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The game was a complete bust. Ragno failed every single shot, getting greatly scolded by Sugoi since his bad performance cost them the game. It was extra frustrating because everyone else had a great game, Anansi saved them a lot of times, Hilal did a better job than him at scoring, Behemoth’s earthquakes were crucial and Ondine was on fire with her water tama, stealing a lot of balls and giving him opportunities that he just wasted. But him? He didn’t do shit. His head was somewhere else, thinking about Key and how he got more love from Sugoi in just a couple of weeks than he got in 4 years. He just wanted her approval, but a random kid shows up and she takes him under her wing? He felt he didn’t deserve that love, especially after this awful game and his pathetic performance.
Ragno entered the locker room, aggressively throwing his stuff on his spot and grunting in frustration. He took his armor off, also handling it with anger and violence. The rest of the team looked at each other, feeling pity for Ragno.
—Hey man, we’re going to grab something to eat now. —Behemoth talked to Ragno, who refused to turn around. —We might’ve lost, but it was a great game anyways.
Ragno gritted his teeth. —Shut up.
Anansi stepped up, a bit pissed. —Hey, you don’t have to be mean! We’re trying to be friendly with you.
—Yeah, not everyone can play amazingly every single game and that’s ok. —Hilal added and everyone turned to look at him with a silent stare that said “why the fuck did you say that”, so he was quick to correct himself in panic. —I-It’s ok Ragno! No one blames you!
Ragno’s body tensed up and turned around to grab Hilal by the neck of his clothes. —SHUT UP.
But Behemoth was quick to separate them. —Hey. Don’t do that. —He said with a serious voice. —Are you ok Hilal?
—Yeah, yeah. Just chill Ragno.
Ragno turned around again, just staring at the floor.
—If you decide to stop being a crybaby, you’re still invited. —Ondine, who had stayed quiet, added, not trying to insult him but to lighten up the room.
—Whatever. —She was right, he was being a crybaby…
And with that, everyone finished changing while having friendly conversations, completely forgetting about the tense mood that was in the air a few minutes ago. When everyone left their armor in place, they grabbed their things and started leaving the locker room, Ondine being the last one, sadly staring at Ragno, who was still giving her his back, for a few seconds. She decided not to say anything and just left.
When Ragno made sure he was completely alone, he threw his armor and kicked it with a scream filled with rage, but also pain. He then walked to the corner of the room and sat down, strongly hugging his knees and trying so hard not to cry.
“You’ll never be someone, you’re a fraud.” Ragno thought. “You’re not the dragon striker, you’re not a good captain, you’re not a good person…”
His tears were dangerously close to falling while his hands were grabbing the fabric of his pants hard enough to turn his knuckles white, but then he heard a familiar voice outside that made him freeze.
—Sorry guys, I forgot my bag, go without me! I’ll catch you up there! —Ragno recognized the slightly raspy and high pitched voice that belonged to his teammate, Ondine. She entered the locker room and her face dropped a bit when she saw Ragno in that state. —Ragno? Everything ok?
But Ragno’s voice didn’t come out, his muscles too tense to speak and his watery eyes locked with Ondine’s. His fingers started digging even deeper into the fabric and his body stiffened even more. Ondine got slowly closer to him, being careful to not make any unnecessary movements, but he broke eye contact and moved a bit backwards, shocked and scared.
—Hey Rags, it’s ok. —Why did she have to call him that friendly nickname… Ragno couldn’t understand why she couldn’t just grab her bag and leave him alone. —I can stay with you if you want me to, I’m too tired to go out anyways. —She chuckled trying to lift the mood, but still not getting any closer without Ragno’s permission.
Ragno was still tense and unresponsive. He was processing everything Ondine said and did, but he didn’t have the will to answer or react. He was both pissed and thankful that Ondine was so patient with him, to just wait for him to tell her something. He genuinely thought he didn’t deserve that kind of treatment.
Ondine just leaned against a wall while she waited for an answer from Ragno, not uncomfortable or bothered, just worried and caringly. She really didn’t want to leave Ragno alone, he was her friend after all, even if Ragno was too prideful with his feelings to admit it.
After a few minutes, Ragno’s body began to relax and his tears were finally able to drop. —Ugh. —He said with a sore throat, drying his tears with his hands.
Ondine looked at him with a smile. —Hey there! You look better.
—I look like shit… —After a brief pause, Ragno moved a bit and tapped the floor beside him with the palm of his hand, silently inviting Ondine to sit with him.
Ondine took the clue and sat with him in silence. She wanted him to speak first.
—Sorry.
—Wow, Ragno apologizing, what a rare sight! —She teased playfully.
—Shut up. —He mumbled, but not with rage or anger, but in a caring banter.
Ondine softly put her hand on his knee. —You know no one blames you for the game, right?
—Well you should. —He tensed a bit once again, remembering Sugoi’s harsh scolding.
—Everyone has bad days, remember the game where I spit on Behemoth because we weren’t coordinated? —She laughed.
Ragno swallowed a chuckle. —Yeah, I was so mad at you two.
Ondine relaxed and threw her back at the wall, closing her eyes and smiling. —Even if I blamed myself for that, no one blamed me. Behemoth and I still laugh when we remember.
—Well I blamed you. —Ragno confessed, instantly regretting it and turning to look at Ondine with a worried expression on his face.
Ondine’s smile disappeared as she grabbed her arm. —You’re too harsh on everyone, but especially on yourself. I just wish you could see us as your trusty teammates. As your friends.
Ragno’s body tensed once again. He didn’t deserve friends, he didn’t deserve anything. He just wasn’t good enough, he couldn’t live up to anyone’s expectations and he was a waste of space because of that.
—I didn’t come here to make friends. —Ragno said, gritting his teeth.
“Shut up.” Ragno told himself in his head.
Ondine grabbed her arm tighter, turning her head to not look at Ragno. —But you still got us, everyone appreciates you even if you refuse to notice. —She paused a bit. —I appreciate you.
Ragno got up feeling the rage invade him again. He was angry at himself, he truly didn’t deserve someone like Ondine, why was she so nice to him when he’s just a piece of shit to everyone? It made no sense. He didn’t want her to be disappointed when she realized how pathetic he really was. He wouldn’t be able to bear anyone leaving him after he got attached, so he simply didn’t get attached to anyone. People leaving can’t hurt you if you never show them your vulnerability.
—You shouldn’t. No one should.
“I’m sorry.” Ragno apologized to Ondine on his head, unable to say those words out loud.
Ondine stood up and tried getting closer to Ragno again, her body trembling a bit and having that feeling where you know crying is imminent. —But I do! And everyone does too! We’re your friends.
—I HAVE NO FRIENDS! —He yelled, turning back at Ondine, scaring her a bit.
“Fuck, I scared her. No, no, no…” Ragno’s thoughts were filled with guilt.
—I thought… I thought we were friends… —Ondine said with tears forming in her eyes.
—... —Ragno’s throat tightened. —We were never friends.
Ondine dropped a tear, her sadness and heartbreak turning into anger. Not an explosive one, but a silent one. —Fine.
She only said that, grabbed her bag and left, without any other word.
Ragno clenched his fists and screamed in pain and rage, throwing his teammates’s armor to the floor between tears, making a big mess and a lot of noise. Ragno didn’t know, but Ondine was standing outside, too hurt to go back inside, but too worried to leave Ragno alone after hearing his screams and the noise of the armors.
But when he reached Ondine’s armor, his eyes widened and his body stopped instinctively. He fell to the ground and sobbed in front of the only armor that remained perfectly in its place.