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“Do you want to talk about it?”
The amusement in Sirius’s voice is not muffled by the hearty crackling of the fireplace.
“Oh, c’mon mate. It really isn’t that bad—”
“No, it’s really bad.”
“I’ve done worse!”
“What have you possibly—no nevermind, don’t answer that. I don’t want to know.”
James pushes his face harder into the couch cushion, clutching the back of his head as though trying to voluntarily suffocate himself. Leaning an arm across the sofa from his spot on the ground, Sirius starts flicking at his side.
“Prongs. It’s fine. So what if McKinnon heard you—”
“So what?” James pulls his head up and stares incredulously at his mate. With his glasses knocked askew, the best he can make out is a fuzzy, handsome blob.
“Evans's best friend bloody walked in on me…y’know…”
On the other side of the fireplace, Peter tries and fails to cover up a snicker with a cough.
“Wanking it to Evans?” Sirius offers.
“Merlin, less crass please.”
“Sorry—performing masturbatory acts on yourself to the thought of Lily Evans,” Sirius amends.
“Better?”
“No.”
“Wait,” Peter says, eyes widening in revelation. “Isn’t there a muggle song about exactly this? About some bloke wanking to a girl named Lily?”
“The Who,” Remus offers from his loveseat. “It’s a song from The Who—well, spotted Pete. I’m impressed.”
Peter beams.
“Well there you go, apparently everyone is doing it,” Sirius says with a satisfied wave of his hand. “Just say you were trying to be en vogue with muggle trends.”
James peers up from the cushion, stare icy. “Wow, mates. Thanks so much. That makes me feel so much better.”
While the boys dissolve into laughter, James pulls himself up and sinks back seated into the couch, burying his face in his hands.
“You aren’t helping. None of this is helping. I’m going to have to quit the team now…maybe even move houses…”
“Hey! Brightside,” Peter chirps, “Maybe Hufflepuff would actually win something with you on their team.”
James spreads his fingers enough to shoot him with a withering look.
“Or,” Remus says, side-eyeing Peter in disapproval. “You could just talk to Marlene and ask her–kindly–to keep today’s events to herself.”
By the way James stares at Remus, he might as well have transformed into a werewolf right there in the common room.
“Mate,” James gasps, “have you met Marlene McKinnon?”
“I’m with James on this one,” Sirius says. “He’s fucked. McKinnion is never going to—”
“Oh, great,” a girl’s voice reverberates from the other side of the room. The boys turn and Marlene steps out of the girls’ stairwell looking freshly showered with her signature scowl fastened in place.
“I’m being talked about by you lot,” she drawls with a heavy eye roll. “Yippie.”
“Marlene,” James all but squeaks. Without much thought he scrambles to his feet and towards her, eyes wide and already pleading.
“Hey, uh. Nice to see you again. You look…er…clean? Could we talk?”
“Practice is over, Potter,” Marlene says, sounding bored. “Torture me during the alotted hours—”
“It isn’t about quidditch,” James stammers, feeling the snickering stares of his mates on his back. “Well, it’s not not about quidditch but about rather something that happened in and around the—”
“Merlin, you’re giving Binns a run for his money on the most boring person in existence,” Marlene sighs, staring at James with one of her prized glares. “Get to the point.”
“Er–ok. So here’s the thing. Today, after practice I—”
“You wanked while saying Lily’s name in the locker room. Yeah, I’m aware.”
She says it so deadpan that James has to take a physical step back from shock. Behind him, the boys all fail at holding in their guffaws.
“Oi! Keep your voice down!” James hisses, swiveling his head from side to side. “I’m the bloody Head Boy! And—and there could be first years around!”
“Yeah, a Head Boy that goes around wanking in public showers,” Marlene snorts. “Some role model for impressionable youth you are. So what about it? If you are looking for me to rate your performance, I’m afraid I only had the displeasure of an auditory experience. ”
“For fucks’ sake—no,” James gasps, wiping a hand down his face. “Just, please, be—I dunno—reasonable for a second. How was I supposed to know you’d wander back in looking for your broom wax?”
“Because it’s a fucking quidditch locker room Potter. A place where broom wax lives for public use. Just like that public shower you’ve now defaced with your disgusting bodily functions.”
James takes a gasping breath, trying to ground himself. That or conjure up a hole in the ground to swallow him down to hell where he belongs.
“Look,” James breaths, forming his words carefully. “You can take the piss out of me all you want on the pitch but—”
He closes his eyes tight.
“Please, please. I need you to not tell Lily about this.”
Marlene blinks, an eyebrow quirking curiously at James as though he’d suddenly been transformed into a dancing monkey before her eyes.
For a blissful second he thinks he sees pity cross her face.
“I’ll need you to be more specific,” Marlene says, squaring her shoulders diplomatically. “Don’t tell her about the wanking or the fact that you said her name while doing it.”
“Both, clearly both,” he says miserably. “But especially the last bit. Christ Marlene—”
Marlene’s eyebrows shoot upwards. “You learned that swear from Lily,” she nods thoughtfully. “I appreciate that.”
James removes his glasses, giving his eyes a good rub.
“Look—I know we aren’t friends, but we are teammates and that’s got to stand for something, yeah?” James says, mustering up all the hope he has left. “Please, McKinnon. Just put yourself in my shoes for a moment—”
“ —I’d never say my friend’s,” she uses air quotes around ‘friend,’ “name wanking.”
“Well, use some imagination then,” James says patiently. “Please. Please. I have a good friendly thing going with Evans now and I’d really like it to stay that way. Could you just refrain from saying anything…please?
Marlene stares at him for a moment, her eyes unwavering in their judgement.
“You really think what you and Lily have going on is just friendly?” she asks, flatly.
James blinks. “Er, yes?"
Marlene pauses again, regarding him more closely.
“Then you are an idiot and I can’t believe you have any sort of position of power over me whatsoever,” she says with an air of finality.
“...also it’s too late, I’ve already told her.”
“What?”
Any sense of confidence in James crumples instantly, the howl of Sirius behind him only twisting the knife.
“And you couldn’t have led with that?” Remus retorts, looking between Marlene and Sirius with equal amounts of annoyance.
“I could have,” Marlene says with a smile. “But there are very few times I get to knock my captain down a peg. We have to take our chances.”
“Damn that’s diabolical,” Sirius says, trying to get a hold of his laughter. “Hell, I think I’m in love with you, McKinnon.”
Marlene scowls, “Don’t you have some priceless family heirloom to go fuck yourself with, Black?”
“Fresh out, sadly. Care to give me a spare?”
Marlene grimaces then switches her attention back to James.
“You. Stop being a disgusting idiot. And you all—” she nods over to the rest of the boys, “ —stop bloody talking about me.”
All the boys nod in agreement.
“Ok, I’m leaving now. Don’t fucking follow me.”
With a last scowl, the boys watch as the portrait hole swings closed behind her.
“Why are all the Gryffindor girls so…scary,” Peter says, breaking the silence.
“I think you mean all girls, Pete,” Remus says patiently, going back to his book. “Or, at least all girls who dare spend time with us.”
“Right.”
Still standing in shock, a hand drops down and clasps James’s shoulder.
“Hey, mate, I’m sure it’s gonna be fine,” Sirius’s voice says from behind him. “Evans is a practical bird. Maybe she’ll just ignore it.”
“Ignore what?”
James’s head swivels back to the girls’s stairwell. Right where Marlene had descended now stands Lily.
The second they lock eyes he swears he sees her blush.
“You aren’t expecting me to cover for one of your escapades again, are you?” Lily says, padding over to the boys. Maybe it’s James’s imagination, but she seems to be intentionally avoiding him.
“I told you, just because I’m on Filch’s good side doesn’t mean I’m willing to abuse it.”
All the boys remain uncharacteristically quiet. Each one besides James holding back a smirk.
“You lot are acting weird,” Lily says with a wave of her hand. “No matter…”
She spins on her heel to face James and the flush he thought he saw earlier is confirmed. Her cheeks are stained with pink.
“Hey,” Lily says, her voice going soft, “Do you mind if we talk?”
Her eyes flit over to where the rest of the boys are sitting.
“Y’know, somewhere a bit more private?”
The room goes still with the exception of James’s heart which seems to be halfway towards exploding.
“Yeah, of course,” James says,“Uhm–this way then?”
Gritting his teeth at the whispers of ‘he’s so fucked’ and ‘nice knowing him’ coming from the rest of the lads, James leads Lily out of the portrait hole and into the corridor. They walk a short distance in silence to a portrait of a Hand of Glory where James trails his finger across the lifeline of the palm. The portrait swings open.
“I don’t think I’ll ever get used to all the weird hiding places you know about,” Lily says conversationally as they shuffle into the newfound space.
Immediately upon entering it dawns on James that of all the convenient secluded spots this one in particular might not be the best chosen to the subject at hand. It’s a tight fit with the walls angling inwards the deeper you go into the alcove and by the time they are inside enough for the portrait to swing closed, they only have a few inches between each other.
For any other time, it’s a perfectly respectable amount of space between friends but considering the circumstances, James feels claustrophobic.
“So…you wanted to talk?”
Without thinking much of their spacial situation, James runs a hand nervously through his hair. His elbow nearly clocks Lily in the face.
“Watch it,” Lily cries with a chuckle. Bashful, James moves to drop his arm back beside him but Lily quickly reaches out and clasps onto his forearm.
Her hand is soft and hot and far too intimate for any hand to feel on a normal part of his body.
He might be hallucinating it, but he swears her thumb follows the line of his muscle.
“Hey,” Lily says softly, “I’m sorry to make this all cryptic, but I just wanted to get it out of the way. Marlene told me what you said.”
Suddenly, James isn’t feeling claustrophobic but completely smothered; the walls closing in bit by bit to crush him alive.
“What I said,” James repeats nervously. To be honest, he was a bit too preoccupied in the moment to really remember what he’d said besides her name more than a few times. He wracks his brain but comes up short.
“Right,” James breathes, attempting to create space between them. “Right–er, that.”
Lily watches him with keen interest, her hand still resting on his arm like she’s holding him there to atone for his sins.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“...You want to talk about it?”
James stares at her wide-eyed, mouth agape.
“I mean, it’s kinda a big thing, right?” Lily muses. A small blush creeps up to her cheeks. “I reckon we should talk about it. Since we’re mates and head students and all…”
James presses his back to the wall. A weird churning of randiness and horror mixing in his stomach. His poor teenage body is unsure how to react by the circumstances: on one hand, the girl of his dreams has cornered him in the tiniest space possible, wanting to talk about his very sexual attraction towards her…but on the other hand, the girl of his dreams has cornered him in the tiniest space possible, wanting to talk about his sexual attraction towards her.
Not ideal.
He takes a deep breath.
“Evans—Lily—-please, don’t worry about it. It meant nothing.”
Lily blinks, her hand slackening on his arm. Her gaze searches him for a moment, lips parting as confusion sets in.
“I mean,” James continues, “It was just some stupid teenage thing. Really. I’m sorry you even had to hear about it.”
Lily removes her hand and crosses her arms defensively against her chest.
“Oh, I mean—” she stutters, avoiding his eyes. “Yeah, if—if that’s what you want?”
James blinks. “I mean, why wouldn’t I want that? It’s bloody embarrassing."
“Embarassing,” Lily repeats in a little exasperated gasp. “Oh excellent. Good to know your feelings about me are embarrassing.”
James stares at her incredulously.
Something is not adding up.
“Lily, what exactly do you think—”
“No, save your breath,” Lily cuts in. She starts to angle her body towards the exit, eyes becoming glassy. “I wouldn’t want to embarrass you any longer by being next to you—”
“Merlin, that’s not—”
But Lily is already moving to leave the alcove, her Mary Janes clacking hard against the wet stone.
“Lily—wait just a minute.”
He clamps down on her shoulder and swings her around, their bodies so close now that their chests are nearly touching. In the dim light he can see tears threatening to fall from her eyes.
“You know Potter,” Lily says with a cutting stare. “I thought you grew out of being a prat. I guess I was wrong.”
“I did,” James yelps. “I have—Lily, what did Marlene say to you exactly?”
“She said you fancied me.”
James stares at her for a long moment, the silence only being interrupted by a faint dripping of water on the stone.
“Wait, sorry? She said what?”
“Oh come off it,” Lily says, trying to push away. “I’m not in the mood to get the piss taken out of me some more—”
“ —And she didn’t say anything else?” James demands, cutting her off. “Nothing? Just that I fancied you.”
“What? Is this a shake-down?” Lily gasps. “No, I think she figured the fancying me bit was enough of a bomb drop, not that she was very subtle about—”
She doesn’t get to finish her sentence. James grabs her shoulders with both hands and keels over from relief, a burst of laughter filling the small alcove. Unable to help himself he lays his head in the crux of her shoulder and slowly her muscles unwind underneath him. To his delight, a hand reaches up and cards through his hair.
“This is not helping,” Lily sighs, defeated. Despite the edge to her voice, she doesn’t take any action to remove herself, continuing to twist his curls between her fingers.
“Potter—”
James pulls his head up, laughter still reverberating out. Without warning her face moves towards his, her inarguably perfect lips coming closer than ever before.
“Wait, what are you doing—” James says, rearing back slightly. Lily’s eyes flash up to his, a flush forming on her cheeks.
“I’m testing something….just, shut up will you?”
He opens his mouth, the need to not shut up settling in, but then her lips press into his.
And.
And he has never had so much affection for cranky ol’Marlene McKinnon in his life.
The kiss is slow at first, but quickly gains traction as they sink into each other. The hand curled in his hair tightens and pulls him closer and he pushes them back until he’s got her pinned to the wall, arms and legs tangling around each other almost frantic in their desire. As if his mouth were moved by magic alone, his lips part and he feels the soft press of her tongue and his mind swims, his body starting to move on its own accord.
“Oh.”
He doesn’t care that the soft exclamation probably comes from the fact that she can feel his growing excitement in his trousers against her, he keeps pressing forward, kissing with such an urgency he’s sure she can taste it—hopes she can taste it.
Eventually, they have to come up for air.
“Oh,” Lily says again, with a little breathless chuckle. “So does this mean Marlene wasn’t lying?”
James pauses, soul still silly and soaring from their kiss.
She doesn’t need to know the full truth does she? Just yet anyway?
“Not in the slightest,” James grins, leaning in to give her another quick peck. “A real straight shooter, you’re friend. An angel really.”