Chapter Text
After work Dimitri could tell that Nil was exhausted, and definitely shouldn’t sleep in the woods.
“Do you wanna go for a drive?”
“Sure, I guess.”
He realized he had developed more of an anger towards Dimitri lately, it wasn’t the typical anger issues he usually had, it seemed like more than that. He wasn’t really sure why. Maybe it wasn’t anger, but something he couldn’t quite place. He sat staring out the window of Juno, zoning off listening to the sounds of nature and whatever shitty music was on the radio.
“Hey, you alright? You’ve been kind of off lately.”
He jumped, snapping back into reality.
“Sorry. I think it’s just the insomnia getting to me.”
“It’s alright, dude. How about you sleep at ‘mine tonight? You look like you could use it.”
“Way to call me out.”
Dimitri laughed.
“My bad. You just do look really tired.”
He sighed and stared out the front window now, knees against the glove box.
“I don’t know what’s been up with me lately.” “You wanna talk about it?”
“Maybe.”
He paused for a minute.
“I’m sorry I’ve been more- angry at you lately. I don’t really know what I’ve been feeling. Cause I’m not actually mad at you, there’s just something.”
Dimitri listened, and nodded intently, still focusing on his driving. He pulled over, and looked at Nil.
“Do you wanna go in the back for a bit? We could smoke or just sit and talk, whatever you want.”
“Yeah. That’d be nice.” He said wearily.
They sat in the back of Dimitri’s truck, Nil awkwardly staring out the window, thinking.
“Can you pinpoint what you’re feeling at all? Any specific hints of emotion?”
“I mean, whenever you smirk or like joke with me it feels like I lose my temper too easily. That’s kinda when my stomach like hurts, kind of? I start getting warm, like I’m starting some kind of buildup.”
He continued to stare out the window, doubting himself for even talking to Dimitri about it. Dimitri moved closer to him, pulling him into a hug.
“You’re good, dude.”
He began to lie down more, leaning against the door. He pulled Nil with him, he was more in his lap now. The sun was setting, leaving sunlight shining on Dimitri’s face. He looked so perfect. God, he couldn’t stand him. It was so irritating.
“You okay?” Dimitri snapped him out of it.
Nil realized he must’ve been staring at his face for a good minute in silence.
“You’re so annoying.”
He laughed, leaving him smiling.
“Am I?” He teased.
Now he was really annoying him. Nil hated when he teased him. He could hear his own heartbeat as he stared at Dimitri smiling with sunlight shining on his face. God he’s so infuriating. Staring at him just made Nil feel so-
“Oh fuck you.” Nil muttered under his breath as he struggled to breathe.
He could really feel his heartbeat now. He hadn’t noticed how close to Dimitri he was. Dimitri rubbed Nil’s back, trying to calm him. He knew he had Random outbursts a lot, and ultimately didn’t mean what he said in the end.
“What’s up? Do you wanna go outside and have a breather or head back to my house?”
“I don’t know how to- I don’t want to ruin anything.”
“I promise I’ll feel the same after you word it for me. I won’t be mad if you did something or if I did something that offended you I’ll apologize. What’s up?”
Nil breathed harshly and quickly, trying to look anywhere but Dimitri’s face.
“Deep breathes, dude. That first. Then, even just spit words at me, I’ll piece ‘em together.”
He steadied his breath as he rubbed his back, his head had slowly made his way to Dimitri’s chest, lying on it.
“I just kind of feel a certain way. And we don’t have to do anything about it- we can ignore it for all I care, we could never talk again.”
He sighed and pulled himself up, staring in Dimitri’s general direction because he was way too nervous to make eye contact right now.
“Fuck it.” He thought to himself. He moved himself closer, and he impulsively kissed Dimitri. It was really bad, due to his inexperience, but it’s the thought that counts.
Dimitri pulled away from the kiss after a moment and laughed a bit.
“Shit. I’m sorry- I knew it was a bad idea.” They pulled away, shrinking away to the other end of the car on the brink of tears.
“No, no. It’s not that. I never thought about- your experience?”
He pulled them closer by the scarf.
“Oh shut up.” He blinked away tears, wiping them and getting the back of his gloves wet.
“No, you’re good. I mean, surprisingly good. Y’know?”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I mean you’re really inexperienced, dummy.”
He had one hand on their face and one in their hair. He scruffled and played with it as he looked at him. Now this was irritating. He was so smug and confident. It was-
“Shit, you’re hot.” He said with a shocked expression on his face, his mouth hung open a bit after he got the sentence out.
“Yeah? Is that right?” He said in a teasing tone.
“Shut up, you’re so annoying.”
“And that’s why you kissed me?”
“You’re so cocky.”
Dimitri grabbed their face and pulled him, forcing Nil to change his entire position. He shifted his own demeanour, shifting his hands to Nil’s back and hip, pulling him closer.
“I don’t even know what you’re thinking, doing this shit-“
Dimitri stopped his rant, kissing him affectionately. Nil gasped after a while, pulling away from the kiss only to dive back into it. He wasn’t really sure what to do in this moment, but he slung his hands over Dimitri’s neck, sinking into the kiss more as it went on. He pulled away mid make-out just to say, “God you’re so annoying.”
and continued to make-out with him, acting as if he wasn’t enjoying every second of it. Dimitri continued to mess with Nil’s hair, grabbing small chunks and tugging him closer every so often. It filled him with something that wasn’t quite rage. After a while they lie together in the back, staying out longer than either of them had intended. -
Dimitri drove back to his house, making the excuse to his family that he had a late night at work, cleaning and doing busy-work. Nil climbed into his window, avoiding contact with any of his family. They met in his room.
“You good? Climbing in the window too hard?” “Eh. It’s not that bad. Anything to avoid the awkward silence and judgement from them.”
He sat on the edge of the bed and placed his hat and jacket on the floor beside it. Dimitri sat next to him, leaning back against the wall. “How are you feeling?”
“I- want more. I think?”
“Yeah, that happens. What do you want?”
He smirked at them, reaching out and tugging on their shirt. He looked frustrated now, confused on what he was thinking. Dimitri was his best friend for so long, and here he was about to kiss the guy. Again. He crawled over, pulling himself into Dimitri. He again kissed him, getting less of a shocked reaction from Dimitri. He settled with everything so easily. It was irritating. It was- impressive. He was so okay with it. He gasped every couple minutes, moaning every now and then.
“Are you okay??”
“Yeah.”
Nil answered in chunks, breathing, again harshly.
“Couldn’t- BREATH be- BREATH better.”
“You good at your own pace, yeah?”
“Maybe.”
After Dimitri realized Nil might need a break, he pulled himself into the crevice of Nil’s neck, kissing it.
“Fuuckkk..”
he groaned, not expecting it. Dimitri had never seen Nil this vulnerable before. It was almost pathetic how easily he could be controlled under this state.
“This is okay?” He said lowly, breathing warmly onto his neck.
“Yeah. Uhm.”
Nil gulped, face flushed.
“Shit. That’s- that’s fine.”
He stuttered with his words, basically shoving Dimitri’s head back into his neck.
“You’re so agreeable right now.” He said teasingly, leaving soft kisses against his neck.
“Please.” He said softly, basically begging for it.
Dimitri gave in easily, gnawing at his shoulders and neck as he continued, causing Nil to moan more.
“You’re- you’re really good at that…”
he was again breathing harshly, Dimitri again met his eye level.
“You can sit, if you want.”
“Like take a break? I don’t really think my body would like settle-.”
“No, dummy.” He pulled him so he was hovering over his lap.
“You could sit. If you wanted to be more comfy.”
“I might wanna change first, out of my jeans-.”
“Sure.”
They both changed out of their jeans, into comfier pants. After they got back on the bed, Nil hesitantly sat on Dimitri’s lap, facing him.
“Shit, Dee.”
“Hm?”
“You’re just- really warm and uhm. Really, really hot.”
Dimitri laughed, smiling as he made eye-contact with him. Nil stared at his face for a moment, looking at his prominent features. He was so irritatingly perfect. He moved him, a hand on his face pushing it upward as he worked towards his neck.
“You had your turn.”
He begun with light kisses on Dimitri’s neck, becoming more harsh as he continued. Dimitri let out whimpers every so often. Nil now gnawed at his neck, just as he did to him. He still didn’t know what he was doing much or how well he was doing, but whatever he was doing seemed to be okay. After a while of Nil working at Dimitri’s neck, he moaned, letting out harsh breathes.
“Shittt.. You’re- you’re doing so good…”
“That’s good. I don’t really have much of a clue. I’m just kinda copying what you did.”
He admitted anxiously, still in Dimitri’s neck crevice.
“You’re gooodd..”
he said, messing up Nil’s hair.
They lied down, Nil’s head now on Dimitri’s chest as they both got tired. (Especially Nil, the guy was already exhausted.)
Slowly, they drifted off to sleep, more fulfilled than ever.