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Euigyeom has never been someone worth noticing, and he would never be the type to complain about his own invisibility. Being seen means being known and read. It means being approached and controled. At least, his unknown existence gives him a cover and a protection against people eager to get too close. He was walking around with his Walkman, never getting rid of it unless it was necessary. People mostly lived of oxygene, but Euigyeom lives of loneliness and music, the only sound of a past memory being what is playing in his mind while wearing his headphones. The blurred and distant souvenir of a brother who used to listen to this song.
Euigyeom, at first sight, is someone who appears innocent, childish, pure even. His eyes broken, lost in their own universe, looking at the far blue sky every morning. He always stops his walk, gets his head up, and while still wearing his headphones, he lets his stare wander on a plane which never miss to pass in front of him. Maybe there was a time, long ago, where he thought his brother was in there, waiting for him. He doesn't anymore.
Euigyeom is quiet, attentive, and not one to look for trouble. But Euigyeom is also a child of abuse who doesn't know how to handle his own compulsive behaviour. And problems always come around when you don't controle your own anger. This is the day Euigyeom started fighting. He never did before, only choked himself to sleep, but it wasn't considered a fight. Or probably one, against his own demons. His school also isn't known for its good student. Mostly, they are fighters and bullies. And he didn't miss it, when a punch was thrown to his face, making him fly through the classroom, his back aching after the shock on the lockers.
The following fight was raw bliss and exctasy, an unknown feeling of addiction crawling inside Euigyeom's veins and lungs. It filled his whole being, and stopping felt like burning his desire into ashes. It hurts, more than it should have. But the kid is still young and innocent, no blood on the hands. And as much as people were now talking about his aptitude to fight, Euigyeom didn't like to fight at all. Adrenaline is just a short and intense rush of dopamine. Nothing worth it. Nothing he deserved.
And as much as he hated fighting, karma and revenge still are violent forces nobody can go against. He didn't expect it, honestly, being forced into another fight. He didn't know the man bringing him to the bullies wanting him dead, nor did he know the three man standing in the stairs. However, what he knew perfectly well, was the Walkman in between one of the three bullies' hands, waiting for him to take it back. It's the moment Euigyeom gave away his innocence and pureness, spilling blood, his hands covered of one another's metalic liquid. At least he get his cassette back, and as he promised, didn't get into another fight.
Seungjun wasn't a bully at the very start. He was hanging out with his friends, but turns out that those friends ended up liking throwing punch, and making other people's life a living hell. He wasn't like this, he wasn't a blood thirsty man. He was just another student trying to survive in this insuffirable system. But surviving means fighting.
That was until Euigyeom arrived. Seeing his stare was terrifying. It was death presenting itself, hidden under layers of skin and cute cheeks. Seungjun should have seen it coming, his own defeat, yet pride was horrifyingly powerful. He still lost. And ended up with a broken leg. Serves him right, he knew he deserved it. But the man was thankful. Euigyeom wakes him up from his fucked up dream, and the bully redempted, starting a better life, away from the violence.
Staying alone wasn't complicated for him, Seungjun could handle it perfectly well. What was hard was staying away from the attractive gravity emanating from Euigyeom. The boxer was drown to him, orbiting around him. He tells himself it is just curiosity, for someone who helped him get rid of the toxicity he used to live in. But he knew better, denial is just another word. His so called curiosity was far more complex and deep than he would ever admit. It was obession. The want to understand Euigyeom, to exist in his world, to belong by his side. Maybe at some point Seungjun wanted to own him. To keep him for his own self.
People tends to not look at Euigyeom, thinking of him as someone not worth noticing. Seungjun was fine with that. As long as people stay away, it's fine. He knew about Euigyeom's worth more than anyone. He knew and understood things no one else would ever understand the way he does. Euigyeom was a cracked shell hiding secrets, dark and hurting secrets. He was a furious and blood thristy wolf hidden under the childish look of a sheep. Seungjun likes how he is the only one looking far enough into him to know. To see.
The sheep likes having his space, keeping his feelings and his toughts to himself. It never bothers him to be left beside, because keeping people away became a goal. But the sheep knew something changed. Something shifted. A retired wolf was following him, looking at him. Eyes almost charming him from behind, and he couldn't imagine anything logical enough to explain this behaviour. The sudden exposition makes him uncomfortable. He didn't understand why someone would bother caring about his whereabouts. And yet, here it was. Seungjun looking at him in the corridors, keeping a step between them but staring at the same plane. A sort of routine creating against his will, where Seungjun is slowly becoming a part of his life.
Euigyeom wasn't impatient. So he waited. He waited for the other to be bored. To move on. To go back to a life where the sheep doesn't exist anymore. To go back as it was before. But it never happened. Seungjun never stepped back. And the sensation of being noticed doesn't feel as uneasy as before. Seungjun's stare on him every day felt almost reassuring in a way.
The retired wolf respected his privacy, never stepping to close, and in exchange, he lets him see through the cracks. Never too far. Never too often. Just some hints here and there that he was acknowledging Seungjun's presence by his side. And soon enough, the sheep had enough of this game. He felt sick to keep him away. He needed him close. That's why they were here, an empty street, far enough to feel like their meeting had some sort of intimacy.
"Kim Euigyeom."
They didn't speak for a moment. There were too much things to say, to ask.
"You keep getting closer each time. I don't know what you want from me, and it's making me feel uneasy. I don't if you're seeking revenge or if you just want me to know you are looking. I don't know how to act around you, and you're always around. I feel trapped in my own life."
"I'm sorry if you felt oppressed because of me. I'm just... attracted to you. You have something people don't see; you faint innocence and people fall into the trap. They mistake quietness for weakness, and even when knowing how easily you can spill blood, they keep pretending you're a saint."
It felt personal. Almost too much. But somehow, Euigyeom didn't care in the slightest. He felt seen, farer than that, he felt naked under the eyes of someone so eager to stay with him. The sheep couldn't help but smile.
"You're very weird. We should hang out sometimes."
Hanging out with Euigyeom wasn't as unexpected as it seems. He did the things he would do alone. Wearing his headphone, even tho no sound was coming of them, looking at planes in the sky before going to class. The only thing new it that now he had someone he was talking to. And Seungjun felt strangely comfortable by his side. From time to time they would hang out outside of school, grabbing a drink at the nearest convenient store, or sleeping at Seungjun's gym room, as they weren't allowed to bring people home.
They kept getting closer, learning more about the other, and at some point, Seungjun's obsession shifts into something new. Something he couldn't point. The feeling was strange, almost sickening, but it was weirdly great, making him feel fine. The boy wasn't good at this stuff, and finding a name to this unknown feeling is hard, but as long as it was bareable, he wouldn't look for it. His heart is beating faster from time to time when Euigyeom is around, but summer was coming, so it's probably just the heat. He kept thinking of the youngest, but here again, he was aware of his obsession, it might just be this. But something was different. Enjoying his friend's presence too much. But he said nothing.
On his part, Euigyeom knew what was wrong with himself. He was dependant of his friend. Leaving him left his heart aching, and his chest couldn't bare anymore time without him. He made researches to name this feeling, of course he did, but love, isn't exactly something he thought he could experience. So he just called it codependency, to feel a little less overwhelmed. Being obsessed was something he could handle better. As weird as it sounds, but to him, it was normal.
And probably that they were the last people on earth to know about their own feelings. To anyone else they were a couple, so being said they were friends, only made people laugh. How could those two, glued together twenty four seven, unable to leave each other's side, could only be friends ? Euigyeom, out of all the people, had fight for Seungjun. He beat up a senior for him. Not calling themselves a couple was a crime against humanity. And yet, here they are.
At some point, Seungjun wanted to acknowledge his feelings. To tell himself that friendship wasn't enough. That sleeping beside Euigyeom and having the constant want to kiss him over and over was beyond a simple buddy bound. He wanted Euigyeom for himself. And surely, he knew that his feelings were reciprocated. Maybe that on the contrary, Euigyeom couldn't put a name on it, didn't know what it was, but Seungjun knew. He knew that what they share is love.
Some night, Euigyeom had help some kid named Yoongi dealing with some bullies at some school, and Seungjun saw them running away. He decided it was his call to help, and at the intersection, get them on his scooter and drove, far away from the danger. Yoongi went back home, but his friend couldn't. Not with a face as beaten as his. So the boxer offered kindly to sleep at the gym. Once the sheets were put on the floor, they both laid down, and talked a little about how Euigyeom got here. Seungjun wasn't fond of the idea of his friend fitting, even more when they both knew the youngest hated it. But he said it was just once, so Seungjun wanted to believe him. He had to.
"Hyung."
It wasn't unusual for people to call him hyung, the boxer had always been called that. Yet, it felt weird. Personal in a way he never get to experience.
"What is it ?"
"I think I like men. No, just a man, actually."
Seungjun sat down, surprised, and staring at his friend, very much unbothered to reveal something like that so unexpectidly. It's not that Seungjun had doubt about who said man was, he knew it was him, but he never thought Euigyeom would bring that up. But maybe he underestimated him. Maybe his friend was capable of loving. At least, to know about love.
"I know. I do too."
"I know too."
They both share a glance, understanding what each other meant. At some point, only the Moon was enlightening the room, as Euigyom also sat down, holding onto Seungjun's hands. He was smiling, such a rare view the boxer wanted to keep for himself. He wanted to be selfish and a bit greedy. Because the man in front of him had to be his. Only his.
Seungjun isn't sure who moved first, but he would remember Euigyeom's lips on his for an eternity. Their lips were dancing in sync, slowly, discovering each other and acknowledging each other's feelings. Euigyeom's hands get gently rid of Seungjun, to found his neck and hair, pulling him a little harder, craving more and more contact. When they broke apart to breath, the only thing they could do was laughting, and hugging each other while trying to sleep. It was cute, just the silence embracing them.
"Hyung, I love you."
"I know..."
Seungjun smiled.
"I love you too."