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There was screaming ringing in Marianne’s ears. Explosions of both the man-made and magical variety in front of and behind her. The now familiar sounds of war and senseless slaughter.
Yet Marianne continued to channel the divine magic, sealing wounds and bringing relief to countless soldiers surrounding her.
In that moment, she was happy to remember the teachings of one of her closest companions.
“How do you do it?” Marianne asked, her voice soft and quiet like it always was. Her hands were resting on her lap as her restless gaze wandered around the church.
“Do what?” Mercedes asked for some clarity.
There was a brief pause that wasn’t filled with any sound at all, so Mercedes instead let her arm rest on Marianne’s thigh, her way of letting her know that whatever was troubling her, could be spoken about openly. Judgement wasn’t in her nature. Not just because of the building they were sharing a moment in.
“...K-keep yourself under control when…when all of it is happening. The war…the killing, the slaughter…”
Mercedes shuffled slightly closer, shoulder to shoulder. She tilted her head slightly and waited for Marianne’s gaze to find hers. Only after that, she spoke back.
“Because if I don’t, there will be even more death in this world. That’s the simple truth of it,” she stated. That faint smile of hers hid behind it many feelings Marianne didn’t dare to pry about further. But she knew that she too had seen too much for a person of her age.
“It is not our place to ask why all of this is happening,” Mercedes continued, her hand instinctively reaching up from Marianne’s lap to rest on her shoulder, brushing some of those long, silky blue strings aside. “In that moment, all you need to remember, know, and do, is to help people. I don’t know why such things are allowed to happen, but what I do know is that I have been granted a gift - a divine gift - and I will use it to ease the suffering of others.”
Marianne wished she had even an ounce of Mercede’s resolve. She had never been certain of almost anything in her life, in all honesty. She had her own stances much like anyone, but they weren’t iron clad like the will of some of her fellow students. She’d seen that will manifesting as their days of being students abruptly came to an end.
“I wish I could be like you…” Marianne mumbled under her breath; her meek words sounding almost like a prayer in that moment.
“You wouldn’t want that,” Mercedes was quick to reply. That caressing hand moved to her cheeks now. The contrast in their body temperatures was noticeable to both of them. One singular index finger warmed up that entire body, slowly but surely. “And I wouldn’t want it either. You are a blessing in this world as you are, Marianne. Someday, you too will see that,” she said, with the same confidence as she had mere moments ago. In her voice, there was no room at all for any doubt or insincerity whatsoever.
Marianne didn’t really know what to say, so she didn’t say anything at all. She did give Mercedes a slightly forced smile, given that she still wasn’t used to curling her lips like that; let alone holding them in that position, but it was still a genuine smile all the same.
“Did you ever talk about this with Bernadetta, by any chance? Like I suggested?” Mercedes continued.
“Yes, albeit briefly,” Marianne replied.
“The core principle is the same as with anxiety,” she said, her tone shifting from the familiar motherly tone to that of a teacher. “You need to ground yourself and keep your head on straight. Keep your mind focused on the singular goal and focus on that and that alone. What is it?”
Marianne pondered her answer for a moment before saying: “To heal others.”
“Yes, exactly that. Anything else that is happening around you is…?”
“...Irrelevant?”
“Yes. We are there to heal those who are wounded, or ease their suffering. In that moment in time, that is our duty and purpose. Remember that, Marianne.”
There was a mighty roar right above her. A dragon flying over, the flap of its wings alone enough to almost knock her over and interrupt her chanting. Yet Marianne pushed her staff into the ground and kept herself standing.
There was blood on her hands. The dark blue of her underdress had a combination of fresh and already drying blood smeared on it.
But none of it mattered. What mattered was sealing the open wound in front of her before it was too late.
Just as the axe had done its damage, the magic sealed it back. It didn’t take away all the pain, but enough for the squad of soldiers to continue fighting for another day. Whether it was in this battlefield or the next, that wasn’t Marianne’s choice to make.
“Thank the Goddess,” the soldier chanted like a prayer as their comrades helped them back up on their feet. “And thank you.”
Marianne didn’t even register the gratitude at first, only acknowledging by giving the soldier a quick nod before her attention was needed elsewhere.
A pegasus knight who had to crash land. An arrow struck on its wing, with the soldier by some miracle almost completely unharmed.
“Can you save her?” The soldier pleaded.
“I will try my best,” Marianne said. She gazed into the eyes of the winged horse. She could sense the fear dwelling inside of it, the same fear that was almost overwhelming her as well.
“You will soar these skies once more. You need to be brave for just a moment longer,” she spoke to her as she grabbed the arrow. Casting a quick spell as temporal relief, she pulled out the arrow before sealing the wound with another divine chant.
How long did it continue? Marianne couldn’t remember even if she was asked. All she could remember were the guiding words of her friend. They were the first words she heard in her head as the first arrows flew towards them and the last words as sheer, utter exhaustion had finally taken over her.
---
“I think, I think she’s finally waking up!”
Those were the first words Marianne heard as she was waking up. She didn’t know where she was, other than that it was warm. Her eyes refused to open properly, but she realized soon enough that she was tucked in a bed.
Marianne wasn’t the prying type, but she couldn’t help but to overhear a conversation happening not too far away from her. It was Mercedes, talking to someone who she could only assume was another healer.
“If possible, please bring her some soup that doesn’t have meat in it. I hope it’s not too much to ask. We’re low on resources, but she’s…very fond of animals and therefore…”
“Oh, of course! No need to worry, there are more than enough hungry mouths so this isn’t wasted. I’ll bring back some as soon as I can. And here; these remedies should ease the pain, if there is any.”
“Thank you kindly. I will be monitoring her, so you don’t have to worry.”
Marianne pretended to be asleep, but lying wasn’t exactly one of her strong suits. By the time Mercedes sat down right besides her bed, she knew she had heard all of that.
“They will bring you something you can eat soon enough,” Mercedes said with that familiar warm tone back in her voice.
Marianne could tell she was exhausted, but she was an expert at hiding it from just about everyone. With Marianne though, she did allow little cracks every now and then.
“Thank you for…resolving that little issue,” Marianne said, slightly embarrassed to be picky during a time of war of all things. Food was sacred during the best of times, so one ought to be grateful to have anything in their belly during times like these, yet Marianne couldn’t swallow down a piece of meat, no matter how hard she tried.
“Think nothing of it,” Mercedes said. “It's the least I can do, genuinely.”
Marianne shuffled back a bit, trying to lift herself up. Mercedes was quick to help, positioning pillows behind her to help her be in a somewhat seated position.
“I want to-”
“I’m glad that you-”
There was a brief pause as they both tried to talk at the same time, followed by a quiet and short lived shared giggle.
“You first,” Marianne said.
“No, you first,” Mercedes retorted. “I insist.”
Marianne felt a faint blush coloring her cheeks as she cleared her dry throat. Before she could reach for a glass of water, it was already handed to her.
“Thank you,” she said before wetting her lips properly. “I…I wanted to thank you, for that talk we had the night before that battle. And…well, of all the talks really. You’ve given me so much confidence in myself, I don’t know where I would be if you weren’t by my side…”
“I wish I could have been there by your side,” Mercedes said. “But what you did, I heard it from the injured soldiers and civilians. They all told me to let the blue haired angel know just how grateful they were.”
Marianne waved her hand as to shoo away any such praise or comparisons. “I didn’t…all I did was…”
Mercedes took the glass from Marianne’s hand and put it down before clutching her hands in between her own. Their gazes met once more, now the usually half lid eyes being much more open and perceptive of the world around her.
“All I did was give you guidance, but what you achieved, you achieved it all on your own. I hope you are as proud of yourself as I am of you.”
Marianne didn’t want to say anything. In truth, she didn’t know if she had ever been truly proud of herself. Depression easily clouded every moment and memory she had, twisting them into something unrecognizable.
But when she heard Mercedes say it, with conviction in her voice, she couldn’t help but to believe it.
That blush from before spread as she realized that they were still holding hands. They were both about to say something again, only for a voice in the distance to interrupt them, letting them know that the newly made soup was ready.
“I’m just exhausted, I can eat on my own…” Marianne said, scratching her cheek.
“No, no,” Mercedes insisted, gesturing for Marianne to open her mouth. “I insist. Consider this a reward for listening to what I had to say so carefully. Keep it up and I will reward you even more,” she whispered.
Marianne wasn’t sure if her hazy vision saw correctly, but she could swear she saw Mercedes winking at her. She would have to ask if that was just her hopeful imagination or not, but now she was content with being taken care of in return.
Just as Marianne was about to fall back asleep, she felt a pinkie wrapping around her own.
The dreams she had that night were ones that she would have to consult the Goddess about. For once, they weren’t nightmares, judging by the rare and elusive smile she had on her face.
And with that blush refusing to fade away, Mercedes knew what she had suspected to be true all this time.
That would be a whole different church talk that would hopefully take place during a more peaceful time.
“Sweet dreams, Marianne. You’ve earned it.”
And a kiss on the cheek was the treat that didn’t come with the soup.