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Diomedes opened his eyes, the early rays of sunshine getting to him in his eyes.
What happened this time...?
He sat up. He was without clothes. Of course he was. He hated waking up this way because then he knew what happened. He knew what he did. And he felt so horrible for it. But maybe, just maybe he could be wrong.
He turned around, staring blankly at the figure besides him that was still asleep. Aeneas. Aeneas with his long blond hair. With the moles in his tan body. With his back turned at him that was covered in scratches. Diomedes' scratches definitely.
So he was right. He had slept with the king Aeneas. King of 'Rome' or whatever. Did it really matter? No. What did matter was that ring on Aeneas' finger. The wedding ring. That thing that made Diomedes feel so guilty for just being with the man he had fallen in love with.
His feelings were conflicted to put it in a more simple way. He loved Aeneas, he had dated him! He has wanted to spend the rest of his life with him! He still wanted to spend the rest of his life with the son of Aphrodite. But he couldn't. Not with Aeneas being married to another woman.
Diomedes held no resentment towards Dido, Aeneas wife. That woman had done nothing wrong. Diomedes hardly went to Rome, his relationship with Aeneas was more known by people from his own cities. It was never private after all, they had never made it private. Not with how Aeneas was towards him. That jealous bastard was always clinging, even in public! And it wasn't that Diomedes hated it, but trying to keep a relationship secret like that, wasn't even a thing that could come to mind by how Aeneas acted. It still gave him shame to be with someone that was jealous. And now he mourns it.
"Damn you...!" Diomedes hid his face in his hands. He hated when his thoughts spiraled like that. Made him realize what he was truly doing.
"It's not cheating, Diomedes," Aeneas would say every time that Diomedes brought up his thoughts about this... Whatever this was! Could it even be called a relationship? Probably not. At least not a proper one.
Diomedes knew why it wasn't cheating. Everyone knew. This even happened in the camp back at Troy. Men slept with other men while at war. It was for different reasons, stress relief, boredom, drunkenness, missing making the action and not owning slaves, and even romance if some crazy thing happened. And it wasn't cheating. No one was cheating. No one was using the wedding bed to sleep with others. And Diomedes wasn't in Aeneas' bed. They weren't even in Rome. So why did he feel so guilty and bad for doing this? Aeneas wasn't cheating on Dido. This wasn't the wedding bed! Why did Diomedes feel like it was wrong then? Because he had wanted to marry Aeneas and now he couldn't? Was it that? Was it the fact he knew Aeneas could never truly be with him how he wanted to at the end? Maybe? Yes? No?
Diomedes stood up.
He grabbed his chilton from the floor and got clean clothes to put on.
He didn't check on Aeneas as he left the room. He couldn't stand to look at the other man.
He walked to the beach. Thoughts still going crazy in his mind, not leaving him alone for even a second.
He paused at one point, Looking left. He had built Athena a temple by that way. A temple for the goddess of the mind.
...
Diomedes sat beneath the altar. He wasn't leaning against it, just sitting in front very close, back against the altar. Looking at the entrance, as if checking that Aeneas wouldn't appear all of a sudden.
A grey light appeared from behind him. He knew well that it was the goddess.
The grey light was from a form that Athena had made specifically to win Diomedes' trust when he was young. The light was familiar. Not good, Not bad. Just that same light that made him think he was worth something. When he truly was not.
"Is something troubling you? You don't come here unless you come to bring an offering."
Diomedes turned to the altar. The goddess sat there, towering over him in that familiar form. That form that has made him think the goddess could be someone who actually cared for him.
"Goddess. I don't know how much you can help me with my problem, but I know that Aphrodite won't. So, I resort to you."
"What could the problem possibly be? If Aphrodite is who you should be calling," Athena stood up. Walked to stand beside Diomedes who still sat on the floor.
"You told me that dating a Trojan wasn't a good idea because of our past. I didn't listen. You warned me that Aphrodite wouldn't allow me to be with her son. I insisted on continuing our relationship. I ignored all your warnings that you gave to me with your wisdom. He is why I'm here. I'm not doing something wrong technically, yet I feel guilty for doing it. But I don't stop it either. I don't know why goddess. I don't know how you can help me, but even with just one final advice- I promise I'll listen this time! Just that would be useful to calm my mind," Diomedes shifted to his knees, kneeling in front of the goddess who didn't seem to react to the desperate plea.
Athena looked at Diomedes. Of course she couldn't help him, this was clearly a love problem and she was not the goddess for this. And she had indeed given him all those warnings before this. She had told Diomedes the possibilities that due to his past with Aeneas and the war in general, how Aphrodite would most likely would never allow him to date Aeneas without getting in between, she had told Diomedes how difficult it'd be for the relationship to work because of said past. Even without great knowledge of love the goddess could still see that. And Diomedes who normally followed her advice to the letter had been stubborn and ignored her. Now he was pleading to her for anything that could calm his mind.
"Diomedes, my warrior. I'll listen to your plea and give you one final advice with my wisdom. But you must promise to listen to it this time. So tell me, what is this guilt that you feel?"
Diomedes smiled at the goddess. But the smile quickly fainted as he started to tell her what was happening, "Goddess, even though Aeneas is married we still see each other. I'm convinced he still has feelings for me, and I can't deny I do too. My problem is that I feel guilty for being with him while he's married. He hasn't cheated! We haven't done it in his wedding bed ever. But guilt still tricks me and doesn't let me sleep properly at night."
"So you feel guilty for loving him. Even though you say that there's a chance that he might still love you, you don't truly believe in yourself. Probably him getting married was the source of your discomfort."
"But it's not him not loving me what truly worries me. I feel like I'm doing something wrong by being with him while he's married. He's not cheating. But it still feels wrong," Diomedes couldn't keep on looking at the goddess. He felt stupid in front of the goddess, I mean it was weird to be asking a goddess that had no link to love and asking her for love advice. Well it's not like he had anyone else to go to.
"You feel guilty because he's married then. Even if he's not cheating as you said, you feel bad for his wife since he's in love with someone else. I'm right, aren't I?"
"Yes. I would say that's right."
"Have you talked to him about it? I'm hoping yes."
"I have. I have talked about it so many times, but he never listens. Always saying that it's not cheating. He acts like if I don't know that! Yet I always allow him to come back. That's on me."
"You wanted my most honest advice, didn't you."
"Yes," Diomedes knew where the goddess was going. He expected her to say it, but still held that little stupid hope.
"How long has this been going on for?" That was not the question he was expecting.
"A few months..."
"Then why haven't you broken up?" There it was. He knew the goddess would say to just break up and end his misery. Damn that hope.
"I just... Love him. That stupid feeling has been torturing me and keeping me with him. Maybe it's Aphrodite. I wouldn't be surprised if it was her."
"Maybe it is. Wild choice to torture you with her own son, but I see why you think such," Athena leaned down, giving her the option to lower her voice, "you are my warrior. And I did not train you to cry about someone that messes with your mind. End this. Today. Tydies."
The light disappeared and so did Athena. Leaving Diomedes alone in the temple.
He promised Athena he'd follow her advice this time. That he wouldn't ignore it. It felt like a stab in the gut, but he knew well she was right. Staying with Aeneas would only make it worse.
Diomedes went back to the house, he just stepped in and Aeneas was already in front of him gripping his arms.
"Where were you!? When did you leave!?" It was clear that Aeneas had woken up a while ago. He was properly dressed and still very worried, meaning that he had woken up, not found Diomedes, searched for a while, gotten properly dressed to keep on searching, and hadn't gotten to get out of the house before Diomedes got there first. One of his sandals was also not fully tied which meant he was about to exit the house.
"I just went out. You were still sleeping so I didn't wake you up that's all. It's not like I was going to another city or anything," Diomedes took Aeneas' hands and took them off his arms.
"I woke up without you! Do you understand how scared I was?"
"Oh, shut up Aeneas!" Diomedes walked past Aeneas. He wasn't exactly mad at him, just tried.
"What's gotten into you? You always say you don't want any fights, yet now you look ready to punch me," Aeneas was worried. He had no idea why Diomedes was like this today. He had never been like this, and the only few times he had acted like this were in fights which never ended right.
"I don't want to punch you, Aeneas. I'm just tired. Tired. I'll just go to bed."
"If you're so tired then why did you go on a walk in the first place? Diomedes you're worrying-"
"Maybe you should be more worried about your wife than me!" Tears picked up in Diomedes' eyes. He was so tired of this 'relationship'.
"You know you're more important Diomedes... Me and her it's just... I just had to marry her. There was no other chance."
"Why? Because you want to be such a great king of an empire you most likely won't even get to rule?" There was a pause of silence between the two. The whole thing of Rome was complicated for them both. They knew that a lot of things would need Aeneas to have heirs, and of course two mortal men can't have them on their own.
"I want to end this, Aeneas. I can't even call it a break up because I don't even know if we're together. I just can't keep doing this."
"You want to break up because of that? Come on Diomedes! That's not a good reason, I can explain it to you! Once I explain it this'll make sense! Please just give me a chance!" Aeneas was the one crying now. He didn't want to let go of Diomedes.
"Aeneas. Please. Just accept this. Go back to Rome, be with your wife for once. Let go of me. We have been spiraling all over because I haven't gotten the chance to get over you and you still cling to me. It's for the best."
"I don't want the best! I want you! I love you. Please!" Aeneas screamed, holding Diomedes' arm in a tight grip.
"No. Just no. And stop crying. This was eventually going to happen, it just took longer because of me. Because I still let you in my home when I felt guilty for what I was doing."
Diomedes whipped one tear off Aeneas' face, "Go. Don't make this harder."
...
It was done. He had managed to break up with him.
No more nights of seeing that ring in the finger of the one he loved and couldn't have.
No more nights of questioning if he'd stay in the morning or if he'd leave before he woke up.
Now he wouldn't get asked questions of his and Aeneas' relationship constantly.
It was done. He felt free. It hurt, sure. He loved Aeneas more than anyone, but it was for the best. He knew it was for the best. Their relationship had never been healthy after all.