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Viktor has the world in his hands, the world on its knees and that's all he's ever wanted.
The podium, too many medals than he could ever care for, too many prizes to fit on his shelf. He's successful and loved by everyone, he has his audience and fans he cannot disappoint and Yakov that cheers for him after all these years. That's enough, he thinks, smiling wider than he should, with a smile that does not reach his eyes.
"You should find something to do after you retire. You're not going to be young forever, Vitya," Yakov tells him one day when they're drinking - just the two of them, all the kids on their team already asleep. Viktor laughs as if he has just heard a good joke and pats his coach on the back.
"I'll be fine," he assures and Yakov looks at him like he wanted to say something, like he knew something more. Instead, he just sighs, pouring them both another round.
"Don't you have any better friends than me?" Yakov asks him once when they have had a drink too much. It sounds bitter and somehow sad, and Viktor wants to cheer them both up, say something how he just chooses to spend so much time with him, how it is important to talk his coach outside the trainings, bond over alcohol and some silly old songs.
It's days later when he realizes that the answer to this question is: no.
The truth is - he is twenty six now and he has no idea what to do when he is not skating, his minds falling into pieces whenever he tries to come up with anything. So he finds a song - Yakov's eyes alert - and shows it the best way he can. It's only after the grand prix - another gold medal in his hand, a cheering audience and congratulations from his family - when he realizes that people do not understand.
So Viktor comes back to his apartment feeling exhausted by everything, photographers waiting for him outside and interviewers asking him so many, many questions about the future, and just thinking about what he should do next. He takes Makkachin on walks longer than usual and tells Yakov that he just needs a moment of break, and smiles all too much.
It's Monday when someone sends him a video, some kid skating to his program, the moves mirrored perfectly. There's something that almost feels like a connection so Nikiforov buys the first ticket to Japan along with a small dictionary and a phrasebook.
"Thank you" he says to Yakov before he disappears with his one suitcase and his dog and somehow, it doesn't feel like he's leaving much behind.
Yuuri Katsuki is a strange person, he thinks, a weird feeling somewhere in his gut. Yuuri Katsuki is all too close and too far away at the same time, his scared looks full of love Viktor doesn't deserve. There's something almost profoundly wrong in being admired for something you are not and all he wants, honest to God, is this one person to like him.
It feels vulnerable and he's not sure what to think about it.
He does what he knows. Charming people is easy when you are Viktor Nikiforov, too many smiles and too many touches, a joke from time to time. The point is: he does his best and it's not working, Yuuri's eyes still full of fear whenever he moves a little too close.
And that's just one day when he realizes that, one day when he is suddenly afraid it's not going to work, the world suddenly greyish.
"You seem off," Yuuri says and Viktor smiles with the smile he's so used to, the one for photographers and too curious journalists. "Everything is fine," he replies, and Katsuki just nods his head as if he believed him.
He doesn't, realizes Viktor in the moment when he's taken to a small cafeteria after practice. Yuuri smiles to him and orders hot chocolate for both of them.
"It's one of my favourite places," he explains, passing a mug to Nikiforov. "I used to come here all the time when I was younger, you know? Especially after practice."
There's warmth spreading across Viktor's body that doesn't have much to do with what he's drinking right now. On the other side of the table, Yuuri Katsuki smiles, his eyes gentle and careful. "What about you?" he asks like he's ready to know him and something heavy lifts from Viktor's chest.