Work Text:
Songs:
Yellow — Coldplay
Until I Found You — Stephen Sanchez
Dandelions — Ruth B.
Iris — Goo Goo Dolls
Always — Daniel Caesar
Golden Hour — JVKE
The Scientist — Coldplay
Atlantis — Seafret
Glue Song — beabadoobee
You're Gonna Live Forever In Me — John Mayer
✦ ˚ . ✧ . ˚ ✦
"Even the brightest stars
eventually fall.
Not because they stopped shining,
but because they were tired
of carrying their own light."
— Unknown
✦ ˚ . ✧ . ˚ ✦
Everyone at Aoba Johsai knew Oikawa Tooru.
They knew his dramatic complaints.
They knew his ridiculous confidence.
They knew the way he would loudly announce his greatness before immediately getting hit by a volleyball thrown by Iwaizumi.
"OW! Iwa-chan, violence is never the answer!"
"You were annoying."
"That's not a reason."
"It is."
The gym filled with laughter.
Oikawa rolled his eyes dramatically, but he was smiling.
Because this was normal.
This was easy.
Being Oikawa was easy when everyone expected him to be Oikawa.
The captain.
The setter.
The person who always had a smile ready.
✦ ⋆｡°✩ ───────── ✩°｡⋆ ✦
"Oikawa."
"Hm?"
Iwaizumi looked at him.
"You missed lunch."
Oikawa blinked.
"...Did I?"
"Yes."
"I was busy."
"You were watching videos of yourself serving."
"Research."
"Your own serves?"
"Who else should I research?"
Iwaizumi sighed.
"You are impossible."
Oikawa grinned.
"Yet you still put up with me."
"Unfortunately."
The answer was immediate.
Too immediate.
Oikawa laughed.
Because Iwaizumi always did that.
He always acted annoyed.
Always complained.
Always called him an idiot.
But he was always there.
And maybe that was why Oikawa never said anything.
Because some things were easier left untouched.
✦ ⋆｡°✩ ───────── ✩°｡⋆ ✦
The first strange thing happened during practice.
Nobody noticed.
Not even Oikawa.
The ball left his hand perfectly.
The toss was exactly where it needed to be.
The timing was perfect.
But for a second...
just a second...
something sparkled in the air.
Like dust caught in sunlight.
Oikawa blinked.
It was gone.
"Nice set!"
He smiled.
"Obviously."
Everyone laughed.
And just like that...
the moment disappeared.
✦ ⋆｡°✩ ───────── ✩°｡⋆ ✦
"Oikawa, you're spacing out."
Makki's voice pulled him back.
"Hm?"
"You were staring at nothing."
"I was thinking."
Mattsun raised an eyebrow.
"That's dangerous."
"Excuse me?"
"You thinking usually causes problems."
"Mattsun!"
The three of them laughed.
For a while, everything felt normal.
That was the dangerous thing.
Nothing looked wrong.
Nothing felt wrong.
Not yet.
✦ ⋆｡°✩ ───────── ✩°｡⋆ ✦
The team noticed little things.
Not enough to worry.
Just enough to remember.
Yahaba noticed Oikawa staying behind after practice more often.
Kyoutani noticed when Oikawa looked more tired than usual.
Kindaichi noticed that Oikawa wasn't teasing him as much.
Even Kunimi noticed.
Though he pretended he didn't.
But whenever someone asked:
"Are you okay?"
Oikawa always gave the same answer.
"I'm fine."
And because Oikawa said it with a smile...
everyone believed him.
✦ ⋆｡°✩ ───────── ✩°｡⋆ ✦
That night...
Oikawa sat beside his bedroom window.
He liked nights like this.
Quiet.
Peaceful.
No expectations.
No one asking him to be the best.
No one comparing him to anyone else.
Just him.
For once.
He looked up at the stars.
Then he felt something fall onto his hand.
He froze.
A tear.
Except...
it wasn't a tear.
It was something clear.
Something shining.
A tiny piece of glass.
A tiny glowing star.
Oikawa stared.
"What..."
Slowly, he picked it up.
It reflected the light from his window.
Beautiful.
Almost like something that belonged in the sky.
But Oikawa knew better.
Because he had heard of this before.
Star Tear Disease.
A disease caused by loving someone who could never love you back.
At first...
the tears became stars.
Beautiful little pieces of light.
But eventually...
those stars became something else.
A warning.
Oikawa's fingers closed around the crystal.
He didn't panic.
Not yet.
He didn't cry.
He didn't break down.
That wasn't what Oikawa Tooru did.
Instead...
he laughed softly.
Of course.
Of course something like this would happen to him.
The person who spent his whole life chasing after something he couldn't reach.
The person who smiled even when things hurt.
He looked at the tiny star in his hand.
Then he placed it carefully in a drawer.
Hidden.
Safe.
Nobody would know.
Not Iwaizumi.
Not his teammates.
Nobody.
Because Oikawa Tooru was fine.
He had always been fine.
And tomorrow...
he would wake up.
He would smile.
He would go to practice.
He would act like nothing happened.
Because that was what he was best at.
Pretending.
✦ ⋆｡°✩ ───────── ✩°｡⋆ ✦
Oikawa had always been good at hiding things.
It was something people didn't expect from him.
Everyone thought Oikawa Tooru was loud.
Obvious.
Impossible to miss.
And he was.
Most of the time.
But the things that mattered most...
he kept hidden.
Especially this.
✦ ⋆｡°✩ ───────── ✩°｡⋆ ✦
The stars kept appearing.
At first, Oikawa convinced himself it was nothing.
One small crystal.
One tiny piece of glowing dust.
Something he could ignore.
Something he could pretend wasn't happening.
But then there were more.
Tiny fragments resting on his pillow in the morning.
A faint sparkle left on his fingertips.
Little pieces of light that disappeared too quickly if anyone else looked.
He started keeping a small box in his drawer.
Not because he wanted to remember.
Because throwing them away felt like throwing away the feelings that created them.
And as much as it hurt...
those feelings were still his.
✦ ⋆｡°✩ ───────── ✩°｡⋆ ✦
The first person to find out was Makki.
Not because Oikawa told him.
Because Oikawa made one mistake.
He forgot to hide the stars.
They were walking home after practice.
Mattsun was talking about something random.
Makki was laughing.
Oikawa was smiling.
For once, everything felt normal.
Then a tiny glow fell.
Makki stopped.
"Oikawa."
The smile disappeared from Oikawa's face.
Just for a second.
But Makki saw it.
The tiny crystal rested in Oikawa's hand.
A piece of glass.
A piece of a star.
Neither of them spoke.
Then Makki quietly said:
"...No."
Oikawa looked away.
"Don't."
"Tooru."
"Don't say anything."
Makki's expression softened.
Because suddenly he understood.
This wasn't just a disease.
This wasn't something random.
There was a reason.
A person.
A feeling.
Someone Oikawa had spent years hiding.
✦ ⋆｡°✩ ───────── ✩°｡⋆ ✦
Mattsun found out because Makki was terrible at pretending nothing was wrong.
"You know something."
Makki sighed.
"Do I really have that bad of a poker face?"
"Yes."
"Wow."
"You've looked worried for three days."
Makki was quiet.
Then:
"It's Oikawa."
Mattsun's expression changed.
"What happened?"
Makki hesitated.
"He has Star Tear Disease."
Silence.
Because they both knew what that meant.
They both knew it wasn't just a sickness.
It came from loving someone who couldn't love you back.
And suddenly...
everything made sense.
The way Oikawa looked at one person.
The way he always stayed close.
The way he joked whenever things got too serious.
Iwaizumi.
✦ ⋆｡°✩ ───────── ✩°｡⋆ ✦
"Does he know?"
Mattsun asked.
Makki shook his head.
"No."
"Why?"
Makki looked down.
"Because the stars are for him."
Mattsun went quiet.
Neither of them needed to ask who.
Everyone knew.
Everyone except Iwaizumi.
And that was exactly how Oikawa wanted it.
✦ ⋆｡°✩ ───────── ✩°｡⋆ ✦
They didn't tell Iwaizumi.
They couldn't.
Not when they knew.
Not when they saw the way Iwaizumi talked about someone else.
It wasn't anything official.
Nothing dramatic.
Just small things.
A person who made Iwaizumi smile.
Someone he looked forward to seeing.
Someone who wasn't Oikawa.
And Oikawa noticed.
Of course he noticed.
He noticed everything about Iwaizumi.
That was the problem.
✦ ⋆｡°✩ ───────── ✩°｡⋆ ✦
The team eventually found out.
Not because Oikawa wanted them to.
Because they needed to know.
Because if they were going to keep his secret from Iwaizumi...
they needed to understand why.
Makki told Mattsun first.
Then Yahaba.
Because as vice-captain, Yahaba needed to know why their captain was suddenly disappearing after practice.
Kindaichi found out after overhearing a conversation.
Kyoutani found out because he noticed everyone was acting strange.
Nobody expected him to care.
But he did.
He just didn't know how to show it.
"Idiot."
Oikawa looked at him.
"Excuse me?"
Kyoutani looked away.
"Should've said something."
That was all.
But Oikawa understood.
✦ ⋆｡°✩ ───────── ✩°｡⋆ ✦
The team made one promise.
They would not treat him differently.
No pity.
No acting like he was fragile.
No looking at him like he was already broken.
Because Oikawa hated that.
He wanted to be their captain.
Their teammate.
Their annoying friend.
Not someone they had to protect.
So they laughed with him.
Argued with him.
Complained about him.
Just like always.
Except now...
they noticed the things they used to miss.
The tiredness behind his smile.
The moments when he went quiet.
The way his hand sometimes closed around empty air after another star fell.
✦ ⋆｡°✩ ───────── ✩°｡⋆ ✦
Iwaizumi noticed too.
Of course he did.
"You guys are acting weird."
The entire gym froze.
Makki looked away.
Mattsun suddenly became interested in his shoes.
Yahaba looked at the floor.
Iwaizumi narrowed his eyes.
"What happened?"
Nobody answered.
Because they had promised.
And because Oikawa was standing there.
Smiling.
Like always.
"Iwa-chan."
Iwaizumi looked at him.
"What?"
"Stop worrying."
The words came out too naturally.
Too practiced.
Iwaizumi frowned.
"You always say that."
Oikawa smiled.
"Because it's true."
But this time...
Iwaizumi didn't look convinced.
✦ ⋆｡°✩ ───────── ✩°｡⋆ ✦
That night...
Oikawa opened the drawer.
The little box was filling up.
Each star was beautiful.
Each one was proof.
Proof of every feeling he never said.
Proof of every moment he looked at Iwaizumi and chose silence.
He picked one up.
It shined softly between his fingers.
If Iwaizumi knew...
he would worry.
He would blame himself.
He would try to fix something that couldn't be fixed.
And worse...
he might look at Oikawa differently.
Not as his best friend.
Not as his rival.
But as someone who loved him.
And Oikawa couldn't bear that.
Not when Iwaizumi's heart already belonged somewhere else.
So he closed the box.
Put it away.
And smiled.
Because tomorrow...
he would still be Oikawa Tooru.
Even if every star falling from his eyes was a confession he would never make.
✦ ⋆｡°✩ ───────── ✩°｡⋆ ✦
Oikawa Tooru trusted his eyes.
More than his instincts.
More than luck.
More than anything.
His eyes were what made him a setter.
They saw everything.
The smallest movement.
The tiniest change in someone's posture.
The exact moment a player was going to jump.
Oikawa built his entire game around seeing.
Which was why he knew immediately when something was wrong.
✦ ⋆｡°✩ ───────── ✩°｡⋆ ✦
It started with a blur.
Only for a second.
During practice, the ball came toward him.
Oikawa moved automatically.
His hands were already in position.
But for a moment...
the ball looked like it was behind a sheet of glass.
Unclear.
Distorted.
Gone.
His body reacted before his mind could.
The set went perfectly.
Everyone continued.
But Oikawa stood there.
Frozen.
Because he knew.
The disease had started taking something from him.
✦ ⋆｡°✩ ───────── ✩°｡⋆ ✦
"Oi."
Iwaizumi's voice snapped him back.
"You spacing out?"
Oikawa smiled immediately.
"Wow, Iwa-chan noticed me staring? I'm touched."
"I'm serious."
"So am I."
"No, you're not."
Oikawa laughed.
The usual kind.
The loud kind.
The kind everyone expected.
But Iwaizumi still frowned.
Because something felt wrong.
"You okay?"
There it was.
That question.
The one Oikawa hated.
Because every time someone asked...
he wanted to tell the truth.
But he couldn't.
Not when the truth was that every star falling from his eyes existed because of Iwaizumi.
✦ ⋆｡°✩ ───────── ✩°｡⋆ ✦
The stars hurt more now.
At first, they were only uncomfortable.
A strange feeling.
A warning.
But now...
every time they appeared, Oikawa had to force himself not to react.
Because they weren't just pieces of light.
They were tears.
His tears.
Except instead of falling like normal tears...
they hardened into tiny glowing fragments.
Beautiful.
Painful.
Cruel.
Sometimes he would wake up with the feeling of tears burning behind his eyes.
Sometimes he would have to leave the gym for a few minutes after practice.
Sometimes he would smile through it.
Because that was what he did.
✦ ⋆｡°✩ ───────── ✩°｡⋆ ✦
The team started noticing.
Not all at once.
Just little things.
Makki noticed Oikawa rubbing his eyes more often.
Mattsun noticed the way he hid his hands whenever a star appeared.
Yahaba noticed their captain was staying quiet during moments where he usually complained.
Kindaichi noticed Oikawa stopped pushing himself as hard during practice.
Even Kyoutani noticed.
Though he only said:
"You're annoying today."
Everyone stared.
"That's your concern?"
Kyoutani looked away.
"No."
Nobody believed him.
✦ ⋆｡°✩ ───────── ✩°｡⋆ ✦
Kunimi noticed too.
But he didn't make a big deal out of it.
That was just how Kunimi was.
One day, after practice, Oikawa walked past him.
Kunimi glanced down.
A tiny piece of glowing glass rested near Oikawa's shoe.
Oikawa noticed where he was looking.
Immediately, he stepped on it.
Not hard.
Just enough to hide it.
Kunimi was quiet.
Then:
"...That looks painful."
Oikawa froze.
Because he hadn't expected that.
Then he smiled.
"It's nothing."
Kunimi stared.
Everyone knew that answer by now.
"Right."
And he walked away.
But Oikawa knew.
Kunimi had noticed.
✦ ⋆｡°✩ ───────── ✩°｡⋆ ✦
The hardest part was pretending around Iwaizumi.
Because Iwaizumi was the person who noticed everything.
He noticed when Oikawa skipped meals.
He noticed when Oikawa was tired.
He noticed when Oikawa was pushing too hard.
So the team had to be careful.
Not obvious.
Not suspicious.
Just enough.
"You're all acting weird."
Iwaizumi looked around the gym.
Nobody answered.
Makki suddenly became interested in his shoelaces.
Mattsun looked away.
Yahaba froze.
Oikawa laughed.
"Iwa-chan, everyone is always weird."
"Not like this."
Oikawa smiled.
The same smile.
The one that always worked.
"You're imagining things."
Iwaizumi didn't look convinced.
But he let it go.
And somehow...
that hurt more.
✦ ⋆｡°✩ ───────── ✩°｡⋆ ✦
Because Oikawa knew.
One day...
Iwaizumi would find out.
Maybe not about the disease.
Maybe not about the stars.
But eventually, he would know there was something Oikawa had hidden.
And Oikawa didn't know which was worse.
Iwaizumi being angry that he kept it secret...
or Iwaizumi feeling guilty for something that was never his fault.
✦ ⋆｡°✩ ───────── ✩°｡⋆ ✦
That night...
Oikawa stood by his window.
The sky was beautiful.
Too beautiful.
He hated that.
He hated that something causing him so much pain could look so perfect.
Another star formed.
He closed his eyes.
Waited for it to pass.
When he opened them again...
the stars above him looked slightly blurred.
Only slightly.
Only for a moment.
But enough.
Oikawa stared.
Then he smiled.
Because if he admitted he was scared...
everything would become real.
And Oikawa Tooru had spent his entire life pretending he was never afraid.
Even when the stars in his eyes were slowly taking pieces of his sky away.
✦ ⋆｡°✩ ───────── ✩°｡⋆ ✦
The hardest thing about losing something...
was remembering what it felt like to have it.
Oikawa remembered everything.
The colour of the gym floor.
The sunlight coming through the windows during morning practice.
The expressions on his teammates' faces when they laughed.
The way Iwaizumi looked when he was annoyed.
The way Iwaizumi looked when he was happy.
Those were the things Oikawa held onto.
Because now...
they were becoming harder to see.
✦ ⋆｡°✩ ───────── ✩°｡⋆ ✦
Nobody said anything when Oikawa started standing closer to people.
Nobody mentioned when he asked someone to repeat themselves.
Nobody pointed out when he reached for the wrong volleyball.
Because everyone knew.
Everyone except Iwaizumi.
And that was the promise they had made.
A cruel promise.
But one Oikawa wanted.
✦ ⋆｡°✩ ───────── ✩°｡⋆ ✦
"You missed."
The words came from Kyoutani.
The gym went quiet.
Oikawa looked over.
"What?"
Kyoutani looked irritated.
"You missed the ball."
A pause.
Then Oikawa laughed.
"Wow. Mad Dog-chan noticed something?"
Kyoutani frowned.
"Don't call me that."
Usually, Oikawa would keep teasing.
But this time...
he just smiled.
Because Kyoutani was right.
He had missed.
Not because he wasn't trying.
Not because he wasn't good enough.
Because the world had started becoming something he couldn't control.
✦ ⋆｡°✩ ───────── ✩°｡⋆ ✦
After practice, nobody left immediately.
They never did anymore.
Makki stayed.
Mattsun stayed.
Yahaba stayed.
Kindaichi stayed.
Kunimi stayed too, though he pretended he just happened to still be there.
Nobody knew what to say.
Because what could they say?
Oikawa hated pity.
He hated being treated differently.
So instead...
they acted normal.
They argued.
They complained.
They laughed.
They gave him exactly what he wanted.
A reminder that he was still Oikawa Tooru.
Not a disease.
Not a problem.
Not someone fragile.
Just Oikawa.
✦ ⋆｡°✩ ───────── ✩°｡⋆ ✦
The stars hurt more now.
Every time they appeared, Oikawa had to force himself not to react.
The pain was sharp.
Like his own body was reminding him of every feeling he refused to say.
Every confession he swallowed.
Every moment he smiled instead of speaking.
And the worst part?
Iwaizumi still smiled at him the same way.
Still argued with him.
Still called him an idiot.
Still stood beside him.
Without knowing.
✦ ⋆｡°✩ ───────── ✩°｡⋆ ✦
"You know..."
Iwaizumi said one evening.
Oikawa looked over.
"Hm?"
"You don't have to act like you're fine all the time."
For once...
Oikawa had no response.
Because it was too close.
Too close to the truth.
So he laughed.
"Wow, Iwa-chan. Are you getting emotional?"
"No."
"That sounded emotional."
"Shut up."
Oikawa smiled.
Because that was easier.
Joking was easier.
Pretending was easier.
✦ ⋆｡°✩ ───────── ✩°｡⋆ ✦
The final thing Oikawa lost was the sky.
Not completely.
Not all at once.
Just slowly.
The stars above him became softer.
The lights around him became blurry.
The world became something he had to memorize instead of simply see.
But he remembered.
He remembered everything.
Especially Iwaizumi.
Especially the way he looked under the evening sky.
✦ ⋆｡°✩ ───────── ✩°｡⋆ ✦
The team found Oikawa outside after practice one day.
He was sitting there quietly.
Which was unusual.
Because Oikawa Tooru was never quiet.
Makki sat beside him.
"You're scary when you're not annoying."
Oikawa laughed softly.
"Is that your way of comforting me?"
"Yes."
"It's terrible."
"I know."
They sat together.
No jokes.
No pretending.
Just silence.
After a while, Oikawa spoke.
"Do you think stars know they're falling?"
Nobody answered.
Because they knew what he meant.
✦ ⋆｡°✩ ───────── ✩°｡⋆ ✦
Later that night...
Oikawa looked up.
Or at least...
he tried to.
The sky was there.
He knew it was.
He could feel the cold air.
He could hear the quiet.
He could remember what it looked like.
And somehow...
that was enough.
A final star fell.
He caught it carefully.
A tiny piece of light.
A piece of everything he never said.
He smiled.
Not the fake smile.
Not the captain smile.
Just Oikawa.
"I really loved you, Iwa-chan."
The words were quiet.
The sky didn't answer.
But somewhere...
the stars continued shining.
✦ ⋆｡°✩ ───────── ✩°｡⋆ ✦
Because some people are like stars.
They spend their entire lives trying to shine brighter.
Trying to be noticed.
Trying to reach something impossible.
And sometimes...
they shine so beautifully that everyone forgets to ask if they're tired.
Oikawa Tooru was always the brightest person in the room.
Even when he couldn't see the light anymore.
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ─── 🪐 ── ✦ A / N ✦ ── 🪐 ─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
i cried editing and rereading this again.... i wouldve uploaded this earlier, butttttt wattpad was NOT loading still... anyway, im in an angsty fanfic mood rn, so im reading angst fanfics so i can cry.
i either have a crush or in love with my best friend, but i also hate them sometimes, and i get jelly whenever they talk abt others or plays/meets with them..! they knows im bi, they were like the first person i told, and they r also bi, but like one of the only irl crush that they told me was one of our other friends a while ago. we r kinda like iwaoi, except sometimes idek if they r jk when they r mean to me, which kinda hurts me sometimes, and sometimes i act like a mum to them. but they r most likely jk ig? cos they only show this side with me and says that its fun being with me.
help!
- ☾*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥✧ 𝓨𝓸𝓻𝓾 ✧˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙☾