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AJ didn’t consider herself a private person. No, she just did what needed to be done, and said, or didn’t say, what needed to be said. She would say things if they furthered her goals, and omit them if they didn’t.
It was just being smart, or so she told herself. Telling people your goals, your passions, your prides? All very good ways to get yourself stabbed in the back, and the heart.
So AJ just simply… didn’t let anyone in on any of those things.
Anyone but Drift, apparently. The nature mage sits at the foot of AJ’s bed, on the floor. AJ would know, she’s sitting right next to her. Drift is reaching out, letting Flick rub his head on her hand, almost fondly.
AJ glances over at the nature mage. Something about the way she looks makes the tinkerer’s shoulders stiffen. Like she’s bracing for impact. It’s not made any better from the fact that Drift had barely spoken at all since arriving. AJ had sent Flick looking for Drift, and Drift had ended up on her doorstep, asking her if ‘this is really how you intend to make it up to me?’.
No, AJ has done this song and dance before. She’s more experienced in these things than Drift is, she guesses. And she… did need to make it up to her.
But, AJ can’t help but feel a little awkward with the atmosphere. Silence isn’t her favourite thing in the world, and she can’t imagine how it could ever be considered comfortable. So many things whirring through her head, so many possibilities of what Drift could be thinking about in her silence.
For one, what was Drift even wanting? After so long gone, and such a large misunderstanding, (And that promise to make it up to her) AJ had almost expected to have been attacked in the door.
Not with weapons, unless the weapon was Drift’s lips.
Lethal, really.
But no. Drift had just scoffed, in that flustered way she does, and walked in. There had been polite conversation, and AJ had taken the opportunity to try to initiate what she had thought Drift wanted. Drift had rolled her eyes, and ignored it.
AJ had been… confused about it.
And now, AJ is… nervous. This, whatever this is, she’s not familiar with it. The way Drift’s eyes travel across her face as she turns her head, never straying lower. The way AJ’s heart swells, and the feeling of something tangible in the air. Something warm.
“I-” Drift starts, and AJ silently thanks the nature mage for breaking the silence. “I… Missed you. Or- Or whatever.”
“Really?” AJ purses her lips at how hopeful it sounds, unable to continue for a moment, lest her voice waver. “Well, for what it’s worth, I missed you too.”
“Really.” Drift rolls her eyes, “You sure about that? Sure you’re still being truthful?”
Oh, Drift, if I told you the truth…
And AJ silences the self-depricating thought. “Give yourself more credit, huh?”
“Just saying, you seemed pretty busy.” Drift says, emphasizing the ‘t’ sound in pretty. AJ, in the back of her head, finds it adorable. “Too busy to miss me?”
“Not with anything important.” AJ smirks, “Not important enough to keep my thoughts off of you, anyways.”
Drift frowns for a moment, her eyes clouding. “I don’t- I don’t want to do this tonight, I think.”
“Do what?”
“This,” Drift gestures between them. “The teasing, the back and forth, the flirting. I just- I think I just want to exist tonight. You know?”
AJ, admittedly… doesn’t. She’s never had someone shut down her flirting, not from a point of unreciprocated feelings, but from the total opposite. Drift… wanted AJ to be… with her.
Well, not with her with her, obviously. But… something comfortable like that. In all AJ’s past experiences, it had never been that way. It was always a push and pull, always fiery passion that burned bright, and fast.
Whereas Drift was more of a slow burn.
“Sure. Existing.” AJ says, trying not to show how nervous the idea really makes her. Truly, Drift is… different.
Different can be good, though, AJ reflects.
Drift snorts a quiet laugh at AJ’s nervousness. AJ loves it when she does that. Drift snorts a laugh, and it’s ugly, and imperfect, and AJ loves it.
AJ has always liked imperfect things. Scrap metal, homemade clothing, things with familiar little notches in them.
Drift was one of those things, unfortunately. It was something that AJ rarely allowed herself to think about. The fact that AJ actually liked someone at the Academy, nonetheless that it was Drift… well, it was sort of shocking. Moments like this were new.
That’s what made Drift so exciting. A mix of familiar and unfamiliar things. Familiar annoyance, anger, and frustration. Unfamiliar kindness, fond moments, and flusterage.
Drift stretches, making a soft, tired noise, and AJ feels Drift’s head rest on her shoulder. “‘M tired.”
AJ fights nature itself not to stiffen at the contact. She loses anyways, and Drift almost lifts her head, before AJ reassures her, voice betraying her nervousness.
“No, no. It’s ok.” AJ insists, “I’m just being weird again.”
Drift hums in response, and AJ quietly stares at Drift’s other hand. Would it be too much to hold it? Would it be asking too much to intertwine their fingers? Would AJ be coming on too strong, too fast? The last thing she wanted to do was ruin whatever was blossoming between them, but AJ is afraid that’s exactly what she’ll do.
Oh, but Drift’s hand, laid out beside her on the wooden flooring, looks so enticing. It looks like it’s AJ’s to take, to steal, but she knows better than that.
Soft moments like these were where intimacy, real intimacy bloomed. And AJ was woefully unfamiliar with that concept. It was like meeting a new person, but if you treated them wrong, they could ruin your life, and the only good thing in it.
Drift shifts, and AJ startles at the warm press of her palm against her own.
Holding hands was okay, apparently. AJ tries not to let the nature mage in on the shiver that travels down her spine. It’s embarrassing, the way she’s not used to simple affection like that.
But, she does intertwine their fingers, giving an almost unnoticeable squeeze to Drift’s hand.
And Drift squeezes back, which makes AJ’s chest swell, and also makes her next inhale sound a little sharper than it should.
They had done this before, so it wasn’t a big deal! It shouldn’t be a big deal, anyways. But it was, at least to AJ. For some reason, she was unable to even look in Drift’s direction. Granted, her head was on AJ’s shoulder, so it was kind of hard, but her nerves were getting the better of her, for sure. The question was, why was she even nervous?
They had held hands before. They had done more than hold hands before.
But it just feels a little more intimate here, in the quiet of AJ’s dorm. No fear of being found, no doubt coursing through her veins.
Was it truly the first time she had done this without being afraid? Even before Drift, even before the academy. Was this the first time in her entire life that she wasn’t afraid of being?
Well, it was no surprise that she was nervous, then, AJ supposes. New situations were never her strong suit, she tended to like going into everything with a basic understanding of what was required of her.
But Drift wasn’t asking. So AJ didn’t know what she wanted.
“AJ, I can hear your heart pounding from here.” Drift mumbles, despite her earlier distaste for teasing. AJ’s exhale chokes, and she glances towards their intertwined hands, before returning her eyes to the wall, where they rightfully belong.
“I-” Tell the truth, AJ. Cut the shit, and tell the truth. “I’m a little nervous.”
AJ waits for Drift to tease her, waits for the nature mage to pull away and insist that AJ is a loser, because they’ve fucking kissed before, and she’s nervous about handholding.
Drift does pull away from her shoulder, but keeps a steady grip on AJ’s hand.
But when AJ sees Drift’s face, it isn’t one of scorn, or annoyance, or even teasing. No, Drift looks horribly, terribly, wonderfully enamoured with AJ. Her eyes are warm, and so is her hand, as she begins tracing patterns across the back of AJ’s palm.
Wow, AJ thinks, has anyone ever looked at me like that before?
It certainly doesn’t feel like it, and AJ doesn’t even think she wants to see that look on anyone else’s face. On Drift’s, it feels… right.
And Drift’s smile is gentle, and she leans in close, and AJ shuts her eyes, bracing for something, anything.
Drift kisses her nose, and pulls back.
“You’re so cute.”
AJ’s eyes open. It doesn’t stop the fireworks from exploding behind her eyes, doesn’t stop the way her lips twitch up into a nervous, flustered smile. But they open at the breathy words, and Drift is just… staring.
Fuck, she’s really in it now. AJ tries to keep the effect the words have on her from showing on her face, but it’s really no use. Her face is on fire, and her mind won’t stop repeating ‘so cute’ in the exact same tone that Drift used.
“I’m- yeah. Okay.” AJ laughs, unable to contain the jittery sound from escaping her. It’s more of a giggle, and AJ wonders if she’s actually ever giggled before. It feels freeing. It feels… honest.
“Sorry I just- uh- I needed to say it.” Drift rambles, her eyes shifting away, suddenly nervous now as well. “You know, you’re always calling me cute or whatever. I just… wanted to repay the favour, or whatever.”
Repay the favour, or whatever on a night when AJ should be doing everything in her power to make it up to Drift. The notion slightly brings her down from her high of the compliment, but not completely.
“Repay the favour.” AJ echoes, almost astonished. Drift grins back at her.
“Wow, you’re like, really red.” Drift’s hand leaves Flick’s head, coming halfway up towards AJ’s face. Before she drops it back towards her lap. She looks almost in awe. "Maybe I should do this more often."
Do what? If Drift planned to start flirting with AJ nonstop, the tinkerer just might die.
"Do what?"
"Be… Honest." Drift says, like it's some big confession. Like she’s been holding the words back for months. "I should tell you how I feel more often.”
AJ stiffens, freezing in place as she tries, and fails not to look too shellshocked.
“I- Oh, shut up.” AJ mumbles, and realizes, with horror, that she sounds just like Drift when the nature mage is all riled up with her teasing.
“The only way to get me to shut up is to kiss me.” Drift teases, her smile spelling out that she actually doesn’t care about teasing anymore, now that she’s got AJ practically wrapped around her finger.
Oh, if Drift knew how true that was, she might just wear that smug smile forever.
But, kissing is something AJ can do. So she tries to ignore the swell of nervousness, and leans in. “Okay then, open book.”
And the name tumbles from her lips unbidden, like a prayer whispered into the still, suffocating air of the dorm room. And Drift leans in too, closing her eyes, the same gentle smile on her lips.
She looks so softened like this, freckles dotting her cheeks like stars in the night sky. Like her edges have been sanded down, like she’s truly free from whatever she’s running from, whether it be her father’s kingdom, or something else.
AJ can’t do it. She’s inches away from Drift’s face, but she can’t do it.
The one thing she knows. AJ has forgotten it. And she opens her mouth, but nothing comes out, and she’s so nervous because it’s real now, and what if it’s not good? What if Drift decides the kiss isn’t worth all the trouble that AJ is?
“AJ?” Drift opens her eyes at AJ’s shaky exhale. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah- Yeah I- I’m fine.” AJ stammers, “I- I can’t do it.”
She can’t. And the admission is like fire in her throat, spilling from her lips, and she expects Drift to scoff, expects Drift to lean in and take it herself, but Drift… leans back.
She’s going to be mad. She’s going to be mad, and AJ is going to have to make it up to her again.
“Too nervous?” Drift asks gently, her grip on AJ’s hand unwavering. She does tighten her hold gently, though, like she’s afraid AJ will pull away.
AJ couldn’t if she tried. So the tinkerer just gives a nod of confirmation, and Drift’s eyes soften almost unnoticeably, like the admission is anything to be happy about.
“That’s alright sw- AJ.” Drift chokes back the pet name like it tortures her, and AJ appreciates it, because she doesn’t know if she could handle being something casual if Drift said something like that. “It’s okay.”
AJ’s nervousness must show on her face, because Drift thinks for a moment, and then lets go of AJ’s hand. AJ waits for the excuse that Drift has to leave, but the nature mage just smiles, as she speaks.
“I’ll help you relax, c’mere.” Drift pats her lap, shifting so she’s facing AJ. AJ blissfully misinterprets the gesture, and Drift flushes red as she realizes it too. “Like- Lay your head here. God, you’re dirty minded.”
AJ wants to mumble something about how she would love to sit on Drift’s lap, but decides the tease isn't worth her time. Drift would probably just roll her eyes and repeat her instructions, and AJ would be forced back into her nervous, flustered state.
AJ shifts, her back to Drift now. It’s a level of trust that she hasn't given to anyone in awhile, much to her own dismay. And she leans back, her head hitting Drifts legs.
Drift looks down at her like AJ is something to be treasured. Drift looks down, and her eyes are soft, and she’s smiling, and-
“Can I take these off?” Drift gestures to AJ’s goggles. Half of the tinkerer wants to say no, wants to keep her goggles, because she’s never been good at letting people take things off of her. Especially not something like her goggles, which she had spent years tinkering on. It was a level of intimacy, having someone touch them.
“Sure.” AJ lifts her head, the goggles come off. And AJ watches, as she lays her head back down. Watches as Drift handles her goggles with so much care that it almost hurts.
And AJ does.
AJ hurts, and she allows herself to hurt about it for a moment.
Then, Drift’s eyes are back on AJ, and the tinkerer has to fix her face. Drift’s lips quirk up at the edges, so AJ must be doing a horrible job at it.
“Close your eyes, huh?“ Drift murmurs, “I’m gonna help you relax, baby.”
AJ closes her eyes. Squeezes them shut, really. It’s all she can do as the pet name drips like hot wax onto her skin, burning AJ with a sweet fire that she thinks she’ll relish in forever. Yes, her thoughts about it earlier were right. The way that Drift’s voice rounded the syllables of the already-dangerous word?
Drift times pet names equals bad.
Just her luck, really.
Drift mumbles an apology, and to the nature mage’s credit, it is sincere. AJ can tell from the way her voice holds a small frown, and she hates that she can tell it from just that. But she can. AJ wants to say that Drift has nothing to be sorry about. That Drift can call AJ whatever she wants, and not in that flirty way that the tinkerer usually says that in.
No, AJ wants to say it like she won’t be able to breathe unless Drift coaxes her to with a whispered darling.
She doesn’t.
She might’ve, though, had Drift’s fingers not tangled themselves in her hair at that moment.
Yes, AJ was a cautious person. Which meant not a lot of people knew about… her thing for her hair being played with. It was a nightmare to hide, but also surprisingly easy as well. The topic of hair doesn’t come up often, and even less do people try to play with AJ’s hair.
But, it was still a thing, irrespective of whether she tried to hide it.
Yes, the truth of the matter was that AJ couldn’t think while someone played with her hair. It was a sort of kill-switch. Her mind went blank, and her whole body kind of just went… fuzzy, almost. Incredibly inconvenient when trying to keep up a tough guy persona.
The effect still lasts, apparently, as AJ’s body immediately relaxes into the touch. Drift’s hands still for a brief moment, probably concerned about the way AJ’s body just melted, but she picks back up just a second later, combing her fingers through AJ’s hair.
“So tangled…” Drift tuts, “I ought to bring you to my dorm right now, just to untangle it.”
“It’s my… natural charm.” AJ’s voice sounds far away in her ears, and her eyes relax, still remaining shut, but now untensed. Drift’s hands seem to untangle knots as easily as she tends to her flowers, and AJ is her willing garden bed.
“Yeah, yeah,” Drift’s voice drips with fondness, “You’re lucky I like it.”
Drift likes it. Drift likes how AJ’s hair is never combed, likes how it’s never tamed. And the comment makes AJ’s chest swell, as she willfully replaces the it with you.
You’re lucky I like you.
AJ is. AJ is lucky, with all the shit she’s pulled. With all the stunts and stints, with all the teasing, and flirting, and the no attachment attitude she sports. She is lucky. She feels lucky.
She’s sure this isn’t what people are talking about when they said they were hoping to get lucky tonight, mostly because she’s joked about it a million times herself.
Secretly, AJ thinks she’ll never be able to say it again without thinking about Drift’s hands in her hair. She might never be able to even hope for anything more.
I hope I get lucky enough for her to love me like this again.