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Things were looking good for the denizens of hell. The battle had been won, and everyone was settling into the new hotel nicely. It had been a little weird, staying at the Royal palace while the new hotel was being built, but everyone made it work. Now that everyone was settled into their new home, a sort of calm had washed over everyone. That lasted about two days before more shit hit the fan…
The morning started off like any other. Vaggie woke up wrapped in Charlie’s long limbs, and her snoring softly and drooling a little into her hair. Vaggie didn’t mind, she thought it was cute. Charlie was also super warm. Vaggie always ran cold, so snuggling up to Charlie was like, the best thing ever. Between her heat and her natural cuddliness, it was like a weighted blanket, meets heater, meets teddy bear all in one. Even the drool didn’t bother her, because one of the best things first thing in the morning according to her, was waking up with a hot shower. A little drool was no match for the deluxe shower/spa Lucifer had installed in their new bathroom. Vaggie carefully extracted herself from Charlie before padding softy to the master bath.
As Vaggie started the shower, she shed her Pj’s and slippers as she let the water warm up. Reaching a hand in to test, she felt it was the perfect temperature and stepped under the warm spray. Ahh… bliss. The hot water was instantly soothing to her eye and back.
While her old injuries didn’t necessarily bother her during the day, sometimes after a long sleep the muscles in her back were stiff and sore. The same with her eye. Sometimes they ached first thing in the morning. But after a nice hot shower and a thorough scrub down, she always felt better.
Her thoughts were interrupted when a pair of pale arms wrapped around her waist, and a kiss was pressed to her temple.
“You sneak…” Charlie rasped, her voice still thick with sleep. “You decided to have a shower and didn’t tell me?”
Charlie’s raspy voice caused Vaggie to shiver and goose bumps to run up her arms. She leaned back into her chest with a sigh.
“Hun, you know I take a shower every morning.”
“Yeah, but you don’t always wake me up to take one with you. You know I hate it when you’re not in my arms.”
This admission made Vaggie’s face flush hot. Charlie was not particularly possessive or a dirty talker, but when she was half asleep like this, the things this woman would say before her brain woke up and caught up with the rest of the world honestly did things to Vaggie.
Vaggie turned in Charlie’s arms and loosely wrapped her arms around her neck, staring up into sleepy golden eyes.
“Help me wash?”
“Yes please.”
They’d done this many times. The atmosphere inside the shower was quite and peaceful. Intimate, but not sexual. It simply didn’t need to be. They took turns washing each others hair, soaping up backs and shoulders, sneaking in a kiss here and there on squeaky clean skin. There was hardly any talking and honestly, they didn’t need to. They knew this routine like the back of their hands.
Charlie pushed some damp hair out of her eyes before reaching for a pink face cloth hanging by a little string on a hook installed on the shower wall. Next, she grabbed a little white bottle and drizzled a tiny about of the clear liquid on the cloth. A quick tussle of her hands had the suds lathering up in a heap of gentle bubbles.
“You ready?” She asked. Vaggie couldn’t help but smile and giggle.
“Babe, you ask me that every time. You know I am.”
“I know. But I always want to ask you. I always want to make sure you’re OK.”
Oh, how could Vaggie’s heart not melt at that? The way that Charlie was so caring of her, makeing her feel so loved even in something as simple as applying soap, made Vaggie’s soul soar.
“I’m ready Hun.”
With permission granted, Charlie gently stepped forward and tilted Vaggie’s chin up. With her free hand she moved Vaggie’s long wet bangs away from her ruined eye, and with careful strokes, began to oh so tenderly clean the wounded area. Ever since they started showering together, this had been one of the first things Charlie insisted on doing for Vaggie. While long since healed, the flesh around the eye socket was still a place where bacteria could grow if left unchecked. Especially with wearing a sweaty eye patch all day. The same went for the scars on her back. While also healed, after every shower Charlie insisted on using a special lotion she got shipped straight from Sloth. Post shower it was Charlie’s delight to massage the cool lotion across her scars and the rest of her back.
The rest of the morning carried on a usual. Bodies had been washed, lotions applied, and while still wrapped in towels, Charlie and Vaggie began the rest of their morning routine. Charlie was at the sink brushing her teeth, humming away around a mouthful of foam, while Vaggie was struggling to apply her makeup to her remaining eye. You’d think with having only one eye it would take half the time, right? Wrong. If anything, it took double the time because Vaggie literally could not close her eye to get at things like her eye lid, because she didn’t have another eye to keep open to see. Charlie always offered to help, but Vaggie always said no. She’d gotten good at doing things by feel when she had to. As she leaned closer to the mirror to apply her mascara, Vaggie felt a prickling sensation in her nose. Maybe it was the light bothering her eye, maybe it was the steam from the shower, but whatever it was… Vaggie sneezed.
“ACHOO!”
FOOMP
Charlie stared with toothpaste dripping down her chip, toothbrush still in her mouth. Vaggie too, stared at her reflection in the mirror, noting with surprise and confusion that her mighty sneeze had made her wings pop out. That had never happened before. Charlie spit and whipped her mouth on a towel.
“Vaggie? Are you ok? What happened?” she asked with open curiosity. Vaggie turned to blink at her just as bewildered.
“I’m… not sure. That’s never happened before.”
“What? Sneezing?” Vaggie rolled her eye and couldn’t help the good-natured snort that escaped.
“No, you dork. I’ve sneezed plenty. But this is the first time that a sneeze has made my wings pop out.”
Charlie tapped her chin in thought. “Is this the first time you’ve sneezed with wings? I mean… they are new right? So all the other times were when you were regular you.”
Vaggie tried not to flinch when Charlie said ‘regular you’. She knows that Charlie didn’t mean anything hurtful when she said it, that it was just a slip of the tongue. But somehow just hearing her insinuate that Vaggie was somehow different now, that being an Angel and getting her wings back, something that Charlie still didn’t know the full story of, made her different kinda stung. She mentally shook herself out of that train of thought. Now was not the time.
“Maybe. But I don’t think it’s anything to worry about.”
With that said, Vaggie shook herself, ruffling up her feathers. Her wings fluttered and fluffed before they where elegantly folded behind her back and disappeared from view. Vaggie was about to pick up her discarded mascara wand when out of the corner of her eye she could see Charlie shaking. Turning to look at her she saw that Charlie wasn’t just shaking, she was biting her bottom lip trying so hard not to laugh. Her cheeks where puffy and her eyes watered with mirth. Vaggie turned and put her hands on her hips and glared.
“What’s so funny?”
“You, you… *snrk* you looked like a dog. All fluffy.”
“Excuse me?”
*Giggle*, “Or maybe a dove? You looked like those ducks Dad was showing us at the pond!”
The death glare intensified.
“I’m warning you missy…”
“Oh! Oh! Maybe that’s what I’ll call you now! My little lovey dovey!”
“I will hit you with my towel.”
The threat fell flat because all that happened was instead of Charlie being intimidated, her eyes darkened to their signature red and she all but purred; “Go ahead. You know I won’t mind the view.”
But Vaggie was ready.
“Fine. Then I guess I’ll use yours.”
“Wait… what?”
Before she could blink, Vaggie lunged forward and made a grab for Charlie’s towel. Charlie yelped and spun away from those deft hands.
“Vaggie, NO! Do NOT touch my towel!”
“Aw come on! I wouldn’t mind the view either.”
“Wait, no!! That’s not what I meant! Vaggie, stop it!! NO, LEAVE ME ALONE!!”
Charlie ran from the bathroom to the bedroom with Vaggie hot on her heals, their giggles and squeals of delight echoing thought out the room.
After their rousing (and slightly arousing) game of chase had ended, the girls finally made their way downstairs for breakfast. Charlie sat at the counter, nursing a cup of coffee and nibbled on some instant oatmeal. Vaggie was waiting for the kettle to boil for some tea with a slice of toast and peanut butter in her hand. As the kettle boiled, that same tickle, high in the back of her nose came up again.
Ah shit… she thought. But alas, try as she might, a sneeze can not be stopped.
“ACHOO!!”
FOOMP. Crash!
“Ah fuck…”
Like in the bathroom before, Veggie’s wings popped out again. But this time, unlike the open space of their bathroom where nothing could get hit, Vaggie’s wings decided to take out a mug tree sitting on the counter, sending the ceramic mugs to shatter on the floor. The sound alone was deafening, and before Vaggie or Charlie could even process what was happening, Nifty came barrelling into the kitchen, broom and dustpan brandished like a spear and shield.
“Mess! Where’s the Mess!? Must clean the mess!!”
Scurrying like the bug she was, Nifty ran past Vaggie, making her jump onto the counter to avoid being trampled, and watched with morbid fascination as Nifty swept, collected, and dumped the mug shards faster than Husk could down a bottle of booze. She was out of the kitchen like a shot, the double french doors swinging in her wake. The girls staired at her exit for a few seconds before the sound of the kettle whistling broke the silence.
“Yeeeeaah… This could become a problem Vaggie.”
*Sign* “Yeah… I think you’re right Hun.”
“What are we gunna do?” Vaggie had to smile at her adorable girlfriend that she would use the word ‘we’ instead of ‘you’. Like it was obvious that they would tackle this problem together.
“Don’t worry too much about it, Hun.” She replied as she busied herself with her tea.
“Besides, it’s not that bad. A little annoying maybe, but what’s the worst that can happen? I knock something down again? It’s not like I have to keep my identity a secret anymore.”
Vaggie chuckled a little at her own joke, but the laugh quickly died off when she looked at Charlie. Charlie sat frozen in her seat, eyes wide and expression fearful.
“Uh, babe? You good?”
Charlie slowly turned towards Vaggie with that same expression on her face. Staring at Vaggie like she was seeing her for the very first time.
Vaggie jumped and yelped in surprise when Charlie shot from her seat to stand directly in front of her, hands gripping her biceps, and staring into her soul. She’d seen Charlie manic plenty of times, sometimes it was even cute, but the way she was staring at Vaggie now was creepy.
“Vaggie…” Charlie’s voice was quiet but filled with panic. “What are we going to do?”
“Babe, we literally just decided this was no big deal. Why are you acting like this?”
“My Dad doesn’t know…”
“So?”
“Vaggie. My Dad doesn’t KNOW you’re and Angel! He can’t know! He can never find out!”
“Uh, why?”
Charlie let go of Vaggie instead to hang onto the counter and hyperventilate.
“Ooooooh my gosh! Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh this is bad! This is soooooo bad! How do we stop this!? You can’t sneeze. We have to find a way to make sure you never, ever sneeze again!”
“Charlie! Please, tell me what’s going on! Why can’t your Dad know? And how do you know he doesn’t already? He fought with us against Adam. I’m pretty sure he, like the rest of hell, saw me flying around.”
“HE. CAN’T. KNOW!” With each word, Charlie pressed her face close and closer to Vaggie’s until their noses were squished together. Charlie finally let go of her very confused girlfriend only to grip her hair.
“My Dad hates the angels. And I mean HATES them! I finally get it. After everything we went through, I totally understand now why he feels that way! What’s he gunna do when he finds out!? Will he be mad? Will he leave? What if he attacks you!? Maybe he thinks you’re a spy from Heaven! Sent here to gather intel and woo me into lowering my guard for a second attack and assassinate my father!! And then Heaven will wipe out all of Hell and reign as SUPREME OVERLORDS!!”
“…how much sugar did you put in your coffee this morning?”
“………9 cubes………”
She sighed.
“Babe, chill. As much as I love that imagination of yours, you know that’s not going to happen. I really don’t think your Dad is going to care. I’m a fallen Angel, just like he is.”
Charlie still looked unsure and kept wringing her hands in worry. Vaggie stepped closer and kissed her cheek.
“Relax Hun. Everything will be fine.”
Everything was in fact, not fine. Charlie spent the rest of the day on an active anti-sneeze campaign, and frankly, everyone was getting a little annoyed.
Angel came downstairs with an aroma therapy candle to show Husk, saying that the smell was supposed to trigger feelings of lust and a need to ‘get it on’. Husk wasn’t interested in the slightest, but Agnel lit it anyway. No sooner was the candle lit was it blown out. Angel and Husk both looked at Charlie in confusion.
“What the hell was that for toots? You got something against good smelling candles?” Angel asked.
Charlie blurted out, “Vaggie’s allergic!”. She was not.
Alastor was making lunch in the kitchen. He was making his famous jambalaya with far too much spice (he’d argue it was perfect and then watch with glee as everyone else choked on the spiciness). As he stirred his pot, he reached into the cupboard above the stove and pulled from it a glass jar that held his mother’s famous spice mix. No sooner had he opened it to sprinkle some in, a vacuum nozzle came out of no where and sucked up all the mix. Alastor blinked and slowly turned his head towards Charlie.
Charlie held the vacuum like a riffle. “Too spicy!!” She shouted before bolting away, leaving Alastor frozen and confused.
“What just happened?”
No resident was safe from Charlie as she continued to make sure that there were ZERO irritants in the air that could make Vaggie sneeze. What made it worse was the whole time she was doing it, Charlie kept looking over her shoulder for her dad, fearful he would just pop up in a poof of red smoke when she’d least expect it. On top of that, whenever Lucifer WAS in the same room, Charlie hovered unusually close to Vaggie. It would have been adorable if Charlie wasn’t giving off so much nervous energy. Her attempts to be covert just ended up making her look more suspicious. Lucifer didn’t seem to notice. No one was sure if that was because he was good and hiding it, or if he was just that oblivious.
Opinions were leaning towards the latter…
Vaggie, however, the getting tired of this. Fast. Every time something came up that could even remotely make her sneeze, Charlie went overboard. She chased Nifty for 20 minutes with the same vacuum cleaner, saying she just wanted to clean off her feather duster, but really, she just didn’t want Nifty dusting. She was then chased BY Niffy for ANOTHER 20 minutes because Charlie took her vacuum without asking.
Vaggie, Angel, and Husk all watched the chase from the bar with drinks.
“So, what short circuited in your girlfriend’s brain this time?” Husk drawled.
Vaggie sighed. “She doesn’t want me to sneeze. Some weird hang up where she thinks her dad is gunna freak out if he finds out I’m an angel.”
Husk and Angel shared a look. “Well… will he?” Angel asked. But Vaggie shook her head.
“I mean, why would he?” Again, Angel and Husk shared a look but just shrugged.
“You guys wanna try a new drink I’ve been working on?”
“Hells yeah!”
Vaggie shrugged. “Sure. What you got?”
Husk grinned as he started gathering ingredients, speaking as he mixed.
“It’s a new twist on a classic. I call it a ‘Knocked Up Maria’.” Angel snorted a laugh at the terrible name. “It’s like a bloody marry, but with a kick.”
With expert hands, Husk mixed together Tequilla, tomato juice, lemon juice, horseradish, worcestershire, tabasco, and a pinch of celery salt. He mixed and poured the drinks into two tall glasses rimmed with pepper and salt, then garnished them with a celery stalk and a pickled spicy long bean. He slid the finished drinks to his two friends and waited for their input.
Angel took his first and took a long swig.
“Whoo!! Damn whiskers! You ain’t kidding about the kick!!”
Vaggie swirled hers for a moment with the celery and bean. Picking them both up together, she bit into the veggies covered in drink. The spice level hit her immediately, and while she liked spicy food and had a good tolerance for alcohol, the kick still bit her in the back of her throat and brought a tickle to her nose.
She let out a teeny, tiny cough.
Faster than the speed of light, Vaggie felt herself being hauled off her bar stool and suffocated. Charlie was behind her in an instant, having mistook her cough for a sneeze and wrapped herself around Vaggie from behind like a deranged koloa. Legs and arms around her torso to keep her wings in (which weren’t even out Charlie, like… come on girl…) and both hands covered Vaggie’s mouth and nose.
“NO, SNEEZE!! STAY IN THERE!!”
Vaggie flailed wildly as she was dragged off her bar stool by her absolute maniac of a girlfriend. Vaggie started elbowing Charlie in the ribs to make her let go when she started to see stars. At last, when Charlie let go, Vaggie sucked in a huge breath of air before rounding on her.
“Charlie! What the absolute FUCK!? I wasn’t even sneezing! I was coughing from Husk’s spicy drink!”
“Well how the hell was I supposed to know that!?”
“Charlie! If you’d just let this go-!”
At that moment their yelling match was interrupted by a massive explosion that took out the same damn wall. As the dust and debris settled, Cherri’s silhouette became visible.
“What up bitches!?” There was silence for a moment before two voices rang through the group.
“Nooo!! Not the dust!!”
Charlie and Nifty both sprang into action. Carlie grabbed a blanket off the back of one of the couches and began to furiously flap it to try and blow the dust out of the new hole, while Nifty went ham with her broom. Vaggie shook her head and pinched the bridge of her nose.
“Dios mio, esta mujer tiene el cerebro de una ardilla.”
“Uh… what’s going on here?”
Vaggie, Husk, and Angel all jumped in perfect unison at Lucifer’s voice. The King of Hell was standing beside everyone watching the chaos unfold with a perplexed look.
“It’s really nothing, sir. Just Charlie being… Charlie.” Vaggie really didn’t know how else to explain it. Lucifer just hummed and accepted it.
“Well, ok! Hey, what cha got there?” he asked pointing to Angel’s drink.
“Uh. It’s a new drink I made, your Majesty. Do you, uh, wanna try it?”
“Do I? By golly yes, I do!” Lucifer marched himself up to the bar and hopped onto the stool like a little kid. It was then that Vaggie noticed that her drink was on the floor after Charlie’s sneak attack.
“Ah man… It tasked good too…”
“Hmm?” Lucifer followed her unhappy gaze to the ruined drink on the floor. “Oh! Not to worry little lady! I can have that fixed in a jiffy!!”
With a snap of his fingers and a puff of red smoke, Vaggie’s drink was reanimated and back on the bar top. However, the tiny sparkle particles of Lucifers magic lingered in the air. Vaggie involuntarily took a whiff. It smelled like burnt wood and cinnamon.
That familiar tickle was back.
“Ah… AH…”
Charlie stopped flapping the blanket, now noticing the scene for the first time.
“Oh no.”
“AH. AH!”
Like a slow-motion movie, Charlie made a mad dash for the bar, complete with slow motion running and a comically deep voice.
“Noooooooooo!!”
“ACHOO!!”
FOOMP
And there went the wings. Out in full display. Time seamed to stand still for a moment before Cherri’s laugh broke the silence.
“Oh my God! You pop your wings out when you sneeze!? That’s fucking hilarious!!”
Cherri laughed, Angel and Husk looked uncomfortable, Vaggie and Charlie were both frozen with shock and embarrassment, and Lucifer just kinda looked around in mild disinterest. He looked at Vaggie for a long moment, taking in her embarrassed face, and with a snap of his fingers both he and her disappeared in another round of smoke.
It wasn’t until the last sparkle disappeared that Charlie’s brain rebooted. She took off for the stairs and her fathers tower like a mad woman, screaming all the way.
“DADDY!!! DON’T HURT MY LOVEY DOVEY!!!”
The lobby was left quiet except for Cherri’s laughter. Angel looked at husk.
“Hey… can I have short kings drink?”
Vaggie and Lucifer poofed into his new room at the hotel and Vaggie had to wave her arms to dispel the red cloud, coughing a little as she did. Lucifer walked away from Vaggie as soon as they landed and began to wordlessly dig through draws and chests. Well… maybe not wordlessly. Vaggie did catch him muttering little things like ‘where did it go’ and ‘I know I put that damn thing somewhere’.
Vaggie couldn’t help but stand nervously in her spot. Surely Charlie wasn’t right about Lucifer? She cursed herself for letting Charlie’s wild ideas run amuck in her head. Before she could spiral any farther, she heard a triumphant ‘ah ha!” from Lucifer. He skipped back over to her with a smile and a little scroll in his hand. He all but threw the scroll at her face. It bounced off her nose and unrolled itself midair before bursting into sparkles and confetti.
“Qué carajo! What did you just do!?”
“Relax, I was just helping. Put your wings away.”
Vaggie did so reluctantly, eyeing the king suspiciously. Lucifer produces a feather.
“Ok, now just relax.” He brought the feather to her face and tickled her nose. She tried to fight it, she really did, but the sneeze came anyway. This time however, when she sneezed her wings didn’t pop out. Confused, she brough them out voluntarily with no problems. She gave them a few experimental flaps before she tucked them away again and looked at Lucifer with a stunned but questioning expression.
“What did you do?” she asked.
Lucifer flashed a smug smile at her. “Little trick I came up with while I was bored down here.” He chuckled, but it lacked any real humor. “I always hated it when I’d sneeze and they’d come out. Can’t tell you how many things I knocked over, and with six of them, it was a lot. So I came up with this little spell. Keeps the wings locked in while you sneeze but otherwise leaves then unaffected by anything else. Pretty sweet huh?
Vaggie’s face lit up and her smile was full of relief.
“Thank you, sir! This will really help.” He smiled back, but then his smile faded back to thoughtful.
“Does this have anything to do with why Charlie has been acting weird all day?”
Vaggie let her shoulders slump.
“Yeah. She’s been trying all day to make sure I didn’t sneeze in front of you because she has this weird fear that if you found out I was an angel, you’ve be angry.”
He blinked at her. “What? Why would I be angry? I already knew you where an angel. I saw you flying around during the battle.”
Vaggie wanted to face palm then go smack her girlfriend.
“That’s exactly what I told her! But she wouldn’t listen!”
Lucifer chuckled and with a wave of his hand, summoned up a small table, two chairs, and some tea.
“Why don’t we sit down? You and I haven’t really had any time to chew the fat. Angel to angel.”
Vaggie was a little reluctant, but Lucifer’s countenance seemed genuine, so she let herself relax and sit while he poured the tea.
“So.” He began, after sitting across from her. “A fallen angel huh?” Vaggie nodded.
“Yes sir.”
“How long?”
“Huh?”
“How long have you been a fallen angel?”
“Umm… just under 4 years, sir.”
“I see. And does Charlie know?”
“Yes sir. She found out a few weeks before the battle.”
Lucifer sipped his tea and let Vaggie have a few sips before continuing.
“I see. That’s good. If she knows and is OK with it, then I’m OK with it.”
Vaggie couldn’t help but stare at this man that Charlie, for an entire day, was freaking out about and worried he would do something to hurt her. But this man, the literal Devil and King of Hell, had accepted her faster than anyone. She slowly sat her cup down.
“You know…” she started slowly. “Charlie made such a big deal out of this, but… that’s the fastest I’ve even been accepted by like… anyone. Thank you.” She was bashful and kept her eyes lowered to the table.
Lucifer also sat his tea down and looked at the young lady sitting across from him. She really was a pretty little thing, and she made his Char-Char so happy. That alone was enough to make him like her, but more than that, she was the one supporting his daughter, comforting her, and helping her to make her dream a reality while he had been off in his own little world of self isolation. And the fight she put up for Charlie and her friends was most impressive. She clearly was a trained fighter. The only other angels he had ever encountered that could fight like that were…
“You’re an exorcist, aren’t you?”
Vaggie choked on the mouthful of tea she had just sipped. The hot liquid promptly went down the wrong way making her sputter and cough. Lucifer was on his feet in an instant with a hand on her back and a napkin in the other.
“Easy there, little lady. Don’t go dying on me now! We just met and we haven’t even finished the pot yet!” He tried to joke as Vaggie got her breath back. She accepted the napkin with shaking fingers and wiped her mouth and the eye that had started to water.
“Thanks…” she rasped, when she felt confident the attack was over and she wasn’t at risk for more coughing.
Satisfied that she was OK, Lucifer took his seat once again. He waited to make sure she had her bearings before continuing with his question, but she beat him to it.
“How did you know?” Vaggie stared at him in open confusion, like this was some big secret that she couldn’t believe he had discovered. His dead pan reply was:
“Uh, I saw you flying around in an open battlefield, kicking ass and wielding an angelic spear? Also, there are like, no angels in heaven that can fight like that. It’s not rocket science.”
You have a giant X over your eye and wield an angelic spear. It’s not rocket science.
Vaggie could hear Carmilla’s voice in the back of her mind and wanted so badly to go punch someone in the face. Was it really that obvious?
“Oh por el amor de dios…”
“Sorry, what was that? I don’t speak Spanish.”
“… aren’t you like, centuries old?”
“Yes? Why?”
Vaggie blinked once before deciding that picking apart the enigma that was the King of Hell wasn’t important right now. She sighed.
“Yes, I was an exorcist.”
She was suddenly hit with the very real fear that this might change things between her and Lucifer. While he may have been ok with her being an angel, but what about a blood thirsty monster responsible for the death of thousands of his people? She looked up at the King with a hint of fear in her eye. She asked her next question quietly and with trepidation.
“Does… does this change anything?” But Lucifer just shrugged.
“Not really. I mean tomato tamado right? You were an angel, you were just following Heaven’s rules, until you did something naughty, then they kicked you out, right? No big deal.”
Uh-oh. Apparently, this WAS a big deal. Lucifer watched Vaggie all but collapse into herself. She had both hands gripping her teacup, her shoulders were brought up tight to her ears, and her head was bowed. If he wasn’t mistaken, he could have sworn he saw her bow droop like sad cat ears, low against her head. Lucifer instantly felt bad for how insensitive he just was and tried to apologize.
“Oh my gosh, I am SO sorry! I shouldn’t have… I didn’t mean… I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said it like that. I didn’t mean to make light of it or try to diminish it.”
He wanted to reach across the table and hold her hands but felt that maybe it wouldn’t be appropriate or well received, so he stopped himself halfway but let his hands rest on the tabletop, fists loosely curled. He stared at the table while he tried to voice his thoughts.
“Sorry…” he tried again. “I of all people should know that falling is no joke. It’s terrible and frightening.”
Vaggie peeked up at him through her lashes. That big eye starring at him with just the tiniest hint of hope that maybe someone else did understand made his heart clench. He smiled at her.
“I want you to know that whatever it is you did, I won’t judge you for it. I know how unfair Heavan can be.”
This time he turned his palms upwards but still didn’t make a move to grab her hands. Instead, his merely sat there, patiently, with his hands open to receive if she wanted to give.
Slowly, timidly, Vaggie did place her hands in his and was almost overwhelmed by how gently he held her hands. Like a true father. She couldn’t stand to look at his face anymore and lowered her eyes to the table again, letting her gaze rest on their joined hands instead.
“It’s not that simple.” She whispered.
“It never is with Heaven.” He replied just as soft.
He took a deep breath and gripped her hands a little tighter.
“I’d like to know why you fell. But only if you want to. I can see it in your face that you’ve been holding this in for a long time, and that you really want to tell someone, but if its too much, then you don’t have to. But I’m here to listen and I think it would help. Afterall, we fallen angels have to stick together, don’t we?” He finished with a big cheesy grin.
Vaggie couldn’t help but smile back. It really would feel good to get this off her chest, especially with some one who knew firsthand what it was like to fall. Someone who understood the loneliness of loosing the only home you’d known and starting over.
“I refused to kill a sinner on extermination day.”
There was no way for Lucifer to hide the shock from his face.
“Wait, that’s it? You spared one sinner and the Council kicked you out?”
His eyes filled with worry and confusion when Vaggie started biting her lip. He could feel her hands trembling, so he squeezed them tighter to give her an anchor. She fought to keep the tremor out of her voice and keep herself steady.
“It wasn’t the council. I didn’t get a trial. I was just… abandoned.”
A cold dread started to fill Lucifer’s chest.
“What do you mean?”
Vaggie swallowed thickly before continuing.
“My last extermination… I spared a sinner. A little boy. I just couldn’t do it anymore and I… I told him to run. I thought I was alone, but the Lieutenant, Lute, was watching me. She saw everything and decided right then and there that I needed to be punished. That fucking bitch ambushed me and left me for dead. Adam took my halo and the two of them just… left me here.”
Lucifer started to quake with rage.
“They wounded you? And then they just left?” He raised one of his hands and oh so gently brushed Vaggie’s bangs aside to see her eye patch. “Did she do this to you?”
Vaggie just nodded. “Yeah. She took my eye. My wings too. Ripped them clean off.”
Lucifer jerked his hand away like he had been burned. Now his whole body was visibly shaking. He clenched his fists as his eyes turned red. His horns stood at attention and smoke and fire started to curl from his lips.
“They… they did…”
“THEY DID FUCKING WHAT!?!?!”
Lucifer’s door was blown clean off its hinges by Charlie’s furious kick. Charlie stood in the doorway decked out in full demon form, breathing her own hellfire. She looked down right pissed, but to Vaggie, she had never looked more beautiful.
Charlie rushed to Vaggie and held her by her upper arms.
“Is that why I found you with only one eye!? Are those where the scars on your back came from!? Why you have phantom pains!? Holy shit does this mean you grew your own wings back!? I WILL MURDER THOSE FUCKING ASSHOLES!! I WILL RAISE ADAM FROM THE DEAD JUST SO I CAN KILL THAT MOTHER FUCKER ALL OVER AGAIN!!!”
While a little shocked at the blazing inferno that was her girlfriend, a warmth that wasn’t brought on by hellfire spread through her heart, making Vaggie fell all warm and fuzzy inside. Charlie’s love hit her full force, and she couldn’t help but surge forward and wrap her arms around her. The flames and horns died almost instantly as Charlie let her own arms encircle Vaggie and squeeze. She buried her face into the crook of Vaggie’s neck, soft silver strands tickling her nose.
All the anger that Charlie was feeling just a moment ago was gone, suddenly replaced with a cold, hollow feeling about what had happened to her angel.
“I am so sorry.” She whispered, holding her a little tighter.
“It’s OK Charlie.”
“But its not OK.” Charlie pushed back to hold her shoulders again. She looked Vaggie dead in the eye.
“They hurt you and they left you, alone, in Hell, for no reason. And don’t you DARE say you deserved it for not following orders!” Vaggie’s jaw snapped shut. Charlie continued.
“It was wrong and it should NEVER have happened. I’m sorry that happened to you Vaggie. And I’m sorry that I wasn’t a better girlfriend, that you felt like you had to hide this from me. That I didn’t make you feel safe enough to tell me.”
“Sweety, no.” Vaggie reached up to cup Charlie’s cheek. “You did everything right. You saved me Charlie. This is my own fault. I was the coward that let my own fears and insecurities blind me. I always thought that if you knew, you’d look at me differently. That you might stop loving me, and I’d lose you too.”
Charlie took the hand from her cheek and kissed her knuckles.
“Never.” That one word was spoken with such conviction that Vaggie felt herself tear up a little. She dove back into Charlie’s arms again and the two just held each other. Perfectly content.
“That was so beautiful!”
Oh, right. Lucifer was still in the room. The two broke apart abruptly with an awkward little chuckle from Charlie, and Vaggie trying hard not blush, but Lucifer was too busy blowing his nose into a duck embroidered hanky to notice. His baby girl was all grown up and in love! OH, he was such a proud daddy!!
“Whelp!” Charlie clapped her hands to try and dispel the awkward moment. “Now that that’s all settled, I guess we should go and get back to our hotel duties.”
Lucifer dabbed his eyes and blew his nose one more time and finally stopped gushing.
“Right you are ducky! And…” He turned to Vaggie with that open fatherly smile again. “Thanks for indulging an old man. And if you ever need any thing, anything at all, my door is always open.”
She returned his smile. “Thank you, Lucifer. I will.”
“Oh yeah.” Charlie snapped her fingers as a sudden thought came to her. “What were you guys doing in here anyway?”
“Having tea of course! And talking! Your girlfriend is lovely, by the way”
Vaggie brushed some hair behind her ear bashfully at the complement.
“Wait, that’s it? Just tea? You weren’t mad or interrogating her, or hurting her?”
Lucifer looked shocked and genuinely confused. “Hurt her? Charlie, why would I hurt her?”
“Because she’s an angel? You hate the angels! You’ve told me all through out my whole childhood how much you hate them!” She threw up her hands in exasperation. Lucifer just looked at her with a flat face.
“Charlie, ducky… Yes, I hate the angels but not like that. They just piss me off. And besides, your girl isn’t JUST an angel, she’s a fallen angel. Like me!!” Lucifer’s face immediately became joyous again at that last part, like he was genuinely happy there was another person like him.
Charlie felt a few beads of sweat start to form on her brow, and a single drop ran a cold trail down her neck. She could practically feel Vaggie’s glare.
“Eh he he… oops?”
“Yeah. Oops.”
The words where ice cold and Charlie gulped nervously, pulling at the collar of her shirt. Vaggie’s glare spoke of unspeakable torment to come, though not physically. No, Charlie figured she might have to get the spare sheets from the linen closet for the couch and resign herself to a few days of no cuddles. Honestly, she’d rather have an ass whooping. Way less painful than no lovey dovey cuddles…
While Charlie was thinking of ways to beg for forgiveness, Vaggie had her own thought.
“Wait, babe… We’ve been up here for like, 20 minutes. Why did it take you so long?”
Charlie’s face went full red as she stammered out a response, tapping her fingertips together.
“I may have runupdastrs…”
“I’m sorry, what was that?”
“I said I may have run up the stairs!!”
20 minutes earlier
Charlie was sprinting. Running like her life (or Vaggie’s) depended on it. She took to the stairs and started climbing them two at a time. By the time she had reached the third set of stairs, she needed to take them one at a time. Floor 5 had her catching her breath. She leaned against the railing panting.
“Woo-kay… little out of shape. Might have to start training with Vaggie. Ugh but that’s so early in the morning!! No! Don’t waste time Charlie! Your lovey dovey needs you!!”
And like a shot she was off. Floors 6, 7, and 8 were much the same, but by the 9th she needed to take another break. Her legs were starting to feel like jelly and her lungs were burning. As she stood with her hands on her knees taking a breather, an inquisitive little ‘mherp’ caught her attention. Kee-kee was sitting on her haunches looking up at her human mama.
“Not… now… kee-kee… I need… to get… to Vaggie!” She said in between breaths.
Kee-kee chirped again and with a flick of her tail, pointed towards the elevator.
“Are you kidding me! I can’t take the elevator! That will take way to long and I have to save Vaggie!”
Kee-kee tilted her head and squinted her single eye in a way that clearly said, ‘are you high?’
But Charlie paid her no mind and instead took off running again, screaming all the way for Vaggie to just hold on a little longer.
10, 11, 12, 13… each floor she climbed became harder and harder. She started pulling herself up the stairs by the banisters. She needed a breather at each landing, and each time she looked to her left, she saw the elevator. Shining. Gleaming. Mocking her.
“I… don’t… need you!!” she huffed.
14, 15 and 16 she was practically crawling up the stairs, and each floor she passed, there was the elevator. At floor 16 she collapsed on the floor on her back. With a shaking hand she raised a middle finger to the elevator.
“Fuck… you…”
Floor 17. Her father was on floor 22, her penthouse on 23. She was so close. With renewed vigor she scaled floors 18 and 19. 20 she was back to crawling up the stairs. 21 she was crawling down the hallway, clawing her way to the next staircase on her belly. 22, the finale floor. She made it but barely. Her limp hand could just barely reach past the lip of the last stair. It took everything she had to pull her limp and exhausted body up and over the daunting 5 inches of the step. She crawled her way to a decorative pillar in the corner and used it to pull herself upright and then lean against it while she tried to get feeling back into her legs. She opened her eyes and her vision swam for a moment, the room spinning in doubles. A few blinks and it all came back into focus. Focus, on that damn elevator. Charlie gave it a double middle finger.
“Fuck you mother fucker! I told you I didn’t need you!”
Finally ready to get this rescue operation on the road, Charlie ran to her father’s door but stopped short when she heard voices from inside. And not the screams she had envisioned on the way up. Just… normal talking. She put her ear to the door to try and listen in and what she heard next ignited a fire and a rage the likes she had never felt before.
Present time
A long silence filled the air.
“Charlie. This hotel has 23 floors.”
“I’m aware.”
“And you climbed them.”
“Yup.”
“All of them.”
“Yuperoni.”
“We have an elevator. It takes 3 minutes.”
“Fuck the elevator. I think we should tear it out.”
Vaggie put her hand to her forehead and signed. She shook her head at the absurd, but admittedly adorable, hot mess that was her girlfriend.
“How about we skip the hotel for the day and just go to our room and have a nap?”
Charlie sank heavily to her knees “Oh my gosh YES! Yes PLEASE!” before face planting into the carpet, butt in the air.
There was a snap, a flash of heat, and some sparks. Vaggie turned around to see a portal to their bedroom open. Lucifer tipped his hat.
“Much faster than taking the stairs.” He winked.
“Not funny Dad.” Charlie muttered, voice a little muffled due to still being face down in the carpet.
“Nah, I thought it was pretty funny.”
Vaggie just giggled and picked her lover up like she weighed nothing, cradling her big baby of a princess in her arms, and stepped through the portal with one last little nod to Lucifer.
They spent the rest of the day in bed cuddling. And Vaggie didn’t sneeze once.