Chapter Text
It was Craig Tucker’s third-grade year when he first noticed Tweek. Before then, he hadn’t paid much attention to him. Most days he was too busy thinking about his gerbils or sitting through another meeting with the school counselor, who insisted on trying to fix his “authority issues.”
He didn’t have many friends back then, either. Most of the other kids thought Craig was scary. If he remembered right, Clyde Donovan had been the first person who actually wanted to be his friend.
Then these kids told him that this twitching blonde kid was saying crap about his family. Craig didn’t stop to think about it so he immediately was ready to fight.
Looking back on it now it was obvious the school’s actual troublemakers were just trying to stir the pot but Craig was like, seven, okay? He didn’t realize the issue with associating with Stan Marsh and his jackass friends till later.
The problem was Craig didn’t actually, you know, know how to fight. Neither did Tweek. So they both prepared for a fight neither of them actually wanted.
A week later after fighting in the hospital and Craig intimidating the hell out of Tweek he realized one day how anxious the boy was and immediately apologized.
Sort of.
Craig was staring him down. Tweek was twitching and jerking. He was mumbling something about gnomes that stole underwear.
He blinked.
What?
During recess, Craig pulled the blond aside.
“Dude, you okay? What was that about in class?” he asked.
Tweek immediately launched into a rambling explanation about underwear gnomes sneaking into his room and stealing his underwear.
It sounded completely insane.
Craig decided he’d stay over anyway.
“I’ll protect you. So don’t be such a Melvin,” he said, the corner of his mouth twitching into an almost-smile.
The first time he went over, Craig discovered Tweek’s family practically lived on coffee. They drank it constantly, and no one seemed particularly interested in calming Tweek down whenever he spiraled.
Craig decided he would protect the blonde from absolutely everything. Even his parents. At the time the stoic boy couldn’t explain why he disliked Tweek’s parents so much.
They became pretty close. Craig brings him with him and his group of assholes. During the metrosexuality craze (which he will never acknowledge he was a part of) and the blonde dressed up he felt a funny feeling in his stomach.
Tweek was kind of pretty.
But he’s a boy.
Craig ignored it. He chalked every feeling, every strange impulse, and everything in between up to temporary insanity.
Then Wendy Testaburger, a year later, during a school assembly brought up that Craig and Tweek were a homosexual couple.
“What the fuck?” he exclaimed.
Craig can ignore they are closer than most boys. The stoic boy could fail to acknowledge the weird comments about him being a gay student in class from teachers or random adults.
But this?
There’s no reasoning with anybody. South Park completely lost their mind.
Craig never admitted it to his sort-of-friends, but this was entirely Stan Marsh, Kyle Broflovski, Kenny McCormick, and Eric Cartman’s fault. If they hadn’t decided he and Tweek needed to fight a year earlier, fourth grade would’ve been significantly less insane.
They both tried fighting. Didn’t work. Everybody decided it was a couple having a fight and sent them off with some money. Then the stoic boy came up with what, at the time, he considered his most brilliant idea.
Pretend to break up.
Craig went to Tweek and immediately got him on board. It took some convincing. But the blonde boy was really smart and could do anything. He just needed more confidence.
“Just follow my lead, okay?” he said gently. Tweek’s anxious green eyes steadied slightly by the time Craig finished explaining the plan.
His eyes were always so pretty.
Moving on…
Anyway, the plan worked a little too well.
Tweek is the best actor under the worst circumstances. Craig is basically on everyone’s shit list for fucking around on the anxious blonde.
So he gets a little mad.
….And briefly forgets that they aren’t actually dating when Tweek suggests they get back together.
“Why would I want to get back with you? Everyone thinks I’m a manipulative cheater! I’ll never get any chicks.” he snapped.
Though that was a dumb thing to say. Everyone already thought he was gay, and Craig wasn’t exactly getting any chicks before that, either.
The blond’s eyes were wounded. He didn’t argue. He didn’t yell. At that moment, Craig wished he could take it back.
But emotions weren’t exactly his thing, okay? He did things. Other people could cry and get emotional and shit. Craig got things done and walked away.
The next night, Craig stared at the ceiling. All he could think about was how upset his dad had been, why he wanted to hold Tweek and play video games with him, and why he couldn’t let any of it go.
The stars on his ceiling made him smile briefly. Craig loved the stars. Some days he dreamed about taking Tweek and showing him his favorite ones. Science was his favorite thing. The stoic boy loved science after their old substitute teacher explained about astronauts and who first went on the moon. It was so cool.
Then his dad told him it was okay if he was gay, that it wasn’t his fault the Japanese had chosen them (Craig still has absolutely no idea what that was supposed to mean—that’s weird even for South Park), and that he supported his relationship with the twitchy blond.
The following weekend, Craig decided not to think about it anymore. If everyone thought he was gay, then he’d be gay. The scientific method was a thing, right?
He’d test the hypothesis and figure out the correct answer from there.
But…
Then it became real.
That’s when things got a little more complicated.