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Wyatt didn’t realize he had fallen asleep until he opened his eyes from a hazy dream. He had been walking a long stretch of road; nothing ahead, nothing around him. Just a dreadful space, vast and empty. When his bed dipped and reality finally set in, he found Miguel sitting beside him and watching him jostle awake.
The whir of the aircon was good company. A muffled conversation over pans and pots banging about went on outside. Nyong’s laughter erupted, shaking the whole house with it. It felt like it had been a decade since his early morning crisis but the clock above his desk said it was only a few minutes past eleven.
“Next time, sabihan mo si Dad not to drive too fast,” he told Miguel who was still only looking at him. “Ang bilis niyong nakauwi, ah.”
Instead of answering, Miguel took his shoes off and got under the blanket with Wyatt and they squirmed underneath the sheets until they were both comfortable. It was rare for Miguel to be the one curled up in a ball, head tucked underneath Wyatt’s chin, his shirt riding up from the back where it got caught in the zipper of Wyatt’s jacket. He placed Wyatt’s hands over his mouth, not kissing them exactly, but Wyatt wasn’t complaining.
Miguel sighed, warm and heavy. “Ako ‘yong pumilit magtrabaho. Nalaman nila Tito Ton kay Tatang at sinubukan nila ‘kong pigilan, pero ako ‘yung may ayaw. Nakakahiya na kasi, Chag. Buong buhay ko may nag-aalaga sa ‘kin. Ang tagal nang naghirap ni Tatang para sa ‘min ni Kuya, tapos ngayon ipapasa ko na naman ang responsibilidad kanila Tito. Kung sino pa ‘yong may kailangan panindigan, siya pa ‘yong pinagsisilbihan. Kaya nagmakaawa ako kanila Tito na ‘di ka muna sabihan kasi alam ko na anong sasabihin mo at alam kong gagana sa ‘kin ‘yon.
“Si Tito Ton nagbigay sa ‘kin ng number ni Sir Henry. ‘Di sila hiring pero binigyan niya ‘ko ng chance makapagtrabaho. Sabi ni Tito na mas mabuti pang kilala niya ang magiging boss ko kung wala na siyang magagawa para pigilan ako. Noong una, pumayag naman si Sir Henry na ‘di ako araw-araw pumasok sa trabaho. Mag-e-edit lang ng pictures, pwede ko naman sa bahay gawin. ‘Di ko naman talaga kasi balak na hindi mag-enroll, pero sayang kasi. Mas malaki ang sahod kapag nasa studio ako. Mas makakapag-ipon tayo. Mas mabibigyan natin ng kinabukasan si Baby Chigi.”
“Paano na ‘yong sa ‘yo?”
“Nandiyan ka naman.” Miguel buried himself deeper under the blanket. “Basta nasa tabi lang kita, okay na ‘ko.”
“Batang-bata ka pa nga.”
“Ikaw rin.”
Wyatt breathed in deeply, inhaling the smell of sweat and cheap shampoo. He pulled Miguel closer to his chest. He was tired. He knew they both were. If it were only up to him, he’d allow himself to fall asleep and stay asleep well into the next morning, but Miguel shifted his weight and the way his chest shook was agony.
Miguel tried to keep it quiet, tried to hold it in, but Wyatt’s hands were wet where they rested over his cheek.
“Matagal kong sinabihan sila Daddy na buntis ako kasi umaasa akong may mangyari pa. Even sa ‘yo, pinatagal ko. Kung ‘di mo ‘ko tinext no’n, baka mas napatagal ko pa. Kasi I knew na if alam niyo na, bantay sarado na ‘ko—”
“Anong ginawa mo?” Miguel wanted to turn and face Wyatt. Wyatt held him in place.
“Wala. Wala akong ginawa. Pero ‘yun na rin. Wala sana ‘kong balak gawin. Wala sana akong balak magpa-checkup o mag-vitamins o kahit ano. Pinatagal ko ngang mag-PT kasi I thought na mas may chance na…” He paused. Miguel didn’t need to hear it out loud. “At kung may nangyari man at may kailangan sisihin, ako lang. Kung may mananagot, ako lang din. Nakapag-enroll ka siguro ngayon.”
“Chag, baka napahamak ka pa niyan.”
Wyatt shrugged. “I know, pero I didn’t care. We barely had the chance to just be boyfriends and ang tagal-tagal mong nanligaw. Matagal kitang sinagot kasi ayokong mag-regret ka.”
“Kahit nagkakaganito tayo ngayon, wala naman akong panghihinayang.”
“Pero ‘di natin to ginusto, Chog. Ang palagi kong iniisip is masisira ang mga buhay natin. I’d rather na mapahamak ako saglit basta’t bumalik lang tayo sa dati.”
“Tapos paano kung hindi lang saglit ang mangyayari sa ‘yo? Paano kung—”
“Doesn’t matter,” Wyatt said into Miguel’s hair before giving the top of his head a kiss. “‘I’m still pregnant. You’re now out of school. Nangyari na lahat ng kinatatakutan ko and yet we’re still here.”
“Sorry.”
“Huy.” Wyatt prompted Miguel to finally face him and Miguel sniffled once they locked eyes. “We’re still here, Chog. Nandito pa rin ako. Nandiyan ka pa.”
Miguel nodded, closed his eyes, and let himself rest in between Wyatt’s arms.
When Wyatt came to again, the clock on his desk read ten minutes before twelve.
His door was ajar and Anthony, holding two glasses of water, peeked through the crack. He made his way in quietly and placed the cups on the bedside table. “How are you?” he whispered.
Wyatt shrugged and cocked his head towards Miguel.
“Labas kayo mga twelve para kumain. Kung wala pa kayo sa dining by then, nandiyan pa si Nyong at June,” Anthony said with a smile as he took his leave. “Ipapahila ko kayo.”
Wyatt smiled back. They were still here.
They were all still here.