Chapter Text
~ Pond ~
Entering the apartment we once shared felt... unfamiliar. The familiar click of the front door echoed through the living room before silence swallowed it whole, leaving nothing but the faint hum of the refrigerator somewhere in the kitchen. I slipped my shoes off absentmindedly, letting them land wherever they pleased instead of placing them neatly by the rack.
Normally, someone would've complained before I even reached the couch. Today... no one did. It was strange how a place could remain exactly the same and yet somehow feel like it belonged to someone else entirely.
I stood there for a moment, my eyes wandering across the apartment we'd called home for the past year and a half. The oversized dining table still occupied far more space than it should, despite both of us agreeing it looked ridiculous the day we bought it. One of Phuwin's mugs still sat beside the sink, forgotten in the rush of this morning, while a thin blanket remained draped over the couch exactly the way he'd left it after falling asleep there a few nights ago.
Nothing had moved. Nothing had changed. Yet the apartment somehow felt emptier than it had ever been.
Maybe...Maybe because he wasn't here anymore.
I let my backpack slide from my shoulder before dropping onto the couch with a tired sigh. My gaze drifted towards the large window overlooking the city, where the evening sun painted the buildings in soft shades of gold and orange. He'd probably be somewhere above the clouds by now, halfway across the world, on his way to the university he'd spent years dreaming about. I should've been happy for him. I really was. But no matter how many times I reminded myself of that, the emptiness sitting quietly inside my chest refused to leave.
A sudden vibration against the coffee table pulled me away from my thoughts.
My phone.
Without thinking, I reached over and picked it up. A single notification glowed brightly across the screen.
One new email.
From: Phuwin.
Subject: I don’t know if I should send this
Pond,
I guess… this is where we are parting ways.
I don’t know if I should even be writing this, or if I’ll ever send it. But there are things I couldn’t say back then, and they’ve been stuck with me ever since. So, I just… needed to write them somewhere.
Pond, I’m sorry… for being a man.
I know it sounds stupid, but I mean it. I wish I could’ve talked to you normally, without thinking so much. I wish I could’ve stood next to you like it was nothing. I wish I could laugh with you the way others do… instead of just standing somewhere, watching you from a distance.
Sometimes I think… if I was a woman, maybe loving you wouldn’t feel so wrong.
It hurts more than I can explain. Seeing people next to you, talking to you, holding you so easily… like that place was never mine to begin with.
Even if we go our separate ways, don’t forget me, okay?
Because I won’t. I can’t.
I’ll keep those last moments we had together with me… like something important. Something I don’t think I’ll ever be able to let go of.
And even if I’m not enough, even if I can’t really help you in any way… I’ll still be there if you ever need me. I’ll try—at least—to make you smile.
That smile of yours… the one that made me fall for you more and more.
I don’t know if this will ever reach you. But if it does… please don’t avoid me, Pond.
Please don’t leave me in the same darkness I’ve been in.
I just—
hope I get to see you again.
—Phuwin
I don't remember sitting up. I don't even remember unlocking my phone. One second I was staring blankly at the screen, and the next I was already reading the email with my heartbeat thundering so loudly inside my ears that it drowned out everything else. My eyes moved slowly over every sentence, afraid I'd somehow skip a word if I rushed through it. By the time I reached the final line, I found myself scrolling back to the beginning... then reading the whole thing again.
...And again.
By the fourth time, I wasn't even reading anymore. I was simply staring at the screen.
"...Seriously, phi?"
A laugh escaped me before I could stop it. Not because anything was funny. Because somehow...
This idiot had managed to confess to me through an email after boarding an international flight.
I dragged both hands down my face before letting out the longest sigh imaginable. Of all the times he could've chosen to tell me... he picked now? After getting on a plane. After leaving the country. After putting an entire continent between us. I shook my head helplessly, unable to decide whether I wanted to laugh, cry or punch him the next time I saw him. Probably all three.
"You really couldn't have told me yesterday?"
The apartment, unsurprisingly, offered no reply.
I looked down at the email once more, my thumb hovering over the screen. Every sentence replayed inside my head as though it refused to let me breathe. All those moments I'd almost confessed... every single one came rushing back without warning. Standing outside his bedroom door before losing my nerve. Walking beside him with the words sitting on the tip of my tongue. Watching him smile at me while I convinced myself that staying quiet was the safer choice.
What an idiot. Not him.
Me.
I unlocked my phone again almost immediately and opened the airline app.
Destination: London.
Departure: Today.
Search.
A loading circle spun across the screen before the result appeared.
No available flights.
"...No."
I searched again.
Tomorrow.
Nothing.
Business class.
Nothing.
First class.
Nothing.
I refreshed the page over and over again, as though repeatedly pressing the same button would magically create an empty seat for me. It didn't. Every flight leaving within the next two days had already been fully booked. I let out a frustrated groan before throwing myself back against the couch, phone still clutched tightly in my hand.
"Why the hell does everyone suddenly want to fly to London?" I muttered at absolutely no one. "It's not even the holiday season."
For the next three days, checking flight availability somehow became part of my daily routine. Morning. Afternoon. Evening. Before sleeping. Right after waking up. Every single search ended the same way—with fully booked flights mocking me from the screen. It wasn't until the fourth day that I finally managed to secure a seat. Four days. It didn't sound like much. Yet somehow, it felt impossibly long.
My eyes drifted back towards Phuwin's email.
There were a hundred different replies sitting inside my head.
I love you too.
Wait for me.
I'm coming.
Don't fall for someone else before I get there.
Instead...My fingers typed only three short lines.
I won't forget you, phi. I never will. Don't worry, okay na?
Hope you reach there safely.
— Pond.
I stared at the message for nearly five whole minutes before finally pressing Send. It wasn't enough. Not even close. But maybe... that was okay. Some things weren't meant to be written through a screen. Some words deserved to be said while looking directly into the eyes of the person they belonged to. I'd waited this long already. I could wait just a little longer.
Or at least...That's what I kept telling myself.
The sharp ringtone of my phone shattered the silence, making me jolt upright. My heart leapt before I even looked at the screen. Maybe he'd forgotten to mention something. Maybe he'd changed his mind and decided to call instead. Maybe—
Joong Calling...
"...Of course."
I stared at his name for a couple of seconds before answering anyway.
"YOOO BUD!! WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?!" Joong's voice exploded through the speaker before I could even say hello. "WE THOUGHT YOU FORGOT ABOUT US AFTER GRADUATION! OR HAVE YOU DECIDED WE'RE NOT YOUR AMAZING FRIENDS ANYMORE?"
Another voice barged in almost immediately.
"Pond! Tell me honestly! Have you been kidnapped? Blink twice if someone is forcing you to ignore us!"
I pulled the phone slightly away from my ear with a pained expression.
"Would you two stop screaming?" I groaned. "I'm not deaf... although you guys are doing your absolute best to change that."
Joong laughed without the slightest hint of guilt.
"Good! You're alive then. Anyway, Dunk and I are planning a trip to Japan next Friday. Just a friends' trip before life gets busy. You in?"
"I'm flying to London on Friday."
Silence.
"...You're what?" Dunk finally asked.
"I'm flying to London."
"Without us?!" Joong gasped dramatically. "Bro, that's betrayal!"
"Should we cry?" Dunk added. "I think we should cry."
"You two are unbelievable."
"We know."
I couldn't help smiling despite myself.
After another few minutes of pointless arguments and enough shouting to give me a headache, the call finally ended with them yelling, "Safe trip!" loud enough for the neighbours to probably hear.
I shook my head before placing my phone beside me once again. Outside the window, the last rays of sunlight slowly disappeared beneath the skyline, leaving the apartment bathed in the soft glow of evening. For the first time since coming home, I allowed myself to close my eyes.
Four days. Just four more days.
"...Wait for me, phi."
This time...I wasn't going to let fear make the decision for me.
He will be okay to see me there, right? I hope things won’t get awkward between us after this.
As if things aren’t awkward between us right now.
Sadhu.