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It wasn’t unusual for Richeh to spend her free time alone. Usually, when she couldn’t be found among the other girls, chances were she was tucked inside her little flower pot hide away. But what was very unlike her was missing a meal. Richeh, the one always first to the table, was now conspicuously absent from it.
Qifrey’s brows pinched in concern as he turned to Olruggio, “Have you seen her?”
For a moment, it seemed like it hadn’t even occurred to Olly that the girl had been missing. He spun on his heel and glanced around the room, hoping to catch a glimpse of her sky-blue locks. But when nothing was to be found, he frowned and shook his head.
“You lot can start, I’ll go see what’s keepin’ her.”
Qifrey gave a resolute nod and turned his focus back to the other girls. Olly watched as the three of them exchanged quiet questioning looks and shrugs between them. Something was definitely up. Olruggio made his way down the staircase to her room and knocked lightly against the door.
“Richeh, it’s dinner time.” Maybe she just hadn’t heard Qifrey’s call. Doubtful, but maybe. He waited a beat before knocking again.
“I’m not hungry!” Richeh’s tiny but firm voice called through the heavy door. That definitely didn’t sound like the Richeh he knew.
Olruggio turned the knob but stopped himself. Trust had been hard won with the girl, and barging into her room — especially when she was very clearly in a state — was not the best way to maintain that trust. With a heavy sigh, he released the knob and asked, “Can I come in?”
There was a long stretch of silence before a small ‘yes’ finally answered. Olruggio entered the room slowly, unsure of what he might find on the other side. Inside, Richeh sat in the center of the room, between the desks she and Tetia shared, with her knees tucked to her chest and her face hidden beneath a curtain of hair.
Olruggio lowered himself to her level while still maintaining a good distance. He wasn’t nearly as good with these things as Qifrey, and if he was honest, being in a position like this still felt…awkward for him.
“It’s not like you to miss a meal,” he started, “Are you not well?”
Richeh didn’t answer for a moment. It seemed as though she was still trying to decipher that herself. The sound of tiny squeaks that could only belong to a certain little critter came from her lap. Brushbuddy wiggled out and blinked its wide eyes at Olruggio. He had to admit, despite his initial reaction to the new family pet, the creature was rather cute. He reached out and gave its head a little scritch before it scampered away back into the cavern of Richeh’s arms.
“You don’t have to tell me anythin’ you don’t want. But you should come and have your supper before it gets cold.” Olly paused for a moment, “I’m sure the other girls are worried.”
Richeh only pouted at that and scrunched herself down more. Had they gotten into an argument? It was inevitable with four pre-teen girls, all of which having vastly different personalities, to clash every once in a while. But this seemed different than that.
She murmured something that Olly couldn’t quite catch. “What’s that?” he asked softly.
Richeh sighed and finally looked up at him, “How do you know…if…”
Olruggio raised his brows, “if…?”
“If…you like someone just as a friend or…if you like them…more than that.”
For a brief moment, every part of his body turned to stone. He just had to volunteer to take this one for Qifrey. And worse, he knew as soon as his friend found out exactly what happened, he'd never hear the end of it.
Olruggio rubbed the back of his neck, partially to bring himself back to the moment and secondly to stall a bit while he thought of what to say.
How was he supposed to answer a question he didn't even have answer to for himself?
Suddenly, he was 14 again and spending every moment he could with the strange boy he’d decided (without said boy's permission) was now his best friend. He remembered all the complicated and conflicting feelings that started becoming harder and harder to ignore with every passing year. And how, despite the way that friend kept him at arms length, leaving him was never an option. But he couldn’t quite say exactly how he knew his feelings were different from those of just friendship. He’d never actually admitted them out loud to anyone. He’d hardly admitted them to himself.
Olruggio lowered himself to the floor, sitting cross-legged before Richeh. He rested his chin on his palm and blew out a slow breath. He had to say something. “Well… I suppose those feelings can be the same. But they're also different.”
He wanted to tear his hair out. That was the opposite of helpful and the flat look on Richeh’s face only confirmed it.
Qifrey definitely should have been the one to handle this. He couldn't even think of all this without getting horribly flustered, much less speak about it. And with a young girl, no less! But he was here now and it was too late to back out.
“What makes you think you might like this person more than just your friend?” he asked. Olruggio was almost positive the friend she spoke of was the young boy, Euini, that she’d met during her second test. The last thing he needed was to make himself look even more of a fool if it wasn’t, however, so he kept that much to himself.
“There's an odd feeling in my stomach. It's almost like the one I get when I'm hungry but it makes me nervous at the same time. Food never makes me nervous. It makes me excited. But…not like this.” Richeh's cheeks flushed as she spoke.
Olruggio let out a soft laugh. He was familiar with that feeling. “Feels like a big swarm of flappin’ wings, eh?”
Her eyes widened and she nodded slowly.
“Sounds to me like you might be a bit sweet on this person.”
“I…” Richeh pursed her lips and puffed out her cheeks. “I don't know what to do about it.”
Olruggio smiled and reached out, patting the top of her head. “You don't have to do anything. Not if you don't want to — not if you're not ready to.”
“It feels scary.”
“Yeah, things like this often do.”
“How did you manage it, Master Olly?”
Olruggio's throat went dry for a moment. Damnit. He should have known she would ask. And it wasn't as if he could tell her exactly who the object of his affection was. Not without things getting complicated.
He sighed and tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear, “I didn't do anything about it. I had too many other things to worry about with my work.” It wasn't completely untrue. He just didn't add the part about a good portion of the worry being for that friend, either. “But, I remained their friend. And that was good enough for me.”
It had to be.
Richeh frowned. Clearly, that wasn't the answer she was looking for. Olruggio moved closer and sat beside her. He nudged her gently with his shoulder. “Would it be so bad? To tell them how you feel?”
Richeh was quiet, contemplative. Olruggio knew the girl had a complicated relationship with what love really meant. It wasn’t as though the previous examples she’d had painted a good picture of it. The people in her life who were supposed to care for her had violated her trust, her autonomy over and over again. Qifrey had done the best he could to care for her, always giving her the space she needed, allowing her to be whoever she wanted to be and not what he expected of her. And truthfully, all Qifrey wanted was for his apprentices to be happy. A small smile came to Olruggio’s mouth. How far his friend had come from their youth.
“He writes letters to me. He tells me about all the things he’s learning and how much happier he is with Alaira… but,” she hid her face, the sound of soft sniffles following, “what if they can’t fix him? What if he has to stay away forever?”
“Oh, Richeh…” Olruggio’s heart hurt for her. He knew that feeling all to well himself. How many times had he thought nearly those same things while he waited for Qifrey to come back from his travels. How many times did he wonder what to do when his friend didn’t find the answers he so desperately searched for. He didn’t know what to tell her. Nothing he could have said would have alleviated her fears and could, quite possibly, have made everything worse.
He put his arm around the girl and pulled her closer to his side. Generally, Olruggio had never been one to comfort like this, with touch — truthfully, he’d always felt awkward in situations like these — but for some reason, with Richeh, it felt like the right thing to do. She leaned into him easily, snuggling up against his side.
The sound of Richeh’s grumbling stomach interrupted their quiet moment.
“Perhaps thinking more about this on a full stomach might be in order?” Olruggio pushed himself up to his knees and jerked his head toward the door.
Richeh wiped at her eyes and nodded, standing up herself with the Brushbuddy still curled up against her chest, snoozing away. Olly reached out to give her another pat on the head when the young girl’s body pressed into his. For a moment, he wasn’t sure what to do, his arm still frozen and outstretched.
“Thank you, Master Olly.”
At that, he softened and wrapped his arm around her, pulling her into a tight embrace. He’d never considered taking on students of his own, and he’d be the first to admit he wasn’t quite sure how to feel about the apprentices when Qifrey had first brought them home, but now… seeing even the smallest differences he could make in their lives was a reward all its own.
“Of course. You can come to me — or Qifrey, for anything.”
Richeh only nodded again and gave a him a watery smile as she pulled away from the hug.
“Let’s go have some dinner now, eh?”
When they returned to the table, the rest of the girls had already finished their meals and cleaned up their plates. Qifrey still lingered, however, busying himself with something or the other. Richeh slid into her place at the table and immediately began tucking into her meal. Qifrey had taken the liberty of using a heat seal to keep it warm for her.
Olruggio moved to where the other man stood and leaned against the counter. Neither of them said anything but exchanged a series of looks that spoke for them.
Everything alright?
Olly nodded. We’ll talk about it later.
Qifrey gave a half smile and nodded himself before returning to whatever it was he’d been doing before.
Olruggio’s eyes never moved away from Qifrey. For once, he was glad to be on his friend’s blind side; happy to surreptitiously take him in like this. The words he’d said to Richeh came back to him, then.
Would it be so bad? To tell him how he feels?
His eyes dragged down the line of Qifrey’s profile, along the sloping curve of his nose and the full pout of his lips. He couldn’t help but think of how soft Qifrey’s skin looked and just how badly he wanted to reach out and touch him. But instead, he crossed his arms over his chest, and tucked his hands away like he couldn’t trust himself. That familiar sensation of flapping wings assaulted him again. He tried to ignore it, to push it away like he’d always done before. But this time his heart ached. No matter how small the distance between them, it would always feel like too much.
Somehow, Olruggio managed to pull his gaze away. But it would seem even if Qifrey remained oblivious to his wandering eyes, Richeh had not. Olruggio’s cheeks flushed immediately as he pushed himself away from the counter and cleared his throat. Richeh snickered under her breath but turned back to her soup.
“Olly? Are you not feeling well?” Qifrey asked.
“W-what? No, no I’m fine. I just. I’m going to….take a walk outside.”
Qifrey tilted his head in question but gave Olruggio that smile he always did when saw right through him. “Of course.”