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Secret Agent was so tired. It had to be what, the twenty-third shift he was on, and his sanity was at 44%. Hissing through their teeth, they reloaded their gun from the shop and went to get a cup of coffee. With three people on shift, it shouldn't have been so hard, except that the intern was hogging the coffee. At least Head Nurse was able to get some.
Head Nurse… for all his mystery and suave he tried to put off, he was down bad, and everyone else knew it. Nurse had gone so far as to set up Head Nurse for a surgery and told Secret Agent to clear the room for hiders and stalkers a few days ago, and they literally tripped over their own feet, somehow managing a trickshot on a hider that they wouldn't have noticed otherwise. This job was bullshit, but he kept coming back, definitely only because he had orders and not for any other reason whatsoever.
Stumbling out of the x-ray room, having finally delivered the double dose of maple syrup, they sprinted on silent steps to the coffee machine. It had just had the bell go off seconds ago, and he was looking forward to a steaming, sanity-securing, three sips of goodness.
Turning the corner, their hackles raised, and they cocked their gun. Something had eyes on Secret Agent, but was undetectable to his ears as he poked his head out past the wall—
"Hrk eh heh heh…"
"What the FU-" they started to shout, jumpscared by the sudden gangly shadowy figure that curled its claws over the wall by the lobby, grinning with the whites of its eyes and much too wide smile, when Intern poked their head out the door.
-10% sanity. (Stalker.)
"Sorry, Stalker's there. Forgot to mention." The new hire still had their creepy nervous grin, paws tightly gripping a steaming cup of coffee. God-fucking-dammit. Secret Agent should get bonus pay for not having shot them there and then. He inhaled sharply, eyes narrowed to slits.
"Save the next one for me Intern." It was not a polite request, and any idiot could hear the malice seething out of Agent's every orfice. Except Intern apparently.
"Got it! I'll try my best to remember!" With that, they skipped happily away to go begin check-in for a tweaking patient. Secret Agent rolled their eyes and shot it right between the eyes, its maw suddenly agleam with teeth as it hit the floor. Intern's head popped out the check-in window, smiling. "Thanks Agent! Good catch!" His paw twitched and he briefly considered shooting Intern too.
-1% sanity. (Job stress.)
All thoughts of homicide were put aside when the telltale growl of a skinwalker rumbled into a roar from… Secret Agent perked their ears up. Room 5. Isn't it always. Twirling the pistol, he stalked down the hallway, ready to take aim, when Intern suddenly yelped. Jerking their head around, they prepared to go help the hire, foolish as they were.
"Sorry! Stubbed my toe!" They shouted from afar.
Secret Agent whipped back around a second too late.
The beast was on him, pouncing and tackling him to the floor, sending his gun sliding across the hall. They hissed, grappling into a roll and getting a hard elbow into where its solar plexus should be as it gnawed on their shoulder—
BANG.
The thing dropped to the floor, tongue lolling out the side of its mouth. Secret Agent looked over, eyes wide, to see Head Nurse holding his smoking gun.
-16% sanity. (Skinwalker attack.)
They tried to get any words out, only managing a soft mew. He was shaking, he realized, the halls starting to take on a monotone vignette.
17% sanity total.
-1% sanity. (Job stress)
"Fuck," they finally managed. Head Nurse raised an eyebrow.
"Didn't exactly sound like a 'thank you', sweetheart," she sighed, kneeling down to help him up, sliding a paw under his back and lifting him into a bridal carry. "C'mon. Let's get you patched up."
"I'm fine, isn't there a patient that—"
"No one's critical right now but you, hun. You're not getting out of this one," she maintained. Agent tried to look away bashfully, but only ended up curling into Head Nurse's shirt. "You're shaking like a leaf, don't tell me you're fine. What's your sanity at?" They set them down onto one of the hospital beds, spraying away Hiders with a fire extinguisher. "Sorry about them, this is the only room without eyes right now."
"'S fine," he mumbled. "I'm at 16%." Head Nurse jumped around, fur fluffed up to sharp spikes all around. They gulped as she towered over them.
"16?! What the hell have you been up to?" Her voice shrieked, but Secret Agent still thought it was very pretty.
"This is not the time for you to be flirting with me, no matter how handsome you might be. You're delirious," they retorted, digging underneath a cabinet for a secret drawer. Shit. Did he say that out loud? "Here," she handed him a chocolate bar. "It's the last one. Sorry."
It was her turn to look away, not wanting to meet their eyes. Wait. Did they say he was handsome?
"Well? I'm not going to hand-feed you." Agent's face flushed, and they eagerly chomped down on the chocolate, trying very hard to get out of this suddenly very warm room. "Oh, so that got you, hm?"
"I— uh. Well," he stammered very romantically. Totally.
"Mm. Dear, we still gotta patch you up," she murmured, inches from their ear. "Can't be helped I suppose. You're still shaking, is it alright if I apply the bandages?" Her face leaned in towards his. They nodded, wide-eyed.
Head Nurse had their job for a reason. She was nothing but gentle, cleaning the cuts and bites with a deft touch, and Agent swore he almost melted underneath her touch. She ended up stroking the fur on their head, only catching herself when they couldn't hold in their purrs anymore.
"Maybe— Head Nurse, can I treat you to dinner?" Secret Agent asked, sitting up suddenly.
"Sweetheart, I'd be glad to," she replied, leaning in and pressing her forehead to his.
Maybe this job wasn't so bad.