Chapter Text
The humans had once again gathered around the main stage, just like they had used to daily before The Incident.
“So,” began Jax, “anyone know what we’re doing today?”
She was a tall purple rabbit in glasses who had folded her arms behind her head like she was leaning against an invisible wall. She had been trying out wigs lately, and today wore a long black one with a dozen hair clips throughout.
“Gangle said she came up with something,” replied Zooble. They were a mismatched amalgam of wacky, brightly colored parts coming off an orange potato shaped object. Today they had decided to have two left arms, one right arm, and a tail.
“Oh, maybe it will be like that show she was talking to me about,” said Ragatha. She was an old style gingham doll with red curls, one button eye, and a simple blue dress with multiple patches. She stood next to a jester clad in blue and red, skin covered entirely in white makeup.
“Wait,” said Pomni, “wasn’t she going to show you Utena?”
“That’s enough speculation, my slightly squishy celebrants!” The voice boomed into being as did its master. The ringleader of the circus, Caine, appeared with a hysterical honking sound and a flash bright enough to make the sun jealous. “But you are partially correct! Today’s special group adventure has been planned, and created, with minor help from myself, by our lovely Gangle!”
Pomni had been the only human unfortunate enough to be looking directly at the stage when Caine appeared. She groped to her side, trying to find Ragatha’s dress as her vision failed to return.
“Cool, what are we getting into?” asked Zooble.
“I shall let the woman of the hour answer that!” Caine snapped his fingers and a portal appeared in front of the humans. “Right this way to an afternoon of team-building, moderate exercise, and a secret third thing I can’t think of right now, but definitely will happen.”
Jax shrugged and entered the portal, followed by all the other humans. Almost all the other humans.
“Uh?” asked Pomni as the portal closed without her, “Ragatha, are you still here? I, uh, can’t really see.”
“Hi Pomni,” someone said from very close. Pomni reached out and grabbed a wet, squishy, sphere, which wiggled in her grasp.
“Hi Kinger,” she replied.
“You appear to be blind, is that why you’re grabbing my eye? Do you want to borrow it?”
“Uh, sorry, did you see where everyone went?”
“Oh yes,” he replied happily.
After several moments Pomni asked: “And WHERE did you see them-”
In front of the human stretched a long course made of steel pipes wrapped in bright red pads. It was composed of various school-ground playsets suspended above a pool of water and ended with a tower extending hundreds of feet into the air. To the left and right were bleachers filled by a roaring crowd.
“Welcome, one and all!” Gangle’s voice echoed from multiple speakers and she suddenly appeared on a host of large screens above the audience. The camera zoomed out to reveal that she was sitting in the co-pilots seat of a helicopter that was being flown by Caine. “To the first inaugural annual Circus’s Greatest Warrior!”
The crowd erupted in cheers, the fans leaping to their feet, and filling the night’s sky with the flash of cameras, the crash of wooden hands clapping, and a chant of, “Gangle, Gangle, Gangle!”
“Oh, you’re too kind,” shouted the hostess. “Today we have five contestants from all over the Circus competing to see who will be the best of the best, and the first to reach the peak of Mount Big Top!”
Lights all along the distant mountain of steel burst to life, and the whole structure was backlit by fireworks exploding in the distance.
“Now, without further ado, let’s meet our contestants!”
A pair of npc mannequins ran up to the three humans who were standing on a steel platform. The first npc was blue, with a blonde bouffant, the other was the normal color, but they had on a ball cap and were holding a camera. The human’s clothes had changed to athletic wear, each with their names printed on the front, and several fake corporate logos on the back. The blue npc held a microphone up to Jax’s face.
“This is Female News Reporter from ##LOCAL STATION##, with our first contestant. Can you introduce yourself, ma’am?”
“Absolutely,” said Jax, happily taking the spotlight, “I’m five foot three, a gemini, and I love Jesus, beer, and America, in that order.”
“And who are you competing for today?”
“I’ll be competing for the Puppies and Kittens Creation charity today, Female. They go out into the world and find adult strays, and use hundreds of thousands of dollars of electricity and rare earth minerals to deage them back into being precious little babies.”
“Fascinating,” said the reporter. “And do you have any insights into your training routine to prepare yourself for this event?”
“Every day I wake up,” Jax battered her eyes at the camera, “and smoke an entire pack of cigarettes, then I eat my body weight in candy, tweet that I’m cancelling the member’s only eighteen plus stream, and go back to bed.”
The blue mannequin moved on, apparently satisfied with her answer. She stuck her mic next into Zooble’s face.
“And my dear Zoobie,” said the reporter, using Gangle’s nickname for them, “you obviously need no introduction, but why don’t you give the crowd something to cheer about?”
“Uh,” started Zooble. The crowd once again erupted in cheers, as hundreds of ‘We <3 Zooble’ signs appeared.
“Excellently put, as always, now who are you playing for tonight?”
“My girlfriend?” Zooble was once again unsure what they were supposed to say, but that was apparently the right answer as the sky filled with pink fireworks of Gangle’s and Zooble’s faces.
“Okay, okay,” said the reporter, “we could talk to you all day, but we have three more contestants to meet.”
Ragatha was looking around. She was enjoying the atmosphere, it reminded her of an equestrian competition. Then the blue mannequin came up to her.
“And who might you be, competitor number three?”
“Oh, hello,” said Ragatha, a little surprised she was next. She was normally the last described in these line ups, “I’m Ragatha. This is my first time in a game like this.”
“And who are you playing for today?”
“Um,” Ragatha pulled her shirt around her body to read the corporate logos. “I think this says Pebso?”
“That’s right, viewers,” the reporter suddenly turned away from Ragatha and held up a bottle of brown, bubbling soda. “This event is brought to you by Pebso!” She tore off the cap and poured the entire bottle on her face, as she had no mouth to drink it. “Pebso, for that not so fresh feeling down there!”
“Uh, what?” asked Ragatha.
“And now on to contestant number four!”
The reporter stepped smartly to the side of Ragatha, and stuck her microphone directly into the empty air where a fourth contestant would be, had there been one.
“And why don’t you introduce yourself to us, ##PLAYFUL HONORIFIC##?” Then she, and the camermanikin, froze.
“Uh, Gangle, Caine?” Ragatha called out, waving to get the attention of the helicopter. “Pomni didn’t come through the portal with us.”
“That won’t do at all,” Gangle’s voice reverberated through the stands, “Caine, if you would.”
“Certainly, host-in-temporarium!” Caine snapped his fingers, causing Pomni and Kinger to appear next to Ragatha, and the helicopter to spin wildly as he took his hands off the controls.
“Oh, are we inside a terrarium?” Kinger asked, looking around at his new surroundings. Pomni was holding on to one of his eyes.
“Welcome to the adventure,” said Jax, a big grin on her face. “I didn’t think you’d cut class like that, but I guess now that Zooble’s coming to these things we need someone new to smoke behind the science building.” Zooble gave her a light chop to the shoulders in response.
Pomni’s vision had finally returned, and she looked around at the stage and course laid out in front of them. She started to speak.
“W-”
“And welcome W,” interrupted the reporter, who was now back on script. “And what cause are you playing for today?”
“Cause? Playing? What’s happening?”
“A noble goal, I think we can all agree,” the reporter turned away from Pomni and to the camera to address it directly. “I know we’re going to have a lot of fun today, but do remember that this is also a charity fund drive for the good people of ‘Cause? Playing?’ every dollar you donate is another dollar a child in need didn’t have.” After pausing for the appropriate amount of time to let the donations start coming in, she stepped smartly over to Kinger, who had turned around and was walking away.
“And you, tall sir, who are you?”
“Oh, me?” Kinger pointed at himself, unsure if the reporter was speaking to him, or a nearby lamp post.
“Yes, you! Come over here, let the audience see that face.”
“Oh, no thank you, I already ate.”
“And who are you playing for today?”
“The Babe Ruth rookie of the year is definitely my favorite tarot card. Thanks for asking, not many people know I’m into that kind of stuff.”
“And now that we have met our lovely contestants,” Gangle took over for Female News Reporter, who sank into the ground at a forty five degree angle. “I’ll go over how the competition works!”
“In the first segment, contestants will be racing one after another to get to the end of the course with the fastest time, and don’t worry! A fall into the water here isn’t a disqualification, you just have to swim to the next platform and keep going. The best time will determine who will be getting a special leg-up in the second challenge. But this isn’t just a test of skill and dexterity, but of endurance as well, because after the second course the challengers tonight will face the Big Top!”
The far steel tower once again lit up in the colors of the circus. “It’s a straight one hundred foot climb up a rope to the top. Fastest time up the tower wins something very special, a custom art piece designed by yours truly of their choice!”
The crowd of npc’s burst into cheers. They had changed signs and colors, creating groups associated with each member of the circus. The largest cheering chorus by far was for Zooble, who were in yellow jerseys.
“Excellently put, Gangle,” shouted Caine over the wild roars of the crowd, “but who will go first? Who's brave enough to face this ultimate test of physical ability?”
“Oh, is it time?” Kinger suddenly moved forward, taking the starting position at the front of the metal platform.
“Woo, go Kinger!” shouted Pomni. Jax walked over and joined her.
“Yah, go Kinger, or something,” she said, “what’s up, Pom-Pom?”
“I think this is going to be fun,” she replied, “Gangle must have been a fan of American Ninja Warrior.”
“Oh, that’s what this reminded me of,” Jax playfully tapped her forehead as if remembering something obvious, “man I forgot about that show.”
Kinger reached up to the first obstacle, a set of handles on a rope. The goal was to grab on to both of them which were connected by a coaster that wrapped around the rope, and use it to swing across the first gap. Kinger confidently stepped out over the water, and his hands went forward with the grips.
His body went straight down into the water, where it hit with a magnificent splash and some bubbles as he sank to the bottom. His hands, unperturbed by leaving behind the rest of his body, disconnected from the grips, landing cleanly on the far platform. The next obstacle was a rock climbing wall that had to be crossed horizontally, and grew slimmer as it went. Kinger’s hands immediately leapt on to the wall and made their way across with speed, as if they didn’t even have to worry about holding up a body.
“Um, is he allowed to do that?” Caine asked over the loud speaker.
“I think we’re going to have to put a note next to his time,” replied Gangle, as Kinger’s hands threw a ball into a hoop, triggering the final platform to open, allowing him to press the button and stop the timer.
“Should we, you know,” Ragatha gestured at Kinger’s body, which was now glowing brightly at the bottom of the pool. “Help him?”
“Nah, he’s fine,” said Jax. She pushed past the doll, taking the next starting position. “He clearly doesn’t need that old lead weight anyway, look at his time.” She theatrically stretched before reaching up to grab the handles herself.
With a “Hup!” She launched herself down the rope, gliding easily along it to land on the next platform. The rabbit jogged to the climbing wall and started moving along it. Her long arms and lanky stature made it easy to reach the further holds, and she was making up time over Kinger until the end. Then, her hold on the final rock slipped, and she went tumbling down into the water. She surfaced quickly, giving the camera a slightly annoyed grin before climbing back on to the next platform and continuing.
Her next trial was a thin beam to balance across with several spinning arms that crossed it. One would have to duck and step over them to pass. Jax started making her way along the beam, ducking under the first one, and preparing to nimbly leap over the second. But then it suddenly jerked forward, accelerating seemingly randomly. Jax tried to dodge it anyway, but it caught her on the shin, and once again she went tumbling down into the water.
“Ha, ha, tricky,” she said when she surfaced. “If I didn’t know better, I’d say that didn’t happen when Kinger tried it.”
The rest of the course went smoothly for her, and she finished in a respectable time behind Kinger. She rejoined the group, who had fished the chess piece’s body out of the water and reunited him with his hands.
“Well, clearly it isn’t as easy as it looks on TV,” she said, dismissing her failures, “even if it doesn’t look so easy on TV.”
“It looked pretty good to me,” said Ragatha. Slowly a worried expression had overtaken her face, and she laughed nervously as she spoke. “I don’t know how I’m going to do half of those things.”
Zooble shrugged and said: “Just let your body do the thinking. Gangle wouldn’t design something we couldn’t do. Here, watch me, I’ve got the least athletic body in the circus. Just do what I do,” Zooble stopped themself, “unless I fall, in which case, do the opposite of what I did.”
They rapidly spun their head clockwise, winding it down tightly to their body. Then they crouched at the starting line, ready to spring into action.
“Hah!” Gangle’s gasp came over the speakers louder than a jet engine, “It’s time for Zooble to run the course! All eyes on them! That’s my partner, everyone, look how cool they are!”
Zooble awkwardly half uncrouched and waved to the crowd, who were going ballistic. The buzz of the timer marked the beginning of their run and they jumped for the rope handles. They were tantalizingly close, but the natural bouncing motion of the slack line brought it into their reach. They tucked their legs and tail and slid down, landing hard.
“Tch,” they clicked their tongue, pulling in air through non-existent teeth. They had hit the edge of the platform with their shin, and scraped some of the paint off their leg. They recovered, limping a little on the way to the climbing wall. Their third arm proved an invaluable asset here as they never had to be connected to the wall by only one point. They swung over to the next platform and started along the beam. They ducked under the first obstacle, and paused, waiting for the second one to accelerate. It didn’t.
Zooble glared at it, not trusting the trick that had taken out Jax. They moved forward slowly, and the obstacle fully stopped. Zooble gingerly stepped over it, and simply walked the rest of the way across, as the final swinging bar had also stopped. Their next task was to climb a rope net that awkwardly hung on long, wobbly pillars. Any movement caused the whole thing to sway back and forth alarmingly.
“Okay, Zooble, you got this,” they hyped themselves up briefly before reaching out to the net. When they had gotten a good grip it shot up, launching them to the next platform, where they stumbled into the ball which clipped through the ground. It launched itself directly into the target, and Zooble, still flailing to keep their balance, grabbed on to the ending button to stop their fall, ending their run.
“What the hell was that?” Jax yelled, pointing at the farce that had just taken place in front of her. “No, no,” she calmed herself down before anyone could reply. “I’m okay. I’m calm. I’m calm now. How well did they do?”
Pomni checked the score board, “Uh, they beat your time by thirty seconds.”
“That’s fine,” Jax waved a hand, clearly pretending to not care about being beaten, “it’s just a game, and this isn’t even the final round.”
“That went well,” said Ragatha as Zooble joined them.
“Maybe a little too well,” replied Zooble, glancing suspiciously up at the helicopter.
Ragatha and Pomni both fell several times on their attempts, and they slotted in between Zooble and Kinger, making Jax dead last.
“And with that, we have our front runner!” Gangle shouted, “Zooble will receive a fifteen second pause to their timer at the start of their run in…” She paused dramatically as the course sunk into the pool, only to be replaced with a second, much more intense looking one. “The hell round!”
Pyrotechnics burst into life around the platforms, causing several of the humans to jump, and Kinger to briefly catch fire before Pomni put him out.
“In this round, the pool below has been replaced with mud, and if you hit it, you’re out!” Gangle continued. “No second chances this time, folks. It’s do or die, and Mount Big Top awaits you!”
“Oh, that looks, uh,” Ragatha gulped as the humans surveyed the new course. Instead of padded and slow moving obstacles and tests of grip strength, there were now jumps around blind corners off walls, a balancing test of a dozen poles sticking up from the mud, and a pair of walls that moved away from each other, the only holds being small rounded hemispheres at the bottom to stand on.
“Precarious,” she finished, her salmon face going white.
“Let me go first, guys,” said Zooble, “don’t tell Gangle, but I’m pretty sure this is rigged.”
“No shit she favors you,” whispered Jax, sulking behind Pomni.
“Jax,” she chided.
“Sorry, sorry,” said Jax.
Zooble entered the starting gate, and as they had predicted, everything went perfectly for them. They didn’t hit the jump with enough force to launch themself back the other way, but the wall bounced and they got there. Then they almost fell off the poles, but the obstacle swayed this way and that to keep them on top. Finally they almost slipped on the final hurdle, but caught themselves by planting their arms against the walls and holding themselves in place as they got back their footing. Their final time was slower than their first course run, but no one had anything to compare it to.
“Well, I don’t think I can be as good as that,” Pomni said, sheepishly. The feeling that no one else was supposed to win had finally overtaken the rest of the humans, besides Kinger, who was currently cooking a sausage over one of the fires at the edge of the platform.
Pomni did try her best, but sometimes your best isn’t good enough, and her foot slipped on one of the poles, sending her into the mud below. She landed on her back with a loud thwap sound, and she grimaced as she pulled herself out. Clearly pain had been turned on for this adventure. She gave a weak thumbs up to the rest as she took a seat on the side of the track, moving slowly, holding her lower back.
“Well, if anyone’s going to be able to do this,” Jax took up the next position. Her easy smile disappeared as she concentrated. Her body was the most well suited for tests of dexterity and skill like this, as she had learned to move the most like a cartoon. Knock her down all you wanted, she’d bounce right back up.
The starting siren sounded and Jax dashed forward. She’d been watching everything Pomni and Zooble had done, and had noticed some oddities in the track already. If she was right, then if she ducked right here-
A piece of the wall next to her swung out, clipping her ears as she slid under it.
“I knew it!” She shouted, not stopping, “oh, you think you’ve got us by the balls, Gangle, but you’re up against the best prankster in the circus!”
She moved quickly, leaping between seemingly innocuous identical places, only to just barely dodge a sliding tile, or shifting hand hold. She reached the blind jump wall and found she had even more acceleration to call upon. She hit the wall and scrunched her entire body up like a spring before launching to the other side, clearing several bars that shot from the sides to catch her. She rolled when she landed and stood up directly into a block.
“Gah!” she shouted, holding the top of her head and wincing in pain. She shook it off and started running again. She knew the poles weren’t going to be an option, if she touched even one she’d no doubt be sent into the drink. So she ran, then crouched, and lept. She soared through the air, and hit the side of the far platform hard with her chest. She had struck directly under the ribcage and knocked the wind out of herself. She scrambled against the metal, finally pulling herself up.
During the entire run Caine had been yelling continuous commentary, but Jax had tuned him out. There was one final challenge, and she didn’t have any tricks for it. She stole a look at the jumbotron. She was beating Zooble by eighteen seconds. With the fifteen head start, she had three to get across and hit the buzzer. She didn’t let herself think the full thought through, and was already running across the balls as the simple math finished in her head. She was five steps away, then four, then three, then two, then one.
Her foot landed on the final ball, which gave away. She felt herself falling forward in slow motion. Her arms weren’t in position to catch herself. Her other leg was already in the air, she was free falling. As her body rotated forward the final platform came up to meet her, and she struck the edge with her forehead at speed, causing her body to wheel around the point of contact. She was now falling backwards, and couldn’t see. Her wig had caught on the platform and was ripping itself from her scalp.
She cart wheeled in the air, arms flailing to catch something, anything. Then her left forearm hit a horizontal support pole, but it was under her at the time and her body wrapped around it, causing her arm to bend unnaturally until it cracked with a sickening snap. Time sped back up, and she hit the mud at terminal velocity. A gasp came from both the crowd, and the other competitors. The whole fall had taken less than two seconds.
Ragatha and Pomni rushed into the mud, where Jax suddenly surfaced. Her left hand hung at a forty five degree angle from the rest of her arm, and she wiped blearily at her eyes before reaching out and grabbing her ruined wig. Pomni and Ragatha reached her and guided her back to land where she collapsed, whimpering in pain, tears welling at the corners of her eyes.
“Caine!” shouted Pomni, but he was already there. “I think she broke her arm!” Pomni would later consider this statement to be one of the stupidest she had said in her life, but panic makes one say stupid things.
“Oh dear,” he said, kneeling down next to Jax. “Jax, how bad is it?”
“Pretty fucking bad,” she said through clenched teeth. She breathed hard and fast through her nose, her eyes screwed shut, her face locked in a grimace. A line of blood ran down from where her forehead had been gashed open. It was the first time Pomni or Ragatha had seen blood in the circus. “Caine, do something.”
“Uh, I’d love to, but, uh, I can’t.”
“What?” The rabbit, doll, and jester asked in sync.
“When I heal you guys, I’m resetting you to an earlier state. But because of Jax’s, uh… Unabstraction, I’m not sure what that would reset her to.”
“Fuck!” Shouted Jax. She had attempted to move but she’d just sent pain shooting through her arm.
“Caine, Pomni, stand back a little and conjure me a roll of gauze, a bucket of water, several soft rags, and a metal plate about an inch wide and six inches long.” Ragatha barked the orders while she kneeled next to Jax. She pulled a ribbon from her pocket and quickly tied up her hair into a ponytail. “Now!”
“Uh, right!” Pomni and Caine began conjuring the items Ragatha had requested and she grabbed them in turn and placed them nearby.
“Jax, I’m sorry, but this is going to hurt like hell. Are you ready?”
Jax, unsure as to what was about to happen, nodded. Ragatha grabbed her hand and moved it back in line with the rest of the arm. A new level of pain exploded over Jax, who felt dazed as every single neuron in her brain decided it was time for a little nap. The world faded around her and she passed out.
Ragatha cleaned the arm and head wound quickly, then placed the metal brace against the arm and wrapped the gauze around it. She bit the gauze to tear it and gave it one final tight pull to make sure it stayed in place. She then wrapped gauze around Jax’s head, staunching the blood flow. She then breathed out and stood up shakily.
“Wow,” said Pomni, “are you a doctor or something?”
“Oh, no,” Ragatha blushed a little. Now that the emergency was over the adrenaline was making her light headed. “I’ve broken my arm a couple times falling from horses, so I know what first aid to do for it.”
“What happened?” Zooble called down from the end of the course. Since finishing, they had been unable to join the rest of humans, and could only look on.
“Jax broke her arm and passed out!” Ragatha yelled back.
“We can do that?” Zooble asked.
“Uh, yes,” said Caine, “with the sex update I had to add a lot more functionality to your bodies. Blood, bones, the other stuff.”
“Ough,” Jax had come to, and she reached with her good arm into where her overall pocket should be. When she found nothing there she winced at the pain instead. “What happened?”
“You took a bad fall,” said Ragatha, helping her to her feet. “Caine, get us a portal out of here, the rest of you can finish the game, but Jax needs to clean off and lie down.”
Caine snapped his fingers and a portal appeared beside them. Ragatha gave a shallow smile to the rest of the humans, she was supporting Jax, who had her good arm around her shoulders.
“Go, finish up the adventure, we’ll be fine.” The two disappeared into the portal which closed behind them.
Silence had fallen across the course. Pomni couldn’t help but look at the helicopter circling overhead, where Gangle had placed both her ribbons over her mouth in shock. Her last words, unheard by Jax, still rung in Pomni’s head.
“No! No one beats Zooble, especially not YOU!” And then she had pressed the button that caused the last hemisphere to disconnect from the course.