Chapter Text
Anyone into sports has to have at least a bit of fondness for adrenaline. Activities that get your blood pumping and a rush of energy flooding your body. Even more-so if that sport involves very real swords being swung at you that, while dulled and no one is actually trying to stick you, has a very real chance of sticking you anyway.
Chloe is honestly no different in the thrill she gets from an adrenaline spike. Though, she was never one to chase after the kind that comes with rule breakage. It’s just different when it’s you having to rely on yourself and your skill, versus facing someone you respect’s disappointment in you.
Kissing Red is some strange combination, because even though she knows she’s not supposed to, she doesn’t want to stop. Anticipation overwhelmingly overrides any thought at all every time that rush and narrowed world takes over. The adrenaline is addicting. The heat and racing of her pulse. The buzzing sensitivity of her skin as Red’s fingers trace a path up the back of her shirt.
Chloe growls as she fumbles with one of Red’s studded belts, trying to get it off of her. Three is a bit excessive, she decides. “Do you have to have so many belts,” she grumbles, reluctantly having to pull back to see where she got tangled.
The task only becomes harder as Red rejects the new distance by leaning in and focussing her attention on to the spot just behind Chloe’s ear. Her eyelids flutter shut, hands faltering even more in their effectiveness.
“It’s cute watching you struggle to get them off me,” Red grins lightly against her pulse.
“Red,” Chloe murmurs, turning her head and dragging her back in. She feels the hands slip from her shirt and lets them take over the irritating task as Chloe redirects her attention to backing the Wonder against the wall. “Red, I love you.”
“Love you,” she says breathlessly back, and then gasps and braces against her as Chloe takes advantage of the newly loosened belts.
The noise her girlfriend makes is a better rush, better reward, than taking home any first place trophy. Because Red loves her.
That’s insane to think of, still. Red loves her. Like Chloe loves her. Red will admit that she loves her. She used to be so resistant to the very idea of it.
And then the sound of a metal door wrenching open has the other kind of adrenaline snapping painfully into her extremities. The kind that has fear sparking through her and making the hair across her body stand painfully on end.
She gasps as she turns and panickedly shoves Red into the unoccupied stall just to their left.
Chloe winces at the small yelp the Wonder lets out as she pulls the curtain shut, but she doesn’t check to see if she’s alright before turning to her duffle on the bench just behind her.
Her hands shake as the sound of footsteps draw closer. They stop before they reach Chloe’s row of lockers. One opens, is rummaged in, and then is closed. And then the feet are retreating, and the door closes loudly behind them all without anyone ever turning the corner to spot Chloe’s flushed state.
Chloe lets out a loud, gusting exhale as she slumps onto the bench. Her heart is in her throat in an unpleasant way, yet she still has the taste of Red on her tongue.
She lifts her head as the curtain is pulled back and Red steps out, in the process of fixing her last belt with a carefully unreadable expression.
Chloe cringes at the reemergence of it. Red has been acting off for a while now, and for a moment, while they were tangled together, things were fine. She’s pretty sure the odd air is because of how busy the end of the semester has been with exams and competitions all shoved in before the quickly approaching winter break.
“Sorry,” Chloe huffs in embarrassment. “Shouldn’t have started that outside the room.”
Red’s eyes pass over her, and it’s still distant as she lifts her hand to wipe at the smudged lipstick around her own mouth. “It’s fine, Chloe.”
Chloe groans, reaching out and catching her hand to pull her closer. “No it isn’t. We’ve been so busy the past couple weeks, we haven’t had time to just be together. How about we just order some takeout and stay in tonight.”
For a long moment, Red just looks at her. Then her gaze softens almost imperceptibly, but it’s enough for Chloe to see. Then she flicks her gaze away, something unhappy pulling at her lips.
“Hey, what’s wrong? Talk to me.”
“You don’t want to hear it,” Red sighs, pulling her hand away and retreating a step.
Chloe frowns, a tingle of unease rolling down her spine. “Hey-” her legs carry her to her feet and forward, grabbing her wrist. “Of course I do. Why would you think that?”
Red shakes her head, eyes staring down at their linked point, but she doesn’t try to pull away again as she shakes her head. “Because you don’t.”
The slight defensiveness that had instantly sparked in her chest, drains away at Red’s surety. One thing she’s had to learn to swallow, is that sometimes the way Red reacts, and thinks the worst of Chloe, isn’t actually about Chloe. Chloe takes her other arm in hand, tracing circles while drawing her closer. “Red, come on.” She ducks her head, trying to catch her stubborn eye. “I can’t make it better if you don’t tell me. Give me a chance to make it better.”
“You shoved me into a shower stall,” Red mumbles. “You hid me.”
“I-” Chloe’s voice catches. There’s that adrenaline again. The bad kind. The anxiety. “...someone came in.”
Red’s eyes flick up, peering from behind her thick lashes. “Yesterday, you pulled your hand away in the hall.”
“Red…” she swallows. Dread is pooling in her stomach, but the Wonder presses on, just like Chloe had begged her to.
Red’s jaw locks. Stubborn. Bracing. “I don’t understand why no one is allowed to know about us.”
“It’s…” she says weakly. “It’s just different in Auradon. Couples like us… they aren’t supposed to be made public, and there are certain expectations of me, and… It’s just better this way.”
“Better…” Red steps out of her hold, eyes lowering.
“I’m sorry,” Chloe pleads helplessly. “I love you. I’m sorry, I love you.”
“I love you, too,” Red utters, but she moves around Chloe without looking at her to collect her bag.
Chloe bites her lip, lost as to what to do. She can’t make it better. That never occurred to her when pressing the girl for what was wrong, but Red is upset with them keeping their relationship a secret, and Chloe can’t fix that.
Fairytales, imagining the court’s faces… Her parents married for love, and that was barely accepted, but at least her mother was able to produce an heir. Chloe… her dad has been presenting suitors to her every year since she turned twelve. Not anything in earnest- just inviting heirs from different kingdoms to their Winter ball to build good relationships, but also in the hopes of Chloe falling in love as he and her mom did. But last year felt different. There was a different anticipation and expectation with each childhood friend she danced with. Especially with the uncertainty of if Chad is going to accept the throne, or become Consort to Auroria…
She… she doesn’t know what she’ll do if Chad turns down the crown, and it seems more and more likely that he will.
Chloe follows Red silently up to the room, fidgeting with her sword the whole time until she’s forced to set it down where it normally goes just inside the door. Red sets Chloe’s gym bag down at the end of the bed, where Chloe normally tosses it until she can sort the dirty laundry from her gear that she wipes down separately.
“So, ordering in?” Red says, still not quite looking at Chloe, and her stomach squirms unpleasantly as the other girl fishes out her phone. “Northern Wei sound good?”
“Yeah.” Chloe moves forward to sort her laundry. “Yeah, that’s good.”
The room has a weird atmosphere to it as they go about normal things. Red changing out of her school clothes, Chloe taking care of her equipment. Any attempts Chloe makes at conversation always falls off awkwardly, and she hates it.
She hates this sudden distance that isn’t quite as sudden as it feels- Chloe is just now recognizing it fully. But when food arrives, Red settles against her shoulder as she always does while Chloe puts on a movie.
“I love you,” Chloe murmurs again, brushing a kiss over the top of her head.
Red sighs deeply in response. It’s not heavy or pointedly noisy. It’s more like defeat. Just a larger inhale than normal with a silent deflation as the Wonder tilts her head and presses her nose against her jaw. “I love you, too,” she reassures.
………………..
“You look more and more gorgeous every year.” The prince’s smile is teasing and familiar as he bows over her hand and looks up through dark lashes. She feels a thread of fondness warm her as she dips into a formal curtsey.
“Shut up, Aziz,” she scoffs, rising. Aziz is one of the ‘suitors’ that she’s found to genuinely like. Maybe not the way her father hopes for, but she won’t ever love any of these men her father hopes for her to fall for. But marrying a friend would be better than anyone the council might decide to push for her without her say.
The boy laughs, straightening as well as he releases her hand. Her parents exchange small smiles, like they think they know something they aren’t saying, but they don’t. Chloe and Aziz agreed long ago that they wouldn’t let the expectations of the adults watching dictate how they interact with each other.
“See you on the dance floor, love,” he winks.
Chloe shakes her head, a reluctant smile still lingering as she turns to greet her next guest. It falters right off her face, eyes widening as the girl steps forward.
Her heart catches in her throat, first in off-guard surprise, then just plain speechlessness. She’s never seen Red in a dress before. It occurs to her, brain slow, only as Red drags her eyes away from Chloe’s to offer a curtsy to her waiting parents.
“Red, I’m so glad you could make it this year,” Ella says, grasping her hand after the initial formalities.
“My mother sends her regards. She was called away just as we reached the car about a matter of the Cats declaring war on the Dogs.”
“Is everything alright?”
“Oh, yes, the Cats declare war on them at least once a month. This one was long overdue, but she still had to deal with it.”
“Well, tell her we’ll make plans for tea, then. Soon. I miss her.”
Red’s eyes take her in, and she’s genuine as she says, “She misses you too.” Then her eyes drift back to Chloe. Her dress is a deep burgundy, the bodice a simple velvet texture that turns into a sleeveless, sweetheart neckline. The fabric turns to an organza train that bunches at her waist and falls all the way to the floor. Chloe didn’t know that Red in a dress was something she needed until it stalls her brain and it’s all she can process.
“Hey, princess,” Red says, voice casual, but rich.
“I…” Chloe fights to get her tongue under working order. Her parents are right beside her. She knows she’s being way too obvious. “I didn’t know you were going to be here.”
“I didn’t either,” she says, lifting an eyebrow. A red lip slowly curls at the corner as Chloe can’t seem to do anything else but stare. A throat clears, someone behind Red getting impatient to be greeted, and Red moves to continue forward.
“I’ll find you later,” she says, laughing as Chloe still can’t seem to generate a response, “after you finish your… hostess duties.”
Greeting guests has always been a kind of endless chore that’s hard to care too much about. It’s even more so, now that she knows Red is in the room somewhere, probably picking through the sweets table, and waiting for Chloe.
Her attention keeps straying to the hall, trying to catch a glimpse. It’s so noticeable that her father sets her free early, encouraging her to go have fun with that same secretive ‘knowing’ smile. She’s stopped caring about correcting his assumptions a long time ago, and she just breaks away to find her wayward girlfriend.
It’s like Chloe’s senses revolve around Red, because it only takes a moment to locate her in a room full of people. Her eyes just naturally draw to her. She’s noticed that it happens even when she doesn’t know Red is in the room. She’ll be doing something, and then something changes and she looks up, only to find her eyes locking on the other girl.
She wonders if it’s some kind of magic. If Red really does have a presence about her that other people can feel, or if it’s just Chloe.
She feels like she’s floating as she crosses the room, drawn in by that invisible tether until she’s a few feet away.
“You’re beautiful,” she says, the thing that’s been circling her head since she spotted her, but had been unable to form the syllables for.
Red turns at her voice, a smile stretching her lips as she cocks a hip out to the side and her eyes trace over Chloe. “Look who’s finally found her tongue,” she teases.
“A pretty girl stole it,” Chloe shrugs helplessly.
“Just pretty, now?”
“Pretty, beautiful, the most gorgeous girl I’ve ever seen.”
“Charming,” she hums, stepping closer and letting her fingers graze against Chloe’s arm. A trail of goose flesh rises where they touch, and then spreads like wildfire across the rest of her body. “I get it now.”
A sharp laugh cuts through Chloe’s haze, bringing her awareness back to the room at large. Stretching her perceptions past the girl monopolizing her thoughts to the rest of the world. A world in which it is very much not just them.
Chloe’s body lurches back a step, breaking the contact Red had barely initiated, and glances quickly around to see if anyone had been watching them. Reassured, she turns her eyes back toward her girlfriend, only to find a frown now pulling at her lips.
A spike of guilt stabs at her for her gut reaction. She clears her throat, licking her lips nervously, and holds out her hand. “May I have this dance?” she asks.
Dancing is safe. It’s not unusual for two friends to share a dance, even being two females. As the ranking princess, ordinarily Red would lead, but Chloe can get away with it as host. Which is good, because Chloe always took the lead in their room as she taught the Wonder steps just for fun (and maybe because she thought slow dancing alone in their room was endlessly romantic).
Red accepts her hand with a softening of her frown, and Chloe pulls her gently onto the dance floor.
They’d never done this in front of people, but Red doesn’t look around. Her eyes remain locked only on Chloe’s face, tracing over her features. Her body remains relaxed, uncaring of the people slowly filling the floor around her.
Chloe is ashamed to admit that she’s not. Her every sense is more aware of the people around her than the girl in her arms. Every sound, every flash of dress, has her gaze flickering off to the side, wondering if they are watching them. Wondering if they are standing too close, or if her hand shouldn’t be a little higher on Red’s waist, or if they can see Chloe’s attraction with every glance she takes at the girl in front of her.
It’s almost a relief when the song ends and Chloe can step away. She wipes her sweaty palms along the skidding glitter of her dress. Before she can think of something to break the weird tension that has fallen over them, another person steps into their periphery, offering a hand out to Chloe.
She follows the appendage up to the quirked lips of her situation-bound friend. “Excuse me, Princess, might I steal you for this next dance?”
“Of course,” Chloe says maybe too quickly in her relief. She takes Aziz’s hand, and almost immediately relaxes as he pulls her into a familiar waltz they’ve done throughout the years of entertaining each other under the gazes of their respective councils.
“I didn’t take you for the type of damsel that needed saving from princes,” he jokes, allowing her to shift into the lead role.
“I’m not,” Chloe snorts. “And I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Sure you don’t. Why do you hang out with her, anyway?”
That brings Chloe up short, eyebrows furrowing in confusion. “Red?”
“Yeah,” he nods. “I mean, I know she’s your roommate and she has a big crush on you, but you don’t have to entertain it to be nice. Sometimes turning someone down brutally is more kind.”
Chloe almost comes to a complete halt right there mid waltz, before her feet instinctively carry her on. “I don’t…” her throat feels thick. “You think Red likes me?”
“It’s kind of obvious?” he suggests sympathetically. “At least, to everyone at school, it is. Don’t worry, no one has been giving her a hard time about it, if that’s what you’re worried about. But I do kind of feel bad for her. She confessed tonight, right?”
“Why- why- why would you think that,” Chloe stutters.
“That dance was just… very awkward looking. You looked uncomfortable. More than usual, I mean. I figured she finally outright said something.”
Chloe finally manages to swallow, but the lump remains, making her throat ache painfully. “I don’t want to talk about Red.” So people at school have noticed Red has feelings for her. And those same people think it’s unrequited. Is Chloe so paranoid that she looks uncomfortable around her own girlfriend?
Her eyes naturally search the girl out, looking at the place she last saw her, and then drifting when she’s not there. Her vision halts on her parents, who have finished greeting guests and seem to have trapped her Wonder in conversation. They don’t notice Red’s expression, though, because they are watching Chloe as they talk, fond smiles on their faces. But Chloe sees it as Red’s eyes meet hers across the room.
It’s tumultuous in the way it screams at Chloe, all conflict and hurt. Chloe halts, full-stop, mid step.The feeling of her heart choking her is real enough that she coughs, or maybe she just swallowed her saliva wrong.
She sees the moment Red turns away, moving toward the steps that would lead her out of the hall and back into the night.
“Whoa, you okay,” Aziz asks, concerned. “Here, let me grab you something to drink.” She doesn’t hear him, because as he rushes toward the refreshments, Chloe chases after her girlfriend. What did her parents say to her? What was that expression just now?
She catches up to her just as she reaches the steps, and she follows her up them.
“Where are you going?” Chloe asks quickly.
“Home,” Red answers shortly. Too short. Something is definitely wrong. It’s been wrong, she knows, since before tonight. But this is different. This is bigger- like maybe her parents were obliviously talking about a metaphorical wedding of Chloe’s to someone who was not her girlfriend, to Chloe’s girlfriend.
“Home?”
“Back to Wonderland, Chloe. I shouldn’t have…” she shakes her head, not turning to look at her. “This was a mistake.”
“A mistake? What, coming to the ball?”
“No, us. We are a mistake. I liked it better when we were just friends.”
“What? Hey, hey, hey, baby talk to me. What’s going on?” Chloe catches her hand as they reach the top, pulling her around. A second later, she remembers her surroundings and quickly drops it with a flush. Her cursory glance around is automatic at this point, and she instantly regrets it.
“This!” Red hisses, “That! Everything! It was fine before! You’d hold my hand, and you made me feel like I meant something, was worth something just for being me, but then we started dating, and you got scared! So let’s just… go back to that. Please? Let’s just go back to before.”
People think Red likes Chloe. Chloe’s done a good enough job hiding her feelings that they think it’s unrequited. That’s not as reassuring as it should be. Like, at all. People feel bad for Red, and think she makes Chloe uncomfortable. “I guess I’ve.. been a little paranoid,” Chloe admits, knowing it’s an understatement as her heart pounds.
“I can’t, Chloe,” the Wonder shakes her head in slow denial. “I can’t- I can’t-”
Chloe quickly steps forward, grasping her hand again as she’s suddenly blind to the ballroom and its occupants. She doesn’t want Red to finish that sentence. It sets off all the warning bells in her head as she feels genuine panic rising in her. “Red. Red, please, I love you.”
The Wonder stares at her in disbelief, lips parted as she pulls in desperate breaths. Her throat bobs as she swallows and then licks her lips. Her voice cracks. “Love isn’t supposed to be conditional. You said that. You taught me that. Or did you not believe it yourself every time you tried to convince me-”
“I do!” Chloe rushes out desperately. “Red, I do. Just because I can’t show you in the moment does not mean I stop loving you in it.”
Red pulls her hand from Chloe’s in a firm tug. It doesn’t feel reactional. It feels thought out. Purposeful. A boundary that hasn’t existed between them in a long time.
“If no one is around, I’ll hold your hand,” Red says, staring at Chloe, and at first, she’s confused. But the Wonder continues, “If no one is around, I’ll kiss you,” and then she’s not. “If no one is around, I’ll tell you that I love you and mean it with everything I have. But only if no one is around.” Red glares at her, a heavy sheen of tears teetering in the corners of her eyes. “Those sound like conditions to me.”
Chloe opens her mouth, but she doesn’t know what could possibly fall out of it. Her lungs feel frozen, because what could she possibly say to that. She’s right. Even if Chloe wanted to defend herself, she can’t, doesn’t want to, because this is coming from a girl who has only ever been given things under conditions. If she even got it at all.
Red continues to stare at her, searching her face desperately. Whatever she sees, or maybe it’s Chloe’s silence, it makes her rock back and jaw clench.
“If you were a boy, I’d love you as openly as you deserve.”
She waits another moment, waiting for Chloe to respond. Her brain screams at her to say something. Anything. The right thing- she has to fix this. But it’s like her brain has flatlined. As the silence drags on, Red’s chin tilts up, something watery in her expression, but still full of steel-y obstinance.
“You’re a hypocrite, Chloe,” she utters, like nails in a coffin beating into her heart. “Because you convinced me, but now that I believe it- now that I finally feel like I deserve it- now you want me to accept less?”
“Red…” Chloe finally breathes, but as she reaches out despite that boundary, hating that boundary, her name is called. Against her will, her head turns to see Aziz approaching her again with a casual smile hiding concern and with a glass of sparkling cider in his hand.
He must think that he’s saving her again, but she shakes her head, holding out her hand to stop his approach, before turning back toward her girlfriend, only to see the space she had been occupying, empty.