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When the Upside Down opened on November 6th, 1983, more things happened in Hawkins, Indiana than the scientists could have predicted. It didn’t come with noises in the night, or rotting vegetables. There wasn’t anything missing or broken, and there weren’t strange men in hazmat suits looking for it. But something else changed that day.
When Will disappeared and the world came crashing down on Joyce Byers she didn’t have time for feelings. She was raw nerves and frantic emotions, smoking too much and coping any way she could while the lights seemed to turn her mad.
On the other side of town Hopper was struggling but in different ways, and on that fateful day she walked into his office it was like a wound was opened that refused to heal. Since he came back he tried keeping his distance. Tried to give her space, but always be there to watch over her, because whether she knew it or not Joyce Byers was the last person alive who held a perminant place in his heart.
The first time it happened to Hopper, he had just finished telling Joyce the news that no parent wants to hear.
It was a dark, and foggy night. He had just inspected the house, flashlights illuminating the strands of Christmas lights strung around the house. Something heavy pressed on his heart, and it took every bit of professionalism not to break down with her. He knew she couldn’t hear him in her grief and shock, and when he finished telling her about finding a body he could see she was lost in another world.
As she rushed around the house telling him about the lights, about Will using them to speak to her, about the “thing” in the wall, all he could see was the woman he cared for going through immeasurable pain.
Jonathan stormed off, and all he could think to do was sit Joyce down and try to make her see that grief does things to your mind, that he too saw his baby girl.
“I know what I saw, and I’m not crazy.”
“I’m not saying that you’re crazy.” He said with all the compassion in the world. He knew as well as anyone what this kind of pain did to someone, and he hated seeing Joyce go though it too. Especially on his watch.
It hurt him to see the way the town treated her, the way the other officers would make smart ass comments when a little boy was missing. And while it had been years since Sara died, he still lived with it like it was fresh in his mind, and wouldn’t wish that on anyone.
“I need you to believe me.” She said through tears. Begging and pleading for him to understand that what she was telling him was real, no matter how impossible it sounded.
He couldn’t do anything for her now except tell her to get some sleep, and say that as hard as it would be, that she should go see her boy in the morgue. Hope that that one bit of reality would make her see the truth.
Getting up and walking away from her that night was one of the hardest things he’s had to do in his career. Every part of him was telling him to stay. Stay and make sure she was ok. Stay and make sure she got some sleep.
The crickets chirped loudly as he made his way to his truck, and started the engine. I need you to believe me… he heard in Joyce’s voice. I need someone to believe me.
That last part she hadn’t said out loud, but maybe he was just tired too as a wave of exhaustion and anxiety washed over him. He didn’t want to leave, not really. But he couldn’t push himself on Joyce. Not like this. So he turned off his engine, shielded his eyes from the ambient light, and stayed watch over Joyce Byers.
** *
Joyce showed Hopper the drawings Will had done of the creature in the yard. She wasn’t sure which frightened her more, the thought that fighting the Upside Down wasn’t over, or that if it wasn’t, it wasn’t just human sized monsters anymore. This thing was massive.
Hopper tried to calm her, to relate experiences. He talked about soldiers coming back from war, feeling like they never left, but surely that wasn’t what was going on, right? This drawing had to mean something. Taking him back to Chicago wasn’t really an option, but maybe the guy in Boston?
“I think he’s right, about trauma. I mean he’s right we’re coming up on a year you know. I think everybody’s on edge. Me, you, Will most of all. We just have to get through the next few weeks.”
Maybe Hop was right. Maybe these doctors were too, but some part of her that saw messages in Christmas lights thought differently.
“Nothing’s gonna go back to the way it was. Not really. But it will get better. In time.”
Joyce wanted to believe him, she didn’t want to go through what happened last year all over again. She didn’t even know if she could survive it. As feelings of hopelessness came over her, she could also feel Hopper’s calming presence. I wish I could make it right. I wish I could take your pain.
Hop passed her his cigarette, unfiltered. And she choked. She couldn’t help but laugh at being caught off guard, and she couldn’t help but smile back at the most genuine and caring smile beside her.
He’s lightening the mood, talking about old times, sharing cigarettes under the steps, and she’s grateful for it. But it doesn’t last long, and the guilt fills her for laughing while her child is in pain.
“God, I want this to be over.”
“I know.”
I’d burn the world down to keep you and your family safe.
And if she wasn’t staring at him, watching as he sucked in another breath from the cigarette wordlessly, she wouldn’t have believed it. She heard his voice so clearly… But he wasn’t speaking out loud…
** *
Between the stress of Will’s constant drawings by using every scrap of paper and trying to figure out what it all meant, and the gnawing fear that Hopper was in danger, lost somewhere within them, Joyce was barely holding on. A feeling that she reluctantly has gotten very used to.
“Hopper!?!” She screams. The only light in the field coming from the headlights of her car, as Joyce and Bob try not to trip over the rotten pumpkins. Hopper’s truck was here, that means he must be too, right?
“Hey! Be careful!” Bob called from behind her, but she was on a mission. “…Just going down the hole.”
Joyce steps over the piles of dirt, and down into the hole. He had to be down here. And in a way she couldn’t explain, she KNEW he was down here, and he was in trouble.
She got to the deepest point of the hole and through the darkness she can see the slippery and slithering things beneath her feet. “Vines.”
Joyce looks around for anything she can use. “Give me that!”
“The shovel?”
“Yes, give me the shovel!”
Bob picks up the discarded shovel and passes it down to Joyce who takes it in a hurry. Without a second thought she stabs the vines with a satisfying squish. The first stab took her a bit off guard as the liquid sprays out at her, but that isn’t enough to deter her. Turning back to the vines she continues stabbing.
Over and over she thrusts the shovel as they almost start to scream beneath her. It was so satisfying to cause this thing pain. After everything the Upside Down has done to her family, to her town, to finally be able to have a physical representation of the evil snaking its way through her town and cause it pain, it was more than gratifying.
The only thing that would make this better is if she was actually making any headway.
Joyce tosses the shovel back up to Bob. “I need you to help me get down there.”
“Joyce, what are you talking about?” He didn’t understand. How could he understand. Hopper understood… he understood more than anyone…
“Bob! Now!”
Between the two of them working they managed to break though, and with no hesitation Joyce lowers herself down into the tunnel. “Hopper! Hopper!?”
The tunnel seems to go on forever in both directions, as a wave of fresh panic flows through her. How would she find him, how far is he, and which way? It didn’t even cross her mind how they’d get back out. The important thing first is getting to Hop. The rest they’d figure out later.
Bob falls to the ground behind her, giving her a brief reprieve from her thoughts. “Joyce, what is going on? Where are we?”
Like she had the time to answer that, or even explain a fraction of it. But he was Bob, and he was sweet to help knowing nothing about what he got himself into. “Bob, are you ok?”
Bob steps towards her, taking her arms. ”Tunnels. Is this Will’s map?”
Now was not the time, and Joyce digs through Bob’s jacket to find a flashlight. “Hopper!?”
“Are we in Will’s map?
But she wasn’t listening anymore. Something in her was telling her which direction to go. “Hopper?!” More forks in the road, more choices, but still she could feel the pull in her chest.
Bob kept talking, but she wasn’t paying attention, couldn’t pay attention. She’d tell him what was going on later. The only thing she could do now was to keep calling for Hopper.
The tunnels split into multiple paths this time, and her resolve faded. That is until she looks down and finds half a cigarette left in the dirt like a sign. “Bob! Over here! It’s his! He’s got to be this way!”
Joyce keeps moving, Bob behind her. Still calling his name, still feeling that invisible pull, her flashlight lands on something metallic and catches her eye. Through the darkness she sees a makeshift torch and… Hopper’s hat! She knew it, knew he was here!
Her flashlight starts moving frantically knowing how close she is now until it glances over a familiar lump “Oh! It’s his arm!”
Without a second thought she’s down on the ground pulling at the vines, Bob struggling beside her to pull the strangling tentacles away from Hopper.
“It’s choking him!”
Joyce is running on pure adrenaline and fear as she struggles with everything she has to get the vines from Hopper’s throat.
“Knife” Hopper manages to eek out, the things strangling everything out of him.
“Knife?” She looks around unable to see what Hopper is asking for.
“It’s right over there!” Bob answers her.
Joyce grabs the knife, and starts cutting Hopper free. It doesn’t take long before Hopper is able to take the knife from her to cut away the last of his restraints. When he’s free Bob and Joyce help him to his feet, and Hopper turns first to Joyce.
The feeling of relief is overwhelming, as emotions flood her senses faster than she can name them. “Oh my God. Hopper are you ok?”
Her hands find his face, needing to feel his skin under her touch. Needing all her senses to understand that Hop is real, and safe, and in her arms. He must feel the same, because as fast as her hands are on him, his are on her and she revels in the connection.
“Joyce.” Hopper pants. His voice so soft after what he’s been through.
“Are you ok? Are you ok?” She repeats, needing to make sure this isn’t a dream, that he really is here standing in front of her.
Jesus Christ, Joyce. How are you here
She keeps repeating her question like a mantra, her hands moving down his body protectively as if she’s trying to make sure every part of him was still whole.
I don’t how you found me, but you’re a miracle, Joyce Byers.
I can’t lose you too. She thinks.
I’m here. I’m here, Joyce.
Joyce froze. Her hands locked on his chest as time feels like it’s stopped. She thought it was her own mind, her thoughts, just stress escaping however it could… but now she’s thinking it might actually be… no. How is that possible?
Looking deep into Hopper’s eyes she purposely and with determination thinks something at him… one thought that will prove if she’s crazy or not. You give me the strength to keep moving.
With her hands on his chest she can feel his heart skip and start to race. He feels it too. She was right, and he can feel it too. She doesn’t know how it’s possible but somehow he’s in her mind, and she’s in his…
Hi. She hears in her mind as a smile crosses Hopper’s face.
Hi. She echos, a smile crossing her face too, as warmth fills her chest amplified by Hopper’s own feelings.
“Hey Bob,” Hopper says breaking away from her touch to reach behind towards the other man.
“Hey Jim.” Bob says out of breath from all the excitement. He lets out a scream as he turns towards the way they came to see a man standing in a silver suit ushering them out of the tunnels.
Joyce knew she should let go of Hopper, but as his hand came up his chest to cover hers all thoughts of letting go left her mind. When things calm down they’d figure this out, until then she’s going to enjoy the comfort of him. She’s going to enjoy the protectiveness he’s projecting, the way he makes her feel safe just by being here, and she’s going to enjoy this new intimacy of not feeling alone.
** *
The gate was closed, the town was safe, El was somehow legally his kid, and as he walks over to Joyce on the night of the school dance he’s filled with melancholy. They’d all been through so much this last year, and now to add on to the pile Joyce was mourning the loss of her boyfriend.
Whatever connection they had was gone, probably something to do with the bridge to the Upside Down he thought, and while it was only there briefly he too was in mourning. He had only experienced it in starts and stops over the last year, and her thoughts were mostly worries, but in those shining moments where she let her mind wander, or they were together it felt like a piece of him had finally returned. Like he was once again whole.
“Hey.”
“Hey.” She responds, with a hint of sadness as she welcomes Hopper.
He stops just far enough to give her space if she wants it. “Thought I might find you out here.”
“Well, Will wanted me to give him some space, so… I’m giving him a few feet.” She smiles, but it doesn’t quite reach her eyes.
Hopper pulls out a pack of cigarettes knowing she too could really use one right about now. “What do you say?” He asks tapping out a cigarette. “I’m pretty sure that Mr. Cooper retired in the 70’s, so… We might be ok.”
Hopper leans on the car beside her, her smile the sign he needed to know she wanted company. Sheltering the flame from the wind he lights the end of the cigarette not catching the smile across her face as she looks up at him.
“Gimme that…”
He gladly passes her the cigarette, exhaling the burning air from his lungs, and tries not to laugh at the sweet cough from beside him. She never did like the unfiltered kind.
“How are you holding up?” He asks after a moment of silence, Time After Time playing in the distance.
“You know.” She answers.
“Ya… That feeling never goes away.” He says taking another drag. “It is true what they say, you know. Every day it does get a little easier.”
She looks up at him, and this time he can only see the pain in her eyes. What happened, what was between them, everything was just so complex. But in the stillness of the night, and with a slow dance playing in the background, one thing was easy.
Hopper wrapped his arm around Joyce, and she almost instinctively fell into him. And if it was by reflex, or some part of him that still knew what she wanted, he lowers his head to hold her even closer, catching a faint whiff of her shampoo, and lets her find comfort in his arms however she wants to.
Their connection might be gone, but the bond it left behind, the bond that was strengthened after years of being apart remained. And maybe, just maybe that was good enough for him.