
Megumi began speaking, soft murmurs about planning a trip to see his cousin, missions with Nobara, lesson plans with Gojo, anything and everything under the sun; Yuji felt himself sink further into the warm embrace–his eyes drifted closed.
Warmth.
Caressing his face, enveloping his body.
Yuji curled himself deeper into the embrace, deeper into Megumi’s arms, deeper into the moment away from it all; a ringing phone filled the room.
Yuji groaned, squeezing Megumi tighter–give. What was in his embrace gave.
Yuji paused, finally opening his eyes to white–His pillow.
He sighed, letting the pillow go, shoving it away as he flopped onto his back, gaze staring at the morning streams of light along his ceiling–it was like this every time. He’d dream of Megumi, and forget Megumi wasn’t there, would never be there.
His hands lifted, landing over his face as he closed his eyes, tears welling despite himself–why had his mind forsaken him? Why must he have those dreams? It had been years already, when would this ever stop?
Never.
The answer was never.
Yuji huffed at the realization, dropping his hands to lie listlessly at his sides, gaze returning to the ceiling–Megumi was carved into Yuji’s very heart, his very being, his very soul. Yuji would never forget Megumi, let alone move on. He was stuck with the taunting, these teasings, these assumptions of what it would’ve been like to actually love Megumi without the chance to ever learn if they were accurate.
Yuji felt that hurt the worst.
Yuji took a deep breath, letting himself stew in the thoughts, before letting reality settle in, pushing himself to sit up–even if they could’ve been together, Yuji wouldn’t have deserved it. He was tainted, a curse, an omen of death for all close to him. It was his very destiny, very design, to be alone in the end.
Yuji let the thought ground him, let it settle over the jumble of thoughts, let it still them so he could have one single moment of peace; he took another deep breath, he pushed himself out of bed.
He picked up his phone, seeing a missed call from Ijichi along with a few texts from Yuta and Nobara; Yuji resigned himself to a day full of missions and teaching.
Yuji tossed his phone to settle on his bed, turning; his gaze snagged on the empty side of the bed; he paused, hand twitching, wanting to reach out just to see if a phantom of warmth would be there even when he knew it never would be.