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the second the front door shut with a soft click, Claire collapsed to her knees in the hallway. a choked sound escaped her, something between a laugh and a sob.
“hey—! Claire, what’s wrong?” it hardly took Leon a second to get down on the floor beside her, his eyebrows furrowed in worry. “do you feel okay? are you having an adverse reaction to the vaccine—?” he almost sounded frantic, a side of Leon that Claire rarely ever saw.
Claire couldn’t reply, the lump in her throat choking her words. she was trying desperately not to cry, not to look like an absolute mess for Leon. she just got him back, she should be happy. he’s healthy again. and looks better than he has in years, but here she was selfishly crying on the floor.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry— I’m sorry.” Claire finally got the words out, trying hard to steady her breathing. “I’m fine. I feel healthy, I just—…” a shaky breath. “you almost died. for real this time.”
Leon’s expression softened slightly, shifting so he was sitting on the ground, his back against the hallway wall. Claire didn’t waste the opportunity to bundle up to him, her arms wrapping around his torso and her forehead pressed to his shoulder. Leon returned the embrace, one hand rubbing gentle, soothing circles against her back.
“Sherry told me everything while we were waiting for you. you genuinely could have died. and what if you did? nobody would’ve been there to release Elpis a-and then Sherry could’ve died too. and Jill, and me.” Claire’s voice was still shaky, fighting back the tears the best she could.
everything had come crashing down on Claire the second they got home. it was overwhelming. on top of it all, their apartment was a mess, she hadn’t been taking care of anything let alone herself.
“Claire... it’s okay, I did it. Grace did it. we came out alive and with a cure in tow. we don’t need to think about the what-ifs..”
“I can’t help it.” Claire’s voice cracked again despite how hard she was trying to steady it. “I was so scared, Leon.” her voice dropped to a whisper, barely audible. “I can’t lose you.”
Leon exhaled slowly, his arms tightening slightly around her almost as if trying to ground himself as well.
Claire felt so weak. not physically; emotionally. she prides herself on being a strong woman, someone who stands up for herself, who can look after herself, someone who doesn’t break down over unjustified fears.
“I feel pathetic.” she mumbled, the prolonged silence making the ringing in her ears more noticeable.
“you’re not pathetic, love.”
“I am! I’m so pathetic I haven’t even taken care of myself this past week. I’ve been wallowing in panic every day. paralysed. my nails are chewed down as far as they can go, there’s dishes in the sink from days ago, I’ve hardly eaten, I haven’t slept, I haven’t even had a fucking shower.” Claire felt progressively more pathetic the more things she listed off. ashamed, even. she was a grown woman and she couldn’t even take care of herself.
part of her wished somebody had lied to her when Leon was sent on this mission; Leon could’ve lied and said he was going to Spain of all places again. that wouldn’t have panicked her. it was the fact he was - they were both infected with that damn virus and the fact he was sent to Raccoon City. it’s almost like their whole lives had to revolve around that god forsaken city. the fact they were both alive and healthy on top of it all now didn’t change the way Claire had been living these past few days.
“you’re worried I’m judging you.” it wasn’t a question, Leon could just tell by the way her shoulders had tensed up again.
there was a pause before Claire just nodded her head before hiding her face in the crook of his neck.
“Claire,” he started, unable to stifle a humourless laugh. “do you know how many days I’ve had like this? fuck it, months even. I’m never going to judge you… you know that.”
Claire knew it was true. Leon had hit a real low about 12 years ago, it was bad, Chris had witnessed it. that was the first time Chris came to Claire expressing true concern for Leon. at the time, she and Leon weren’t exactly on the best terms still but she remembered the anxiety that gnawed at her then. how worried she ended up feeling for him; never judgement.
‘judgement’ had long become an alien word between the two of them.
Leon gently took ahold of her shoulders to push her back slightly, just enough to see her face. that pretty face he loved so much, the face that flashed in his mind a hundred times when he was certain his time had come…
she looked so tired, dark circles under her eyes, pale, lacking the colour she usually had in her cheeks. it hurt Leon a bit to see, blaming himself. blaming the life he had to lead — the life they had to lead. but that was something he’d need a time machine to change.
“hey, why don’t we get you into a nice, warm bath, hm?” Leon asked softly, one hand coming up to tuck Claire’s hair behind her ear. “I’ll be right here so it’ll be a less daunting task.”
Claire remained still for a moment, having to give herself an extra few seconds to actually process what Leon was saying. her fatigue was starting to crash down upon her like a freight train. eventually, she nodded her head in acceptance to the offer. she appreciated it even if she couldn’t fully express it at the moment.
Leon murmured a small ‘okay’ before coaxing Claire to her feet, standing up himself with her. he could pick her up and carry her to the bathroom but Leon knew better than to do that; no matter how exhausted she may be, Claire likes to be in control of herself.
he did however take her hand in his, leading her through the house in a comfortable silence.
“I’ll make some dinner for both of us later.”
“you don’t have to… you just got back from a mission. surely you wanna rest..” Claire murmured.
“I want to, Red. I feel good. really good. I can cope with making some dinner.” he offered her a soft smile as they entered the bathroom.
Leon, though he didn’t really want to, let her hand go, noticing how her arm just lifelessly fell to her side. she really was exhausted.
he knelt down beside the bathtub, turning on the warm and cold faucets after plugging the drain. sitting up straighter, Leon turned his head to watch Claire, unable to hide the sympathy in his eyes. she hated sympathy, he knew this, he just couldn’t help it. he’d been in her shoes before, the only difference was that he didn’t have anybody to help him through it at the time.
Claire just stared at the tub slowly filling up, her eyes unfocused, like she was on low battery. she was running on low. empty, nearly.
pulling her sweater sleeves down over her hands, she then covered her face with them. well, it wasn’t her sweater, it was Leon’s. the only thing that had been keeping her together the last couple days, albeit barely. “I’m so sorry.” she choked out weakly, on the verge of falling apart again. “I shouldn't fucking be like this. helpless piece of shit—“ her self deprecating words were cut off when Leon gently grasped her wrists, pulling her hands away from her face. she hadn’t even heard him stand up..
Claire blinked up at Leon, a few stray tears rolling down her cheeks.
“Claire. don’t.” his words were firm. clear. “I don’t want a robot for a wife, you’re allowed to have bad days. you’re allowed to be stressed and upset, you’re allowed to break down.. because I’m always going to be here to help you through it all. okay?” Leon looked at her expectantly, holding eye contact until she eventually broke it, nodding her head.
“I just don’t like feeling like this…”
“I know, Clairebear, neither do I.”
as Leon let her wrists go, Claire wiped away her tears with one sleeve, sniffling as she did so. she took a glance over to the bathtub, almost full. warm water felt real damn enticing right now.
“how are you not in a catatonic state right now?” Claire murmured as she slowly took her sweater off, slipping it over her head and letting the garment fall to the tile floor.
Leon was back beside the bath, turning off the faucet as he glanced in Claire’s direction. “fight or flight.” he joked humourlessly. “I, uh… I honestly don’t know. maybe it’ll be my turn to have a breakdown when you’re feeling better. all that’s on my mind is taking care of you right now.”
that overwhelming sense of feeling selfish washed over Claire again, pausing after removing her pants, fiddling with the hem of her tank top.
“Claire, hey… in all seriousness, I do feel fine. genuinely my number one goal is getting you feeling a little better. I know you don’t like letting someone else take the wheel but I wanna take care of you..”
Claire didn’t stop Leon when his hands went to the hem of her top, helping her pull it up off over her head. he rubbed her shoulder briefly in a soft, comforting gesture before gently guiding her to step aside so he could get to the cupboard under the sink.
“lavender’s calming, right?” he asked as he picked out a bath bomb from the cupboard. Claire hardly took baths but she had a tendency to hoard a few bath bombs for when she desperately needs a pick-me-up.
“yes..? it makes you sleepy… I guess that’s ‘calming’.” Claire answered meekly, having stripped off her underwear as well now.
“good enough.” Leon stepped back over to the bath, letting the bath bomb drop into the water.
their small bathroom was almost immediately filled with the scent of lavender, the warm water doing its job well.
Claire didn’t make a move to get in yet, she just… stood there. not awkwardly, she didn’t feel any nerves from being so bare. that was one of the most valuable things between her and Leon; the fact they could share moments like this, being so bare with zero sexual connotations. just existing. not a single person in the world beside Leon could make Claire feel so safe while being this vulnerable.
she watched as Leon dipped his hand in the water, testing the temperature. “water’s good.” he said with a small smile, gesturing for Claire to get in. she gave a small nod before stepping up to the bath, slowly getting in and sinking her body under the water.
maybe it was a placebo effect but Claire immediately felt her muscles un-tense as the water lapped at her skin. closing her eyes as she breathed in the lavender, she let her head tip back against the tiled wall.
Leon now knelt beside the tub, reaching over to gently brush Claire’s hair out of her face. “good?”
“mmhm.” she hummed in affirmation. “don’t let me fall asleep and drown…” Claire added with an involuntary yawn.
“wouldn’t dream of it, Red.” Leon had his arms rested on the side of the tub, a soft smile on his lips as he watched Claire relax. this was the real prize for coming home alive. getting to be here, home, with the love of his life.
“you know,” he started after a beat of silence. “when I really thought my time was up I could only picture you in my head. I wasn’t scared of dying, I was scared of leaving you alone. scared I’d never get to see your smile again, never hear your laugh, never look into your eyes when the sunshine hits your face perfectly…”
despite her fatigue, Claire had straightened up a bit, her head turned to look at Leon’s face. her bottom lip quivered slightly, clearly trying to keep herself composed. she’d already cried enough this past week. but this was different, these were happy tears threatening to spill.
“Red..” a faint chuckle escaped Leon. “you don’t need to cry.”
“as if saying that helps.” Claire murmured, sinking a bit deeper into the water again, the water almost up to her chin. she sniffled, now focused on the water running off her hand as she lifted it up, something was always so soothing about watching water.
Leon simply watched her for the moment, basking in her company. it felt so good to be home.
Claire bought her arm out of the water again, tracing slowly down the inside of her forearm with her other hand. “it’s nice to not see that black shit spreading under my skin anymore..” she murmured, just thinking aloud. “I’m really scared, y’know. of dying.” Claire’s volume dropped, being barely audible. it was hard for her to admit how scared she was, not only about Leon but herself as well.
“I know.. me too.” Leon paused, knowing to not make a big deal of the subject. that’s not what Claire wanted. “…do you want me to wash your hair?” he piped up after a moment of silence.
at that offer, Claire’s guilt for being helpless washed back over her, though she knew there was still no judgement. there never would be. so she eventually nodded, humming softly in affirmation. “thanks…”
“you know I’d do absolutely anything for you, right?” Leon mused as he stood up, reaching for the shampoo bottle on the shower shelves.
“yeah..”
“then don’t look so ashamed. god forbid I want to give my wife a nice, relaxing evening.” he added with a lopsided smile.
-
dinner wasn’t fancy, just mac n’ cheese from a box but it was comfort food, no matter how childish that may be.
Claire sat on the couch, cozied up in fresh pyjamas and a blanket around her shoulders, knees tucked up to her chest and bowl in hand as she ate, albeit eating slowly. she felt a bit ill but that was easily chalked up to the fact she hadn’t eaten in days.
Leon had already finished, his appetite unmarred by the shit he’d been through in the last couple days. gave him more energy to focus on Claire anyway.
again, she felt selfish, prodding aimlessly at the pasta with her fork, guilty over the fact she’d eaten so little even though Leon made the effort to cook the meal. she was an absolute open book in the state she’s in, Leon could read her effortlessly.
“Red, it’s okay if you don’t eat it all. I just want you to eat something. doesn't need to be the whole bowl.” he spoke softly, not treating her as if she was fragile, just treating her with compassion. the same compassion that was more often coming his way from Claire.
Claire’s eyebrows furrowed, making a bit of a face in response. “it’s dumb. I feel like shit because I haven’t eaten yet I feel like more shit when I eat.” she mumbled, clearly frustrated with herself again.
“pretty sure there’s a medical name for that, I just forgot what it is. eating after not eating for days, your body’s kind of put in a state of shock. you’ll feel better soon, just slowly build up how much you eat over the next couple days, yeah?”
Claire set the bowl down on the coffee table, returning to her curled up position and hiding her face in her hands. “I could’ve just been an adult and took care of myself this week. fucking stupid..”
Leon didn’t answer right away, sighing softly as he shifted closer to her on the couch, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close. “Clairebear, seriously, if I was in your shoes I would’ve done the exact same thing as you. your reaction isn’t childish and I sure as hell don’t think any less of you.”
there was a prolonged silence between the two, Claire shivering a bit. whether that be from stress or trying her best not to cry again, even she didn’t know.
“thank you. for taking care of me.”
“you don't need to thank me, love. this should be the bare minimum standard. you’re my wife, of course I’m going to take care of you.” Leon spoke softly again, absentmindedly rubbing small circles on her shoulder. “it’s repayment for all the times you’ve looked after me when I’ve come home all bloodied and bruised. y’know, I often to refuse the DSO medics… I only trust you.”
a very, very weak chuckle came from Claire. “but I’m not a trained medical professional.”
“it hurts less when you take care of me.”
“even stitches?”
“even stitches.”
Claire relaxed into the embrace, a yawn escaping her before she gave a weary smile. she was blinking slowly, clearly fighting the sleep she so desperately needed. “‘m glad you’re home. safe.” Claire murmured, finally just allowing herself to close her eyes, bodyweight fully leaning against Leon.
“I’m glad I’m home too.” he whispered in response, placing a kiss on the top of her head. “I’d drag myself out of the pits of hell if it meant coming home to you.”
“Raccoon might as well have been the pits of hell…” she muttered sleepily.
“hmm..” Leon hummed apprehensively. “more like purgatory.”
“close enough.”
Leon felt a sense of achievement seeing Claire like this; almost completely dozed off. knowing the mental torment she’d been going through, the fact sleep was taking ahold filled him with warmth and affection, glad he could have that effect on her.
“d’you wanna go to the bed?” Leon asked softly, half not expecting a response. she looked peaceful where she was rested beside him.
Claire did nod her head, albeit a slightly delayed reaction. “feel like I’ve been given horse tranquillisers.”
“that’s just called exhaustion, love.” Leon murmured as he slowly stood up, taking Claire’s hands and helping her up off the couch as well. she was a bit unsteady on her feet, not that it was surprising. she hadn’t slept in over 48 hours, that does shit to your mind and body.
as Leon carefully led her to the bedroom, Claire couldn’t help but be blissfully grateful for the little things; a doting husband, a nice, cozy bed, the comfort of laying beside someone she loves.
her mental health would improve, Leon’s company felt like a cure-all in trying times. always has.
now they could both get a good nights sleep, get up late, laze around the house tomorrow, live again.
rock bottom isn’t so bad once you realise somebody loves you and cares for you. things can only look up from now on.
Leon was the light at the end of Claire’s tunnel, as she was his. always.