Chapter Text
It had been almost a decade since he escaped the mirror realm and became dreamlands new ruler.
One decade of nobody suspecting a thing. Nobody knew the king well enough to even notice he was replaced, nobody even noticed the dullness of his feathery body under so much blue dye and minor illusion spells.
The mirror realm was a chaotic and disheartening place, at least this version of it was.
Theres so many different galaxies and variations of the exact same place over and over, that it don't even matter where you end up so long as it’s close enough to home.
But if you don’t want home, it doesn't matter where you end up at all.
It’s so nice as a ruler even if you’ll never see the warm sunset you grew up with again. The cozy smell of withering worlds that you’ll never see once more as you abandon that idea for a better one.
Over and over until one day you settle at the edges of one and die alone in peace.
He jumped at the opportunity to leave of course, why wouldnt he? Its better here in every way.
It’s different though. Different in ways they never told him a damn thing about.
Every breath feels different, the very air acts different. It almost hurt when he first came here. Even the air back home are reflections of the worst parts.
It felt like if your lungs had adjusted to basically suffocating in smog, to abruptly being given the freshest air possible. Agonizingly crisp. Unfamiliar, lacking the odd taste he grew accustomed to.
He remembers it like yesterday. They gave him one, single job.
Don’t let anyone know. Don’t let anyone get attached enough to look. Maybe even get a queen for a political marriage and cash or something, keep up at least some looks.
So long as he does that one single task, he’s perfect. They wont bother him and they even give him discounts on things they sell him.
Plus the throne is pretty cozy. Unlike in the mirror realm, this one actually had effort put into it.
He didn’t expect a lot of things, but somehow…
it worked.
——————————————————————————
He never knew the snail’s counterpart, but he always assumed he’d hate the idiot. Escargoons a genius, an engineering god amongst imbeciles, and on top of that he can bake. You dont get better than that even if ya do hate him.
The mirror world reflects all the negativity in ones character, and escargoon has quiet the high amount of cruelty already. Escargoons mirror world self would be a real bastard.
He’s the most pathetic thing he’s ever met in this technicolor fever-dream of a dimension.
Pitiful, spiteful, and weak, an isolated and disconnected, subservient creature.
Hes perfect for that place. Mirror world. If he had the chance to, he would go home with escargoon.
To his real home.
Would Escargoon even like that place?
Ah! Who cares what he likes, if he’s ever forced back he’s just gonna drag him with him. Now that he thinks about it, why does he even care about this thing?
That mischievous smile that makes the whole damn world melt away into a meaningless puddle. Not that it really had any meanin in the first place.
The moment the snail sang those words made his face feel unsettlingly hot under all those dyed feathers. Even now when it’s just a memory.
‘He may be a devil, but I love his majesty!’ Oh so mushy and sweet.
Escargoon never met the real king.
So escargoon meant HIM.
Him of all people. God if that monster wasn't in control then he wouldve beaten him right? Right?
…right?
This is so stupid.
Why? Whys this gotta be this damn job!? Impersonating himself!? Keeping up this damn act, keeping in contact with beings he lost respect for a LONG time ago.
Is he even a reflection at this point? He’s been out of that mirror for so long he doesn’t know what the real dedede is doing. He hasn't seen him at all EVER in YEARS. He might’ve developed his own personality by now.
What if he’s his own person now?? Would that mean he has his own separate reflection to real Dedede?
And for what? So nightmare can keep tabs on this crap!?
He wants to go home! Even just for a bit. this would be so much less infuriating.
Then he could just go sleep and be lazy like usual.
He really hopes he’s not his own person.
He’s supposed to just be the negative characteristics in this guy, so whyd he cry over kirby of all people? A being of pure kindness being put down like a kicked puppy. It wasnt even real. They faked his stupid death. And another thing. That asteroid. Whyd he even care? Whyd he take down that stupid statue?
Hell if he knows.
What is he at this point? ——————————————————————————
He can’t let this get out.
Oh god whyd he do this?
What has he done?! No no no what if nightmare finds out about this!?
…
He had one job. Keep up the act as king so noone goes poking around or asking too many questions.
He wasnt supposed to kiss him.
He wasnt supposed to smile so much after.
He wasnt supposed to LIKE it.
Yet here is is, looking down at the surprised and flustered snail.
“S-sire?” He looks up at the penguin with a small smile. “Whyd you do that? Did you hit your head or somethin?” He almost laughs, so nervous.
“im fine shut up! You…uhm…you get back to work now you! Go file taxes or something!”
“Hey! Wait! Does this mean we’re dating!?“
“Fine fine yes just go away!” He covers his flushed face and shoves him out of the room.
——————————————————————————
The next morning, Dedede hasn’t slept all damn night. He’s been brainstorming a plan.
Just dump him! Easy as that!
Escargoon wanders into the throne room half excitedly, half knowing theres no way in hell this will actually go well.
“Sire, I scheduled our date! Kawasakis is open this Wednesday—“
“We arnt going anywhere I cant be seen with you, stupid.”
“Oh What are you ashamed of me or something!?” his smile falls into a snappy tone, immediately getting defensive. Hands on his hips as he turns away to storm off. Of course his majesty would say this he knew it was too good to be true.
Seeing Escargoon turn around, about to leave, he stutters. “I-i mean no no I mean uhhhhiiI’ve ordered us food so you don’t have to worry about driving babe!”
Well there goes his plan.
“Oh drop the act you dumbass I know your plans.” escargoon begins walking away.
“I got us caviar!” He blurts out. Escargoon would want to try caviar right??
“What? thats way out of our budget your majesty.” He squints at him skeptically.
“Im king you dont tell me what I can and cant spend my own money on!” He shouts.
“Hmm…well fine. I’m going to go finish up my work then we can go and watch movies or something. I swear if you’re fakin I’ll quit…”
Escargoon scurries off somewhere.
Looking back once more at this idiot to see if he can catch him slipping up before turning the corner. Hell yeah he gets to eat caviar at least, even if this is some dumb prank.
……
No one would notice if he went missing. Even then they could use that monster that makes people forget.
His eyes sting and his vision begins to blur as he watches escargoon go. Whyd he let this get so far? Why didnt he just double down like usual and tell him he sucks?
Whyd that tone in Escargoons voice make his heart drop so damn hard? He’s just a stupid servant. Hes just escargoon.
…Right. Right. Just a servant. No big deal he just gotta play a lil house til the idiot he gets bored.
And somehow get caviar.
“META KNIGHT GET OVER HERE” dedede screams.
“Yes sire? What seems to be the…issue?” He looks up at the king, noticing the slight wet on his face.
“Sire, are you alright?”
“Take this and go get me a pregnant frog and a bunch of black food dye.” He shoves a few hundred in his face. “Get back here in under two hours or your fired.”
Meta sighs, “I’m sorry what”
“Well thats what caviar is right? Black eggs from a fish or frog or somethin?”
“…”
“Sire who told you caviar was frog?”
“Sire who fed you frog eggs?”
“Sire—“
“Just go and get me whatever caviar is, and pick up hot dogs or something on the way back!” He shouts at him. Meta knight just slinks off somewhere into the shadows.
——————————————————————————
“Hotdogs and caviar? At least it’s not kawasakis.” Escargoon sighs as he spots the table Dedede had the servants prepare.
Hes really going on a date with this idiot? Escargoon can’t believe it. Yeesh, sure he loves him, but he could do so much better.
Escargoon slides over onto the chair, patiently waiting for the other shoe to drop. For Dedede to fuck up and reveal it’s some elaborate prank. Whys this twit look so nervous? He must’ve taken some acting course or something.
Though he was never really one for effort or spending unless hes scammed. or actually trying.
He glances at Dedede, never really meeting his gaze. Only to realize Dedede isn’t actually eating, just picking at it.
“You uh…you’re not hungry?”
“What? I mean I just kinda lost my appetite. Yknow, kingly dutys, stress whatever.” He mutters and shifts his gaze down at his plate.
“What stress? All you do is sit on your ass all day you tub of lard. Don’t act so shocked I know you’re not actually wanting this date.”
“Hey watch who you’re callin fat, I’m still you’re employer I could fire ya like that!”
“Says the guy that got caviar.” Escargoon grumbles.
“So what if I did!? You…ugh nevermind.” Dedede rolls his eyes and takes a few bites of his own food, and escargoon finally tries his own. “Stupid slug…” Dedede growls under his breath.
It’s good, if not a bit cold from both of them just sitting there for twenty minutes just glaring at each other. Escargoons never seen his king so…quiet. Not unless he was plotting or sleeping of course.
“So…you uh…you like the food?” Dedede questions.
“It’s pretty good I guess. Wouldnt hold you above poisoning me though so I alerted Doctor yabui in advance.”
“You’re not worth the effort.”
“…right.”
——————————————————————————
Dedede slumps into his chair alone at last. Pressing a button to summon the monitor with a grumble.
“Ey hey Dman! Hows it goin big shot? You finally clobber that there kirby? We’ve got some brand new monsters for ya to try out for the low price of 999999999$. But since your a regular costumer i’ll drop it to a mere 99999999988$.” Salesguy offers.
“You sales guy! I need that mirror for a moment.” He looks up at the monitor, “you’ve been holdin out on me and I know it.”
“Oh no can do triple D. You know access to the mirror world is currently unavailable for you to purchase.” He smirks like berdly from deltarune.
“I just want to look at it.”
“Aw what feelin homesick? Well I could bring it up with my boss but hm. No I dont think you’re gonna get it even with the discounts we offer.
“It’s been twenty years and ive been workin on it! Cmon you loser give me this one thing.”
This one thing? Triple D you’re thirty thousand dollars in debt, we’re already pushing your luck.
”Right. Fuck. Nevermind just screw off im busy. Hate you.”
“Wait don’t ya wanna buy some monsters? We got a whole line up for ya as usual-“
“Not right now.” He deadpans and slams his fist down on the button to make the screen disappear.
God this is going to be a long tedious fucking thing until this stupid crush goes away.