Chapter Text
The day dawned cloudy and dry that friday in march, comfortably neither too hot nor too cold, turning the city streets into a chaotic mix of tank tops worn by those refusing to let go of summer (even at the cost of comfort) and light jackets worn by those anticipating the cozy embrace of winter.
Fall in São Paulo was a distinct season that always stirred up feelings dormant since the holidays and the carnival: the year had officially begun, and it was time to make things happen. Dreams, plans, regrets, loves, heartbreaks flowed through the city’s avenues, and it was just getting started.
Dressed in a simple short-sleeved, bubblegum-pink t-shirt with a kitten printed on the front, flare jeans and white Converse, Park Chaewon hurried through the subway station, despite the heavy backpack on her shoulders and the suitcase she was dragging along.
Although she didn't exactly have a reason to rush, given the plenty of time she had, she didn't want to risk waiting for the next subway when she could catch earlier, after all, she was exhausted. Her alarm had gone off at three that morning so she could get ready and catch a ride to the airport, and the last few days had been anything but calm due to the move.
Amidst the rush, she felt a hand on her shoulder. Her survival instinct almost drove her to keep walking fast without paying heed to some random stranger, but the touch, light and malice-free, made her stop out of curiosity.
"You dropped this" another young woman, seemingly her age, held out a strawberry keychain that Chaewon hadn't even realized had fallen from her backpack.
Chaewon smiled and offered a polite "thank you", though she remained in a hurry. She slipped the object into her pocket and continued on her way.
By a matter of seconds, the subway doors finished closing just as she approached, causing her to huff impatiently at the wasted effort. She managed to sit on her suitcase, hoping it wouldn't break, and spent the next few minutes watching the space gradually fill up again. When the subway arrived, she prepared to hop on quickly, hoping to snag an empty seat, but that effort proved futile.
At least she was heading "home."
The minutes dragged on longer than usual, the car smelled of someone’s cloyingly sweet perfume, and the surrounding conversations was tedious: work and the weather, with the occasional snippet of family gossip overheard on phone calls. Yet, surprisingly, it was actually quite calm, so Chaewon didn't mind standing as much as she’d expected.
The "keychain girl" was there too, seated, staring into space with her arms crossed and an unreadable expression. She wore a gray band tee, jeans and black Converse and had long, straight dark brown hair and a sharp, penetrating gaze. Chaewon found her appearance and voice somewhat familiar, though not enough to confirm if she was who Chaewon thought she was, and she didn't want to stare too hard given how close they were.
But she hoped it wasn't.
As the subway passed through stations, passengers came and went, so it never really emptied out. At one point, however, she felt that same hand catching her attention, this time, touching her arm.
"There's a seat here" the girl said, her triangular lips forming the words with a hint of barely perceptible hesitation.
It can't be her.
Chaewon offered an awkward smile and settled into the seat beside the girl as best she could, managing her suitcase. She placed the suitcase in front of her and her backpack on her lap, trying her hardest not to look at the girl again, but god, it was hard, especially feeling the weight of the girl's gaze upon her, even though her own focus was fixed on the uninteresting darkness of the tunnels through the window.
"I didn't know you were back" she herself broke the silence minutes later.
Chaewon couldn't resist the urge to turn her head, speechless at first, her mouth slightly parted by a confirmation she never thought she’d get after all these years.
Son Hyeju, her former best friend from their teenage years. In the flesh.
In the air of unreachably cool detachment, in the unintentional, chic look.
It was her.
"Yeah. I'm back" she replied with an indifference she quickly forced back on, staring into the void with a mix of boredom and desperation.
"Since when?"
"Since today"
"Oh" Hyeju murmured. "Welcome back, then"
"Thanks" Chaewon nodded. Hyeju did the same, and that was that.
There was nothing in the world she wanted more than to keep that conversation going. Maybe out of curiosity to see where the small talk would lead, maybe wanting to know how the girl, now a woman, was doing, maybe just because it was Hyeju...
But the truth was, regardless of the reason and just as one would with any random stranger on the street, she couldn't engage. Her racing heart was a clear sign of that.
And at the very next station, Hyeju stood up.
"Take care" she glanced back one last time before hurrying away. There was a hint of affection in her tone, even beneath her naturally serious expression.
Chaewon took advantage of the fact that the other woman had her back turned and followed her with her gaze until she vanished into the throng of people in the distance. And just like that, as if she had never been there at all, she was gone.
It left a feeling that none of it was real. After all, in the year 2001, how could it be?
But it was real, and as for the long-pondered question of what it would be like to see her again. It was strange. Really strange. Chaewon wasn't sure of how to feel.
<3
The first thing Chaewon did upon arriving at her aunt’s apartment was to flop onto the bed where she’d be sleeping during her stay. She spent a good few minutes there, staring at the ceiling and nearly drifting off on the crocheted bedspread. She should have showered before doing so, she regretted it almost immediately, but it was too late now. She was happy to finally be able to relax, even if her exhaustion was more mental than physical.
But once the stress of apartment hunting, negotiations and worrying about furniture and the moving truck was over, it would all be worth it, and she’d live happily in her new place. She’d even forget who she’d bumped into on the subway, because it didn't matter.
That particular thought was enough to shake off her laziness and get her to pack the smaller bag she’d take to visit the apartment. Then, called for lunch, she headed toward the dining area, letting her nose guide her along the trail of the delicious aroma of lasagna freshly made especially for her.
Chaewon felt her stomach rumble as she pulled out her chair, though not before washing her hands.
"You’ve traveled all this way, you need some real food" her aunt said, affectionately patting her back as she filled her glass with pineapple and mint juice. "It’s fresh, too. I just made it."
"You’re the best, auntie. I’ve told you that, right?" the younger woman playfully rested her head on the other's arm for a moment before serving herself some food.
Maria was a woman in her sixties with sleek, black, chin-length hair she refused to let go gray, prominent dimples and that typical grandmotherly (or, in her case, aunt-like) warmth.
"I love you too, cutiepie" she said, walking around the table to sit beside her niece and start eating as well.
Her apartment always had a lovely, homey atmosphere, filled with her many houseplants, the little crocheted "clothes" for the appliances, picture frames spanning generations and the background noise of the TV always tuned to a broadcast channel. Right now, the news was on and the stories were never good, yet somehow, it was all part of the package.
Chaewon’s goal was to make her own place just as cozy, though with a more youthful vibe. She got excited just imagining the decor, inspired by the bedroom she’d had at their parents' first house in Rio.
"Where is this building you’re going to visit?" Maria asked.
"It’s about an hour away from here, I think. Counting traffic."
"Oh, so it’s not that far, then."
"Uhum" Chaewon took a sip of her juice. "I really like that it’s close to everything, it’s the best-located place the agent could find. And from the photos he emailed me, it looked great."
"That’s wonderful!" Maria gave her niece’s shoulder a playful shake. "I hope everything works out and there aren't any issues."
"It really is!" Chaewon’s eyes widened with excitement. "Especially since the landlady is charging the same rent she used to pay before she bought the place I don't know how many thousands of years ago! I’m not letting this one slip away, I’m actually scared someone else might sign the lease first. I doubt I’m the only one eyeing it" she glanced around. "Is it a crime if I try to bribe her into renting it to me?"
The older woman nearly choked on the loud laugh that burst out of her.
"You never change" she shook her head, smiling proudly. "Stubborn, so stubborn... ever since you were a kid. I’ll never forget when your dad put you in time-out for a few minutes and you stayed there for hours just out of spite."
"I don't even remember what I did to get put there" Chaewon laughed. "But I don't think it's a bad thing."
"It’s not bad bad, but it depends. Watch and pray."
Even thougt Maria was a sweetheart, she was also quite believer and Chaewon didn't have the best relationship with religion. It was hard to suppress the urge to roll her eyes at that very typical turn of phrase.
"So, what time did you schedule the meeting?" Maria asked, getting back to the topic.
Chaewon glanced up at the clock on the wall in front of her.
"In a little over an hour."
<3
The sudden gust of wind messing up Chaewon’s hair as she stood on the sidewalk signaled that rain was on the way. Followed by the darkening sky, it was enough to worry anyone caught off guard.
The real estate agent had arranged to meet in front of the building, but there was no sign of him yet. Sure, he was only ten minutes late, but depending on the perspective, it felt more like half an hour. Chaewon tucked a couple of strands of hair behind her ears and crossed her arms, her lips beginning to pout, but before she could let out a huff of annoyance, a tall, bald and well-dressed man appeared in her field of vision.
"Good afternoon. Chaewon?" he asked, seeking confirmation, receiving a brief and cheerful nod in return.
"Good afternoon!"
"Sorry I'm late. Traffic is terrible today..."
"Don't worry, I understand" she said, waving her hand dismissively.
"So, shall we?"
The agent led her inside, greeted the doorman familiarly and then a few floors. He was friendly and professional, though some might consider him a bit too chatty. After some small talk about how many units he’d rented out in that building, whether Chaewon had trouble finding the adress and the rain that was on the way, finally it was there.
Apartment 112.
Even unfurnished, the place looked promising: upon opening the door, you were greeted by a living room that was actually spacious by SP standards, easily accommodating a couch, a TV stand and a dining table, with room to spare for other furniture and plenty of decor. There were two decent-sized bedrooms (Chaewon planned to turn one into a sort of "playground" for the cat she intended to adopt, with shelves, tunnels and all the works), a standard bathroom and kitchen, and the feature that had charmed her most: a balcony.
Plus, the floors were parquet, not tile. All of this for the same rent price as ten years ago. It was like a dream.
"That’s what I was saying" the agent said, scratching his head. "You won't find better than this, not with this location and at this price."
"I see" Chaewon wandered slowly, looking at everything with caution. She had already asked about the neighborhood and the natural light, but unluckily for her, she had forgotten what else she needed to know.
Well, that's going to be the end of it.
"I'm actually interested"
"So, do you want to close the deal?"
She nodded.
"That’s great! I..."
Before he could finish the sentence, two other people walked into the room, catching everyone off guard.
"Oh, sorry, I didn't know there was a viewing scheduled right now" said a woman with long, light-brown hair and round glasses. She was standing right next to... Hyeju.
"Hi, Haseul, don't worry about it" the agent adjusted his briefcase. "We were just wrapping up here, the client is about to sign."
"Oh" the woman looked uncomfortable and turned to Hyeju. "It’s just... she’s looking to rent it too. I brought her here to get a better look in person, but it’s a sure thing."
"But it’s a sure thing here, too. I was just about to grab the contract. How are we going to handle this? We’ve been negotiating for days, but the apartment is yours to decide on."
"Please, let me have it." Chaewon put on her best pitiful expression, aiming it right at Haseul. "I moved from another state planning to live here. The other places I saw in the city were too far from my jobs and I moved specifically to don't have to trip that much. I’d even pay a bit more if it would help."
"Jobs? What do you do?"
"I’m a model."
"You aren't the only one who needs to live close to things" Hyeju said, crossing her arms. "I’ve had my eye on this apartment for days, too."
"You should have gotten here earlier, then."
"You should have signed earlier, then."
Chaewon’s eyes widened.
“So how did you find out about this place, Hyeju?” She couldn't hide her irritation.
She knew it was a bit of a stupid question, after all, the listing wasn't a secret, but the mere thought of losing the place made her brain short-circuit. Plus, the girl really got under her skin.
“I saw it in the classifieds” she said, shrugging with a wry laugh.
“I didn't know there were newspapers in kindergarten.”
"How mature."
“Wait, do you two know each other?” the bald real estate agent pointed at both of them.
They looked at him, then at each other, but said nothing.
“Well, that’s perfect!” Haseul clasped her hands together. “You can share the space.”
Both of them gasped, shocked by such a crazy idea.
“I think it’s a great idea. I’ve rented like this to people before, it’s pretty common around here. And with two bedrooms, you’d each have your own privacy. You wouldn't even notice the other one was there. It’s much more chill than it sounds.”
“So, what do you think?”
"I'm sorry, but that won't be possible." Chaewon reflexively refused.
Hyeju tilted her head to the side, narrowing her eyes at her.
"You don't have to decide right now, I can give you some time to talk it over calmly" Haseul adjusted her glasses, and the agent quickly agreed. She seemed such a kind woman, making Chaewon feel sorry that she’d been dragged into this mess.
"No, it's fine." Hyeju’s suddenly defeated tone made Chaewon’s heart skip a beat: for a second, she thought the other girl was going to give in. She sighed. "Even though it’s not exactly part of my plans, it’s okay by me." she shrugged.
Chaewon opened and closed her mouth, unsure of how to respond. She swallowed hard.
The atmosphere was tense.
"Could you leave us alone a little bit so we can talk, please?" she asked the other two politely. They promptly agreed and left the apartment.
They only knew the door had closed because of the sound, as up until that moment, they had been staring at each other, barely blinking.
"Why?" Chaewon was the first to break the silence, looking weary.
"I don't mind it. I've had roommates before, I'm used to it."
Such (and so annoying) calmness made Chaewon wonder if she had lost her mind and been hallucinating all this time: it seemed impossible for Hyeju to be acting so casually, even after all this time.
Had she forgotten her final days in São Paulo? Was she really that insensitive?
"Unbelievable" Chaewon muttered to the floor with an ironic laugh. "Running into each other on the street and making small talk is one thing, but sharing an apartment like nothing happened? Seriously?"
Hyeju hesitated.
"I'm just trying to be mature. We both need it, I can't let some silly little teenage squabble get in the way even now."
Chaewon sighed.
"I get your reasons, but if you call it a 'silly little squabble', that just shows you didn't change a bit." those were Chaewon's last words before her throat began to tighten and she made a move to leave. She didn't want to argue once again.
She didn't deserve this, things had dragged on long enough. She would take the joke from earlier seriously and do something foolish: grab the hundred-bill she always forgot to exchange in her wallet and hope Haseul didn't have too many scruples once she found her. Her mind was made up.
"Where are you going?" Hyeju grabbed her by the arm again.
"I’m not going to waste my breath on this, not in the big year of 2001!"
"You were the one who brought it up, I was perfectly happy ignoring it for that very reason!" Hyeju’s expression, previously so casual (forced or otherwise), began to crumble into confusion and a certain hurt. "And why do you talk as if I’m the one to blame?"
Chaewon swallowed hard. That sentence turned her into a bomb ready to explode at any moment, and the sensation of her cheeks growing hotter by the second was a clear sign of it. Hyeju might not like the facts, but she didn't know about the long, sleepless nights spent thinking about her. Nights where having her name in thoughts was better than seeing her face in nightmares. And all because of her own actions.
Hyeju had no idea how many diary pages she had filled writing only about her, or how she had burned most of her letters as a form of therapy, or how her parents still believed the distance was to blame, all because she couldn't show them she was suffering in that specific way. Hyeju had no right to ask that question. Before she could say anything, the other woman raised an eyebrow as if her silence were an insult and let out a heavy sigh.
It was truly a war they had both lost long ago.
"What do you want to do, then?" Her voice sounded tired and impatient.
"You aren't going to give up the apartment, are you?" Chaewon tried her luck one last time, though it was futile. She sighed. "I... I can check with my agent. He should be able to find something good in a neighborhood further out."
Hyeju’s eyes widened, and the reason was obvious: she wasn't the only one surprised by this gesture from the girl who used to be the most stubborn person in the world. Not even the girl herself.
Well, she hadn't exactly stopped being that way, she was just swinging to the other extreme. Come to think of it, the title was still hers.
"That wouldn't be fair, and I don't want that burden on my shoulders, either."
That one you don't want, huh? Chaewon thought.
"Just make up your mind!" she snapped, losing her patience.
"We’ll barely see each other, Chaewon. Stop being so stubborn!" Hyeju let herself get swept up in the other’s mood for a moment, then took a deep breath. "I work and rehearse away from home, depending on our schedules, we might not even cross paths. It won't be the most comfortable situation for me either, but I think it’s the fairest option, that’s why I decided on it. For your convenience, I don't intend for this to be permanent, if that’s what you’re thinking."
This gave Chaewon a new perspective: perhaps it would last even less time than she expected, and surely, a few months alongside Hyeju with sitting on her dream apartment for years was nothing compared to the cost. What she saved on rent, she could spend on therapy!
"I’m going to ask Haseul for some time to think" she said, crossing her arms and nodding. Of course she’d accept, but she couldn't make it look too easy to the other.
"Please don't take too long to say yes."
"You don't even know if I will" she arched an eyebrow before finally turning around and walking away.
Hyeju’s confidence was just as annoying as her own, she always acted as if Chaewon were so predictable...
Back at the reception area, she found the people she was looking for engaged in a casual conversation over cups of water by the cooler. Haseul was the first to notice the younger woman’s arrival, flashing a friendly smile in her direction.
"So?" she asked.
"Is that deadline still open?" the girl adjusted her bag on her shoulder, looking like a child asking her mother for permission to skip a day in school. "I won't take long to decide, I promise."
"Of course, of course. I was already counting on that, don't worry" Haseul raised her eyebrows and adjusted her glasses. "I can hold off on negotiations for a week, does that work for you two?"
"That’s perfect!" Chaewon grinned. "That’s actually plenty of time."
Haseul shifted her attention to the space behind Chaewon.
"I was just telling her about the deadline, I gave you a week to decide" she said to Hyeju, who was approaching the group.
"That’s great" Hyeju said, nodding with her hands in her pockets. "I appreciate it."
"Feel free to call me if anything comes up" Chaewon’s agent said, gesturing to her. "I have to get going now, I’ve got another viewing in a different city in three hours. Sorry for the rush."
"No worries at all." she reassured him.
"I’ll head out, then. Good afternoon, everyone" he tossed his plastic cup into the trash and made to leave, bidding the women goodbye.
Haseul soon had to leave as well, leaving the former friends alone in the empty room amidst a brief, suffocating and awkward silence.
"I’m heading out too, I don’t want to get caught in the rain." Hyeju was the first to move, her demeanor serious, before leaving, however, she took a napkin and a pen from her black leather bag, pressed them against the wall to jot something down and handed the paper to Chaewon. "My number, in case you need it."
Chaewon accepted it silently. She wasn't even given time to reply to the "see you soon" before Hyeju walked away.
It was the second time she had watched the brunette’s back as she walked away, feeling a chaotic mix of nostalgia and melancholy. For someone who had thought she might never see her again, this was happening almost too often. Perhaps it was karma for having been the one to do it first.
<3
Back at her aunt's house a few hours later, Chaewon wasn't the same one who had left, though not for the reason one might expect: her ginger hair was completely soaked, as were her clothes, and her makeup had partially run due to the rain she’d been caught in on her way back. Perhaps stopping at a café for a treat and wandering around to lift her spirits hadn't been so effective after all.
She took off her shoes and headed to the bedroom. While searching her suitcase for pajamas, she had to force herself to remember why she had returned to São Paulo, especially as the longing for Rio and the feeling that nothing had gone right since her arrival washed over her. But it was only the first day.
Still, it was hard to hold back the urge to cry, a feeling compounded by the exhaustion of a day that seemed to have lasted forty-two hours. Fortunately for her, Maria was out and wouldn't see her in such a state.
She treated herself to a long, hot shower and ate the leftover lunch lasagna for dinner in front of the TV, accompanied by some random comedy. Chaewon usually watched her diet to maintain her figure for her profession, but on days like that or on special occasions she allowed herself to break the routine. At a certain point, the movie surprisingly became interesting and actually succeeded in distracting her, she only got up to wash the dishes and brush her teeth. And it was with the thought that she would call the real estate agent the next morning and accept the offer that she drifted off to sleep right there.
What the hell I'm doing with my life.