Work Text:
"Tosaki-san, do you have a minute?"
Tosaki glances up from his laptop, and closest the most recent tab, where he'd been checking just how many news stories had already flooded the web about the incident with Satou at Musahi Heavy Industries.
"What is it?" he asks.
Izumi crosses her arms in front of her white blouse and looks at him without a word.
"Do I have to say it?" she eventually speaks up.
She is criticizing him, but all at the same time, trying to hide the fact that she is. Tosaki can see it in her eyes, that flicker uncertainly between irritation and cautiousness.
Izumi's been his subordinate for too long, they have never been on an equal level. He is aware that she'd rather cut out her tongue than risk her job or their relationship. But over the last weeks, living together- and what it sounds like, he thinks with a sigh, aware of all the implications that single sentence brings about – their relationship hierarchy had mellowed a bit.
He'd been able to maintain a cold and approachable air just fine when they had had a few hours of separation everyday. Now, that she'd seen him in his sleeping wear, now that they'd had breakfast together in the kitchen and he'd witnessed Izumi roll her eyes and march upstairs to try and wake up Nakano for the third time that morning, now that he'd (unwillingly but somehow automatically) jumped in to make sure the omurice she was making wouldn't burn in the meantime, now things weren't as they were before.
"Just say it."he tells her, "I can't read your thoughts." he adds, stubbornly. Of course, he has an idea what this will be about, but he wants her to speak out the words to make the ridiculousness of their entire situation surface.
"Nagai-kun." Izumi mumbles.
"Nagai-kun what." Tosaki says. His fingers slide over the keyboard idly, contemplating whether opening a new window might clear his head and give him the answers he desires.
But he does not know what question to ask.
"You should apologize to Nagai-kun." Izumi blurts out.
Tosaki raises an eyebrow at her. His assistant fidgets where she is standing, and yet, she doesn't leave the room.
Her arms lock tight around her chest like vines.
"Tosaki-san, please." she adds, quietly but indulgently.
"And why should I do that?" Tosaki says, growing irritated, "He was the one who made sure that our mission was ruined."
"That's not right." Izumi interjects, in a tone that is so firm she seems surprised at herself for a moment.
Tosaki's eyebrow travels higher as she clears her throat.
"I mean- Tosaki-san, we all have fault. We all failed the mission, we were unable to stop Satou together. You can't put all the blame on Kei."
Tosaki thinks she didn't realize the fact that she had accidentally made use of his first name.
"There was a reason I put Nagai in main charge of the mission." Tosaki retorts, "I acknowledge his intelligence and strategy abilities, I acknowledge the progress he'd made in his physical training. That was a lot of responsibility he had, and yet chose to neglect it."
"He didn't neglect it, Tosaki-san." Izumi says, shaking her head, "Everything went according to plan, and actually-" - she fixes him with a look that he would dub "judging" if he didn't know his assistant and what she dare and dared not do better - "Kei did bring out his IBM, and it shot Satou. But then, Satou's IBM acted on his own and shot him, so that he came back to life. Kei did everything right. There was no way he could have foreseen that."
He must be hallucinating. Her look is most certainly judging now.
"Satou- Satou's IBM acted on his own?" Tosaki fires at her, frowning, "Why didn't anybody tell me this?"
Izumi bites her lip. "I didn't…want to be the bearer of any more bad news until we got back." she explains.
"And, now that we're at it, Tosaki-san-
"What more?" Tosaki demands. His head is throbbing.
"Nakano told me that Kei witnessed their deaths. That Satou killed all of them in front of him- that Kei tried to bring up his IBM and save Hirasawa, but he couldn't. And Satou slaughtered him, and told Kei that them dying was his punishment."
Izumi, calm, collected Izumi's voice is trembling when she recounts the horrifying event.
She brushes over her eyes with the back of her hand.
"He told him that them dying was his fault, Tosaki-san." she adds, her voice so thoroughly agitated he is tempted for a second to take her into his second. Almost.
"And then I said all that...right after." he says, speaking out his thoughts. His irritation flares up when Izumi nods along, but he does his best to calm down. She isn't wrong, unfortunately, and as much as he'd vowed himself to never admit to any mistakes lest he was obliged to do, this is far from a meaningless dispute.
"You should just talk to him." Izumi pleads. She slowly starts unraveling her arms.
"And what do you want me to say?" Tosaki mumbles, bending down to shut off his computer.
"Tosaki-san!" Izumi rejoices, and his torrid glare does nothing to falter her enthusiasm. The last time he'd seen her looking this delighted was when he'd given her some of his mints as an attempt to make-up.
"Be honest with him." she suggests, "Nagai-kun doesn't want to be coddled. But then, don't be harsh with him either, he's gone through a traumatic event only a few hours back. Please don't make it any worse than well- it already is." Her voice trails off.
Tosaki rolls his eyes.
"And realistically speaking, what should I do?" he says, voice dripping with sarcasm.
"Oh, um." Izumi stammers a little, realizing the contradiction in her suggestion, "Well..perhaps, as I said first, apologize to him. And you could get him to eat."
She tries an encouraging smile, the sweetest and most convincing one that he could offer, but he is most certainly the wrong person to apply it on.
Tosaki Yuu is not impressed by such simple methods.
"I don't see how that is my responsibility." he states, frown deepening, as he slides back down in his seat.
"But he hasn't eaten in hours." Izumi says. She sounds distraught at the mere thought of Nagai potentially being hungry.
Tosaki scoffs, and she throws him a confused glance at the sound.
"He has to eat, Tosaki-san." she explains, "He eats so little already, and he's not looking after himself properly."
"Shimomura, we're not his-" he begins, and breaks off to amend his sentence, before he can give her ideas, "We're not responsible for him."
He expects her to agree, but when that quiet: "Of course, Tosaki-san" remains amiss, and Izumi begins chewing her lip again, he gets an awful premonition.
"Well." Izumi says, carefully, "They're still quiet young, and-"
"They are not our responsibility."
"Tosaki-san, we've been living together for weeks now and that might not be changing anytime soon-"
"They're still not our responsibility." Tosaki glares at her.
She looses the battle of wills, or perhaps she surrenders, for she says: "Of course, Tosaki-san."
Strangely, hearing it, is not nearly as satisfying as he thought it would sound. And strangely, he realizes that she is lying to please him.
"Would you bring something up for him if I made it, though?" Izumi suggests at that moment, kneading her hands together.
"Fine." Tosaki relents, "If you insist.
If she starts surrendering, then perhaps they might as well start surrendering together.
"Chocolate pudding?" Tosaki questions.
He cannot believe what he is seeing, but the packet is lying right next to the pot that Izumi is stirring. She adds milk, before glancing back to give him another tentative smile.
"Kei likes that."
"How do you know what he likes?" he asks,
"Hirasawa knew about him, but-"
He falls silent. The memory is painful enough, and when he pretends, he thinks it might just be any moment now that they see Hirasawa coming down the corridor. Any moment now.
When he looks back at Izumi, there are tears in her eyes.
"Hirasawa told me." she says, her voice cracking, "And Manabe, and Kuroki...they all had plan's for Kei's birthday. Since he never celebrated, they were going to throw him a surprise party, and they were so enthusiastic about it, they.."
She swallows. "They were so brave, Tosaki-san." she says, covering her face with her trembling hands.
He feels number than he should, and he acts on autopilot when he gets up and wordlessly puts an arm around Izumi, so that the other one can busy itself with stirring the mixture on the stove.
She cries quietly into his chest, and when her cries bleed into angry vows to kill Satou as soon as she gets her hands on him, one arm becomes two.
"I know." he mumbles, resting his chin on her head, "I know, Shimomura-san."
Izumi would not get a chance to lay a hand on Satou, because he'd be there first to take out that maniac once and for all.
"Wow, Tosaki. What a sight."
Ogura observes him like a bored hawk from the upper landing, each word dripping with sarcasm.
"Why?" Tosaki asks, pausing with the pudding bowl traitorously in his hands.
Ogura rolls his eyes. "I don't have to be Sherlock to figure that out. You don't eat any sweets unless the mints count-"
- "They don't." Tosaki grumbles -
"And after you completely lost it when you got back, I'm sure you might want to try and make up with Nagai."
"I'm just passing on what Shimomura made. That's all." Tosaki says, curtly.
"Oh, is that so?" Ogura says, airily, playing with an unlit FK, "Well, man can be mistaken. Here I was thinking you were being the epitome of a bad conscious by bringing up food to his room as an apology."
The smirk is still tilting his lips, but it's but a shadow of the one he usually summons.
"Two fingers, Ogura." Tosaki threatens.
Ogura barks out a laugh.
"If only the old Hirasawa was there to make that a reality, huh?" he says contemplatively, "If only."
He offers Tosaki another cigarette, but he declines, as tempted as he is.
Tosaki knocks, and when a quiet "Come in." is issued, he steps into Nagai's room.
"Oh...hello." Nagai mumbles when he realizes who it is. He looks at him wearily, seated at his desk with the lamp on and a book in front of him.
"Do you need something?"
Tosaki briefly looks around the room. It's undoubtedly tidy, and equally empty. A stark contrast to Nakano, who had accumulated several personal possessions in the weeks and left tidying up to the last minute. It got to the point where Tosaki had told him to either get this mess under control or else, leaving out what "else" constituted for optimal threat effect- Ogura had seriously laughed at that – and it had partially functioned. Partially.
He has to give himself some credit where credit was due.
"Here." he places the pudding bowl on Nagai's desk and pushes it towards him.
Nagai looks at him as though he's grown a second head.
"For me?"
"No, Nagai, I enjoy bringing things upstairs for my own pleasure." Tosaki responds sarcastically.
Nagai reaches out for the bowl, and then hesitates, looking back at Tosaki with an unspoken question written in his eyes.
"Don't you like it?" the latter inquires.
"I do, I..." Nagai frowns, and mumbles, "I thought you were still angry with me."
Tosaki heaves a sigh.
"That's what I wanted to talk about to you." he says, shuffling his foot uncomfortably, "If you...have a minute."
Nagai tenses up. "Sure." he says, reluctantly.
Tosaki crosses over to sit on the edge of his bed, and there is a beat of silence in which he tries to construct sentences which he does not want to speak out.
"Do eat it." he reminds Nagai, who has not yet touched the bowl, "Shimomura made it specially for you."
"She did?" the Ajin asks, tentatively.
"Yes." Tosaki confirms.
Nagai's stiff frame seems to relax a little at that.
He shoots another weary glance in Tosaki's direction before lifting the spoon to his mouth.
"Hmm, this is good." he mumbles, after taking the first bite.
Tosaki feels a strange sense of relief.
"...I'm gad." he says, and then ceases his questions to let Nagai eat.
Shimomura was right. Nagai was likely starved, if the way he shovels the food in his mouth is anything to go by.
Tosaki hopes that what he's experiencing the second he realizes it, is anything but guilt. He waits until Nagai is finished, knowing very well that the conversation they're about to have might likely ruin his appetite.
He doesn't want to face a disappointed Izumi later on.
So he waits, until Nagai carefully pushes the empty bowl away a few minutes later; waits, until he shifts around his chair to face the ex-government worker.
"Thanks." he says, "Please thank Shimomura-san and tell her I really enjoyed it."
"I will." Tosaki says, and then, no longer wanting to prolong the inevitable, he turns to the topic at hand.
"Nagai, I- I apologize." he says, struggling with the words.
"It wasn't right to blame you for this. I'm sorry for yelling at you like. I'm sorry for shaking you. That was out of line."
Nagai stares at him, and Tosaki understands, hearing an apology from him of all people must be quite surprising. Had someone told him a few hours ago that he would be sitting in Nagai's room, making apologies the very same day, he'd have rolled his eyes at them.
But the Ajin catches himself immediately.
"It's fine, Tosaki-san." he says, "It was my fault."
"It wasn't your fault." Tosaki snaps, as vehemently as he'd claimed the exact opposite only over an hour ago and the irony isn't lost on him, "I was disappointed, yes, and I didn't understand why you weren't defending yourself. If anyone is to blame, it's me. We should have prepared for eventualities, better, than..."
He trails off. He thinks Nagai doesn't need to have the deaths of their team members brought up again in his room.
"What I mean is." Tosaki says, "There is no need for you to take the brunt of the blame.
We're all at fault In the end. But it was wrong off me to solely blame you, especially after you'd done such a good job at bringing up your IBM and having it shoot Satou."
Nagai's eyes widen. "H-how do you know?"
"Well, Nakano told Shimomura and so on." Tosaki explains the long chain of message, and Nagai clicks his tongue annoyance.
"Nakano is always meddling." he grumbles.
Tosaki raises an eyebrow. "I think it might be for our benefit that he does. Would we here here if not for that? And if you'd told me personally, perhaps we could've solved this issue a bit earlier."
Nagai shrugs. "Perhaps." He does not sound too convinced, and adds, sharp as the edge of a knife, "It's not like you...let me explain."
The bitterness in his voice stings, especially so, since he is only telling the truth.
"I know, Nagai." Tosaki says, quietly, "That wasn't fair of me."
Nagai is silent for a moment, before nodding.
"Accepted." he says.
Tosaki clears his throat. "That's good then." he replies. Now that's it said and done, he ought to leave, before the conversation becomes more personal than it already, is.
"Well, good night, Nagai." he tells him, marching towards the door, and he doesn't even have his hand on the door handle yet, when he feels someone tug at his sleeve.
Tosaki accepts his fate. "Hm?" he asks, turning back around to the Ajin. Nagai's grip slackens, but his fingers still stay wrapped in the fabric of Tosaki's shirt as he begins to speak.
"I'm sorry that I couldn't save them." Nagai says in a tone that is so hollow it physically pains Tosaki, "You rescued us, but I...I couldn't save them. None of them. Please..." he chokes on the words,"Please forgive me some day."
Nagai lowers his head, and adds, so quietly that Tosaki can hardly make out a word.
"I know it's my fault."
Tosaki, taken aback by the sudden display of vulnerability, doesn't know how to act.
"It's not your fault." he says the first best thing to his mind and goes on to repeat it several times.
When that does not suffice to bring Nagai out of his detached state however, he moves on to Plan B.
He opens his arms – sighing, already seeing his reputation slip far away into the distance.
"Come here." he says, avoiding eye contact for all it's worth, "Hurry it, Nagai."
"Tosaki-san?" Nagai asks, carefully, probably asking himself if he lost his mind and he rightfully thinks so, in his opinion.
He clicks his tongue in annoyance. "I'm not offering again, Nagai." he tells him, "Getting chased by the government does miraculous things to one, apparently, so just..." He sighs.
"If you want, that is."
Nagai hesitates, but then he gets to his feet and slowly takes a step towards him.
Tosaki has to remind himself ten times over that they're not his responsibility when Nagai, Ajin Nagai Kei, clings onto him as if he were someone to trust.