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Euijae doesn't know how long he's been in this spot. He's barely aware of anything at all until he hears the front door open and close.
He knows his limbs are stiff, his muscles tight like they've held this position for far too long. He knows that he feels numb. There's just a vague sense of nothingness, and he knows that means something bad.
How long has he been here?
Soft footsteps slowly approach, and he knows by the sound alone that it's Sayoung. The man always moves so quietly for someone of his stature. Euijae always thought it was weird, but it's almost comforting now.
"Hyung?" Sayoung calls in that tone he doesn't use with anyone else. Just Euijae. Only ever Euijae, when he calls him by that honorific like it means something so much more. And it does. To both of them.
He doesn't know when that became the case.
"Hyung." Sayoung's voice is closer, less soft as he no doubt notices Euijae's slow response.
Euijae doesn't get like this often, but when he does, Sayoung always knows. Always knows how to handle it, to not let the silence creep in and keep him locked in that rift.
A hand lands on Euijae's shoulder, gentle but not light. It's pressure to ground him, to keep him here in the present. He's not alone. He's not alone. He's not-
Breath stutters into his lungs, the burn of their expansion the only way he knows he hasn't been breathing. The hand on his shoulder tightens. Euijae leans into the weight of it, feels a fraction of the tension leave his muscles.
"Hyung is drifting again," Sayoung's voice paves a road for Euijae's mind. He knows it leads home, away from this place of pain, and he lets himself turn towards it.
Drifting, that's what they call this. A word that cruelly captures this feeling, of leaving his body and reality when things get too quiet for too long. Sayoung does it too, sometimes. When the days are bad and the memories catch up. They do not care for timing or location.
They know what it is, and they have the language. Hunters are expected to go to therapy now, and the top ranked pair are no exception. It's just that that language isn't helpful. It tells what it is, not what it does. What it feels like. They've created their own language for that, and it makes them both feel a little less broken. A little more understood.
And he is. Drifting.
"But hyung has me now," Sayoung reminds him, "and he's doing very well."
Euijae would hate the way the praise makes the back of his neck tingle if he weren't so grateful to feel anything at all. Anything but the sensation of being out of his own body.
"When Hyung gets back, we can make dinner." The surface underneath Euijae dips, and the hand on his shoulder moves to wrap around him. He must be sitting on something soft. Where was he again? What was he doing before this? He doesn't remember.
His chest tightens, and he wants to run back to where he was, back down the path he'd been following out. Sayoung doesn't give him the chance.
"What should we make today? We haven't gotten groceries in a while, so Hyung might have to improvise. Maybe we still have leftovers?" A weight settles into his side. The vise in his chest loosens. He continues down the road in his mind. "Or we can order out. Have someone bring us food, and then Hyung doesn't have to work at all."
Something rustles nearby and light enters his vision. There are soft taps as Sayoung scrolls on his phone.
"We'll pick Hyung's favorite restaurant, then."
A hand cradles Euijae's head and tilts him to the side. He lands gently on a firm shoulder. He can feel the slow rise and fall of Sayoung's breath beneath him, and his own comes easier.
"I'm getting what you always get from here, okay? I hope Hyung has no disagreements."
Sayoung cards his fingers through Euijae's hair, nails scratching ever so slightly as he does.
"And we're staying in tomorrow, too. Hyung works himself too much, even when he doesn't need to." Sayoung sighs like he's pouting. Euijae is so warm now. "Ahh, a day in with Hyung all to myself! So rare, we have to make good use of it."
The excitement in Sayoung's tone tugs at the corner of Euijae's mouth. His fingers twitch, the tips of them starting to tingle as feeling begins to return.
Sayoung hums and turns to place a kiss on Euijae's head. "You can't say no, alright? I already have plans, so I'll be sad if you ruin them by working."
Euijae's chest feels so full, near to bursting with affection for this brat who knows just how to bring him down. What he ever did to deserve this, he'll never know. Surely even saving the world wasn't worth this much.
He turns his face into Sayoung's neck and breathes. That familiar smell, sweet and floral and welcoming, floods his senses and fills his mouth. He can almost taste it on his tongue when he parts his lips to let a slow breath out. The shoulder underneath him pauses for just a moment.
"Food will be here soon, but Hyung should take his time," Sayoung murmurs. His voice is soft now, soothing as Euijae sluggishly resurfaces. He's almost at the end of the road. "It’s not going anywhere. Neither am I."
Euijae twitches his arm a few times, false starts before he manages to slide it over Sayoung's torso. His body follows, draping himself across warmth and sweetness. What a soothing way to come back from the nightmare in his head.
Sayoung wraps both arms around him and holds tight. Not enough to hurt, but enough it would certainly injure anyone less than an S-rank. It's exactly what Euijae needs.
"Hyung is safe." Breath ghosts by Euijae's ear, tickling him and making him burrow further into Sayoung. "Hyung is never alone, not anymore."
Euijae can feel the plush give of the sofa beneath him, the backrest forcing his spine into an awkward angle where he's clumsily turned himself into Sayoung's side. The ache is welcome, a reminder of who and where he is.
Beyond the sound of Sayoung's breath, he can hear the wind against the window. The quiet hum of electricity, the rumble of the air conditioner fighting off the summer heat. There is no more silence.
He's not alone.
Air forces its way into his lungs, deep like he's been holding his breath, except this time he knows he hasn't. Sayoung is here, and he makes it so much easier to breathe.
Sayoung hums above him, by now very familiar with the stages of Euijae's episodes.
"Hyung will be home soon. Does that mean he won't want to stay here anymore? It's so comfy though, I like your weight on me."
The directness makes warmth rush to Euijae's head, his face burning in embarrassment. He groans softly into Sayoung's neck and feels the responding chuckle. It rumbles through him pleasantly.
Finally starting to return to his body, Euijae squirms to get into a better position. Sayoung lets him do as he pleases, only shifting to help him find the right spot.
"Is Hyung comfy now?" The smile is evident in Sayoung's voice, and it makes Euijae want to hit him. He does, one completely useless flap of his hand against Sayoung's shoulder. It earns him only a huff of laughter. "Ah, now you're abusing the one who saved you? I have such a cruel Hyung."
Euijae mumbles sounds that even the ears of a top hunter can't unravel. His tongue feels dry and slow. He has to swallow a few times before it's functional.
"Hm? Hyung, I can't hear you like that. Do you hate me too much to speak to me now?"
Euijae peels his face away from Sayoung's neck just long enough to grumble, "Shut up, brat."
Sayoung whines, "Hyung doesn't mean that. He likes my voice."
This time, Euijae's groan is louder and more emphatic. He still feels shaky, fragile almost, but he's present and he can breathe. He's not so hollow anymore. And he has Sayoung, which means that he can handle anything else. As long as they're together, Euijae will always find his way back home.
He's still not dignifying Sayoung's declaration with an answer. "Where's my food?"
Sayoung laughs hard enough to shake him, then goes to fetch the food delivery. He drags Euijae along with him, not once letting go of his hand. Euijae tries to hide his smile as he eats, but he suspects Sayoung knows anyway. He somehow always does, the horrible brat.