Chapter Text
Risa isn’t entirely sure how she should react.
With a frown, she plants her phone face down onto the bistro table, a mix of disappointment and anger flooding her veins after her boyfriend leaves her message on read.
Again.
It was the eighth time this week.
Her long-term boyfriend Renz, who never went through a day without texting her, has been acting a lot differently lately. He’s been spending less and less time with her in favor of hanging out with his friends. Other times, her invites get rejected for excuses of studying or doing org works, and all other sorts of mundane college activities that they usually did together.
As high school sweethearts, they had promised each other that no aspect of their relationship would change despite their different degree programs. They’ve been doing exceptionally good so far, having applied to the same university and never failing to allot time for a regular dine-out or a quick coffee run. Renz would even drive her home from time to time, despite her house being the opposite way to his.
They’ve been doing so, so well—until a month ago, that is. Right when Renz found himself a new group of friends.
If Risa recalls correctly, Renz had said that they were his fellow fourth-year students from the School of Business and Economics. She’s met them briefly one time, and her first impressions of them were relatively good. They seemed like the type of guys who had a strict work-life balance, ones who diligently studied until late at night for tests and celebrated by partying hard the next morning.
Risa admits that they were good guys with good grades and established good rapport, but she also can’t deny that it was after meeting them that Renz had been more notably distant. He’s been attending more parties than he used to, has been drinking more despite being a lightweight, all because of their influence.
Risa bites her lip, thrumming her fingers against the table. She eyes her phone which is still as silent as ever, fighting the guilt and shame that creep into her mind at the bitter nature of her thoughts.
If she is being honest with herself, she really is just trying to make up excuses. She knows deep down that she can’t blame those new friends of his, no matter how convenient it would be to treat them as scapegoats. Risa knows she can’t bring outsiders into the mess of their eight-year relationship, especially when it had already started tearing at the seams way before Renz met them.
The fight they had six months ago was the biggest fight they’ve ever had, and was, without a doubt, the sole culprit behind their relationship slowly going downhill.
Risa remembers both of them shouting. She can still recall the pain in her throat with how loud she was screaming, the prickling in her eyes as she fought back against the tears threatening to spill. She remembers, most of all, the way Renz had raised his hand as if to strike her, when she uttered the words she knew would hurt him the most.
“Isa kang malaking duwag, Renz! Eight years na tayo, almost nine! And yet you still can’t face your family and tell them about me!”
Risa usually did her best to understand. She considered all the aspects of one thing, tried to piece together all the facts before she reacted or made a conclusion; but she’s been understanding Renz and his situation for eight years now. Eight damn years of witnessing how he always shied away from topics about their future plans, how he always seemed so skittish whenever she talked about meeting his parents, and how he always had a perfect excuse for rejecting her plans to visit his house.
That day six months ago was Risa’s last straw. It was the time she finally understood the reason why he kept putting off introducing her to his family.
Renz was already engaged. He had been since he was three years old.
Risa slumps in her chair, wearily gazing past the people coming in and out of the cafe Renz disagreed to meet her at—if his non-reply to her message is to be taken as such. The yellow lighting made everything look bleary and slow, like time inside the cafe moved differently amidst the hustle and bustle beyond its doors.
She truly can’t believe that arranged marriages were still a thing at this day and age, but apparently it was a custom still very much alive and kicking among upperclass families like Renz’: individuals who had private planes at their disposal and used them for international vacations every three months; people that had their futures already written down before they were born, complete and signed with business agreements and merger proposals.
Risa and Renz never really talked about their family’s financial situations, but Risa was not poor by any means. Throughout her relationship with Renz, however, there had been quite a few inconsequential things that subtly hinted at the gap in their status.
While she often chose the cheapest option in the menu all for the sake of saving money, he was always the one who decided where they ate, and they ate at expensive restaurants often. For every handmade gift she gave him, he reciprocated with a mall-bought, manufactured version thrice its price. But the most telling thing, probably, was how he always showed up with treats on random days when nothing was worth celebrating.
He’d give her bouquets and cakes—a whole box, not just mere slices—and he’d congratulate her for the simplest reasons like “surviving a hard day at school”.
Risa, before Renz, only ever received cakes during her birthdays.
And so, after Risa had been slapped with the ugly truth, the illusion of her stable relationship with Renz completely shattered. For the past few months, what were once daily hangouts turned into scarce meet-ups, hour-long calls became sporadic one-worded texts, and instead of receiving bouquets during their monthsaries, Risa received nothing at all.
It was obvious to anyone with eyes. No matter how hard she tried to sew it back together, her relationship was already hanging by a thread. Life didn’t care whether or not they carved their initials on a rock.
Risa + Renz pa nga. Childish.
A shadow falls over her table at the same time that Risa sniffles, bringing her out of her depressing thoughts. She looks up at the figure approaching her seat as she tries to fight the blurriness in her vision, clearly moist with unshed tears.
“Risa, right? Renz’ girlfriend?”
Shit.
Immediately, Risa ducks down to wipe her eyes. If the man in front of her was indeed Renz’ friend, he would surely report back to him one way or another, and she refused to let Renz know just how much she was affected. Her pride, broken and bruised, refused to let her.
Pasting a fake smile on her lips, Risa gazes back at Renz’ friend. The bright lights behind him make it difficult to recognize the definitions of his face, but from what she can see, he was tall and had thick, straight hair cropped short at the sides.
She squints at him when she replies, “Yes, hi. Sorry, I don’t recall if we’ve met. What’s your name again?”
“Sherwin Gatchalian, fourth-year Finance and Operations Management student from the SBE. We met briefly at a dorm party,” the man replies, and he points to the seat across hers, “Do you mind if I take a seat?”
“Oh, no—“ he immediately slides into the chair, legs enveloping hers underneath the table before she even completes her sentence. Her iced coffee sloshes slightly as he settles into the seat.
“—go ahead.” Risa finishes, eyeing him warily. Finance student? He’s one of Renz’ new friends then.
Sherwin looks at her with deeply furrowed brows, and Risa almost feels embarrassed by how worried he looks.
Yep, he absolutely saw me crying, she thinks with a slight grimace.
“Are you okay?” He asks, eyes searching hers. The first thing she notices is the genuine curiosity swirling in them, but what stands out to her is how his eyes are hooded, framed by long lashes that appear only when he blinks.
Chinito pala ‘to.
Risa only coughs awkwardly at his question, averting her eyes and tucking a stray hair behind her ears, “I’m perfectly fine. May kailangan ka ba?”
‘What are you doing here? Are you spying for Renz?’ is what she really wants to ask, but she clamps her mouth shut.
“Wala naman, I just couldn’t help but notice how you were…” his voice trails off as Risa acutely feels how he glances at her red-rimmed eyes. She sniffles again, wanting to bolt right then and there, but then he speaks before she can move a muscle, “I saw Renz on my way here. Did you two meet?”
What’s it to you?
Risa goes for the kinder version instead, although her voice still exhibits a hard edge, “Why are you asking? Did you need something from him?”
This time, it’s Sherwin who looks awkward, surprised at her harsh tone. He clears his throat and folds his hands together, leaning away from her side of the table, “Yes, actually. We’re celebrating a friend’s birthday party later. Renz already confirmed he was going but there’s been a sudden change in the venue, and he’s not responding to my texts.”
Risa scoffs bitterly, her words escaping before she registers them in her head, “That makes two of us, then.”
At the unsolicited revelation, tense silence fills the air as she and Sherwin once again make eye contact. Seeing his raised brow, a deep blush heats up her cheeks, and she looks away first.
She fiddles with her fingers, stammering, “Sorry, I can’t help you with that. You should try calling him.”
“Why don’t you come with us?”
The question is asked in a lighthearted tone. Risa looks back at Sherwin, caught off guard.
“What?”
“I know it’s not my place to say anything. I mean, I haven’t been friends with Renz that long and you don’t even remember that we’ve already met,” Sherwin gives her a small smile, “but I’m speaking with an objective lens here. You two obviously had a fight and since you’re crying over it, you must want to make things right, diba? Renz is a good guy. Nasasaktan din ‘yon sa kung anumang pinag-aawayan ninyo. And for what it’s worth—“
Sherwin cranes his neck down and leans forward until he’s eye to eye with her, half of his upper body almost invading her space, “—it’s clear he’s affected, too. You’re all he talks about when we hang out.”
Risa breathes shakily at the information, clearly apprehensive. “Really?”
Nodding, Sherwin pulls away and settles back into his seat, crossing his arms across his chest. “I’m completely serious. Since we started hanging out last month, he’s been asking the guys left and right for advice. Naaawa na nga kami sa kaniya. I just want to help him out.”
Sherwin pauses with a tilt of his head, considering. “You say he’s not responding to your texts, right? I’ll make sure to bring you to him, then. You two should talk it out.”
Risa bites her lip again, eyes now trained on the condensation forming on her coffee cup. Renz had been avoiding her for days now. Whatever plans she had about confronting him were thrown out the window every time he left her on read, and she was so, so close to giving up and breaking things off. But they’ve been together for eight whole years, surely their relationship can still be salvaged. Surely it was stronger than a fight that happened six months ago.
Yes. Risa loves Renz, and she’s certain he loves her, too. They just need one chance to talk and figure out how they should navigate the forks in their relationship.
Blowing out a deep breath, Risa turns her gaze back to Sherwin with a determined set to her shoulders. He meets her gaze squarely, unblinking.
“Send me the details.”
════════════════
The walls were practically shaking with how loud the speakers were.
Risa feels every beat of the loud party music thump in time with her pulse, the deep vibrations rattling her to her bones. She hasn’t been to a bar party like this since she was a first-year, back when she was still eager to try everything and anything new. That same party quickly became one of her lasts since her experiences that night were less than satisfactory, one filled with puke and lightheadedness and long lines to the toilet.
Risa’s lips are pulled into a frown as she scans her surroundings. Without her glasses on, she couldn’t identify anyone more than a few feet away, and with the flashing multi-colored lights and sweeping beams, she was but one step away from a headache.
Worse, Renz still hasn’t replied to her, and she doesn’t know anyone else in the bar.
Planning to look for a less crowded space, Risa is about to head towards the side when a hand clamps down her shoulder. She turns, half-expecting to see Renz, but she sees his friend instead.
Sherwin.
”Hey!” He says, having to raise his voice to be heard, “Kararating mo lang?”
Risa nods her head, voice straining against the loud music, “Yes! I was just looking for Renz! Have you seen him?”
The music plays even louder around them, the crowd letting loose and screaming out the lyrics. Sherwin leans down, “What? ‘Di kita marinig!”
”Renz!” Risa reiterates, bringing her mouth closer to his ear. “Nakita mo ba si Renz?”
”Ah, si Renz!” Sherwin steps closer, bringing the hand that was on her shoulder to the small of her back. With his other hand, he pushes away the bodies that invade their space, shielding her from the elbows of the dancing partygoers, “He’s not here yet! He says he’ll be a bit late!”
Risa squirms as she’s further pushed into Sherwin’s arms, more and more people around them have started jumping and dancing to the music. She has to fully press her arm against his chest and stand on her tiptoes when she speaks, mouth hovering near his jaw, “I’m going to wait outside, then!”
Before she can start pulling away, Sherwin clutches her by the waist and pulls her closer, just in time for her to avoid the smack that she would have surely received from the person beside her. Oblivious, the same person continues dancing and waving their arms around, forcing Risa to stay pressed against Sherwin.
He looks down at her, frowning, “It’s too dangerous for you to be alone outside! Come wait with me, we have a booth upstairs! It’s quieter there!”
At Risa’s nod of agreement, Sherwin starts maneuvering them towards the stairs leading to the second floor. If she were alone, Risa knows it would’ve been impossible for her to slink through the crowd, but Sherwin’s tall height made it seem as if they were wading through water. He kept one arm around her waist the entire time, using the other to create some semblance of space between her and the people surrounding them.
When they reach the stairs, Sherwin has to fully position Risa in front of him with both of his hands on her waist. His touch feels warm and strong and casually protective, but is in no way invasive. He uses his grip on her to guide her through the throng of people coming up and down the stairs, and Risa feels thankful for it.
By the time they finally arrive at the second floor, Risa feels out of breath.
“You okay?” Sherwin asks her, patting her on the back gently. The music from downstairs is no longer drilling her ears, but Risa is still reeling from the feel of almost being crushed. “It’s a crowded night.”
”I’m fine. Thanks for helping me.” She replies with a worn-out grin. When she’s able to catch her breath, Sherwin then leads her to one of the booths set up in the far corner of the room.
There was already a mix of people sitting there, all males, laughing and clinking glasses. Risa doesn’t recognize any of them.
“Guys, this is Risa, Renz’ girlfriend.” Sherwin introduces her with a gesture of his hand. A few of them wave at her.
”Hi, everyone. It’s nice to meet you.” Risa waves back hesitantly. Although she already vowed not to blame them for Renz’ lack of communication with her, she still feels a lingering resentment over how he now preferred their company over hers.
One by one, Sherwin points to each of the seated men while saying their names, “Those are Raffy, JV, Migz, Joel, and Erwin. You don’t have to remember their names, don’t worry. They’re a forgettable lot, anyway.”
She gives him a short humorless laugh before turning to Migz, who was wearing a plastic crown on his head.
Must be the one with the birthday today, she thinks.
“Happy birthday,” She says, reaching out to shake his hand, “I hope it’s not a problem that I’m here.”
”Nonsense! Not a problem at all,” Migz says, smiling, “Girlfriends of friends are always welcome. Mas maganda nga para behave lang ang mga mokong na’to. Come sit, I’m going to go and grab us more food and drinks.”
Risa glances at the booth as Migz leaves to flag a barback, but even if there’s one seat now unoccupied, there is still barely any space left for both her and Sherwin. With the rest of the boys already sitting down, legs sprawled open at that, half of her or Sherwin’s ass would be sitting unsupported if they both were to squeeze in.
She looks at Sherwin, a decline already forming on her lips, “You go sit down, I’m just going to stand—“
She gets interrupted as Sherwin moves forward and taps two of his friend’s shoulders (Risa already forgot their names, was it JV and Erwin?), urging them to get up. The two look at him quizzically.
”Go help Migz grab us more drinks,” Sherwin says.
They roll their eyes simultaneously. One of them remarks with a frown, “Gusto mo lang tumayo kami, eh!”
“Yes,” Sherwin doesn’t even bother denying it. He taps their shoulder again, harder. “Come on, I’ve been sitting awkwardly the whole night. I’m the tallest here, I should have more space. Or just move to the other booth—Migz already paid for it.”
”You move then! Kami pa talaga bunot mo ngayon.” The other complains, refusing to move even as Sherwin is practically pushing him out of the booth.
Risa watches mutedly as Sherwin leans down to whisper something in both their ears. A second later, the two begrudgingly stand up to catch up to Migz, grumbling under their breath.
Sherwin turns to Risa, a grin now on his face, “Come sit.”
With a grateful smile, Risa slowly plops down at the edge of the booth, but Sherwin gently makes her scoot sideways until she’s in the middle, right where Migz was sitting before he left. Sherwin climbs in after her, his long legs pressing against hers despite the widened space of the booth.
“What did you say to them to make them leave?” Risa whispers to Sherwin, intrigue clear in her voice.
Sherwin only laughs, shaking his head, “You don’t want to know.”
On the other side, the two remaining males reach out to also shake Risa’s hand. They introduce themselves again, saying their names are Raffy and Joel, before they wink at Sherwin and point to a group of girls sitting down on a nearby booth.
At their meaning, Risa looks down at her hands, uncomfortable.
She feels Sherwin shake his head beside her, and although he says his words in a hushed tone, she can still hear it clearly from how close he is sitting. “I’ll pass. Not tonight.”
As Raffy and Joel stand and make their way to the girls, leaving her and Sherwin on the booth, Risa breathes out a sigh of relief. She already held bitter feelings over this certain circle of friends, and seeing firsthand how they acted only made it harder for her to reconcile how Renz could stomach hanging out with them. Risa knows she has no right judging and dictating what other people do during their spare time, but the values instilled in her prevented her from seeing the appeal of the entire thing.
She had once thought Renz had the same opinion. Shy, sweet, and sheepish Renz who stammered when talking to a stranger, but with everything that’s happened, maybe those adjectives are no longer the right ones to describe him.
Sherwin pours a pitcher of clear liquid into an unused glass, passing it to her.
Risa shakes her head at him, “I’m not much of a drinker.”
”It’s just water,” Sherwin says kindly, and for her sake doesn’t mention the embarrassed blush on her cheeks when she accepts the glass.
Sherwin slides a plate of clubhouse sandwich towards her while she takes a sip of the water. She’s about to decline again, but he holds up a hand before she can speak, “I think you’ll be here a while, it’s best if you eat.”
The look in his eyes tells her he won’t back down. Relenting, Risa sets the glass down and takes a bite of the sandwich.
Awkward silence settles over them as Risa tries to use eating as an excuse not to talk. She keeps her eyes trained on the table, hands clutching the bread with a tight grip, and chews as slow as she possibly could. Opposite to her external silence, Risa is loud in the confines of her own thoughts, filled with her non-stop pleas for Renz to arrive soon.
This is so embarrassing. I feel so out of place. Please, dumating ka na, Renz.
“I’m sorry if you’re uncomfortable with this whole thing,” Sherwin says suddenly, making Risa glance at him briefly, “Raffy and Joel don’t have any girlfriends yet, that’s why they were… on the move, I guess you could call it. All the rest of the boys are taken, their partners are dancing downstairs.”
He clears his throat, perturbed by her silence, and spews more information she doesn’t care about, “I’m single too, just so you know.”
Risa slowly nods, still refusing to make eye contact and still at a loss for words. The silence between them stretches until she finishes eating the sandwich, and by then she is itching to leave.
She glances at her phone to check the time. It’s nearing 11 PM already, which means she’s been there for almost 40 minutes.
Anxious, Risa pockets her phone and turns to Sherwin. “Has Renz sent you any text?”
Sherwin looks at his own phone before shaking his head, “No, sorry, but I’m sure he’ll be here. He was so excited when he knew about the venue change, he says this is his favorite bar around campus.”
Risa takes a sharp intake of breath. She isn’t sure if she’s alright with not knowing that fact, much less coming to know about it from one of his Finance friends, of all people. God, it feels like he’s a whole different person now. What do I even say to him when he gets here?
“If you don’t mind me asking, what are you two fighting about?”
Risa looks at Sherwin, who now has an arm around the back of the booth, caging her in from behind. The leather jacket that he’s wearing opens wider in effect, revealing more of the simple white shirt he had underneath.
Instead of maintaining their eye contact, she keeps her eyes on the hint of silver chain glinting under his shirt collar, her expression impassive. “I’m sorry, I don’t want to talk about it.”
Sherwin nods, and Risa turns her gaze back to the table. “I understand. Do you want anything else? I can tell Migz if you want something more to eat.”
”It’s fine,” Risa replies, smoothing her hands on her jeans and preparing to stand. “Actually, I think I’m going to go. It’ll probably be too late when Renz arrives and I still have to commute going home. Thanks for the food and for keeping me company—“
Sherwin’s phone rings, and when he sees the contact name on the screen, he immediately accepts the call.
”It’s Renz.” He mouths to Risa. She freezes and falls back into the booth, suddenly feeling tense. Risa anxiously stares at Sherwin throughout the call, and when he ends it after a few seconds, he gestures for Risa to stand up with him. Together, they then walk towards the huge glass window offering a view of the dance floor.
Sherwin bends his knees and points somewhere in the distance, “There he is. Can you see him?”
Risa squints her eyes. She was really regretting not wearing her glasses nor putting on her contact lens, but she’d been in a hurry earlier, afraid that she would chicken out and not attend the party if she took too long to get ready. Hence, after putting on the first pair of jeans and blouse that she had grabbed from her wardrobe, she was immediately on her way to this downtown bar.
Despite straining her eyes for a few moments, the only thing she sees is a huge blurry mess. Risa sighs and shakes her head. “I can’t see him. I don’t have contacts on and I don’t have my glasses with me.”
“I’ll bring you to him, then, like I promised. Come on,” Sherwin tells her, already stepping towards the direction of the stairs, but when he notices that she doesn’t follow, he stops with a raised eyebrow. “What’s wrong?”
Risa stares at the mix of bodies all tangled up on the dance floor. It was almost impossible to know which person each swaying limb belonged to, all interconnected as if part of one huge breathing organism. The large number of people felt like she was looking at a massive stampede waiting to happen.
“There’s a lot of people, even more than before.” She mutters in apprehension.
Sherwin steps back towards her, the stiff sleeves of his biker jacket brushing against her arm. The comforting smile on his face does little to appease her anxiety over having to go back and reinsert herself in such a crowded space. “You don’t have to worry, Risa. I’ll guide you like earlier.”
Risa hesitantly nods. She has no choice. She needs to come back down for Renz, to do what she came here to do in the first place. “Alright. Let’s go.”
“I’m going to have to hold your hand this time, is that okay with you?”
Risa wets her lips, nervously looking at his outstretched hand. Sherwin’s fingers are elegant and long and his nails are well-kempt, almost seeming too perfect in a man’s. Peeking from underneath his jacket’s cuff, she can see the shiny strap of a silver watch.
Risa gives Sherwin a brief glance. A second later, she places her palm on top of his, almost jolting at how his warmth immediately seeps into her skin.
“If that’s what it takes for me not to get lost, go ahead.” She says.
Sherwin wastes no time in weaving his fingers through hers, and like what Risa expected, the pads of his fingers feel smooth. Sherwin’s grip is both tight and gentle as he leads her to start walking down the stairs. A couple of times, Risa stumbles and collides against Sherwin’s back as she gets bumped by the sea of bodies coming at them in every direction, so when they reach the landing, Sherwin positions himself behind Risa instead.
Sherwin shifts his hold on Risa, his palm now wrapped around her fist which she has placed across her middle. He guides her through the crowd with his free arm once again shielding her from the side, much like he did earlier. Meanwhile, Risa plants her other hand on his jacket sleeve, clutching tighter and tighter as they move against the shaking and bobbing of bodies around them. It takes them a grueling ten minutes of small steps and detours, of his chest pressed to her back and their intertwined hands digging into her stomach, before they finally reach Renz.
The moment they do, Sherwin backs away and releases her hand. The feel of him against her body fades, but when Risa looks back to thank him, he’s already disappeared into the crowd. Although she's confused at his sudden disappearance, Risa quickly turns her attention away from Sherwin and back to Renz, who is now just two steps away from her.
He doesn’t look like shit, is Risa’s first thought when she sees her boyfriend.
Renz is leisurely standing on one side of the dance floor, a group of unfamiliar faces surrounding him. With slicked back hair, a shirt practically half-undone, and an almost empty bottle of beer in his hand, Risa can scarcely recognize him. Worse, he’s laughing and smirking, as if he isn’t currently in a months-long cold treatment with his significant other.
Risa comes up to him seething, her eyes already welling up with tears. Renz recognizes her as soon as she is within his immediate view, and he quickly takes a hold of her wrist, grip tight and almost bruising, before he drags her to a nearby corridor leading to the comfort rooms. A few curious looks are thrown their way before Renz shields her from view, maneuvering them into a dark corner.
He releases her wrist, leaving red marks in his wake.
“What are you doing here, Risa?”
The tears start falling down her face. Risa pounds her fist against Renz’ chest, feeling every bit of pent-up emotion explode within her, and he stumbles back with how hard she hits him. The flashing lights nor the blaring music do not reach their little corner, making every word she speaks ring loud and clear despite the cracks in her voice.
”It’s been days since we last talked, Renz! You keep leaving me on read! Anong choice ba ibinigay mo sa’kin aside from ambushing you here? Where do we even stand at this point? May plano ka ba? Tangina, tapos na ba tayo? Sinabihan mo na ba ang pamilya mo tungkol sa akin? At ‘yung fiancee mo, does she even know about me? What do I even do—“
Risa cuts herself off as sobs wrack her body. This is one thing she absolutely hates about herself—how extreme rage caused her to shake, how it caused her to cry an overwhelming amount of tears so difficult to stop once it starts. She can’t recognize where her anger ends and her disappointment starts, all emotions blurring into one messy pile of feelings that hit her all at once.
Renz steps closer, gently wiping away her tears. Regret is heavy in his voice when he speaks, but it sounds disingenuous to Risa.
“I’m so sorry, love. Look, I know it’s hard, but I need you to trust me. I haven’t been replying since the family is strictly monitoring me across my accounts now. They’re suspicious. They can’t know about you, love. Not yet. But I promise that I have a plan, okay? I just need three months at most. I promise you I’ll come back to you, I just need to make sure they can’t hurt you when I do.”
Risa pulls away from him, refusing to be comforted, “So what? I just wait for you hoping that everything goes well? It’s so unfair, Laurence! Ilang months na tayo ganito! Ako ang iniwan mo sa ere. Baka nakakalimutan mo, you hid your engagement for years! You never even truly apologized for that fight six months ago!”
Risa jabs a finger into his chest as more and more fat blobs of hot, angry tears stream down her face. “Tapos all this time, nagpa-party ka lang pala na parang wala lang? Tangina, Renz! Hindi porke’t eight years na tayo masisikmura ko ang harap-harapang panggagago mo!”
Renz tries to approach but she backs away before he can touch her. Risa almost snorts at his audacity to look pained. This entire thing with Renz felt like a ridiculous shit show, one with her as the clown. They’ve barely been around each other for weeks now and they’ve not been in contact for days, but he was going around enjoying parties while she’s stuck staring at her phone, hoping to receive at least one message from him.
Her pride, once again beaten black and blue, lashes out against her need for comfort, against the intense feeling of missing someone that’s been with her for eight years. It rears its ugly head and takes the lead in front of every other emotion Risa is feeling.
“One month, Renz.” She spits out, glaring at him with all the hurt she’s feeling, “Not a day beyond that. I don’t fucking care what else you have to do, just finish your damn plans and make up your mind about us. Because after that, I’m done.”
Risa turns, ignoring how her vision is too blurry with her tears, and briskly walks away from Renz. She doesn’t even know where she’s headed, all she knows is that she can no longer stomach seeing him and feeling like she’s been discarded.
As she continues her way out of the corridor, her chest clenches so tight it’s almost hard for her to breathe, and her hands keep shaking no matter how hard she's balled them into fists. In her head, every happy memory she had with Renz is now overrun by bitterness over their blasted fight and his radio silence, by his faceless fiancee and his years-long lies.
And it’s because Risa is too consumed by her rage that she fails to notice how another person is coming towards her. The strong impact as she collides against a broad chest effectively shakes her out of her thoughts, and when she comes to, she realizes that she is suddenly falling backwards.
Risa’s arms flail in panic, hands trying to grasp onto something to break her fall, and just as she is about to fully drop towards the floor, a set of warm, strangely familiar arms envelop her.
Leather jacket over a white shirt. The subtle gleam of a silver chain.
Risa looks up.
It’s Sherwin, lips drawn into a frown.
“Hey,” He says, pulling her upright. His hands stay planted on her back and waist. He’s looking at her with genuine concern, the exact emotion that she had not seen in Renz a few moments ago. “What’s wrong? Where’s Renz?”
Before she can utter anything, the waterworks start again.
════════════════
Risa watches with muted interest as one of the lights across the road flickers. It blinks once and then completely shuts off, blanketing one part of the street in total darkness.
She thinks it’s an apt visual aid for how shitty she feels right now.
It’s only been a couple of minutes since she had stopped crying, about an hour since Sherwin had led her out of the bar and into a 24-hour convenience store two streets down. She doesn’t even remember how she got here on her own two feet, too busy wailing over Renz and their uncertain future to think about anything else.
Risa keeps her eyes on the dead streetlight even as she hears Sherwin come back from inside the store. In her peripheral vision, she sees him plop onto the plastic chair across her, dumping whatever it is that he bought into the table between them. Unlike the awkward silence that hung over them while they were in the bar earlier, the quiet that covers them now is filled with silent understanding.
“So, I take it you and Renz are finally broken up?”
Risa turns to face him, frowning. She felt oddly offended by his words. “No, we’re not. We just… hit another rough patch.”
Sherwin smiles apologetically with a certain glint in his eyes, but it’s gone before Risa can attempt to name it. “Right. But since you’re crying again, I guess you’re still not on good terms, then?”
With a slow shake of her head, Risa looks away from Sherwin and refuses to outright answer. Instead, she picks through the assortment of convenience store food that he had bought: two bottles of water, a few bags of chips, and some sweets that included gummies, chocolates, and ice cream. Across the table, Sherwin had an open bottle of beer in his hand. She can’t help but notice how it’s the same beer that Renz was drinking at the bar.
Mildly peeved, Risa opens a pack of gummies and pops one piece into her mouth, letting the tartness of the candy rinse away the bitterness she felt over the past few hours. A beat passes before she sends a small glance to Sherwin, suddenly remembering that her first meeting with him had gone exactly like this—her with puffy, red-rimmed eyes crying over her boyfriend.
She ducks her head, embarrassed. “Sorry. I usually don’t cry in front of strangers, but all you’ve seen me do is exactly that. Baka isipin mong iyakin ako.”
Sherwin waves the beer bottle, unbothered, subsequently taking a small sip from it. “You can cry all you want. And hey, I’m no longer a stranger to you. After everything that’s happened, I think you can call me your friend now.”
Risa laughs although it comes out humorless. “Yeah, sure. Friends.”
“Cheers to that. I’ll drink on your behalf.” Sherwin tips the beer to her direction before taking a swig.
The cool midnight breeze blows her hair softly around her. It bites at her cheeks, nipping, but Risa feels too numb to be bothered. She and Sherwin are the only waking souls around, and the oppressive silence of the late night casts a heavy blanket of honesty over her, as if whatever she chooses to say will stay and die in the little patio seating they occupied. As the wind picks up, she lets it push her into revealing her deeply hidden truths.
“I honestly don’t understand what’s happening,” she says. Her voice scrapes at her throat, raw and rough. “It feels like a rug was pulled from under me. Renz has been a part of my life for eight years, I don’t know how I’ll be able to cope if we do end up breaking up.”
“Eight years, wow. That’s a long time,” Sherwin responds. “High-school sweethearts, then. Your families must be so close already.”
Risa scoffs. She grabs another piece of gummy from the table, chewing it soundlessly. She lets the motion tone her anger down. “That’s exactly the problem, his family doesn’t know about me.”
“Ah, it’s that type of problem, huh?” Sherwin takes another sip of beer. It leaves a slight shine on his lips, mildly making it moist. “Let me guess, he hasn’t introduced you yet because they might disapprove?”
Risa considers telling him the truth about Renz’ engagement, but she also thinks of how Sherwin is Renz’ friend first and foremost. His loyalty would surely lie with him. What if Sherwin makes matters worse by deciding to spill everything that Risa tells him? She already feels like shit stuck under someone’s shoe, she didn’t need to have more people trying to crush her.
In the end, she decides against telling him. “Something like that.”
Sherwin hums, opening one of the bags of chips and snacking on it. “You know, those kinds of relationships are the worst. If he disobeys his family, he receives nothing. If he listens to them, he loses you. Talo siya kahit anong piliin niya. There’s no happy ending.”
Risa mulls over what Sherwin said. Would she be comfortable with Renz having nothing, all for the sake of choosing her? And did she have it in him to let him go, throw away eight years of their life together, for his own good? She can’t make up her mind about it. The choices are too conflicting, the disadvantages too massive.
Risa feels like she’s being pulled from all sides—she’s stretched taut and thin and it feels too painful, but she still doesn’t know what she wants.
“Rich people and their stupid problems.” Risa mutters in disdain, flicking away a chip that landed on the table. It falls to the floor and breaks in half. “He can’t even text me without his family knowing now. I have to wait for a whole month to know if it’s okay for us to be together. What a load of bull.”
“What do you mean? They read his messages?” Sherwin leans closer, intrigued.
Risa nods sagely. “He says they have access to all his accounts and devices.”
“Wow, that’s extreme.” One by one, Sherwin licks his fingertips free of cheese powder. He keeps his gaze on Risa even when she refuses to look back at him, “Why doesn’t he just buy a new phone and make another account?”
“That just makes him even more suspicious, doesn’t it? Magtataka ang pamilya niya bakit may bagong phone siya bigla.”
Sherwin shrugs and wets his lips before leaning back against his seat with his arms crossed. The sleeves of his jacket are pulled taut over his biceps in the process. “Okay then, why don’t I become your eyes?”
Risa wastes no time in looking at him, incredulous. “My what?”
“Your eyes,” Sherwin reiterates. “Since he can’t speak to you nor even message you, I’ll be the one to give you updates about him. His plans, how his days go, etcetera.”
She can’t help but feel suspicious. His suggestion came out of nowhere. “You’d do that? Why?”
“We’re friends now, diba? Friends help each other out.” There’s that strange glint in his eyes again. It makes him look sinister, like he knows something she doesn’t, and it makes her even more doubtful. But then Sherwin shifts on his chair, and the overhead lights no longer cast a shadow over his face. The odd glint is gone with it. “And besides, it’s only for a month, right? That’s your quote-unquote deadline? A month will fly by fast, I’m sure of it.”
Risa purses her lips as she contemplates over Sherwin’s offer. Technically, it was a good opportunity. It was better than her current situation of just waiting around for Renz’ calls and messages, things that were sure to be non-existent for the next month. With Sherwin, she’ll have consistent eyes on Renz and all his activities. The only thing left to worry about now is if Sherwin wanted something as payback, as well as the repercussions if he tattled on her.
“You really don’t want anything in return?” Risa asked cautiously. ”And you won’t tell on me if I do decide to accept?”
Sherwin chuckles, “Of course! I don’t want anything nor am I going to tattle on you. I’m not a bad guy, Risa. I truly am just an objective lens here. I’ll help you out as much as I can.”
Risa thinks back to how he had so decisively invited her to Migz’ birthday party just for her to meet Renz, how he had guided and protected her against the bar’s crowd, and how he hadn’t let her initially prickly attitude affect his treatment of her. He’s been helpful and kind in all their interactions, that much is true.
Sherwin smiles at her, revealing sharp canines that make him look like a wolf in human skin, “Deal?”
After a slight pause, Risa nods, finally convinced. “Deal.”
Ignoring Sherwin's outstretched arm, she reaches across the table, takes Sherwin’s beer from his grasp, and directly gulps from it.