Chapter Text
"Let's stop this." Jake's lips were still on Jay's neck as Jay uttered the words. Jake paused, his hands gripping at Jay's waist a little tighter.
"Hmm? Why?" he asked, his voice muffled against Jay's neck.
"I just don't want to continue this anymore."
Jake stood up straight to face Jay, his expression broken, "Is it because of Sunoo?"
Jay pushed Jake's chest and got off the wall, walking away purple necked. "You're nosy." he says as he fixes his shirt's collar and picks up his bag off the floor.
Jake stands there still as Jay walks out of the room, leaving him alone, hurt.
Why would Jake be hurt? They were just fuck buddies. Sure, it's a loss to lose that attractive of a man but he shouldn't be hurt over it. Unless he's been falling for the boy.
.
.
Jake first met Jay through his new friend, Sunghoon. Jay came along with Sunghoon one day, claiming to be his best friend. And Jake was sold at first sight. College life went from boring to interesting the moment Jake met Jay.
He was interesting. Funny, cute, charming, and insanely attractive. Jake was drawn to him the moment they met. And so he didn't waste a second to try and hit him up.
And when that didn't seem to work, he settled on befriending the boy first. It wasn't hard to become friends with him. What was hard, was figuring out if he was into men.
After some information collection and interrogation, he found out the guy was Bi. So he took his chance to ask one day, "Do you wanna hook up?"
Don't think he's careless, he made sure they were both drunk so he could play it off as "drunken mistake" if the reaction was negative. Thankfully, it wasn't. So that night, Jake got the bag.
And that continued for the upcoming months. They'd hit each other up when they wanted to and come out of the room with hickeys all over their bodies.
One thing he found out when hooking up with Jay was, there was a junior named Sunoo who Jay may have liked. For why, the day Sunoo noticed his hickey, Jay came to Jake and told him no hickeys on visible area was allowed anymore.
So when Jay suddenly asked to stop this ritual of theirs, Jake took no time to understand it was because of Sunoo. And for some reason, his heart hurt. His heart hurt at the thought of Jay rejecting him for someone else.
But he's never been Jay's to begin with. He's just been a fuck buddy, nothing more, nothing less. Why would he be hurt for Jay choosing someone else over him?
Even though he didn't understand why, he was hurt. His chest ached every time he saw Jay with Sunoo from that day on. His stomach would churn like wringing clothes when Sunoo would fall over Jay, laughing manically. His heart would feel like it's being squeezed every time Jay would smile at Sunoo. That warm, soft smile that he too got a few times over the last few months. He wants it more.
He wants it to himself.
He wants to be in Sunoo's place. He wants to be the reason Jay smiles like that.
But he can't. And that regret eats him up daily.
Outsiders notice sometimes, how Jake stares at Jay. Sunghoon has pointed out once, too. If that dense guy can sense it, just how obvious is Jake with his feelings? Surely, Sunoo too knows by now just how jealous Jake is of him.
Trying to contain his feelings was hard for him. And obviously, he wasn't able to for long. He ended up kissing Jay when nobody was around.
"I told you we should stop." Jay said once Jake moved back. Not too far back, his breath was still hot on Jay's lips.
"But I don't want to." Jake says, his eyes lingering on Jay's lips. His craving growing higher as each moment goes by.
"Its stupid to continue."
"How?"
"For instance, I don't want meaningless sex."
"Meaningless?" Jake pauses. "Am I meaningless to you?"
Jay didn't respond.
He didn't say anything to Jake's self doubt. So he took it as an affirmation. Jake moved back instantly, grabbing his bag and walking away fast paced. Somewhere along the way, some tears fell down his face. He barely noticed the droplets over the ache in his chest and the hollowness in his stomach. But that sure made him realise, he'd fallen in love with Park Jay.
.
.
The next days, Jake spent the time avoiding having to see Jay. He wouldn't be able to handle it, not after their last interaction. He'd cry right then and there if he saw Jay. So he spent the next few days staying as far away from Jay as possible. And Jay didn't miss out on noticing that. Someone who would meet him at least thrice daily, talk to him enthusiastically was nowhere in sight. He even saw Jake running away once. So when he got view of Jake lounging in the park, he didn't waste a second to go and grab him by the arm.
Jake flinched at the sudden intrusion, then flinched again when he realised it was Jay who was intruding his personal space.
"Why have you been avoiding me?" Jay went straight to the topic, just like he always did.
"I-" Jake couldn't even respond. The mere sight of Jay almost brought tears to his eyes.
'What matters if a meaningless guy avoids you?' he wants to ask. But he stays quiet and purses his lips shut.
"If it's about suddenly stopping the friends with benefits thing, I'm not sorry. I get to set my boundaries, you can't be upset over that-"
"Who told you I was upset over that?" Jake was offended. Why would he even assume he was upset over not being able to sleep with Jay anymore. Sure, he wanted that back, but that doesn't mean it was what he was upset over.
"Then what else??"
What else? What else, he asks. Jake bursts out now,
"For fuck's sake, I'm in love with you. And it hurts like hell that I was nothing but a meaningless fuck buddy to you."
Jay's grip on Jake's hand loosens, his hand slowly falling at the pull of gravity. He stared at Jake's teary eyes, his hand twitching at the loss of the touch as Jake shakes Jay's hand off of his arm.
Jake wipes the oncoming tears off with the back of his hands as he turns around to walk away, only to be swung back towards Jay.
Only to be slammed into a rough kiss.
Jake's eyes went wide, he didn't have the sanity to respond as Jay ate his mouth whole right there at the park of their college. Jay only moved back to take a breath, his hands still holding Jake's face close to his.
"If you say something that tempting I won't be able to hold myself back."
Jake's face was stained with tears, he but his lip from the inside, "What? Didn't you say you don't want meaningless sex?"
"It's not meaningless anymore if you love me through it, is it?"
"I don't want to be the only one loving, you realise that, no?"
"I'll teach myself to love you. Just stop avoiding me." Jay pressed his lips against Jake's again, this time in a soft press only.
'I'll teach myself to love you,' what a lovely phrase it is. How can Jake reject that? How can be hold himself back from giving in to that?
He nods, humming a light "Hmm" as Jay holds onto his face.
Jay holds onto Jake until he gets an affirmation. After that, his hands slide down from Jake's face to his hands.
"Good." he mutters, his hand pressing firmly onto Jake's before finally letting go.
"Love me soon. Or I'll go crazy."
"Hmm... I will."