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Maya had been dreading Christmas even more.
It had already been three years since Nineteen had departed, been promoted, and moved away. Vic and Travis moving to DC where Crisis One had expanded nationwide. Jack who stayed in dispatch for a while before switching to part time while attending Washington State University where he currently had seven months left before graduating with a bachelor degree in finance and economics. Andy was now Fire Chief of Seattle. Ben had returned to Grey Sloan where he was currently mentoring under Toni Wright. Sullivan remained in Seattle, gratefully accepting position as captain of 23 after Ross and Andy struck a deal to bring the station back.
It did nothing to alleviate the pain and sadness little Maya felt.
Despite being local, Andy’s visits became fewer and farther in between, leaving Maya confused and wondering what she did wrong.
Ben was the only one who was consistent. Big or little, Maya always lit up with joy seeing Ben and Miranda. Nights where both would come over for dinners, movie nights, including game nights.
Even then over the course of thirty six months, each one could see the same cycle of pain, loneliness, and sadness in Maya.
Carina had been more than worried.
Watching as her wife ran herself into the ground, oftentimes not coming home after overnight shifts. Carina knew Maya was not close to any of her firefighters after the original crew parted ways.
She heard things in passing.
Maya eating alone in her office.
Countless hours spent in the gym. Running on the treadmill, lifting weights, pull ups, you name it.
Or the occasional emotional burnout in the showers, sobbing silently to herself.
Multiple reports from concerned probies, lieutenants, including subs out of other stations.
It was not just at work that Maya had been deteriorating. Carina was witnessing a sudden and very dramatic change in Maya at home.
The same feelings of sadness, loneliness, and emotional pain. Maya would snap at the littlest of things. Carina trying to be helpful was met with venom from the blonde.
“I do not need or want your goddamn help!” Maya hissed, knife poised in her right hand while chopping a yellow bell pepper.
Carina frowned, body cemented in place as she stared at Maya in absolute shock. She should not be used to this. But yet Carina was.
The signs were all too familiar.
Late nights at the station holed up in her office combing over fire incident reports, aid car duty besides the typical fires, all on top of barely coming home.
Maya was headed towards a burnout but Carina hadn’t a clue just how bad it would be.
The signs became obvious eight weeks leading up to Christmas.
Waking in the dead of night in tears as Carina slept soundly beside her. Maya would stare at Carina, contemplating on waking her up before giving up and lying back down.
Oh how she did not know Carina heard every whimper, every whisper for her mamma, including her old team.
Little slip ups at home where Maya played absentmindedly with Pineapples, Zee Zee, or her newest addition. Coco the stuffed ducky with its soft yellow body and its adorable orange beak.
Carina had encouraged Maya to slip on multiple occasions to which the blonde shook her head angrily before stomping away, throwing a shout over her shoulder.
“I am not little!”
Yes, Maya did slip here and there. And when she did, the difference was notable. Clingy, borderline nonverbal, and depressed.
Carina would hold Maya, swaying from side to side while whispering words of comfort in both Italian and English.
“La mamma è preoccupata per te, piccola mia.”
“A Coco manca guardare i cartoni animati con te. E lo stesso vale per Pineapples e Zee Zee.”
But what was more concerning is each day that went by, Maya was eating less and less. It wasn’t that the blonde was out of shape, Maya just did not want to eat due to every single feeling and emotion in her body ready to explode at any given moment.
“You’re not eating,” Carina noted one night at dinner, watching as Maya moved her pasta around the plate with a fork. “Are you alright, bambina?”
Maya looked up at Carina, noting the hurt and worry in her eyes. “I’m not that hungry. Stomach is feeling a touch bit queasy.”
Lifting an eyebrow, Carina searched for any sign of the truth. She didn’t buy it for one second but let the answer slide. For now.
“I can make you a little pot of soup,” she suggested, watching as Maya’s body visibly tensed. “Toast maybe?”
Maya shook her head, standing abruptly before retreating back into their bedroom. Carina sighed sadly, cleaning up from that night’s dinner.
Missed meals became a problem, leaving Maya exhausted nearly everyday. She had passed out twice on calls, leaving Brett Castro, who was now lieutenant, to take command of Nineteen while the blonde was hospitalized both times for dehydration and malnutrition.
The second time was exactly one month before Christmas. Maya was curled up in that cold and lonely hospital bed hooked up to monitors and an IV.
Carina had been notified but was unable to get out of an emergency c-section given that Jo was out and would not be returning until New Years.
Toni had just wrapped up a skin graft and was now walking hand in hand with Amelia, both talking about upcoming plans for Christmas.
“Carina did confirm that the Nineteen dream team was coming?” Toni asked, wanting to be sure.
Amelia nodded. “Every single one. She has been planning this since Fourth of July knowing how their schedules can be unpredictable.”
Sensing more, Toni nudged her wife, raising an eyebrow. “What?”
Toni was about to say something when she heard frantic whimpering from the room her and Amelia stopped in front of. The voice was all too familiar.
Maya.
The plastic surgeon ignored all warnings from Amelia, storming into the room with concern. Her heart broke, Amelia nearly bursting into tears.
Without a second thought but still being mindful of the wires, Toni scooped Maya into her arms, lightly swaying in place.
“Shhh,” she cooed, gently wiping away Maya’s tears with the pad of her thumb. “I’m here, so is Auntie Mimi.”
Maya only sobbed louder, burying her face into Toni’s neck, grabbing fistfuls of her scrubs top. “M—mamma…”
“Soon, Goldie,” Amelia promised, slowly backing out of the room to see if Carina was anywhere in sight. “She had to go into surgery to save a baby.”
Maya wanted to fight but felt her entire body drained from all the tears.
Toni visibly shook at how lightweight Maya felt. Cheekbones sharp and prominent and not in a good way. The fire captain was frail, body wasting away from lack of nutrition.
Her and Amelia had already suspected something after a girls night with Maya and Carina. Noticed how Maya barely ate so much as a quarter of what was on her plate.
It truly was heartbreaking.
Amelia attempted to take Maya from Toni which only made the little grip onto Toni tighter, bursting into tears.
“No!” Maya sobbed, shaking her head hysterically.
“It’s okay, Goldie,” Amelia smiled sadly, she understood. “Want me to get Pineapples, Zee Zee, and Coco?”
Maya just nodded.
Toni got comfortable in the bed with Maya, the blonde fighting to stay awake.
“Mamma…” Maya yawned, snuggling up against Toni’s chest, willing herself to stay awake.
“Almost my Little Duck,” Toni soothed Maya’s hair away from her face, pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead. “Think you can eat some yogurt for me before Mamma gets here?”
Maya shook her head vehemently, eyes welling with tears threatening to spill. Thankfully Amelia returned just in time with a small duffel bag in her hands, Carina just behind.
“Thank you for staying with Maya,” Carina sat down in the chair, relief taking over. “How is she?”
“Nonverbal,” Amelia replied, opening the bag. Carina took out the three stuffed animals while Amelia got out what Maya would need. “Toni tried to get Maya to eat something but no luck.”
Getting the blonde changed into soft and comfortable pajamas proved to be an easy task. Maya did not fight an ounce, lying completely still but refusing to leave Toni’s embrace.
“Let’s make a deal, Little Duck,” Toni gauged Maya who just looked into her eyes with sadness. “If you eat this banana strawberry yogurt and chicken soup, I will give you your bottle and buy you that Jellycat duck you’ve been wanting?”
Carina watched as Maya calculated this deal in her mind for several long minutes before nodding.
A nurse brought in a tray of the requested food. Carina took turns with Amelia in feeding Maya, each doctor praising the blonde as she ate.
Maya lightly tapped on Toni’s arm with the palm of her hand after finishing every single bite of yogurt and soup.
“Oo seep o’er, Au’tie Toni?” her voice was barely above a whisper, eyes drooping with sleep.
“Of course, Little Duck,” Toni smiled, taking the bottle Carina handed over. “You want Mamma and Mimi to tell you a story while I feed you the bottle?”
Maya kicked her feet in approval, latching onto the bottle as Toni pressed it to her lips. Carina and Amelia took turns telling the story of a brave princess going on an adventure with a magical duck to save the kingdom, each using silly voices which made Maya smile.
The first genuine smile in weeks.
Eventually Maya had fallen asleep, bottle empty. Carina stood, taking the littles beloved purple blanket decorated with bunnies and draping it over both Toni and Maya.
“Maya really is attached to you,” Carina smiled, thankful for Toni’s friendship and fierce protectiveness of Maya. “It took her months to get comfortable before calling Amelia ‘Auntie Mimi’.”
Toni blushed at the compliment.
“Maya is a delight, and it’s virtually impossible to say no to her,” she chuckled, gently rubbing soothing circles into Maya’s back. “But it’s also been years since I was last in a relationship with a little.”
“Well she loves you,” Amelia chimed in, getting comfortable in the chair opposite to Carina. “You got Maya to eat and that’s a big win in itself.”
Silence soon fell over the room. Maya slept on safely in Toni’s arms, clutching all three stuffed animals close. No one spoke, just watching the steady rise and fall of Maya’s chest.
“She misses her family,” Carina finally spoke after what felt like an eternity. “Andy, Vic, Travis, Jack, Sullivan, and Ross. Maya hasn’t been the same since they ah— drifted on?”
“Drifted apart,” Amelia understood what Carina meant by that.
“Not sleeping properly, the lack of eating on top of so much more,” Carina’s voice cracked with earnest truth. “And it breaks my heart seeing Maya in so much pain, big and little. She tried so hard to hide the pain but it’s only festered.”
“We catch her,” Toni spoke softly, reaching a hand out for Carina’s. “When Maya inevitably breaks down, every single one of us will be there to catch her. And that’s a promise.”
“T— Thank you.”
Even in the days leading up to Christmas, the changes were becoming more evident. Increased anger followed by apologies for snapping.
Maya wanted to slip more than anything, pushing herself to stay big even if it came at the expense of her mental and physical health.
Brett had noticed, secretly meeting with Chief Herrera who agreed that Maya would benefit with time off.
No work until a week after the New Year. Maya wanted to fight her lieutenant and Fire Chief. But one concerning look from Andy had Maya relenting.
Those four days were rough for the blonde who struggled. Maya could not go to sleep unless she heard Toni’s voice at least once.
Amelia had made the consecutive decision for her and Toni to stay with the DeLuca-Bishop couple through the second week of January.
Something that Maya was thankful for.
Maya was happy she had her people, feeling comfortable enough to slip. Though eating still remained a bit of an issue for the blonde.
She would now eat half of what was on her plate.
No one fought with Maya, taking each small bite as a victory. And then the day before Christmas Eve is when it went sideways.
Maya woke up with a sharp cry, body burning like a furnace, and completely drenched in sweat.
Carina bolted right up in bed just as Maya threw up all over herself and the comforter.
“M— mamma!”
“Oh, my piccolina,” Carina could not help the tears, gently pulling a hysterical Maya into her arms. “You must feel really icky.”
“W— wan’ Auntie Vic and Uncle Tavis,” Maya choked through sobs, paying no mind to the fact Toni and Amelia were now in the room. “H— huwts…”
Amelia immediately got to work stripping the bed of soiled sheets, running to throw them into the washer while Toni grabbed wipes and a thermometer, working in tandem with Carina to clean Maya’s face.
“I know, Little Duck,” placing the tip of the thermometer under Maya’s tongue, Toni grimaced when the screen flashed red. “102.1. Not great, not terrible. Maya needs fluids and an IV.”
Carina frowned. She knew what tomorrow was. While everyone in Seattle was set to arrive tonight, Travis and Vic were due to arrive around four in the morning on Christmas Eve.
Amelia, Toni, and Carina worked together getting Maya into the bath, gently but quickly washing her body and hair with cold water.
The blonde was miserable, soft but quiet whines slipping out of her mouth. She didn’t bother splashing around, too exhausted to cause playful chaos.
“Oo cold,” Maya shivered violently, making grabby hands towards Toni while Carina dried her off with a towel. “Want oo, Auntie Toni. Pease.”
“Come here, Little Duck,” taking Maya into her waiting arms, Toni motioned with her head for Carina to follow. “I’m going to hold you while Mamma puts a needle in your arm.”
Maya let out a sharp and disapproving whimper, soon settling once she was wrapped in the warmth of her favorite purple anglerfish pajama onesie.
Carina still could not wrap her mind around the fact Maya thought anglerfish were cool despite their terrifying looks.
And true to her words, Toni held Maya firmly in her arms, Amelia passing Carina the necessary supplies.
“Deep breath for me, bambina,” Carina mimicked inhaling a breath of air, Maya following suit, breathing out. “Good job.”
Maya’s body tensed for all of a few seconds, needle taped into the crook of her arm, fluids running smoothly.
“Hopefully the antibiotics will help bring Maya’s fever down,” Amelia sounded optimistic, though she remained worried. “She needs lots of fluids and rest.”
Maya drifted in between headspaces throughout the day, fever fluctuating between high then low, throwing up only four times.
Toni and Amelia had stepped out for some last minute holiday groceries, including a surprise to hopefully lift up Maya’s spirits.
“Carina—“ the blonde lay curled up in bed, having napped most of the morning. Her entire body suddenly felt as if it were freezing. “Can’t s— stop shaki—shaking.”
Carina, who had been sitting cross legged in a cozy wing backed chair nearby, shot up and was by Maya in an instant.
Grabbing the thermometer, Carina gently placed the tip in Maya’s mouth, a frown deeply etched into her face.
“Still high,” turning the thermometer so Maya could see. “104.2.”
Maya tried to wrap the thick blanket around her body, trying to retain any bit of warmth but failed.
“Ma— Carina,” Maya tripped over her words, body shivering from chills, stomach churning. “C— can you g—get m—me tw—two more b—b—blankets?”
Chills had already dug it’s claws into Maya. Fever and constant bouts of vomiting, Carina knew this was a nasty case of stomach flu. A direct result of previous health issues brought on by improper eating.
“How about we go and have some ginger tea?” Carina suggested.
Maya groaned, feeling her stomach gnawing at her intestines. She could not recall the last time a proper meal was consumed.
“Okay.”
Only when Carina helped Maya up, bag of IV medication in hand, the blonde swayed dangerously, vision tunneling.
Maya swallowed the vomit in her throat, black dots creeping at the edge of her eyes. One minute the blonde was standing, and the next there were three figures hovering over her.
“Food reintroduction needs to go slow,” Amelia frowned, smoothing two blankets over Maya. “Too much all at once has Maya throwing up. Let’s start with broth and toast then go from there.”
Toni had been in the kitchen preparing something easy for Maya to digest, soft on her stomach. Once back in the main bedroom, Maya was curled on her side under blankets, shivering and trying to get comfortable.
“You up for a little food?”
“I’ll try,” Maya croaked, sitting up against the bed frame with help from Carina and Amelia, face already a sickly shade of white. “W—want t—to s—s—sleep.”
“It’s just a cup of chicken broth and a piece of toast,” Carina prompted, handing the blonde a single slice of toast. “Your stomach isn’t tolerating food after weeks of eating irregularly, Maya.”
Maya’s head hung in shame, tears blinding her eyes. Carina was right. And that much was evident to Amelia and Toni.
But none of them could even come close to understanding how much Christmas meant to her.
Or how the Nineteen dream team saved Maya from herself on numerous occasions.
Maya managed to eat half the slice, sipping on a cup of broth until there was less than half left.
Carina waited. Five minutes became fifteen, and then thirty. It was a win win for the Italian. Maya had not thrown up.
Sleep once again began to pull Maya under. Before she could, Toni pulled out a soft light yellow duck that was slightly bigger than Coco.
“Figured you wanted that Jellycat to help you feel better,” Maya gently took the duck in her hands with a smile, then reached a free hand out for Toni.
“Thank you,” Maya whispered through a violent shiver, getting comfortable under the two blankets with help from Amelia and Toni. “You and Amelia didn’t have to stay here. I—“
Amelia nodded with understanding, her and Toni lingering a bit longer until Maya drifted back for what was probably the hundredth nap that day.
It was only 2:39 in the afternoon. Maya had been miserable the entire time, her only solace being small naps throughout the day.
The universe decided to play more cruel tricks on Maya. She napped for three uninterrupted hours, unaware of a surprise that showed up, surprising Carina as well.
Andy.
Jack.
Vic.
Travis.
Ben and Miranda.
Sullivan and Ross.
The only issue?
Maya had woken up from that final nap of the day crying, having vomited down the front of her onesie, and had become hysterical when Amelia or Toni attempted to touch her.
Both women worked in tandem, stripping the bed and replacing sheets while Carina had managed to get Maya into the bath.
“Mamma—“ the little whimpered weakly, swatting at a rubber duck with one hand.
“I know, bambina,” Carina cooed, gently but quickly washing Maya’s body, smiling when she recognized there was no sign of fever. “Mamma needs to wash your hair then you’re done. But guess what?”
Maya’s head tilted slightly to look up into Carina’s eyes. “What?”
Carina peered over her own shoulder, bathroom door left slightly ajar. She nodded her head. And then…
Maya burst into tears, making grabby hands towards the figure as they pushed in.
“Auntie Vic! Uncle Tavis!”
Vic took over, drying Maya off with a warm towel while Travis took a warm penguin onesie he had purchased for the blonde.
“Someone told us you haven’t been too happy and that you’ve been sick,” Vic spoke softly, dressing Maya in a clean diaper then penguin outfit.
Maya just blushed, snuggling deeper into Vic’s embrace. Then she looked over at Travis, reaching a hand out.
“I hugry, Uncle Tavis,” she whispered, keeping her grip on Vic. “Tummy hurts a little.”
“Let’s get some yummy crackers and soup in you, munchkin,” Travis lightly poked Maya in her stomach, eliciting a small smile.
“Otay.”
Maya, still weak from vomiting and being ill in general, lighting up at every new face she saw. The blonde turned her head slightly to glance back at Carina.
“Ove oo, Mamma,” Maya choked through silent tears. “Ove oo all.”
Andy held her arms out, Vic emerging from the bedroom with Maya in her arms, Travis and Carina trailing behind her. The moment Maya’s eyes landed on everyone, she broke into the brightest smile, tearing up once more.
“Oo came,” Maya clapped her hands softly once she was seated between Andy’s legs, leaning back into the fire chief’s front. “I thought oo forgot bout me.”
“I promise this time around will be different,” Andy vowed, letting Jack feed Maya slowly a small bowl of soup. “We all promise.”
Maya kicked her feet weakly in approval, looking at every pair of eyes with a tired smile.
“Because…” Jack began only to be cut off by a slap to the back of his head from Sullivan.
“Carina said wait until it’s closer for Maya to go to sleep!” He hissed, earning a glare from Ross.
“Not nice, Sully,” Maya giggled through a spoonful of chicken and broth. “Oo ‘pologize to Jack Jack.”
Sullivan winked playfully at the little, knowing it brought a smile to her face. He apologized to Jack. Ross secretly gave Maya a fist bump, ruffling her hair.
After Maya had finished her small bowl of soup and crackers, Ben moved to check her vitals, changing out the old IV line for a new one despite no fever.
“Just for the nausea, Maya,” Ben poked the tip of Maya’s nose, handing her Coco. “Miranda is also going to leave your mamma with medicine for a week to help.”
“Tank oo, Benny,” still in high spirits, Maya leaned in, pressing a sloppy kiss to his cheek. “Christmas better ‘ith oo and everyone.”
Everyone soon settled in for a nice dinner with Maya nestled between Carina and Toni, leaning heavily into the latter. Talk drifted towards plans for Christmas Eve and Day tailored to whatever headspace Maya would be in.
Maya paid no mind to the conversation, too tired to retain what was being said, ears only perking when her name came up.
By the end of dinner Maya had her arms firmly wrapped around Toni, tears of exhaustion threatening to spill.
“Let’s get you to bed, Little Duck,” she prompted, already moving to hoist Maya into her arms. Maya just shook her head, pointing a shaky finger towards the living room.
“Wan’ movie, pease,” Maya practically dragged the surgeon towards the living room with surprising strength. “Uncle Tavis, can oo pick?”
Travis knew exactly what to pick. Queuing up Netflix, the firefighter scrolled through holiday movies until he found what he was looking for.
The Grinch
“Your favorite, Maya,” he helped Toni get Maya comfortable on the couch, situated in a nest of blankets. “We aren’t leaving.”
Without any prompting, Sullivan retrieved a small wrapped box adorned in shiny green paper.
Maya took it with nimble fingers, slowly tearing off the paper. Inside was a Christmas tree Jellycat rain frog with a card tucked in its lap.
Ross took the card, reading it to the blonde who remained fighting to stay awake.
“We know these last few years have not been too kind with everyone busy and not able to make time for family, but all that changes—“ choking back tears, the former chief continued on. “Your family is moving home. Forever. No longer will holidays be celebrated alone.”
Hearing the word ‘forever’ Maya sat up straight looking towards Carina whose eyes were already red rimmed from crying.
“Sorpresa,” through choked tears, Carina sat down next to Maya, pulling her into her arms. “No more tears, no more sadness. Your family is home forever.”
Too tired to speak, Maya snuggled into her warm embrace, focusing on the movie as everyone sat around in various spots. Sofa, recliner, or blankets placed strategically on the carpeted floor.
Maya was too focused on The Grinch to notice that Vic had begun to sing, everyone soon joining in.
I’ll be home for Christmas
You can plan on me
Please have snow and mistletoe
And presents on the tree
Christmas Eve will find me
Where the lovelight gleams
I’ll be home for Christmas
If only in my dreams
I’ll be home for Christmas
You can plan on me
Please have snow and mistletoe
And presents on the tree
Christmas Eve will find me
Where the lovelight gleams
I’ll be home for Christmas
If only in my dreams
A soft Christmas lullaby perfect for the occasion. Everyone sang one more time, to Maya while watching the blonde with soft eyes. By the end of that second verse, Carina had slipped a pacifier into Maya’s mouth, watching as she fell asleep within seconds.
Not one person spoke, watching the steady rise and fall of Maya’s chest, noting how some color had returned to her cheeks.
Fever gone, chills still lingering, every firefighter and doctor knew that Maya was on the mend.
Their love had healed Maya’s heart in more ways than one. She had her family back. Her chosen family.
And that was all Carina was thankful for this Christmas.