Chapter Text
JJ Radchapon Phornpinit, over or just beginning?
Former T-Pop group member after being kicked out of previous group for unknown reasons, Blue Rose, kickstarted his solo career with a bang, after releasing a ballad album titled “Softness In Our Soul” a complete 180 from the music fans were used to. The question on everyone's minds was if it would be well received. And luckily for him, it was. Fans everywhere were tuning in, garnering new fans, as well as charting on number one on billboards.
All is going well in the artist career, having just swept award shows. He announces his first tour since becoming a solo artist. “Haunting Spirits" giving homage to his newest album “Ghost On Sacred Soil” about an unrequited love story in his own life that has been the reason he wrote his first song. It talks about the struggle of how that one experience has affected his other relationships, and how it haunts every aspect of his career because, well, there would be no career without him. It’s him accepting that love hurts sometimes.
Fans of course are excited for this tour, stops selling out in minutes. But what has most fans overjoyed and speculating is that his former group Blue Rose is having a concert just a day earlier than him in the same city, fans hoping for some sort of comeback or interactions. But we won’t know till August 26-27 2026 in Bangkok Thailand when both worlds finally collide one more time.
Will this potential meeting give us some insight on what happened and why Ex-member JJ Radchapon was kicked out? Or will it leave us with even more questions?
Make sure to stream JJ’s new album, “Ghost On Sacred Soil” out on all streaming platforms. And if you can manage to score some tickets see him on his tour. “Haunting Spirits” Starting May 12 in Rayong City, Thailand at Rayong Provincial Stadium ending on August 27 in Bangkok City, Thailand at Siam Stadium.
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JJ chuckles, closing off the article. Ohm had sent it to the group chat an hour prior, and had been too busy to open it, having to get ready and prepare for his appearance on TV today. But now it’s silent in the green room, only the sounds of his thumbs tapping across his keyboard and the distinct hum of the bottled water dispenser can be heard.
He clicks on the chat sending his first message of the day.
Blue Rose the ogs
Jay: just got time to read the article we should fuck with the fans and not interact but coincidentally book the same hotel and they’ll never know what happens !!
Kim: JJ !! that’s so rude
Ohm: wait no he has a point that’s hilarious 😭 imagine trying to find anything connecting your fav band to its ex member and theres nothing but the info that they are in the same hotel building and you’ll never know what happens inside
Auau: you guys have fun with that I’m gonna see Save and take him out on a date when we’re in town🩵
Jay: we don’t care
Ohm: at all
Kim: in the slightest actually
Auau: you guys are just mad that you’re single and i’m in a happy loving committed relationship
Kim: ??? what are you talking about Au i’m married
Auau: ok well obviously not you peepaw 🙄jj ohm anything to say
Ohm: jump off a building
Jay: I’m blocking you don’t ever contact me again
Auau: ohm i’m telling p’james you’re telling me to kms again 💔
Ohm: I don’t care 🤷
Jay: tell p’james “I miss him 😍😘” just like that
Kim: this is why he threw a party when you left
Jay: oh 😔😢☹️😞😕🙁💔
Kim: maybe stop flirting with him and everyone you see for once
Jay: wow p’kim I never knew that you were that type of guy
Kim: what are you talking about? what type of guy am i
Jay: the homophobic kind
Kim: WHAT!? HOW AM I HOMOPHOBIC
Jay: you hate me flirting because it’s with men you hate queer people 😢 I really thought we were friends phi
Kim: JJ I HAVE A HUSBAND I JUST THINK YOURE A SLUT
Jay: oh wow now you’re perpetuating bi stereotypes were sluts cause we like every gender must mean we spread our legs for everyone
Kim: ARE YOU SERIOUS!? LEAVE ME ALONE
Ohm: wow p’kim I would have never expected this kind of behavior from you
Kim: THERE IS NO BEHAVIOR !!!
Auau: this is so sickening jj I hope you’re ok 🩵 p’kim maybe sit down and realize what you’ve done instead of trying to defend yourself
Kim: I HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING
Ohm: oh so hurting a bi man and perpetuating harmful stereotypes is nothing nowadays
Jay: why are you doing this to me phi 🙁I just wanted to be friends I had no clue you hated me for who I was
Auau: oh jj it’s ok one day he’s going to realize his wrongs and understand what he’s lost 😡
Kim: that’s it I’m blocking all of you 🙄
Jay: ok guys I have to go now I’m on in 5 😞
Ohm: bye mr bigshot
Kim: bye jj have fun !! :)
Auau: bye jay 😛
Jay: bye ohm and auau :3 p’kim ☹️
Kim: oh my god stop
JJ closes his phone smiling, he loves his friends. Not that he’ll tell them, though. They’d get an ego. He places his phone beside him, the stage manager peaks their head in. “It’s time,” they say, quickly closing the door behind themselves.
He stands, brushing nonexistent dust off himself, and takes a self encouraging breath before stepping out, a smile plastered across his face.
He waits by the curtains waiting for the show host to call him out. When that time comes he comes out waving to the crowd, he gives a polite wai to the host before taking a seat.
“Hi,” the host greets warmly.
JJ offers him a kind smile, “Hi! I’m so excited to be here.”
The host chuckles, “I’m glad.”
The interview goes on like normal, he asks typical questions about his album and creative process, what he likes to do on his days off, even jokes around with him. JJ thinks it might just be his favorite interview to date.
Well that’s until…
“So JJ, a lot of fans want to know why you were kicked out of your former group, Blue Rose.”
His smile vanishes instantly, JJ stiffens up in his seat. He forces a tight smile and giggle that hurts coming out. “Sorry, can’t tell you,” he tries to joke. It falls flat, trying to save himself; he tacks on a, “under a contract.” That works, fans in the crowd laugh, perfect.
“Well lucky for you I’m not!” The host says smiling from ear to ear, an evil sort of glint in his eyes. Before JJ could even open his mouth to ask, he pulls out a board. And it’s full from corner to corner with pictures of him and his ex during private, intimate moments.
JJ breath hitches tears begin to form at the corners of his eyes. He digs his fingernails into the denim of his jeans trying to stop them from shaking. “Why?” he tries to ask, but he says it so quietly that even if you were to place your ear directly by his mouth you still wouldn’t be able to hear him.
The host laughs…it makes his heart ache, he doesn’t know why someone would do this to him.
“You didn’t think anyone would know, did you!”
JJ looks at him, his leg bouncing up and down nervously. And yet the host's smile still doesn’t drop from his face.
“Well I didn’t either, but lucky for us, a fan of Nunew’s, that’s your ex's name right,” taunting… he’s taunting him, “but she sent this in to us hoping we’d bring this to light.”
“Um..” he’s trying to remain calm, to remember his training but he can’t, he doesn’t know what to think as he’s panicking. “We um were- fuck um,” he trying to respond he doesn’t understand why he can’t. All he knows is that someone else managed to see them, someone had followed him, stalked them, and took photos of them without them even knowing.
“Hahah, choked up aren’t you? But I want to know something about this relationship of yours, isn’t Mr. Nunew here dating his acting partner Zee?”
“That was after our relationship, we were not cheating.” JJ finally manages to say. He can’t find it in him to defend himself but he’d be damned if he brought someone else down with him.
“It is true, Nunew and I were together for two years. And in those two years I had still been a member of Blue Rose, it has been three years since I left the group,”
“Ah, wrong you were kicked out, remember.” The host interrupts him.
He had told JJ his name earlier on but with everything going on he had forgotten.
“Right,” JJ grits out, “we were together during my last two years in the group. And had broken up after I was kicked out three years ago.” JJ explains, he doesn’t look at the host. Hell, he doesn’t deserve his explanation. He looks at his fans in the crowd, the people he had been lying to for years, they deserved the truth.
“And why did you break up Mr. Phornpinit, hmm?”
Again with the taunting, he wishes this guy would get run over on his way back home, the condescending motherfucker.
“He broke up with you cause you were no longer famous, got kicked out of the group for him and then he left you, sad.”
JJ really wants to see this guy's head hanging from a rope.
“I do not owe you an explanation, this is my personal business.” He stands up tall, his head held high refusing to let this guy get the better of him. He dust himself off, giving the host a disgusted look, “If you’ll excuse me,” and then he walks off.
He passes his manager Phupha in the hall, even from just a brief look he can tell he’s trying to figure out how to proceed with damage control. That’s a problem for later JJ.
JJ bursts through the green room door, shaking as he removes his mic pack and grabs his phone. Walking back out to his manager, “Please grab the rest of my things,” his voice comes out low and shaky. Still trying to hold back his tears.
He walks outside through the double doors at the exit, a burst of wind flowing around his body. He takes three deep grounding breaths, letting himself sit on the curb letting the scent of fresh air and outside calm him. Letting himself process what happened inside and plan how he would go about solving it.
Twenty minutes go by when Phupha finally meets him outside. “Hey,” Phupha says sitting beside him. JJ opens his eyes looking over at him. “Hey,” he says back, chuckling.
“Are you ready to go?” Phupha asks.
“Yeah,” JJ nods, smiling.
They walk to Phupha’s car side by side in silence. The sound of the car doors closing echo in the silent car. His stuff piled up in the back, courtesy of Phupa.
“You doing ok?” Phupha asks, he puts a hand on JJ’s arm. Looking at him gently.
“No. But I will be, if I can survive a stalker breaking into my house, I can survive a talk show host being too nosy.” He jokes, trying to cope.
“It’s going to be ok, I am right here. You're not fighting alone.” Phupha comforts, pulling him into a hug leaning across the center console. JJ hugs him back, burrowing his face in Phupha’s neck. He mumbles out a quiet thank you.
They drive to JJ’s condo, JJ hops out the van grabbing his phone and purse. He looks at the back where his other stuff is.
Phupha notices. “Don’t worry about that, go inside and take yourself a nice nap ok. I’ll pick you up tomorrow and take you to the company and we’ll figure out what to do then. For now, just take care of yourself.”
“Thank you Phu.” He gives him a smile.
“No problem, I'm your manager, it's what I’m supposed to do.” He chuckles.
They wave at each other before JJ makes his way into his house. He flops on the couch looking up at the ceiling, zoning out for a while until he musters the energy to freshen up. He removes his makeup doing his nighttime skincare, brushes his teeth, takes a shower and then finally relaxes in the tub with his face mask on. He stays in there until his fingers begin to prune, only getting out when his neck starts to ache.
He dries off, changing into his sleepwear, an oversized black t-shirt, and turns on his tv playing rain sounds until they lull him to bed.
JJ wakes to light peeking through the curtains, his eyes barely open still trying to adjust to waking up. He drowsily fits his hand around his bed and nightstand trying to find his remote to turn off the rain sounds. JJ finds it pressing the power button, letting himself lie there for a little while until he fully wakes up. He pulls himself up, letting his back rest against the back board, stretching his arms over his head JJ lets out a small grunt. He rubs the crust from his eyes, yawning, fully awake now.
He looks at the tv hung on the wall opposite of his bed, and it’s on? But didn’t he just turn it off? Whatever. He must’ve turned it off in his sleep last night and forgot.
He goes to grab his phone off the dresser, and he's met with a note on top of it. It’s addressed to him, obviously. He's the only one that lives here.
But why is it here, and how did it get there? And most importantly why does it read My Dear Jay.
He looks around his condo anxiously, looking for signs of a potential break in, but it looks fine the same way it looked when he went to bed last night.
JJ hesitantly reaches out for it. Opening it with a nervous tremor in his hand. It’s not handwritten, it’s printed?
My dearest Jay, you look so beautiful when you sleep you know that? Of course you do, why wouldn’t you be aware of your own beauty. But what I want to know is why anyone else can? You're mine, JJ. You know that, don't you? And I just hate being reminded of when you betrayed me. That another man got to see your face when you sleep. And I know I acted out of line when I found out. Forgive me baby? You know I love you, I was just mad. But this time I won’t allow you to get away with this, now the whole world knows what you did to me. I can’t accept that baby, you embarrassed me. So this time I’ll actually use the knife, understand me? You’re making me do this baby. I don’t want to, but I have to teach you a lesson.
The note drops out of his hand, shakily reaching up to touch his neck. The phantom pain of steel cold metal pressing into his neck, the whisper and promise of death if he didn’t listen.
No, no, no! This can’t be happening to him, not again!
He reacts fast, yanking his phone off the charger and grabbing the note, booking it out of his condo. Forgetting his shoes, a pair of pants, everything. The only thing that matters to him is getting out of that condo.
He runs, and runs until his body begins to ache, his heart begins to hurt, until he becomes dizzy, and his feet have begun to bleed. But he doesn’t care, he has to go. To get away from his home because it had once again been tainted.
JJ falls onto the concrete scraping his knees. He doesn't pay attention to the pain he tries to stand to keep going but he can't, his legs can’t bare his weight anymore, they’re unstable, shaky like jello.
He remembers he grabbed his phone, pulling it out frantically, he calls Phupha, the line rings once twice and then a click he answers.
“JJ, what up?” Phupha’s voice comes through the phone, and it immediately triggers something in him, he breaks down.
JJ sobs for the first time since he read the note, letting himself feel every emotion he's been shoving down, he tries to calm down, to speak but he can't. He's frozen in a continuous loop of tears. Someone broke into his home, left him a letter printed so it can be traced back to him, and left without a single hint he was ever there.
He feels unsafe in his own body; he doesn't know what happened to him in his sleep if he… touched him. He shivers at that thought. Causing his stream of tears to flow harsher. The phone drops from his hand JJ wraps his arms around himself, trying to feel any sense of comfort.
He hears the sound of rustling in the background, he hears a few words being mumbled, but JJ processes none of them.
JJ doesn’t know how long he stayed like that, crying in the middle of the sidewalk. Some people stopped and took pictures, others left him be, and the rare few asked him if he was alright and if he needed help. He couldn’t answer any of them and didn't even acknowledge them.
He hears an engine rumble and a van next to the curb. He looks up, looking like death, eyes like an empty shell. The door opens and a man steps out, he looks up at him…Phu?
“Phu?” JJ asks, scared he’s hallucinating.
“JJ, are you ok?” Phupha scans him, worried.
JJ’s hand reaches for the letter in his lap, handing it to Phupha, he whispers out, “Found this on my dresser this morning.”
Phupha’s eyes skim the note, his fist clenching by his side. Angry at the audacity of this guy, he had heard of him, but he wasn’t JJ’s manager yet at the time. “Oh, JJ…” he says softly, pulling him up gently. He knows JJ doesn’t like skinship when he’s sad, nervous or scared. So he holds himself back from giving him a hug. Instead just carefully leading him into the back seat. He grabs JJ’s phone off the sidewalk and tucks the letter into his pocket. He buckled himself in, telling JJ to do the same.
By the time Phupha pulls up in the company parking lot JJ is fast asleep in the back. Phupha exits quietly, opening JJ’s door, gently shaking him awake. JJ lets out a whine at being woken up. Phupha laughs, “Sorry man, but we’re here. Let’s go inside now,” he unbuckles JJ’s seatbelt, patting JJ on his shoulder.
JJ nods lazily, blinking to keep himself from falling back asleep. He gets out the car almost tripping, grabbing onto the car door to stabilize himself. Closing the door JJ follows far behind Phupha, not wanting to walk to hard or fast because of his injuries.
When they make it inside the building, Phupha leads JJ to the break room. Luckily no ones inside, JJ goes to lie on the couch.
“Do you want your phone?” Phupha asks and JJ shakes his head no. “Want to watch a show on the tv?” Giving him another option, and again JJ shakes his head no.
Phupha nods understanding, “I get it,” walking over to the closest in the room he stores blankets in there just in case it gets too cold, he hands JJ one. “Ok I’m gonna call a meeting with the team, and we’ll discuss how to handle yesterday’s dilemma, and what we’re gonna do about that note. I want you to go to sleep or read a book. Just stay here and don’t worry, we’ve got this.” JJ nods, flashing him a smile watching Phupha wave goodbye.
JJ sits up and immediately unfolds the blanket, wrapping it around himself like a protective cocoon. He tilts his head back on the back of the leather couch, looking up at the ceiling absentmindedly. He pushes down thoughts of this morning, choosing to focus on his album instead.
Later in the week, he has a podcast interview upcoming. They’re going to be asking him about the songs, all their meanings, and his favorite to least favorite. He still doesn’t know his favorite, but he knows for a fact which one he hates and it’s, unfortunately, a fan favorite. Burning at the Stake. It’s his first song he had ever written in the wake of his heartbreak only finding it when he visited his mom when he cleaned out the attic for her. JJ had cried reading it again for the first time in years. All those feelings he had locked away broke free in that split second, and he was instantly transported to that exact moment. He was the first man JJ had ever loved, and he hurt him more than anything else ever could’ve.
So he sat there in a dusty attic and rewrote some of it, making it match his current style, but never changing the meaning, and those feelings he first wrote it with. Then JJ spent the rest of the day locked away in his childhood bedroom unpacking all the feelings he’d never fully processed, recounting the heartbreak and how it had scarred him and his perception of love and his self worth for years. How that one moment made him feel like the way he was disrespected in relationships was what he deserved, it made him believe his love was worth nothing.
Each song was about an important moment in his life before he learned to love himself, but JJ hates being reminded of him, because no matter what he says, he knows deep down, and he means deep down inside of him that he’s never truly moved on.
So yeah, it’s his least favorite song.
JJ forces himself out of his thoughts, scanning the room. His eyes land on the small shelves under the tv stand. There are a few books under there, so he goes to it, looking through his options, blanket still wrapped around him. His eyes widen happily when he spots one of his favorite books, Four Reigns by Kukrit Pramoj. He snatches up the book faster than his stalker can find his address.
He lay across the couch on his stomach, his legs kicked up in the air excited to read it again; he had lost his copy and hadn’t had time to find a new one. Unfortunately for him, he doesn’t last five chapters before falling asleep. He tries to stay awake jolting his head up every time he slips and lets it fall trying to hold his eyes open, nothing works and he falls into a deep sleep. Only rousing to the sound of the door opening he sits up yawning, looking around the room lost he hears a chuckle from behind him turning around he sees Phupha.
“Good nap?”
JJ nods, smiling wide, his eyes still not fully open, his body relaxed like he’d taken an edible.
“Alright we finished our meeting, we're ready for you.” Phupha informs him.
JJ nods once more, shrugging the blanket off his shoulder, stretching widely. He goes to Phupha; or well attempts to before Phupha stops him.
“Wait,” he says, holding his hand in a stopping motion, JJ raises his eyebrow confused, “you might wanna take the blanket with you,” Phupha points down, “still don’t have on any pants remember?”
JJ looks down flustered and shocked. “Oh!” He shouts abruptly. Hurriedly wrapping the blanket around his waist. “I forgot, in my defense I had just woken up and was immediately scared so I didn’t have time to think about pants.” He explains blushing, avoiding eye contact.
“Uh huh.” Phupha teases, nodding. He’s happy to see JJ’s feeling better. “Let’s go.” He says, walking off. JJ runs after him screaming, "wait for me!” smiling.
The double doors of the meeting room are pushed open, men and women line one side of the table all wearing a variety of different suits. JJ gulps nervously, his hands grip his blanket tightly, he bows slightly as a way to say hello but also show respect.
A woman he had only seen a few times sits at the head of the table, she’s wearing a red suit with a white button up underneath. “Hi JJ,” she points to an open seat across from everyone else, “take a seat.” She nods, giving him a familiar corporate smile.
He nods shakily, jogging to the seat, Phupha sits beside him.
“Ok, so there’s no need for any formalities. We all know why we’re here. So let’s just get to it.” The same lady in red speaks. “Phupha give him a rundown please.”
“Yes, of course,” Phupha turns towards JJ, “Alright lucky for you the majority of the public seem to be on your side. A lot of people are calling out the TV show host, so you don’t have to worry much there.” JJ nods relived. His brain is still catching up to seeing Phupha in professional mode, it doesn’t happen often around him.
“But we still need to clear up any confusion surrounding the nature of yours and Nunew’s previous relationship. We set up a press conference in three days for you two to address the public. We forwarded the script to your email, make sure to study it.” Phupha pauses, taking in a deep breath.
His tone switches, placing a soft reassuring hand on JJ’s shoulder. “Make sure not to bring up the stalker. We wouldn’t want to anger him, yeah?”
JJ turns his eyes away; they become glossy and glazed over, zoning out so he doesn’t cry. He gives one sharp nod, not responding verbally. Phupha gives him another squeeze on his shoulder before pulling away.
“Now about the note, we’ve contacted Poppy’s Protection Services, we have a contract with them to provide security for all of our events, fan signs and concerts. We reached out to see if they also offer private protection for artists and lucky for us they do. So you don’t have to worry anymore, you're going to be safe and protected.”
JJ lets out a deep sigh of relief at those words, relaxing in his seat. He loves those guys; not only are they good at their jobs, but they’re also incredibly kind people.
“So, who is it? Have you picked who’s gonna be watching over me yet?” JJ asks, simply curious rather than worried.
“Yes!” Phupha responds enthusiastically. “We’ve already signed a contract with him.”
“Wait so he's here right now?” JJ perks up in his seat at hearing that. He hopes it’s Keng. He's cute and fun to talk to. He wonders if he’s asked out that guy he likes yet.
Phupha lets out an agreeing grunt. “He just ran to the restroom right before I got you, he’s probably lost right now.” He chuckles.
JJ goes to speak again when he hears the doors open from behind him.
“Sorry it took me so long, big building. I got a little lost.” A familiar voice calls out from behind him, letting out a nervous chuckle.
JJ freezes hoping his ears are playing tricks on him. JJ’s breath stutters in his throat, trying not to let his nerves get the better of him. His fist curl into balls on his lap. He looks back looking at the floor. He sees a nice sleek pair of black leather loafers, his eyes trail upwards. A pair of black jeans, a watch adorning on his tanned wrist, a plain white t-shirt, and then his face.
JJ lets out a wobbly exhale, having unknowingly been holding his breath. Fuck.
He blanks, all of the memories he had tried so hard to forget come flooding back up to the surface and just like that back in college when he had met the man he had yet to know was going to ruin his life.
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This is JJ’s second year in university. He was a veterinary major alongside his friend Auau, his other friend Ohm studying fashion. They were all at the campus cafe. None of them have class for the next few hours, and after weeks of never being able to meet up, they’re taking the chance to catch up.
Their other friend Kim was on break, so he's sitting with them as well. He works at this cafe so it’s convenient for them all to meet up there. It was Kim’s parents' cafe. They owned a bunch around the city, with Kim working at one until they decided he deserves to own one of his own; not that Kim cares to.
JJ is ranting about a video compilation he saw yesterday of people and their pets, and a lot of the pets were being obviously abused and are unhealthy, but everyone just found it hilarious.
“I’m just saying, if you’re a pet owner and you see a video of an overweight pet, and instead of being concerned like you should be; because you know first hand that it’s unhealthy; you laugh, you should have your pets taken away from you.” His face is flushed red both from anger and talking nonstop with zero breaks to take a breath.
Ohm chuckles in front of him where he's lazing across Kim’s shoulder. “What about the owners of the pet? What should happen to them?” Ohm knows the answer. JJ knows he knows, but he doesn’t really care and responds anyway.
“They should die,” he says matter of factly shrugging.
Auau butts in. “Yes a hundred percent!”
“Like, don’t adopt pets if you can’t properly handle or take care of them, it’s so fucking irrespon–“ JJ pauses his sentence when he hears the door chimes, he turns his head to face the sound.
His mouth drops open when he sees who walks in. He gasps, eyes blowing wide, his cheeks flushing an insane shade of red. “Wow.” He squeaks out.
He doesn’t notice his friends making fun of him behind him, his eyes never leaving the mystery man. He was smiling the most beautiful smile he's ever seen, it was bright and kind. His eyes were shining when he talked to his friends. He had tan skin and the cutest silver hair.
JJ finally turns around when the man finds a seat at the opposite end of the cafe. “I think I’m in love.” If they could, his eyes would have little hearts inside of them. He melts in his seat, letting out a distant sigh, a lovesick grin on his face.
Kim giggles in the seat across from him, he reaches out grabbing JJ’s own hands clasping them both between his. “Do you want me to ask Ning to get his name or socials?” Kim asks, his eyes sparkling.
Ohm and Auau exchange a look, neither JJ or Kim pay them any mind.
“Really? Can you?” JJ asks, enthused.
Kim responds, nodding rapidly. Waving over his fellow server, she bounces over to them. “Hi guys,” Ning greets, friendly. They all echo a responding hey. “Did you need something P’Kim?” She flashes a smile making her already round cheeks look even rounder.
“Yeah actually, you see that guy across the cafe from us? He's sitting in the corner booth.” He asks, pointing in his vague direction.
She turns her head, her wide doe eyes squint as they scan the room till she spots him. Her eyes go wide, turning back around. “Wow,” biting her lip. “What about him?”
“JJ thinks he’s cute, but after one too many times of crushing on the wrong guy, he wants his socials to stalk and see what type of man he is.” Kim explains, talking with his hands. “So I was wondering if you could get it for us, just in case he’s straight.” Clasping his hands together, he pouts begging.
Ning giggles, hiding her smile behind her hand. “Yeah of course I can, but if he’s straight, I want him.”
JJ laughs, head falling back, he high-fives her. “Hell yeah girl.”
She walks away, JJ turns to Kim once more. “She’s cute. Can I have her socials too?”
Kim narrows his eyes at him, slapping him on his shoulder. “You’re so greedy JJ.” Rolling his eyes.
“Don’t be biphobic P’Kim.” JJ juts his lip out in a pout.
“What!? How– Come on!” Kim sulks folding his arms over his chest.
“I’m gonna go back to work and leave you guys here.”
“No!” JJ whines, pulling Kim across the table into a hug, kissing the side of his hair. Kim playful shoves JJ back. “Get off me.” He teases sticking his tongue out.
Auau and Ohm who had been quietly observing snicker in their seats.
“You guys are so odd.” Ohm interjects. Causing Kim and JJ to cease their bickering.
“Hey Ohm,” Auau says. Ohm grunts in acknowledgment. “Fifty bucks this new crush turns out to be terrible.”
JJ gasps affronted, Ohm laughs. “Why would I bet on that? It’s already a proven statistic. Jay likes terrible men, he’s gonna doom scroll his insta and get the ick.”
“I don’t appreciate this conversation.” JJ side eyes them.
“And I don’t appreciate your terrible taste in men.” Ohm sasses.
“Hey! I have great taste, if anything you're the one with shitty taste.” JJ snaps back.
“I’m not the one who dated a guy who kissed my sister in front of me.” Ohm retorts.
“Well your ex cheated on you with your teacher, so.”
“You had a crush on a homophobe.”
“You dated a transphobe.” JJ puts an emphasis on dating.
“We both have terrible taste oh my god.” Ohm burst out giggling.
“You’re so right,” JJ giggles alongside him, “we have to stop this.”
Calming down JJ reaches out caressing Ohm’s hand in a seductive manner. He flutters his eyes at him. “You know,” JJ says his voice dropping an octave, “since we both have terrible taste we should just date each other.”
Ohm snatches his hand back faster than the flash. “What is your problem!” Hiding himself behind Kim. “Kim was right, you are greedy.”
“Biphobia.” JJ rolls his eyes.
“Not biphobia, I’m just anti-slut.” Ohm flips him off.
“Hey!” JJ scowls.
“Wait no, he’s right.” Auau adds.
“You’re just bitter, I haven't flirted with you yet.” JJ faces him.
“I am actually, I feel excluded.” Auau frowns.
“Keep feeling like that.” JJ digs into Auau’s cake, eating the last piece on his plate.
“Ok then. I’ll just go home cry and kill myself I guess.” Auau sighs dramatically.
“You do that.” JJ nods excitedly.
Auau slaps his shoulder bursting out laughing. “Hey!”
“Ouch,” JJ complains, “why does everyone keep hitting me today.” He pouts again for the umpteenth time.
Just as he says that Ning walks back up to the table. “Hey,” JJ says, winking at her. She ignores him, talking to Kim. “I sent you his insta,” she turns towards JJ, “also, gay!”
“Yes!” JJ cheers, clapping his hands together high-fiving her again.
Kim pulls out his phone. “Thank you so much.” Ning just smiles nodding before walking away.
“I’ll send it to you Ju.” He freezes when he sees his phone screen. “No,” he whines. “I have to go back to work now.”
“Booo! Wife, don’t leave me.” He stretches his arm out at him dramatically reaching for him. Kim cups his face, planting a kiss on his forehead. “Bye wife.” He turns to the other two. “Bye bye guys, I’ll see you whenever you’re not busy again.”
“How come you get a kiss.” Auau complains.
“Yeah!” Ohm agrees, frowning.
“Because I’m his favorite. Duh.” JJ rolls his eyes cocky.
“Whatever man, I have to go too, Teetee wants me to meet some guy.” Auau stands waving them goodbye.
“My dorm, your laptop, instagram?”
“Hell yes!” Ohm grabs his hand, pulling him up and into his side.
Unbeknownst to JJ the same guy he was about to stalk had been watching him the entire time. A private reserved smile on his face. “He’s cute.” Net whispers out to himself, going back to the group conversation.
Latte sitting beside him, looks at him confused. “Who’s cute?”
“No one. Don’t worry about it.” Net shakes his head. Latte shrugs, not caring too much. “Alright.”
𖤓
JJ and Ohm had been cuddled up under the covers in JJ’s dorm for more than two hours now. They had gone through every social media account of his they could find, and found nothing. Not a single post of bigotry to be found, he was clean.
“Nothing.” JJ says, astonished. Ohm shakes his shoulders excitedly. "Jay! This is the first guy in forever that you've had a crush on, that's a nice guy!"
JJ stays frozen in disbelief letting Ohm manhandle his body. "There has to be a catch?" He echos out confused. Ohm gives him a light tap on his hand. "Don't be a Debby-downer, he volunteers at animal shelters." Ohm grabs his face, forcing him to look into the others eyes. A firm gaze set upon his face. "Take this chance." He says sternly.
JJ shakes his head, snapping himself out of his disbelief. "Yeah! You're right! Should I request to follow him?"
"No!" Ohm shouts. JJ flinches back at his sudden outburst. "First find a really sexy or cute photo of yourself, post it and then let it marinate for an hour or two, then you send a friend request."
"So I don't seem like I posted it for him." JJ nods understanding.
"Exactly, and it'll be the first thing he sees when he looks at your account." Ohm explains further.
"Okay, I went out with my phi earlier and he took this photo of me. What do you think?" He scrolls through his camera roll until he finds the picture, flashing his phone screen to Ohm.
He's inside a cafe, wearing a simple black button down, pretending to type away on his phone for a distracted vibe. His elbow lies on the wooden table, the background serving to make the photo look better. It's a brick wall, with a large plant behind him and a lamp hung on the wall.
"Oh, diva yes. You look sexy, post it." Ohm winks at him, playful.
"Oh wait, tag the guy who took the photo so he kind of gets jealous. Like does he have a boyfriend and why isn't it me." Ohm clips on.
"You're so smart Ohm, I love you." He drapes his body across Ohm's.
"Yes I know."
JJ moves back, sitting up. "I hate you."
Ohm goes to sit up as well. "Oh, but I thought you loved me." Ohm pouted
"Oh but I thought you." JJ mocks. "Be quiet." He scowls.
"I do unfortunately have to go now. My friend's brother is having some dance recital and wants me to go." Ohm complains, waving his hand dismissively.
"Ugh, no, don't leave me." JJ whines.
Ohm stands, sighing. "I know babe, but, obligations or whatever." He goes over to the door slipping his shoes on.
JJ looks towards him pouting. "Have fun. And don't cheat on me."
"I will." Ohm teases sticking his tongue out at him.
"Oh fuck you! I'm filing for divorce." JJ flips him off. Puffing his cheeks out, turning around pretending to sulk.
"This is a toxic relationship, sorry. You're never leaving me." JJ turns back to Ohm at his words, squinting, his eyes slightly shining. He loved it when his friends played along with his jokes.
"Okay bye diva, I love you." Ohm blows him a kiss. Opening the door he steps out. JJ shouts out a rushed "bye Ohm, love you too." before the door closed.
JJ flopped down onto his bed, snatching his phone up from beside him, his heart beating nervously in his chest. He posted the photo with Ohm's instructions, then lounged around watching tv, doing research for his upcoming assignments. Six hours ended up flying by before he knew it. JJ's eyes flew wide open when he noticed the time. He jumped up from his spot on the couch, the soft yellow blanket he was lying under falling off of him, the popcorn bucket he had on his lap flying to the floor. Whatever, he'll clean it up later. Sprinting over to the bed, he almost tripped on his feet trying to reach the bed. He grabbed his phone quickly, logging onto Instagram. His thumb hovered over the friend request button over Net's account, his breathing speeding up, nerves getting the better of him. Biting his thumb, he paced around the apartment nervously.
JJ sat on the floor, curling his knees up to under his chin, hugging his legs. His head was filled with insecurities. All the comments he had gotten from exes filling his brain. You're not feminine enough. You're not masculine enough. You try too hard to be funny. Can't you be serious for once? You're too serious, just chill out. Don't smile with your teeth, no one likes a gummy smile. I can't post you, babe, I'm out of your league. I'd get dogpiled for dating ugly. You're too clingy, can't you hold your own hand for once?
He stayed like that for god knows how long, letting his thoughts consume him, them only stopping when he heard the door open. "I'm back." Ohm announces. "Ohm," JJ exhales, relieved. He walked over to him, shoving his phone in his face. Ohm pushes it down. "Hello to you too. Can I take my shoes off?"
"No." JJ puts the phone back in his face. "Press follow, please. I'm too in my head about it."
Ohm pressed it without thinking twice. "Meet me in bed." He commands, taking off his shoes.
JJ just nods, going and curling under his thick white bed sheets. He watched Ohm from his spot in bed, but first went to turn on the AC. He started cleaning up the mess he had made in the living area after. When Ohm went to shower, JJ just played absentmindedly with the teddy bear Kim had given him on his bed until Ohm finished, and then finally he joined JJ in bed.
Ohm pulled JJ into his chest, placing a small kiss on his head. He sighed, exhausted. "I had the worst day ever." Ohm said, upset. JJ perked his head up at him, his eyes slightly watering, worried about him. "Talk about it?" Ohm nodded, "yes please."
"So you know how I had to go to that recital earlier?" Ohm questioned, JJ grunted in understanding. "So, I'm minding my own business in the seats waiting for my friend and his family to come, because I happened to make it there early." Ohm takes a deep exhale, already irritated just thinking about what happened.
"And this random man, just walks up to me demanding I move. And obviously I'm like no? Cause what? And this man is just not giving up, demanding I move, even though I paid for my seat. If he wanted it why didn't he. And I tell him that, and he gets so mad. He starts screaming at me about how this is his daughter’s recital, and he is entitled to those seats because I'm," he pauses, usis air quotes even though he knows JJ can't see, "too young. And there’s no way I have a kid performing." JJ mutters out his first word in a while. "Asshole." Ohm burst out laughing. "First thing you say in an hour."
JJ just shrugs. "It's true."
"Correct." Ohm nods, smiling. "Okay, and then obviously I say ‘I don’t, but I'm here to watch a friend's brother.’ And this man dead starts accusing me of being attracted to kids." Ohm's eye starts twitching all over again. JJ pulls back. "Is he fucking serious?" A scowl painted over his face. "Unfortunately." Ohm rolls his eyes.
"And I of course defended myself. I'm yelling at the guy, saying that I was invited because I helped him practice, and you calling me a pedophile because you're mad I won't give up my seat to you? Insanity." JJ nods, face set in a permanent look of frustration. "JJ look at me when I tell you this."
JJ scoots up so they're face to face, instead of him stretching his neck to look up at him.
"This man looks me dead in my eyes and says. ‘You helped him practice? What are you, some sort of faggot?’" Ohm's voice is tinged with a sliver of hurt, his fist clenching in anger.
JJ shoots up from his spot. "Are you serious? That is not okay, what an asshole. If I ever see him I'm killing the bigot." JJ's heart beats fast in his chest, worked up on behalf of his friend. "I'm so sorry you had to go through that, Ohm. You didn't deserve any of that." JJ somehow calms himself down. Comforting his friend. Tears brim at the corners of his eyes. "That's genuinely so disgusting. You, and anyone else, do not deserve to go through that."
Ohm smiles up at him, thankful for his friends sympathy and anger on his behalf. "Thank you, but I promise it’s okay. I'm used to the way people speak about me. The funniest thing about this was that he had a BL actors photo card clipped to his bag."
"You shouldn't have to become used to it. People look at Thailand and see this accepting place because of all the BL's pumped out on a yearly basis. But that's the problem; they see us as entertainment, something only for tv, because we don't deserve to exist outside of fiction in their eyes. They don't see the real issues queer people face. I mean, god, same sex marriage still isn't legal. But yet we're supposed to act like you being used to being called slurs is okay because we're getting representation. That's such bullshit, and that guy does not deserve you, nor your kindness. You should've decked him in his face." JJ goes on a rant, not stopping to take a breath, hands flinging around, irked. He had no problems with BL's, he had a problem with some of its consumers. And how terribly queerphobic places can be no matter how queer friendly it is, queer men and women will never fully be accepted.
Tears start streaming down JJ's face in frustration. "I'm just so upset that this happened to you. We deserve so much better than this." Ohm sits up, pulling him into his embrace. His heart aching seeing his friend like this. He rubs JJ's back comfortingly, JJ doing the same for him. He lets a few tears spill down his face, allowing himself to feel bad and hurt over what happened.
Ohm let's out a wet chuckle. "God I hate homophobia. But it's okay. You know why?" Ohm licks the tears off his lips, before wiping them and the accompanying tears off roughly.
JJ pulls back from up. Tilting his head like a confused puppy. "What?"
"Because my friend arrived at that exact moment and punched him so hard his tooth fell out." Ohm falls back, laughing so hard he began shaking.
A slow smile builds its way onto JJ's face. "Oh hell yeah!" He shouts excited. "That's what he gets." Falling onto Ohm, he giggles alongside him. They lay there, trading laughter with each other.
Ohm and JJ had been friends since middle school. They bonded quickly, most of their meetings in the beginning consisted of being bullied by the same people.
They had eventually banned together to defend each other. Did it work out well? Not really; but hey, they tried.
They had been there for each other for everything. Ohm had cried into his arms in the dead of night because of a boyfriend, or how he wished he was straight. JJ had cried over his own problems like coming to terms with his sexuality, and feeling inferior to those around him. They had also supported each other in those happy moments.
When they both got accepted into college together, they screamed at the top of their lungs, jumping around their room excited. When Ohm had punched a bully for the first time, JJ had thrown him a party. And when JJ had broken up with his first girlfriend who was one of the worst people ever– she had made fun of everything he did, no matter what, even his looks; Ohm took him out and bought him ice cream. And in that moment when Ohm was not only celebrating but comforting him, JJ had felt his first sense of belonging in the world. He had begun to love himself because if someone as amazing as Ohm could care about him, he could too.
They had been through almost everything anyone would ever be put through together. They felt like conjoined twins, but spiritually, so they tended to become overly emotional over each other. What one of them feels, the other felt it just as much. It's just how they worked.
Ohm and JJ had moved, positioning themselves under the covers at the top of the bed. Ohm laid flat on his back while JJ laid on his side, his head resting on Ohm's chest.
They lie there together, aimlessly talking about things that wouldn't matter to them in the morning. JJ's eyes grew heavy. He struggled to keep them open, fighting his sleep with everything he had in him, resorting to even pinching himself whenever he felt himself begin to drift off.
Ohm noticed. He leaned down, pressing a soft kiss to the shell of JJ's ear. "You are a kind person, who cares deeply of the people who surround him. When your friends are down, the first person they call is you, because they know you'll be there for them and won't judge them. You read to children at homeless shelters, and you wanted to become a vet because you saw how many animals were hurting because of abuse, and all of the people who were struggling with disabilities, or their mental health, and you wanted to give them a place where they could come to for help without judgement. That's the kind of person you are."
That shocks JJ out of his tiredness, becoming alert immediately. "I don't deserve praise for being a decent human being." JJ deflects.
"Shut up." Ohm scolds. "You are so beautiful it's insane. You can pull off both fem and masc styles, and you've got the prettiest gummy smile. You're a talented person, you can bake, act, and sing. No one is doing it like you." Ohm grabs JJ's face forcing him to look in his eyes. JJ sees the honest admiration in his gaze, there's something else there, JJ knows what it is. Since he had first seen it, he’s been trying to ignore it. Ohm's had that look in his eyes for months now, although he tries to hide it. JJ notices.
"That man could be an angel sent from heaven and you would still deserve his love. The question would be if he deserves you. Don't doubt yourself, JJ. You deserve the best love anyone could ever have." Ohm finishes, placing a sweet peck on his cheek.
JJ begins weeping immediately, breaking down where he lies in bed. Ohm, still holding his face, pets it gently, swiping away his tears.
JJ gets insecure often, but it's moments like this where he's reminded that he's loved that means the world to him. Although, they don’t happen often, considering JJ's distaste for opening up about his feelings.
He breaks down until his body can't handle it anymore, his sobs becoming quiet because of how harsh they had been straining his vocal chords. His eyes had run dry, body aching from the weight of his sobs. And Ohm didn’t complain, didn't speak a word at all. He just held him, comforting him in small ways. Rubbing small circles into his back, pulling back the sheets just a small amount so the cold air could reach JJ better, humming softly to help calm JJ’s body.
And eventually, JJ drifted off, letting the knowledge of being loved seep into him and lull him to sleep. Oh, and the exhaustion, but that doesn't sound as cute.
Ohm looks down at him longingly, smiling gently. It had been almost twenty minutes since JJ fell asleep, but he hadn't, choosing to scroll on his phone instead; muted, of course. He didn't want to wake JJ. Eventually, he had gotten tired of his phone, deciding to force himself to sleep.
"God, I love you," he whispers in the quiet space to no one but himself. Holding JJ to his chest tightly, until he finds himself drifting away too.
Morning had come slowly for the two of them. They had woken up a few times, only to fall back asleep almost immediately after. It became noon when they awoke. They went through their daily routines. Showers, brushing teeth, skincare, and then makeup.
Ohm cooked them a late breakfast, eggs on toast, and JJ checked his phone for the first time today. He let out a loud screech, startling Ohm. He whipped his head around, scared and confused. "What!? What happened, why are you screaming!?"
"He followed me back!" JJ squealed.
Ohm froze, eyes wide with joy. He pushed the pan currently heating up their eggs to the side instead rushing over to JJ. "Oh my god! Show show!" He jumps up and down grasping JJ's arm excited. JJ shoves his phone in Ohm's face so fast it almost hits his nose. Ohm doesn't mind, just grabbing it and pulling it back.
JJ moves to stand beside him, they both just stand there looking at the notification. JJ doesn't stop shaking, rubbing at his eyes vigorously, thinking his eyes may be playing a trick on him. But it says that net_siraphop is following you.
Ohm slowly turns his head to him and just stared for a second before screaming at the top of his lungs. JJ flinches, taking a small step back from surprise. He covers his mouth out of pure reflex, "Shut up you idiot, you'll wake the neighbors. And then I'll get kicked out and have to stay at your place with you, and your annoying roommate." JJ reprimanded him in a hushed tone.
Ohm nods from behind his hand rolling his eyes. He moves JJ's hand holding his wrist. "God I hate my roommate. You would be better off sleeping on the streets. I want to sleep on the streets.” He annunciated.
JJ looks at him, squinting knowingly. Ohm doesn't see it, but JJ does. All that built up 'irritation' is just a disguise for something else. He's scared to fall in love, and he’s fallen in love with his roommate, Jimmy.
JJ knows Ohm thinks he has a crush on him, that's his best friend. Of course he's going to notice, but it's not actually a crush. He wants to have a crush on him because JJ is safe, he is one of the only men in Ohm's life yet to hurt him. So he thinks it'll be better to just be with him. JJ's not offended that he's technically the safety net, JJ had thought the same just last year.
When you feel as safe with someone like Ohm and JJ are with each other, you tend to delude yourself into thinking there's something more. Besides their partners, they had only been vulnerable with each other. So, when you've been scarred by almost every ex like they have, you resort to the only other person you can. For them it's each other.
Plus, he talks about Jimmy way too much for it to be just hatred.
"Yeah, okay." JJ waves his hand dismissing him. "We get it, you're in love with your roommate."
For just a second a ting of color appears on Ohm's face but before he can even blink it's gone.
"I will slit your throat." Ohm threatens, deadpan.
"Should I dm him." JJ asks changing the topic.
"Uh yeah!"
JJ clicks on Nets profile pressing the message button he stills. Breath catching in his throat, his screen becomes blurry from staring too hard, and tears form at the corner as the result of him not blinking. "He texted me first." JJ whispers.
"Huh?" Ohm ask.
"He texted me first." JJ repeats himself this time louder. "He texted me first!" He screams, reality sinking in.
"Oh oh! Yes, let's go!" Ohm cheers, shaking JJ. JJ is blushing so hard, he's pretty sure it's a new shade of red. Letting Ohm shake him wildly, he starts grinning widely, not letting it drop even as his cheekbones began to hurt.
"Well, what does it say?" Ohm ask.
JJ doesn't respond, blinking dazed. Hugging his phone to his chest. Ohm looks at him confused. "Hello? JJ? Stop zoning out, what did he say? JJ!" Ohm yells, losing his temper a bit.
That jolts JJ back to his senses. "Huh? What's up?" He blinks up at Ohm confused.
"What did he say? Come on man, pay attention."
"Sorry," JJ looks down shyly, "I was excited. No one's ever texted me first, it's always the other way around."
Ohm flicks him on his forehead. "That's good, it means he likes you! Now, what did he say?"
"Let me see, I didn't read it! I only registered the text bubble." JJ chuckles, rubbing at the back of his neck.
"Hi, I saw your recent post. Amazing photo, you look beautiful. Who’s the guy that took it? Your boyfriend? I hope not." JJ reads out, going from flustered to confused in seconds. "Why does he hope it's not my boyfriend?"
Ohm looks at him irritated. "You are so stupid. He hopes he’s not because he wants to be your boyfriend."
JJ's eyes go wide. "Oh oh! Hes flirting with me."
JJ shoots back a text saying he's not.
Net responded almost immediately. "Good, keep that role open for me ok?" Ohm reads out scaring JJ. "When the hell did you get behind me."
"Like forever ago." Ohm answers blandly not caring too much. "He's a nasty flirt, your ass is going to be flustered twenty four seven. Be ready." Ohm kisses on his cheek. "Bye, I have to go home now."
𖤓
“Net.” JJ says it quietly but it’s loud enough for the whole room to still hear. He says it like it’s hard, as if the words had to claw their way out his throat and force itself out.
“JJ.” Net greets him, waving, a kind smile painting his face. “Long time no see.”
A few tears slip from his eyes unconsciously, his lip shaking uncontrollably, so he bites it, trying to control himself so as to not cry in front of him. He doesn’t want to seem like a baby who hasn’t moved on. He can't let him see how much he affects him. Not anymore.