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“... Will be waiting.”
“Good, me too. Uh, I mean– “ stupid, stupid, he’s supposed to make the call, not wait for it, “ –nevermind, have a good day, bye!–” he fumbles with his phone and ends the call. Why does Simon even want to hang out with him, he’s so lame.
“Hey, you okay?” A voice behind him speaks. He was so in his thoughts, he jumps at the unexpected sound.
“Jeeepers! Susie!? Don't do that!” Oh, she’s so happy that she almost gave him a heart attack.
“Oh come on, if you looked around more you wouldn't be so surprised. But I guess you were preoccupied with something more interesting. Or should I say someone?” Oh no, he knows that smile. This is a not-so-secret sign of a rumor about to be born.
“Uh, yes, I was just talking to a friend. Nothing interesting. I will go now, I have a class to prepare.” He tries to sound casual, he’s doing a great job. He starts walking away.
“Uh-uh. A friend that makes you that excited?”
He stops and half-turns. “What, I can't be happy about making a friend now?”
“Oh, so it’s a new friend?”
“Okay, I'm not playing your games. I’m gonna go.”
As he rushes away all he can hear is a laugh and a “sure, keep your secrets”. Only walking in the teachers breakroom he notices how very red he is. He knows: by the end of today this will be on everyone’s lips. He prays he can just sit it out in his classroom and maybe not be caught in the middle of it. Maybe he’ll get lost and the blood trail will dissipate.
***
Of course he doesn't really believe that’s possible.
Throughout the day he’s seen almost all the other teachers walk by and greet him or just look through the door, as they thought, inconspicuously. He gets that the job is boring but wow, that was a lot of attention.
At least he doesn't have enough friends here to pester him personally. Dmitry doesn't care about it, Lokken is way above this, and Stratt is hopefully going to find out and stop it. Or not. Doesn't really matter, this is the one thing she has no power over, and that is why human curiosity and creativity is so wonderful and scary.
At least he can think about everything that happened in peace.
…
His first reaction is to run. Run far away, to not deal with anything, to not think of the wonderful kindness, to ignore that this can become something stable, real. Something he can ruin.
He is so, so afraid that he’ll ruin this good thing. He doesn't want to hurt Simon.
He tries to think that with Rocky it turned out okay, but it was a different time and a long time ago. They went through changes and somehow their friendship survives still. He wants to call him. He doesn't want to be a bother, but he wants to talk to someone.
Adrian is always so much better at this. At… feelings and… conflicts. He thinks if not for them, their friendship would be more unstable, but they were the everpresent calming anchor for them both, and he is so grateful. He thinks they would really get along with Simon…
Yes, Simon. The one he is considering to abandon.
Okay, now that sounds just way too dramatic and silly. And it's not like he’ll just stop, what, talking to him? visiting him? No. Get yourself together, Ryland. (Simon called him that sometimes. It makes him feel weird, but good weird. Probably because he isn't used to that. Sounds logical.)
Okay, no one is going anywhere and he will be okay. He’s had this dance with anxiety so many times, he honestly shouldn't be surprised to get it at this point.
Now from the top.
Did he notice any discomfort in Si just talking to him? He wasn't used to him so much, and his expressions are hard to decipher yet, but he’s getting better. So, no, he doesn't think so. One.
Did he so far do something that would upset the other? Again, objectively, no. He apologised for falling asleep, but they compromised that in the end, didn’t they? That counts (or he wants to believe so). Two.
Does he himself want these situations to continue? Yes. Yes, he may be afraid to, but he wasn't this comfortable since forever, the closest was when Rocky and Adrian were last in town and they had an entire day to hang out. It was so long ago. He wishes they all weren't this busy. Damn work getting in his way to have fun. Hah, he got a bit angry even. Good, spite used to be the fuel he ran on, and it still works for him. So, three is positive too.
So is it worth the effort in the long run? He considers all the arguments, and, not finding any significant flaws in them, says yes.
Now that he has come to that, he just has to continue trying to make this work.
***
“Hey, so you're finally making it out of your shell?” Carl, of course, also knows. Grace was in hiding the entire day, so they didn't have a chance to banter on his way to the cafeteria. Thanks to Simon for the food, again, or it would’ve been a way more miserable day. But yeah, Carl is suspicious too, now.
He answers sheepishly, “Yea, sorry I didn't visit. Busy, y’know.” He hopes this is good enough.
He hopes he’s learnt to lie better every time, and every time Carl proves that he’s psychic or that Grace is still crap at this. “Yea, sure. Did Susie scare you too much that you didn't even come out to eat? You know the less you react, the faster it ends.”
“Well, it doesn't make things more comfortable. And no, I had food from home.”
That gets Carl interested. “Since when do you cook? Did I miss the collapse of the frozen food supply chain?”
“Haha. Very funny. No, that’s… I got it from a friend.” He felt heavy when he said it, like he was in court now. Judged.
Carl lifted a brow, “A friend? And I assume it’s not Rocky, ‘cause you’d be running out as soon as you can if they visited?”
“No, it’s… someone new.” Gosh, why is he so nervous?
There's a bit, during which the guard just looks at him, studying, thinking something over, and then he huffs and reclines in the chair. “Good. I’m glad you’re getting yourself out there more,” and flashes one of his encouraging smiles.
“Thanks, sure, you know, trying my best!. I– uh thanks for talking, but I have to go. See’ya tomorrow!” He waves as he exits, looking back to catch the same gesture in response.
Well, he felt better for some reason. It was like his earlier decision to keep the friendship was.. supported? Or like it was a confirmation that he was right. Anyway, he felt better.
And now he could worry only about how long will it take him to get to Simon’s, will they be able to talk or will he be sent to entertain Ellie and when can he visit next time.
It starts looking very promising.