Chapter Text
Ava was stressed. She really didn’t know how to explain to her teammates that she suffered immense physical pain on a daily basis. The suit helped, and when they were doing field work, of course no one questioned it.
But wandering around their domestic quarters in full gear would probably raise some questions.
Ava really ended up limiting herself the first few weeks, because when she couldn’t stand being outside of her suit, she would hole up in her bedroom and not come out, nor let anyone in.
But her teammates, they didn’t act like just coworkers, and they noticed how much more withdrawn Ava was than the rest of them. Over the long stretches of time she’d be locked in her room, John, Yelena and Bob (together), and Bucky had all knocked on her door to check on her.
Ava appreciated it almost as much as it stressed her out. She sent them all away with strained but polite words of grateful dismissal.
It was when John came and knocked for a second time that Ava realized she was drawing more attention to herself by hiding. So when Alexei came by her room, his booming voice announcing that they were watching a movie through her door, Ava decided she should make an appearance.
It was just a movie. She’d be sitting on the couch the whole time. How bad could it be?
It was so bad, that after about forty minutes, Ava couldn’t even remember what movie they were watching. Her eyes were on the screen, but she wasn’t really seeing. Her vision was blurry.
Despite it not being a great day in terms of stability, Ava had forgone her suit for the movie. She was really regretting it now. It was taking all of her focus not to phase through the couch and catch everyone’s attention, and it was an incredibly painful effort.
Ava didn’t notice the movie, or the fact she had already caught one person’s attention.
John was sitting closest to her, where she was curled up into the arm of the couch. He was about two cushions away, and his eyes were not on the screen. He had been trying to be subtle as he visually scanned Ava initially, but he realized pretty fast she wasn’t really with them.
Usually, when John looked at Ava, her eyes would immediately meet his and she would glare at him. This time, her eyes remained forward, and John noted they were glassy.
So, John took his time, visually scanning her obvious signs of distress, trying to figure out what the problem was. She was incredibly stiff, but there was a tremble in her hands and legs. Her face was concerningly drained of color, and her lips were pressed in a tight line.
John realized she looked like she was in pain.
Concerned, he scooted closer to her. “Hey, Ava?” She didn’t react to him. “Ava,” John repeated, a little louder. Bob, seated to John’s right, took notice. He leaned forward to peer around John.
John reached out to touch Ava’s shoulder before deciding against it, not knowing the source of her pain yet. Instead he moved from the couch, down to his knees in front of her. “Ava.” His voice was firm now, and everyone was paying attention to them.
Bob moved to get up, but Yelena beat him to it, rushing to kneel next to John. “Ava, what’s wrong?”
Ava didn’t react to Yelena either, so John decided to try placing his hand on her calf.
She didn’t react to the touch for a moment, before her lips trembled like she was trying to speak. John and Yelena waited patiently as the rest of their team gathered. “I need…” Ava spoke like it physically pained her to do so, but her eyes focused on John.
His hand twitched on her leg like he meant to rub it comfortingly. “What, what do you need, Aves?”
A pained exhale. “My suit.”
When she had snapped back to reality with John’s face in front of hers, Ava had felt mildly embarrassed, but John’s comfortability calling her Aves despite having all lived together for only a month so far, eased her into letting him help.
“Can’t… move.”
Ava worried they would question why, but John just lifted her from the couch with swift ease, and hurried towards Ava’s room. As Ava’s head rested on John’s shoulder, she blinked wearily up at him, summoning the strength to tell him, “Not… ev-eryone. S-stressed.” John could hear four sets of footsteps behind him and knew immediately what Ava was trying to say. “Guys, everyone crowding in her room is not going to help,” he called over his other shoulder.
Everyone else understood as well. Bob, Bucky, and Alexei fell back, letting Yelena continue to follow. She did a slight jog to keep up with John’s urgent stride, considering their height difference.
John reached Ava’s room in a minute, and immediately placed her on her bed before grabbing her suit that was thrown over her desk chair.
When he brought it to Ava, she seemed to regain some strength in desperation to put it on, managing to sit up on her own. John made quick work of getting her into the suit, not bothering to remove her sweatpants and tank top. Ava helped him as best she could, which also sped up the process.
Ava closed the helmet of her suit, and for about five minutes, she just lay sprawled out on top of her bed, John sitting near her head and Yelena sitting near her feet, just waiting and monitoring her vitals as best they could visually.
Finally, Ava disengaged her helmet, and when her face came back into view, her color was slowly returning to her and she looked more relaxed, albeit flustered. She didn’t make eye contact with John or Yelena as she sat up.
“Ava,” John said softly. Ava almost cringed. John had never talked to her so softly before, and Ava didn’t know if she was comforted or mortified. “Are you okay?”
Ava closed her eyes, rubbing her temple with her gloved hand. “I…” She sighed heavily, like she really didn’t want to admit to what she was about to say. “I should have told you guys when we moved in.”
“Told us what?” Yelena asked. Her tone was light, and Ava glanced at her. Yelena looked calm and unbothered, and it helped calm Ava’s nerves.
“I told you guys how unstable my phasing was. But it’s actually very painful. My cells and nerves are almost constantly in a state of semi-phasing. You can’t always tell from the outside but it really hurts. The suit helps stabilize it. Helps the pain. Some days are good and I can go without, but today wasn’t.” The confession spilled from Ava in quick succession.
“Oh, Ava, you know you can wear your suit around us in the tower… we understand. Probably would have asked, but I get it is sensitive topic. I can go tell the boys the short version so you don’t have to talk with them about it,” Yelena offered.
Ava found herself nodding. “Yeah, that would be nice. Thanks.”
When Yelena stood up and left the room, Ava realized that agreeing had left her alone with John, who’s intense gaze she had been purposefully ignoring. “Ava,” he called her, voice firmer this time.
More familiar with this tone, Ava looked at him. The look in his eyes was still soft. Ava scowled, and was surprised when the glare made John’s shoulders visibly relax.
“What, Walker?”
“Why did you feel like you couldn’t tell us?”
“Walker—”
“Was it me?”
“What?”
“Am I…” John swallowed. “Am I the one who made you feel like that?”
Ava was genuinely caught off-guard, and had to take a long moment to decide how to respond.
“No, John. It wasn’t you. It wasn’t any of you.”
John’s eyes searched hers like he was looking for a lie. Finally, he said, “I want you to tell me stuff like this. We’re all a team now, even if we didn’t plan on it. Let me help you.”
Ava struggled to match John’s gaze, her eyes constantly darting to other focuses, but she met his eyes with hers when she responded, “You did help me.”
The way John perked up at that, straightening his back, reminded Ava of a dog who had just been told he was a very good boy. She almost smirked at the thought of comparing John Walker to a dog.
“Well… good,” he responded. “And no one will say anything if you wear your suit around the tower.”
Ava just nodded.
John looked uncomfortable, like he wanted to say something, but didn’t know what or how. “Are you, like… always in pain, then?”
Ava bit her lip, always uncomfortable discussing her pain. It was hard to explain without cringing at herself. “Yeah,” she replied after a moment. “I, uh. I am. It’s… chronic, I guess. The suit helps.”
“Where’d you get it?” John asked rather abruptly.
Ava blinked. “Why?”
“We should get more,” Walker answered with a little attitude, like it was obvious.
And Ava blinked again. He cared enough to seek out a supply of suits. That help her. Like it was obvious. Like it was natural instinct. Ava felt warm in her stomach, and then grew irritated with some underlying embarrassment. Holy shit, was she blushing?
Immediately, she turned away, rolling over on the bed facing away from John and hoping he understood she didn’t want to talk anymore. To get so flustered by being taken care of and worried about... and by John Walker of all people.
But John wasn’t giving up the conversation so easily. “Aves—”
“O.X.E. made it.”
“Then I’ll talk to Val, have her get some backups. She’ll do it, duh, she has no choice,” he snickered.
Ava found herself smiling, but remained pointedly faced away from John.
He didn’t pester her for a response, but he didn’t leave either. Ava could feel his presence remain steady. Solid. Ava wanted to feel solid. She rolled back over, facing John again.
He didn’t look at her immediately, and Ava took the opportunity to reach across the short space between them, and when John noticed, he watched her hand instead of her face. Ava appreciated it — it stressed her out to be under a direct stare.
When her hand hesitated before reaching his, he flipped his hand over on the bed so his palm was facing upwards and relaxed his fingers. He didn’t move his hand closer to Ava’s, but the invitation was clear. Ava took it slowly, starting by just touching his fingers with hers.
She began to trace his entire hand with her fingertips. His hands were warm, calloused, and solid. She focused on memorizing the feeling before daring to fully slip her hand into his. Ava almost jumped when John’s fingers immediately closed around her hand.
His hold was gentle, and Ava relaxed after the initial surprise. She stared at their entwined hands as she lay there, John’s voice breaking her wandering thoughts after a moment.
“Are you tired? You can sleep. I’ll stay.”
Normally, Ava would never take him up on that, or at the very least, she’d kick him out immediately so she could nap without admitting how tired she was. But the events of the day had her completely drained, both physically and mentally from the stress of her team seeing her like that.
Ava didn’t respond, but ten minutes later, she was asleep, her hand still clinging to John’s.