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Motherhood had brought Sodachi many interesting challenges. Every day was a new day, a new chance to learn something she hadn’t known before. Even if it felt like she hadn’t known what she was doing every step of the way, she had succeeded in raising her children well. She had done everything she could to make sure they were raised healthy. Sometimes, that meant difficult choices or considering things that she hadn’t thought about ahead of time.
Every time she thought she had seen everything, something new would arise. Sometimes, that came with stress which felt like it took years off her life. Other times, it was a wonderful experience. All the same, Sodachi never stopped being surprised by surprises.
Sodachi was in her room reading. It was the evening and the chores were done, so she had a rare bit of leisure time. Still, when there came a knock on the door, she wasn’t disappointed. Now that the twins were in high school, it was rarer and rarer that they needed her help. They were becoming young women, capable of dealing with many of life’s situations without her. It was a satisfying feeling, but at the same time, it made her think about what she was losing. Thus, when the kids still needed her, she cherished it.
“Come in. What is it?”
The door opened to reveal Yoshie behind it. She seemed bashful in a way that told Sodachi this wasn’t just a simple request for help with homework. She set down her book and turned around fully to face Yoshie, who sat down on the bed.
Yoshie started stammering. Sodachi was willing to give her the space to figure out how to say whatever it was she wanted, but after a minute of that, she offered, “Is there something you want to tell me?”
“Ummm… Mom, I…”
She was clearly tense, so Sodachi did her best to put on an inviting expression. Her children had a decade and a half of her expressions to know their nuances, but Sodachi still tried to do her best to make herself feel more inviting.
There was a creak out in the hallway. It alerted Sodachi to the fact that this conversation might not be happening in total privacy. Of course, if Yoshie was going to tell Sodachi something, then Reiko had already heard it. They were always giggling amongst themselves or sharing information in hushed voices. Sodachi had given up trying to figure out every little thing they shared between each other before they started elementary school. If there was something serious that Yoshie wanted to tell Sodachi, then Reiko had heard it weeks earlier.
Still, Sodachi found herself wondering what this was about. The longer it took Yoshie to say what she wanted to say, the more serious Sodachi assumed this to be. At first, she figured it was something minor, like a bad grade on a test. Perhaps it had been as simple as Yoshie trying to break the news to her mom that she had her first boyfriend. The more she stammered, though, the less Sodachi could guess. Should she be nervous about this? Was her daughter about to announce that, not only did she have a boyfriend, but she was pregnant?
Frankly, Sodachi found it strange to imagine her children having sex. Not just because of her own apprehensions and not just because they were her own children. It felt strange because the two of them had been connected at the hip since childhood. Sodachi had been led to understand that, even when they were in different classrooms, they still spent all their time during breaks together.
Sodachi couldn’t imagine one of them dating without the other tagging along. If one had sex, would the other be hanging out in the same room? That felt silly to consider.
Regardless of all of that, Sodachi didn’t think it was especially likely that Yoshie was going to tell her that she was pregnant, or even that she had a boyfriend. Sodachi would sooner expect Yoshie to come out to her as a lesbian.
Maybe that’s what this was about. Sodachi was sure, at the very least, that if Yoshie was a lesbian, she would feel comfortable telling her mom. Sodachi had been open about her own sexuality with the kids from a young age. Of course, her adventures in dating when they were in elementary and middle school made it fairly public to them, but she had made sure to explain herself fully and to make sure they understood everything.
“I’m…”
That made Sodachi’s ears perk up. That gave her some kind of idea of what this was. Was Yoshie coming out to her?
A mouse squeaked out in the hallway. Yoshie turned towards the door and blushed. Reiko was cheering her on.
A few more moments passed before, suddenly, Yoshie shouted, “Mom, I'm trans!”
Sodachi blinked, surprised. At once, time scrawled to a stop.
She had to think quickly. Her first words were important. She didn’t want to ask something like “Are you sure?” She didn’t want to say anything that might make Yoshie think she wasn’t taking her— him— them seriously. Sodachi certainly wasn’t upset, but she was taken aback. This came as a surprise.
She felt like if she was too enthusiastic, that might be weird. On the other hand, if her response was too muted, then Yoshie might assume she was being judgemental or transphobic. She wanted to make sure that her child was aware that she loved them. Yet, even if Sodachi was someone who kept up with social issues, she had little personal experience in this field, meaning that she could only guess at the right answer.
If this wasn’t happening all at once, she would have called Hitagi or one of her other friends for advice. She didn’t have that option. Already, too much time had passed. A hint of a frown was creeping across Yoshie’s face.
“Um, is that so?” Internally, Sodachi cringed, but that was the best she could come up with. “Do you mind telling me more?” She could have done better than that, but not with so little warning. A decade and a half of parenting hadn’t prepared her for this. Hurriedly, as to not give a bad impression, she also asked, “Do you want me to call you by a different name? How should I refer to you?”
Yoshie fidgeted awkwardly. Sodachi got the impression that they hadn't thought this far in advance. After a few moments, a mouse squeaked in the hallway a second time. Yoshie nodded, then turned to Sodachi.
“You can just keep calling me Yoshie… I would appreciate it if you referred to me as a boy from now on.” He bowed. “Please consider me your son.”
“O-of course.” Sodachi was taken aback once more. This time, it was from how polite Yoshie’s words and actions were. Of course, he has always been the more polite of the two. In fact, he had also been the more feminine of the two. It had always felt like they had split the personality traits between them. Reiko was boyish and rough, while Yoshie was feminine and delicate…
Was it still right for Sodachi to think like that? Even now, as she tried to change her way of thinking, Yoshie came across as demure.
Maybe this was why. Sodachi had heard of transgender people focusing on performing their assigned gender as a form of denial. Was that what Yoshie had been doing?
There was an awkward silence. Sodachi was struggling to verbalize any follow-up questions. She was sure Yoshie was struggling in similar ways. Thankfully, before long, the door burst open. Reiko appeared. In a single motion, she kept onto the bed and pulled Yoshie into a hug.
“Congrats, bro!”
Yoshie blushed. He shrank down into the bed, leaning away from Reiko. “T-thanks,” he stuttered.
From over Yoshie’s shoulder, Reiko giggled, “By the way, he’s gay.”
“Ah, that’s… good to know.”
Sodachi had no idea what to say next. It felt wrong to end the conversation here. After all, this was something important. Yet, because she wasn’t sure what Yoshie wanted, and Yoshie was being shy, there wasn’t much to talk about. Sodachi was left hoping that Reiko would pick up the slack.
Thankfully, she did. Reiko loosened her grip on Yoshie, then turned to look at Sodachi. “Hey, do you think we should go shopping? My brother is going to need some new clothes, right?”
“I guess so…” Yoshie squeaked. Sodachi was getting the feeling that Reiko was more comfortable with this than Yoshie was. After a moment to consider that, though, she was grateful. If Reiko was too bashful to say these things on his own, then it was important for him to have someone who could push him or say them for him. “Do you mean right now?”
That was Sodachi’s chance to break back into the conversation. She clicked her tongue. “Not tonight. The two of you still have homework to do, right?” She thought for a moment, although it was performative, because she already knew what she was going to say next. “We can go this weekend.”
“Yay!” Reiko cheered. Next to her, Yoshie smiled, but he still seemed uncomfortable with so much attention being put on him.
“If you have anything specific in mind, let me know so that I can establish a budget. Oh, and that makes me think. Will you be needing a new school uniform?”
“I…” Yoshie’s eyes grew wide, before he glanced away. He opened and closed his mouth several times, then turned to Reiko.
Reiko nodded, then turned to Sodachi. “He hasn’t thought of it.”
“Got it. We can cross that bridge later, if need be.”
Reiko gave a thumbs up in response to that.
“T-thanks. Again.” Both of the twins stood up. Reiko started heading for the door, while Yoshie bowed at his mom. “Thank you for taking this so well. I hope that I won’t disappoint you as a son.”
Sodachi blushed a little. She understood being polite, but this went beyond the realm of that. She waved him down. “It’s fine, it’s fine. You’re my child. I would have accepted you no matter what. Don’t think so much about it.”
“R-right. Thank you, mom.”
Yoshie turned away to leave, but after a moment, turned back. Quickly, he wrapped his arms around Sodachi, pulled her into a hug, then hurried out of the room.