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TONG! TONG! TONG!
“AVERY! IT’S TIME EVERYONE IS WAITING FOR YOU!” My younger brother yells through the curtains. I smile and yell back “I’M COMING!”. I look myself over in the mirror one last time, looking over my lime green suit, and my bracelet of daises. You’ve been waiting for this. Be the man Derek deserves.
I step out from the room only to be ushered by my brother. We stop in front of my maid of honour, Star. She looks me up and down giving me the look of approval “You got this Avery. We’re all so proud of you. Go on!”. We stop behind the final curtain waiting for my entrance cue.
My brother links his arm around mine grinning widely. Then we hear the wedding march play. Me and my brother slowly start walking through the curtains, eyes straight ahead paying no attention to the guests, and only to my soon to be husband. Eventually we make it to the altar where Derek is waiting for me. He smiles softly at me. “You look amazing meine leibe.” “Sigurado ka ba? Joke lang, joke lang. You too, mahal ko.” I end quietly. Derek looks wonderful. He’s dressed in a wonderful scarlet suit tailored to fit him and him alone. On his wrist he wears a bracelet of gladiolus lilies.
We stand there for what feels like an eternity before everyone is quiet, and we can finally start the ceremony.
“Dearly beloved! We are gathered here today for the joining of these two young men, Avery DeMaio, and Derek Hutchins.”
The priest speaks long about our story, well at least the one we’ve crafted together. Once he’s done, we finally get to the part everyone’s been waiting for.
“Do you Derek Hutchins take Avery DeMaio to be your lawfully wedded husband. Through sickness and health, till death do you part?”
“I do” He says with no hesitation
“And do you Avery DeMaio take Derek Hutchins to be your lawfully wedded husband. Through sickness and in health till death do you part?”
“I-”
BEEP!BEEP!BEEP!
BEEP!BEEP!BEEP!
What?
Derek and I look around in confusion trying to find where the sound is coming from. Someone yells “ALL PHONES OFF!” I look at Derek and realize his face looks a little…misty?
BEEP!BEEP!BEEP!
“Oh… I understand now. This is all a dream.” After those words leave my mouth everything turns to darkness.
…
I shot up from my bed eyes adjusting to the light. I look at my clock, still beeping and flashing a time at me. 8:30. …why was that dream so vivid? I mean sure i would love to date Derek but… well that can’t happen anymore now can it. I shakily breathe in and out. In and out. In and out. It’s his funeral today. I better start getting ready.
I slowly drag myself out of bed and slowly make my way to my dorm’s bathroom. I walk past the mirror only to double back and stare at myself, fingers gripping the sink. I stare at my messy, latte coloured hair. Tears begin streaming down my face. I can’t help it. I was never good controlling them.
Heh, you’re not looking too good. What? You gonna cry? Gonna cry like weak, fake little boy you are? My fingers grip the sink so hard my knuckles turn white. I break my gaze from the mirror start stripping away my various layers of clothing. I go all the way up until I reach my binder. I hesitate, but take it off. I step into the shower and turn the knob to the left. Soon hot water and steam envelopes my body. I twist it more and let the hot water turn my skin red. After quite a bit of time, I finally turn the shower off and step out. The cold air hits me like a punch to the face, but I barely notice anymore. I feel numb. I make my way back to my room and slowly begin to put on a black suit.
After that I grab some cash and make my way to the nearest subway station. It’s currently 9:30 and the ride takes 2 hours. The funeral begins at 12. I’ll have enough time, I think. The subway arrives and I quietly find a seat and zone out.
At 11:45 I find myself at the burial site. There’s a picture with Derek’s face on it. Underneath reads 2005 - 2025. I survey the place around me. There’s not that many people, I think. There’s maybe 15 people max. Surely there’ll be others right? He’s- no was so smart. There’s no way there would be so little people who actually well cared about him right?
…
Right?
I find myself a seat not quite near the back, but more so in between the back and middle where I patiently wait for the ceremony to start. An older black lady-Derek’s mom most likely, steps up to the podium and begins to speak. As she speaks I can’t help but zone out. Her voice is soothing as she speaks, and it hurts to hear her speak of Derek personally. I don’t realize that the funeral is ending until someone hands a flower. A marigold, I hear myself say distantly. Marigolds can symbolize grief, despair and mourning. Where this information comes from is something I would like to forget, but maybe memorizing all those flower meanings back in middle school were useful after all.
I follow the line, waiting until it’s my turn to place the flower in the casket. When I get to said casket I place my flower gently on top, staying a moment then walking away. Maybe in another life. Maybe in another life we get together and the King doesn’t exist. Maybe he might even return my feelings for him. But that’s not this life.
I stay up until he burial, and when it’s done I begin to walk away, not wanting to break down in front of Derek’s family but then someone grabs my arm.
“Are you Avery?” I look back and see the lady who was speaking at the podium before. “Yeah I am.” I tell her.
“I’m glad you were able to make it.” She says. “Derek actually didn’t have any friends other than you. And most of our family don’t live here.” She pulls me into a tight embrace. “Derek left us a letter actually. In the letter, he left your email and said to invite you. I was sceptical since he never had any friends growing up. But besides that thank you for coming dear. Thank you for being my little Derek’s friend.” After she says that I hug her back and hold tight and start crying once again. “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.” The tears are streaming down my face as i bury my face in her shoulder. “You have nothing to be sorry for dear. I’m just glad that he had someone.” She says reassuringly while rubbing my back.
After a bit of time I finally stop crying, and bid her goodbye. She gave me her number and asked me to stay in contact. I told her I would try my best and smiled at her sadly.
On the train home my thoughts drift to god knows where. The music playing on my phone became white noise long ago. When I get home, I change into something more comfortable and flop on my bed. I turn to my side and cradle a pillow. Before I know it I’m crying again. I’m so fucking pathetic. I’m not special at all Derek. Why… WHY! You were the only one who cared. Why did you have to leave? I slowly drift off to begin a dreamless sleep.
⊹₊˚‧︵‿₊୨ᰔ୧₊‿︵‧˚₊⊹
“It’s been a couple months hasn’t it Derek?” I say to the gravestone. “Nothing much has happened actually. It’s nice having a normal life for a bit haha…” silence “I miss you Derek.” I carefully put down my bouquet of stargazer lilies, forget-me-nots, pink carnations, and pink camellias. “In another life Derek maybe we’ll get our happy ending.”