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Nakamura, although he’d never claimed to be the luckiest boy in the universe, didn’t think his luck was particularly bad…at least recently, it wasn’t. Sort of. Although he was prone to being victim of one too many unfortunate events, one thing after another, what mattered was that the outcome wasn’t so bad.
After all, at the end of the day, despite all the troubles he faced, he found that he was gradually making friends with people around him–and most importantly, with Hirose Aiki, his crush and friend. Hirose was a valuable existence to him, an essential cog in his wheel. It was him that had expanded Nakamura’s world, whether he was aware of it or not. And for that, Nakamura was endlessly grateful to him.
Hirose was loved, and would continue to be loved by Nakamura no matter what form it may be. Nakamura, despite his elaborate fantasies, did not with complete certainty expect for Hirose to return his affections in a romantic sense–and it may be possible that someday, their paths may diverge, or his romantic feelings may fade. But even so, he would continue to love Hirose as a friend, and as a person, first and foremost.
It hadn’t meant that he’d given up trying to win the boy’s heart, but it was something that he’d made peace with. And no matter what the outcome may be, he was simply happy with having been able to meet and love Hirose Aiki. Nakamura wondered if that was what it meant to truly grow and mature, but surely he would not know until years down the line. This was nothing more than the musings of a teenager, a teenager that would surely grow more with time.
–But that was neither here nor there. He was also the type to get sidetracked by his own thoughts, so much so that he’d almost forgotten the unfortunate situation at hand. A familiar voice snapped him out of his internal ramblings, the person before him clearing their throat as they tapped his hand with a single finger, leaving traces of warmth upon his skin.
Nakamura would prefer to ignore the gesture, but he heaved a sigh as he turned his gaze up from his textbook to the person sitting across from him. “What?”
It occurred to him at that moment, that without intending to, perhaps his voice had come out a little too snappy, or perhaps a little too harsh. Regardless, he doubted the person before him minded, considering their relationship was not exactly what one would call cordial. Matsumura sat across from him, his lips pulled to an infuriatingly, perfectly gentle–and fake–smile, his hair perfectly done, his uniform perfectly crisp.
Tall, handsome, and sweet, Matsumura Kosei was perfect in every way, from every angle…at least to those who didn’t have the displeasure of knowing him. He was everything Nakamura wanted to be, yet not. Admiration crossing into contempt, his relationship with Matsumura was a complicated one. One could call them love rivals, or something more. Or something less, really, he couldn’t say.
All he knew was that normally, one would not find themselves spending private one on one time with those whom they claim to be their enemy or their rival–especially since they had almost nothing in common besides their affections for Hirose. But here they were, sitting in a quiet cafe, their textbooks open as they attempted to study, although Nakamura was hardly paying attention to the material before him.
“Are you tired?” Matsumura hummed, resting his chin upon his palm. Despite having been snapped at, he remained as controlled and calm as ever, and a part of Nakamura found that he wanted to ruin that control, mess up his perfectly trained facade. “I can tell you’re not actually reading the textbook. You’ve been staring at that page for 10 minutes, you know.”
Nakamura coughed, his cheeks flushing a light pink at having been caught. Words spilled from his lips without thought, as if it would ease his embarrassment in any way, “That’s…well, I was just thinking. You got a problem with that? It’s not like we arranged a meeting to study anyway, plus, why were you staring at me for 10 minutes? Weirdo. Mind your own business.”
It was true that they hadn’t particularly planned out what to do today. As a matter of fact, they hadn’t planned on hanging out either. It just so happened that Nakamura had come to investigate a certain new, trendy cafe that he’d heard Hirose talking about, and it just so happened that Matsumura was there, sipping on a cup of coffee, leaning back in his chair like he owned the place. But if Nakamura were being honest, the setting suited him. Stylish and mature, it was as if it was only natural that Matsumura would be found in such a place.
Come to think of it, it also just so happened that he’d been running into Matsumura a lot lately. Weird.
“I don’t have a problem with it, and I wasn’t staring at you for 10 minutes. What, did you want me to?” Matsumura shot back. His smug smirk was just about as infuriating as everything else about him was. “Well, it’s fine. I didn’t plan on studying with you either, you just opened up a book and started reading it so I did “mind my business” and let you do whatever you wanted…but personally, I was hoping to chat.”
“About what?”
Nakamura had blurted out his question as soon as Matsumura had finished his sentence. His eyebrows were raised, his face contorting in confusion. What could he possibly have to converse with Matsumura about, aside from Hirose? Or was that what he wanted to talk about? Upon entering the crowded cafe, Matsumura had simply waved him over, telling him that he likely wouldn’t be able to snag a spot, so he would graciously allow Nakamura a seat at his table.
Hours came and went without a single exchange of dialogue, and although the cafe had slowly begun to empty itself, the two remained stationed at their table, still not a word to be spoken between them. At least, until now.
“About, hm, your hobbies?” A pause. “Can you not look at me like I just killed your grandma? It’s hurting my feelings.” Matsumura said, idly stirring the third refill of his drink (maybe that was why he was acting odd. Too much coffee certainly couldn’t be good for one’s psyche) before taking a small sip. Despite his words, he hardly looked hurt, likely expecting this exact outcome. Which, yeah, what else did he expect? For Nakamura to be jumping for joy at the concept of talking to Matsumura about his hobbies?
“Why…on earth would I talk to you about my hobbies?” Nakamura replied, his voice flat. There was no snappiness, nothing particularly snide about his question. He would even go so far as to call it objective. Why the hell would he open up about his hobbies to Matsumura, when they could hardly constitute as friends? If anything, Matsumura often acted as if he were merely putting up with Nakamura’s presence, and the same could be said for the reverse.
“I don’t know,” Matsumura shrugged, “...Because we’ve been sitting together for a couple hours now, and it’s normal to get to know someone you’re hanging out with? I mean,” He gestured to the nearly empty cafe, “You could’ve moved to another table, but you didn’t. So that means you at least want to be here, right? If you’re gonna sit here, you might as well talk to me.”
Nakamura had so many questions. On one hand, he couldn’t exactly say that Matsumura was wrong. He could have moved to a different table, there were plenty of open ones now, but he didn’t. He didn’t particularly mind sitting with Matsumura, nor did he find their silence uncomfortable, but that didn’t mean he had a burning desire to fill the silence with chatter either.
But that was the thing. Even if they had mutually agreed to sit in silence (or at least, Nakamura thought they had), the idea of chatting in a remotely friendly way was…strange. It felt out of nowhere. Honestly, it didn’t make sense. Nakamura could not even process the concept of it. Chatting with Matsumura was an option? That was a possibility? The thought had never even crossed his mind.
“Do you want us to be friends or something?”
Might as well rip the bandaid off now rather than later.
Matsumura blinked, tilting his head. Nakamura found that for once, he couldn’t quite read the boy’s expression, couldn’t identify what emotion flickered in his round, almost puppy-like eyes. Did he find this amusing? Or was he taking this seriously? Who knows. “Is this a question, or an offer?”
“Question.” Nakamura could feel a headache coming. Reaching for his iced coffee, he took a huge gulp, hoping to distract himself from whatever was going on. The heat in his head cooled as the liquid ran down his throat, easing the tension in his body. Averting his eyes down to his drink, he found that his palm had become rather moist. Whether it be from the condensation of his cup, or the sweat that had formed from the awkward situation, he couldn’t tell.
With a laugh, Matsumura leaned forward, his expression softening just a smidge. “I’m just curious about you.” Although Nakamura wanted to call him out for lying–why would Matsumura of all people be curious about him–, the sincerity in his voice was undeniable. “Whenever I text Hirose-kun, he always takes his time answering, you see. But when I talk about you, even just bringing your name up…suddenly he’s all ears.”
“O-Oh, really?” Nakamura wondered what kind of expression he was making right now. He could feel heat crawling back into his cheeks, a goofy smile threatening to break out across his lips. He could hear his heart pounding in his ears…to think that Hirose thought so highly of him! It was a little embarrassing to know that Hirose was so eager to talk about him, but at the same time, it was cute to imagine.
“We–…well, I guess we are r-really, really close friends, so…ahem! By the way, he never talks to me about you, so I guess you guys aren’t that close after all, huh.” Nakamura couldn’t help the smug, ugly sense of satisfaction welling up inside him as he watched Matsumura’s expression break, his eye twitching into a subtle glare.
It was strangely comforting. Matsumura had been acting strange, a little too poised, a little too calm. For a second, it almost felt as though they were friends–as if they could have been friends…which was also strange, because there was no way that was happening. However, this comfort did not last long as Matsumura’s expression fixed itself, relaxing as if anger had never seized him.
“This isn’t really about Hirose-kun and I, so I would appreciate it if you would shut up about our relationship and focus on the conversation at hand, Nakamura-kun.”
Seriously, what was this guy’s problem?
“What conversation?” Nakamura muttered. So this wasn’t what Matsumura wanted to talk about? Well, he supposed it was fair that Matsumura didn’t want to just inform him of his win. Surely, he had something else he wanted to talk about. Perhaps something even more important than this…whatever it may be. But what else was there? It seemed like that was the only question Nakamura could ask. What else, over and over again. Because truly, there was only so much he could talk about with this boy he barely knew.
“The conversation about our friendship.”
“But we aren’t friends…?”
Matsumura stared at him blankly, his expression devoid of anything aside from exasperation. If Nakamura were to guess what he was thinking right now, it would probably be something on the lines of, “I’m so sick of this guy”...or something like that. Abruptly, he smiled, flashing his stupidly perfect white teeth, just one of the many stupidly perfect things about him, “I think we should be friends.”
As if sensing Nakamura’s impending refusal, he continued, “Hirose-kun tells me that you’re kind, considerate…that there’s something special about you.” He stirred his coffee once again, although this time he did not take a sip. Was he perhaps nervous? “I can see it.”
“You can see…what.” Nakamura blinked slowly, his mind completely empty. What exactly was he hearing right now? Did he get hit on the head or something? No–did Matsumura get hit on the head? Perhaps Nakamura had a secret desire to be friends with Matsumura, something even he himself was not aware of…and now he was having delusions? Pinching the back of his hand, he winced. Nope. Not a dream. “Y-you think I’m, uh, kind…considerate…and special? You must be joking.”
Letting out something in between a scoff and a laugh, Matsumura tilted his head, “Can’t say I fully agree with the sentiment, but like I said, I can understand where Hirose-kun is coming from. For what it’s worth, I don’t like you, but I don’t think you’re a bad person either. You’re gloomy, unsociable, petty, and you look like a mess.”
Was he just taking this chance to make digs at Nakamura? If that was the case, Nakamura was not above throwing a punch or two right now. He was most definitely not winning a fistfight against Matsumura, but he would be throwing punches regardless.
“...But I can’t bring myself to hate you, because I’ve seen firsthand what kind of person you are. Sure we’re love rivals, but on that day, you prioritized that child over Hirose-kun.” It was a reminder that Nakamura existed outside of their rivalry, that he was not there simply to get in Matsumura’s way. Nakamura was his own person with his own interests, and while his love for Hirose tied him to Matsumura, it was not all there was to him.
“I want to understand the person that Hirose-kun likes so much, not only because I have an interest in Hirose, but because I have an interest in you.”
Hirose didn’t see Nakamura as simply a romantic interest, or as a fanboy or anything of the like. He saw Nakamura for who he was, a kind boy and a good friend, but that version of Nakamura existed as only a sliver in Matsumura’s eyes. In that sense, Matsumura had wanted to know more about him, about the existence that was “Nakamura Okuto”, rather than his “love rival”.
What kind of Nakamura existed in Hirose’s eyes? What did it feel like to be “friends”, to have that gentle gaze be directed at him? It was all simple curiosity, another way of trying to understand Hirose, yet not. Matsumura, even now, couldn’t tell if he was doing it for Hirose or for himself. Hirose was part of the equation–he always was. Although he likely didn’t think much of Matsumura, he was an essential cog in his wheel.
Hirose motivated him to be his best self, to be the version of himself that would be loved by all. Through him did Matsumura meet Nakamura, and it was his desire to understand Hirose now that he reached out in this way. For a moment, Matsumura wondered if Hirose was a cog, and he himself a wheel, then that would make Nakamura a destination.
Nakamura remained silent, his eyes now averted to his lap, feeling heat spreading across his cheeks. It was hard to accept the fact that Matsumura was interested in him as a person, but it wasn’t entirely strange. After all, despite how much the dislike was mutual, Nakamura would be lying if he said he had no interest in Matsumura whatsoever. It was…rare to find another person so similar to him. Being a gay teenage boy and all, it was rough to bear these feelings alone with no one around him who could relate.
It probably wouldn’t hurt to give this friendship thing a shot. Maybe. Perhaps. Actually, maybe he needed to sleep on it first.
“...Sorry. C-can you, uh…let me think about it? I’ll get back to you another day.” Nakamura mumbled, fidgeting with his fingers. With his eyes looking down, his back hunched over in his seat, he was the smallest Matsumura had ever seen him.
Matsumura recalled Hirose mentioning just how shy Nakamura was. He couldn’t believe it at the time–Nakamura had always been gloomy and quiet looking, yes, but shy? He couldn’t recall an instance where they weren’t arguing with each other. Nakamura and the word shy simply didn’t belong in the same sentence, he was so sure of it. But now, seeing the boy so flustered…it was no wonder Hirose found him so endearing.
…Not that Matsumura found him cute or anything of the like! But he could understand it. Perhaps he was beginning to understand Hirose’s vision. Just a little. “Of course, take your time. I’m not pressuring you, Nakamura-kun. Even if you don’t agree, it’s fine, I’m just doing this to satiate my own curiosity. I would hate to put you on the spot any more than this, so I think I’ll take my leave here. And don’t worry about paying, the drinks are on me.”
Placing cash upon the table, he moved to get up, brushing past the still silent Nakamura. Just then, he felt a small tug upon his sleeve, and turning around, he found himself making direct eye contact with the boy before him. Nakamura’s expression was tense, his lips pressed together to form a thin line, his eyebrows knitted.
He inhaled, his grip on Matsumura’s sleeve tightening, yet upon closer inspection, Matsumura could tell that his hands shook, “U-uh, um, oct…”
“Oct?”
“Octo...pus. Y-you asked me what my hobbies were earlier and I never told you. I like octopuses…and I-I have one at…home. If you laugh, I’m never going to talk about myself ever again.” Nakamura stammered out hastily, his face beet red, his voice small, “I don’t really get why you’re interested in me. Hirose has lots of friends too and I…I don’t know if I’m that special to him. Talking with me might disappoint you, if you’re expecting something big or…whatever. B-but…I’m not…not interested in you. As a person. I think. So…”
He cleared his throat, letting go of Matsumura’s sleeve, yet for a short moment, Matsumura could feel his fingertips brush against his skin, the sensation hot, like a burning stove he’d accidentally touched. His interest in Nakamura was accidental, but the rest of this…he couldn’t say he had an excuse for it, for the way his traitorous heart had just skipped a beat.
“So I might need more time to think about this, but…t-thanks for asking anyway. I’ll think about it seriously…and, um…yeah.” Nakamura’s eyes nervously darted away, before they landed back on Matsumura’s face again, “By the way, just because I agree–I mean, if I agree to be your friend, that doesn’t mean I’m gonna hand over Hirose to you. You’re still the enemy.”
Matsumura hummed, shoving his hands inside his pockets. He could still feel Nakamura’s lingering touch, and it irked him. No matter how much he tried to rub his hand upon the fabric of his coat, it remained on his skin, an invisible imprint of a moment he couldn’t forget. Nakamura’s earnest words, his sincerity, etched into his mind like a permanent tattoo.
Surely, whatever inkling that he’d felt would fade with time, that was how feelings usually were.
“You talk like he’s already yours. Don’t worry, I have no intention of giving Hirose-kun up either. But,” Matsumura’s smile, ever so trained and practiced, dimmed into something much more subtle, natural, “...thanks for telling me about your hobbies. You know, it kinda suits you…octopuses can be cute too, I suppose.” He winked, “And since you admit to being interested in me, then I’ll let you know that I like taking pictures–particularly of Hirose-kun’s cute visage!”
Nakamura’s eye twitched as he shook his head, “...Yeah thanks, I knew that. I don’t think I wanna hear anymore about your hobbies actually, so could you leave now?”
With a laugh, Matsumura turned his back, wordlessly making his way to the exit. A part of him wondered if this would be something to regret, but regardless, he’d made his choice. He wanted to know more about Nakamura, going so far as to say that now he was certain he wished for his friendship.
But nothing more, nothing less than friendship.
Nakamura remained stationed in place, watching Matsumura’s back disappear out the door. Once the boy had left, he let out a deep sigh, running his hand through his hair. Did that really just happen? Was he really going to agree to become friends with someone that creepy? Still…Matsumura didn’t laugh. He even called octopuses cute…so maybe he wasn’t that bad. Maybe he was being considerate in his own way.
Leaning back in his seat, he stared up at the ceiling, muttering to himself in disbelief.
“What should I do…”