Work Text:
After
Yuuri looked at the ceiling as he lay in his bed. The revelation of his actions at last year’s Grand Prix Final banquet had left him in a turmoil of emotions.
Embarrassment—he had seen the photos and video clips.
Frustration—he had lost control so easily that night.
Regret—but it wasn’t so much regret over his behavior as it was his inability to remember the first time Viktor had met him where he was, as he always did.
Viktor had not known that Yuuri did not remember the banquet until tonight. He could tell the realization had hurt Viktor. In all the months he had spent with him, Yuuri had never seen that particular expression on Viktor’s face before. Viktor had recovered his composure quickly but Yuuri had caught that glimpse of naked emotion. He regretted hurting Viktor more than anything.
He rubbed his thumb over the ring on his right hand and despite his agitation a small smile came over his face. It felt unfamiliar on his finger but so very right.
The bathroom door opened and Viktor climbed into the bed he had pushed right up next to Yuuri’s the night before. Yuuri turned on his side to look at Viktor. He reached his hand out across the small divide between their beds. “I’m sorry,” Yuuri said. “I’m sorry I didn’t remember.”
Viktor turned on his side to face Yuuri, taking Yuuri’s outstretched hand in his own. “You should be getting some rest,” he said quietly. “You have a big day tomorrow.” He squeezed Yuuri’s hand and gave him a small smile.
“I can’t sleep,” Yuuri said. “I feel terrible. I had no idea and you . . .”
Viktor interrupted him. “I’m not as upset as I was when I first realized you didn’t remember,” he admitted. “I’m disappointed you don’t remember the night I started to fall in love with you,” he said, gently touching Yuuri’s face, as he saw his anguish at Viktor’s words. “But now I think of how I must have looked to you,” Viktor continued, a blush creeping on his cheeks. “I need to apologize to you for that. Arrogantly telling you I was now your coach, basically taking over your house and then continually shamelessly flirting with you.” Viktor closed his eyes and shook his head. “I can understand why you kept running away from me.”
“No,” Yuuri said forcefully, causing Viktor to open his eyes in surprise at his tone. “No,” Yuuri repeated. “That was, that is . . . that was the best thing that had ever happened to me, Viktor.” Yuuri looked at Viktor intently. “It was a dream come true. A dream I never even knew I had asked for.” He reached across the bed and tentatively traced Viktor’s jaw line with his finger.
“It explains a lot,” Viktor said, moving to the edge of his bed so he could be closer to Yuuri. “I couldn’t understand why you were so different at first.” He took Yuuri’s hand again. “I saw Eros in you that night in Sochi, Yuuri. But it is nothing compared to what I have seen in the months since.”
“What do you mean?” Yuuri asked. “I’ve stumbled my way through the Eros program.” He looked down and then quickly glanced back at Viktor. “I couldn’t focus on what Eros meant to me. I can’t believe I was so stupid about the katsudon.”
“I love my katsudon,” Viktor smiled.
“You know what I mean,” Yuuri said. “Even once I settled on a storyline it still wasn’t right. Not until I realized it was you. You personified Eros for me.”
Viktor looked at him and frowned. “You know I was working on Eros and Agape as short program options for myself?”
“I wasn’t sure but something Yurio said made me wonder,” Yuuri admitted.
“I had been searching for inspiration. I found Eros and Agape after the Grand Prix Final. The music resonated with me.” Viktor frowned again. “I couldn’t get either one to work—there was something missing.”
Viktor looked at Yuuri, his blue eyes so close and so tender. “Agape felt incomplete without the Eros side but I couldn’t get Eros right; I couldn’t personify the seduction.” He sighed. “The story you laid out—the playboy seducing the beautiful woman? I couldn’t interpret the piece like that because I was the one who had been seduced—you came into my life, captured my heart and then disappeared.” He reached out and gently touched Yuuri’s lower lip with his thumb. “I had created Eros with you in mind. Those are your moves, your passion, your artistry—all that I had seen of you that night in Sochi.”
Yuuri looked at him, surprised. “Me?” he questioned. “It seemed so out of character for me; I thought that’s why you gave it to me, as a challenge. I couldn’t figure out how to find my Eros. First the stupid katsudon idea, then the playboy. But it didn’t feel right as the playboy.”
Viktor huffed, a laugh escaping his lips. “That’s how I saw you, Yuuri,” he said. “At least that’s how I saw you that night, although I know it was fueled by alcohol and frustration.” He shook his head at Yuuri. “
“I didn’t feel right for me, so I tried to be the woman who was seduced—Minako helped me. It seemed to work that night at Hasetsu but it still wasn’t right.” Yuuri gave Viktor a quick look and then looked down, taking Viktor’s hand in his again, his face the one flushing now. “So I imagined I was you. Viktor Nikiforov. Perfect, surprising, confident, irresistible Viktor. The Viktor who was on the posters in my room and the magazines I collected.”
Viktor’s eyes were wide and his mouth was slightly open. “Me?” he asked.
“Of course you. Who else could personify Eros for me?” Yuuri said. He moved his head a little closer to Viktor. “It just took me a while to figure that out.”
Viktor moved a little closer also, right to the edge of his bed. “So I choreographed Eros for you and you performed it as me?”
Yuuri nodded. “It made more sense that way.”
“And when you skated ‘Stay Close to Me’?” Viktor asked softly.
Yuuri smiled. “I was tired of being sad. I wanted to find my love of skating again and that led me back to you.” Yuuri moved even closer, his face just inches from Viktor’s. “You were my inspiration, Viktor. I always wanted to be worthy to skate on the same ice as you.”
“You’ve always belonged on the same ice as me,” Viktor said.
“No, I didn’t. I needed to be better. I needed to have the confidence to believe that. I didn’t have that until you became my coach,” Yuuri said.
“You have that confidence in you. I saw it in Sochi—you just bury it too deep to find when you need it,” Viktor responded.
“What about Agape?” Yuuri asked.
“It was never complete without Eros and Eros wasn’t complete until it became yours. Neither one alone could encompass my feelings for you, Yuuri.”
Yuuri brought Viktor’s hand to his lips and kissed it. “I’m sorry I don’t remember.”
Viktor brought Yuuri’s hand to his lips and kissed his ring finger. “What you’ve given me these last eight months means more to me than the memories of that night.” His eyes softened and Yuuri’s breath caught at the love he saw there. “That night started me on this path. Your video brought me to you. I far prefer the Eros we have created together, Yuuri.” He paused, his face reddening and his finger rubbed Yuuri’s ring. “We have years ahead of us to create our own Eros and Agape, forever.”
Yuuri went up on his elbow and leaned over Viktor. “I can’t think of anything I’d rather do,” he said, and then he bent his head to kiss Viktor.
Moments later Viktor reluctantly pulled back from the kiss, breathing heavily. “You need to rest, Yuuri.”
“I will rest. I can sleep now, I think.” Yuuri smiled down at Viktor. “Stay with me?”
“Always,” Viktor answered.
Yuuri moved across the small space between their beds and crawled under the sheets with Viktor. “Stay with me,” he repeated, tucking his head under Viktor’s chin and wrapping his arm around Viktor’s waist. Viktor gently kissed Yuuri’s dark hair and closed his eyes, holding Yuuri to his chest. He wanted nothing more than to stay close to Yuuri forever.