Chapter Text
Dazai Osamu had lived a tragic life. Since he was a child, a deadbeat father who'd left since he found out he got Osamu's mother was pregnant at 17 because he didn't want to deal with the responsibility of the baby. Osamu's mother had tried to take care of him but it was hard as a single teen mother who was poor and a drug addict, she had to drop out of school and she had no friends, no parents, nothing but the unwanted child she tried to kill with alcohol and drugs so strong she would start to feel she was losing her mind.
Money was tight because she was a drug addict. She was barely able to feed Dazai most days, leaving him to starve and or cry as an infant and toddler while she was blacked out drunk. Osamu knew it, he saw, he just knew as he grew up things were NOT going to get better, after all he was a child who was exceptionally smart beyond his years. As he grew up he watched kids bring their parents to school to bring your parents to school day. “Hey Dazai where's your parents?” a child would ask, he didn't respond he didn't care he was used to no one showing up, no one ever caring. At his elementary graduation no one showed up to see him even though everyone else's parents showed up. It didn't really matter though it was all so pointless who even cared to see a kid walk on a stage and get a paper saying ‘end of elementary school’ or some stupidity like that. He self harmed in the washroom of middle school he didn't know why he even did it maybe to feel somthing, somthing real for once.. to feel huma.. he slit once, then again then he had again 5 times, 5 lines then 20 but no matter how many he slit he didn't feel human.
One day when he was 13 he came back from school, as usual his mother was drunk again and sleeping on the sofa of the small abandoned shed he managed to find for them to live. He sighed and just decided to do his homework quickly then go to sleep. When he woke up in the middle of the night because he felt something cold touch his neck, as he opened his eyes he saw his mother who was high holding a knife to his throat with no remorse in her dilated eyes. She then said as her voice shook "I never wanted you to begin with it's all his fault.. If i never had you I wouldn't be in this situation. IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT DAZAI! I HATE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH JUST DIE!!!!" His eyes widened he shouted and she lifted the knife above his throat and pinned him down "NO!" he rolled away as she brought the knife down quickly to try and stab him in the throat. He then tried and fumbled for the door handle, she looked over her lanky figure getting up and walking closer holding the knife. He eventually opened the door then crawled away as fast as he could and got up to run. His mother walked outside and threw the knife trying to hit him and missing nearly 3 inches away from his head hitting the tree. The boy kept running through the snow in his old matted up sweater in the dead of February. He did not stop till he reached another whole city an hour away from where his home was. He was alone in the snow in the dead of a snowy night. There were trains nearby, he was freezing outside in the cold all alone with nowhere to go. He ended up going to the underground where he found a bunch of homeless people sleeping and staying to get away from the cold. He was freezing in his sweater. An old lady in the corner nearby where we was sitting then ended up tossing him an old jacket, she didn't really look at him just said "Take it its the middle of and snowy February night your gonna die from frost bite and sickness" her kindness in that moment made Dazai feel a bit less alone even though he was all alone and deep down her knew it.
What is the meaning of this horrible thing we call living?
The next day he was walking and thinking of somewhere to stay because he truly had nowhere to go. He ended up sneaking into one of the shipping containers because maybe it'd lead him to a bridge high enough he could finally jump from and finally end it all as he’d wished to do for so insanely long. As the train set off it was catching up to him how tired he actually was. Slowly he ended up falling asleep, by the time he woke up he was at a stop and the shipping containers were unloading. ‘Huh where am I..?’ He thought to himself then heard some of the people helping the train unload speaking to each other "Finally we're in Yokohama the final stop, we can prolly make our way home after this drop off.” Yokohama? Final stop..- Before he could finish his thought the container ended up getting picked up. He waited till the workers got on the train and left then got out and snuck away. After sneaking away from the station he noticed in Yokohama the snow was mostly melted. He sat at the park and watched kids play. They all were with their parents unlike him he’d never gotten to experience that. He wondered if there was a meaning in the relationships these kids had with their parents, if the kids in school were right about what love was or if love was just an act humans used to conceive others into getting what they wanted.
He got up while the sun was setting and continued with his walking. Suddenly he found a bottle of pills in an alleyway. Dazai picked up the bottle and looked at the pills inspecting them, there were TONS of random pills inside the bottle. he wasen’t sure what any of these were but he was taking this as a sign to FINNALLY commit suicide. He then gleefully opened the bottle looked inside and the gulped the pills all at once, forcing himself to swallow them all at one go. He then coughed and laughed deliriously while skipping "Hee hee im finnallyyyyy gonna be freee!!!!!!" he said gleefully as his pupils dilated big "Lalalalalaaaaaaa!!! hehehehhhhhh freeeedommm...here i comeee" he then suddenly felt a sharp pain in his stomach and then he puked everywhere making a giant mess in the alleyway. Ah shit well that was a failed attempt. He still felt high but also started to feel slightly dizzy and like complete SHIT. he sighed dramatically and started walking again while hallucinating slightly.
The boy walked while wobbling. He didn't stop walking till his legs suddenly had given up on him, all of the energy he'd had from adrenaline had worn off leaving his body exhausted and limp. He ended up feeling extremely dizzy and next thing he knew he fell and hit the right side of his head HARD on stairs then passed out in front of some random person's house.
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He woke up with his head absolutely pounding in some random bed with his head and left cheek bandaged. 'where even am I...?' he thought to himself then spotted a tall man who looked around 20 with light brown hair and a stripped shirt. 'WHO WAS THIS GUY?!' Dazai, despite his head killing him, was scared. He jumped up and tried to run but fell down on the floor and started trying to run away. The tall man's eyes widened and he quickly got down and tried to help dazai who could barely move and was trying to get away. He was squirming and shaking so hard that the man fell on his back holding Dazai as he freaked out.
"Woah relax kid! stop freaking out!" Dazai them slowly calmed down and the man helped him up back on the bed, after a few minutes Dazai then asked in a pained shakey voice "who...are you?.." the man looked up at him "My names Oda Sakunosuke." a bit of silence was there then Dazai asked "where and how did you find me?" Oda looked at the young boy and replied "you passed out on my stairs with blood on your face and you seemed in a lot of pain." he paused "whats your name boy?" then dazai said "Im Osamu Dazai" there was more silence there and Oda looked at Dazai's arm "your arm is broken and your skull may be fractured you need to go to the hospital urgently." then dazai quickly said "No! I don't want to!" he got up abruptly wobbled then fell and hit his head AGAIN but this time on the table.
Oda sighed and picked Dazai up and said to himself "this child is something."
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Dazai awoke in a hospital, his head once again killing him. The monitor beeped loudly. His vision was still dimmed slightly ‘ah… oww..my head hurts so bad’ he thought to himself trying to clear the pain from his throbbing head.
This place wasn't a real hospital, it was too sketchy with some things looking somewhat too strange.
He turned his head slightly to the side and he saw a girl. Dazai had seen many pretty girls in his lifetime and compared to most of them this girl was one of the prettiest girls he's seen. She had a glowing loop around her head and a somewhat sad emptiness inside of her glowy pretty eyes.
Before Dazai could speak this girl was gone in the blink of an eye. “Ah he’s finally awake”
A man Dazai never had seen before was there; he had long hair to his shoulders and a white lab coat.” Im Ogai Mori” the man said with a small smile that didn't reach his eyes. “You're probably wondering why you're here”
The boy gave a small nod. “A man named Oda Sakunosuke brought you here to my hospital because he said you had fallen on his staircase and likely broken a couple bones.” the doctor said calmly
“I believe this was all from a failed suicide attempt and maybe days of exhaustion and starvation correct?”
Dazai seemed surprised Mori figured that much out, this man was sharper than he’d initially thought..
As Mori was fixing up some documents he then asked. “Why’d you even decide to run away from home in the first place Dazai?”
How’d he even know my name, Dazai thought. Oh right that Oda guy from before probably told this strange doctor. “Why should I tell you? I don't know you. Just because your a doctor and treating me illegally doesen’t mean that I owe you any sort of explanation to my suicide attempts and my life. Next time let me die since living has never had any sort of value whatsoever.”
Mori didn't even flinch when Dazai said that. This boy was intelligent. Dazai knew Mori was a doctor but not a traditional doctor in a real hospital, with no hints except that the room seemed slightly different. He was right, this wasn't a real legal hospital. “you admit it was a suicide attempt. Your pretty smart kid…I like that.”
Dazai's eyes narrowed slightly in irritation. Mori on the other hand spoke again
“I know the feeling of not being able to see the worth of life and living. It really is a lot to feel especially so young, feeling the world is so heavy is almost like the world is failing you already. Its like you have no control, no reason to live.”
Dazai understood that all too well and nodded slightly to agree “Get to the point.” Dazai said coldly “what is it you really want?”
Mori looked directly into Dazai's unbandaged eye and said “what if i purpose a deal to you?”
“What kind of deal?” Dazai asked.
“A reason to live. It grants you with actual things to make you for once feel alive.” said Mori “what do you say kid? Usually I wouldn't purpose such deals or even help any kids but I actually seem to like you”
Silence was in the room for what felt like forever
“Join the Mafia and it will give you an actual purpose.” Mori said holding out his hand.
Dazai held his hand after a moment of hesitation.