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Damian never really had the chance to be around people his age. Not like he wanted to, of course. He used to be an assassin, what could he possibly have in common with children?
But now that he had been forced to attend school, he was surrounded by said children daily. Since it’s rather unpleasant to not talk with people you have to be stuck with, he did try to strike up conversation, right the first day. The problem was, nobody seemed to want to engage for too long. There were instances where their reactions seemed to be strange too. Did he say something wrong? Was he too weird? He pushed it to the back of his mind. Clearly, with time, it would get better.
But apparently not. Now two weeks later, he still didn’t have people he regularly talked to, only when it was him seeking them out. Even then, it was the most boring, casual small talk he ever had. So he stopped. He thought that maybe forcing things weren’t helping his case.
“It’s only because you’re new. You just need to find something in common with the others.” Dick said in that sympathetic voice he hated. Damian didn’t even bother to look up at him, pretending to be too busy with tying his shoelaces.
“They do not want my company, but it’s okay, I don’t want theirs either.” The tone in which he said it made Dick frown. “This is all pointless anyway, they can’t teach me anything new there. Just a waste of my time…”
“You’re a kid, Dami, it’s how it has to be.”
It was time to go, Alfred was already waiting for him and Damian had no interest in continuing this conversation. But before he could step out the door, Dick caught his arm.
“I know it’s really scary, but you’re a good kid. Don’t let this get you down.”
Damian felt offended by the mere assumption. Scared? Him?
He was never scared. Not when he had to get in the car, not during the ride, and not when that weird, piercing tightness in his chest started growing as school came into view. When the car stopped, he had to force his hand to stop clenching the seatbelt. He couldn’t be scared.
…
The day went by much more slowly than he liked. He only opened his mouth when he talked to the teachers. They always seemed satisfied with his knowledge, and sometimes specifically asked him if others couldn’t answer their questions. His classmates probably hated that about him too. They were jealous, he began to tell himself. There was no other explanation.
They only avoided him because of jealousy. They gave him weird looks because of jealousy. Even now, as he sat alone at lunch, it was because they were jealous and felt threatened by him. He didn’t blame them, he knew what he’s like. Maybe it was for the better.
…They all seemed to be having fun, talking and laughing. Some girl locked eyes with him, but immediately yanked her gaze away. She said something, and there was more laughter. Were they talking about him now? And even if they did, why did it make him so upset?
For days now his chest felt heavy, especially in moments like this. It even made him feel nauseous staring at his food, so he slightly pushed it to the side, groaning. He just wanted to be home…
…
“Wow, you seem grumpier than usual.”
Damian glanced up from his book, eyebrows furrowing even tighter. The moment he stepped foot into the manor he disappeared into his room, burying himself into a book to distract himself and hide from his family. He expected to be disturbed sooner or later.
“Get out of my room, Drake.”
“Alright, alright! Alfred’s making dinner, so I just came to tell you.” Tim put up his hands lazily in defence. Damian’s stomach was still against him, and he couldn’t tell why, but the thought of being around people again made him uncomfortably shift in his seat on the bed.
“I’m not hungry. So if you’d excuse me…”
He put his book up in a way that completely blocked the older boy out of his sight.
Tim cocked his head to the side, seemingly thinking. “Are you…alright?”
“Of course, why wouldn’t I be?” Damian huffed out. There was a moment where he’d thought he’d finally leave, but instead he felt the bed shift next to him. Tim sat down.
“You can talk to me, you know? I’m not stupid, Damian. I can see something’s on your mind.”
“Dick mentioned that you’re…having a difficult time in school making friends.” Tim continued carefully. Of course Dick would snitch on him like that… but he couldn’t even be mad. He expected this too. “I know what it’s like…I wasn’t very good at talking to others either.”
Damian paused. Now, a part of him really wanted to keep up the silent treatment, but honestly he was completely lost. He didn’t know how to stop feeling like this. So he counted his choices, then let his hands fall into his lap, silently staring at Tim. He placed the book aside. Damian gnawed through the words mentally before actually saying them.
“My classmates hate me.” He quietly confessed.
“Why?”
Damian huffed. “What do you mean why? I don’t know! They never really talk to me, and they even seem annoyed with me. They are all fine with each other, but the moment I try anything they seem repulsed. I just… it makes my time there even more unpleasant.”
It makes me feel lonely.
“It can be pretty tough when people around you have fun, while you’re…not. Like there’s some barrier between you, and you’re just sitting there thinking ‘something must be wrong with me!’...and the worst part is you start to believe it.” he let out a dry chuckle, putting his hand on his chest and slightly tugging at his shirt. “And you keep thinking, and thinking, and the…chest pain.”
“You feel it too?” Damian genuinely seemed surprised at that.
“Yeah, I used to. Sometimes I still do.” He gave him a sympathetic look. “But bottling it up won’t help.”
“That’s funny, coming from you.” Damian teased. Tim rolled his eyes.
“Okay, then from experience, it doesn’t help. You can always talk to us. Let it be anyone, just please do. It can get better, I promise.”
“You don’t know that.” he mumbled.
“Seriously! Maybe not right now, and maybe not with them, but you're going to find people you’ll get close to. Believe me, if I managed to do it, you definitely can.”
Something cracked inside Damian, and for a moment, he forgot to hold himself back. “But I’m not you, nobody wants to be around me! I know I’m not likeable, but I don’t know how to change that! I’m just…I’m just meant to be alone…”
Even he seemed surprised by what he said. He went pale, and Tim had to put a hand on his knee just to keep him from bolting out the door.
“Do you really think you’re unlikeable?”
He hated how soft his voice was, how he coddled him. He regretted opening his mouth at all. So he didn’t answer. He stared at the floor, but Tim wasn't letting it go.
“...I think you’re likeable.”
Damian stiffened, resisting a sarcastic laugh. This was exactly why he hated talking about his problems. He didn’t need pity, he didn’t need others to tell him this. He didn’t need lies.
“Damian, you’re smart, and you’re always pushing yourself so hard to become better. You’re strong in so many ways others struggle to be. Yeah, you may not be perfect, but to be honest, who is?” He scooted closer, trying to look his brother in the eyes, but Damian refused. “You’re likeable. You have to believe that. You’re expecting them to give you a chance, but you have to give yourself one first, alright?”
Damian swallowed thickly, feeling his face heat up. He hated how his body betrayed him. He should've been better at controlling himself. And he tried really hard, until he felt a thumb caress his face, wiping away something. He fell forward, resting his head against Tim’s chest weakly.
Tim was surprised, but didn't push him away. He put an awkward hand on his back, patting him while he kept shaking. It seemed like Damian wouldn’t pull away soon, so he switched to much gentler caresses, occasionally scratching his scalp. Damian melted into the touch.
“I thought if I convinced myself that they’re the problem, then it would get easier.” another quiet confession.
“I guess the first step would be then that you accept that some things are not anyone’s fault. People are difficult.”
Damian hummed, wiping his eyes. “I guess. Does this bother you?” He asked shyly, pointing at how he was basically cuddling up to Tim. He really wanted to change the topic now and finally think of something else.
“No, not at all. I’m glad if it helps.” He said, drawing light circles around his back. It seemed like it was, as Damian even closed his eyes and let out a content sigh.
Even though Damian had many walls up, the whole family quickly caught on how touch starved he was. He got hair-ruffles here and there, hugs and such, but it was mostly with Dick. Thinking of it now, he barely let Tim this close, like…ever.
“mm…mMmm” Damian made a muffled sound as he slightly flinched under Tim’s hand, which immediately stopped. He accidently brushed too close to his side. Tim couldn’t help but chuckle.
“Tickles, sorry.”
“...It’s fine…” He mumbled so quietly that Tim barely heard. He started fidgeting with the hem of Tim’s shirt, wanting to ask something, but not really knowing how. “Gently… Is fine.”
“Huh?” Tim looked confused. Damian’s shoulders sank in mild annoyance, he didn’t want to say it, he just wanted a distraction.
“You can do it…just gently.”
It was Tim’s turn to melt.
“Like this?” he dared to ask teasingly as he brought up one hand to his neck, gently fluttering his fingers over it. Damian squirmed, quietly snickering. Tim could see he was fighting the urge to push his hand away. It was both incredibly wholesome and funny. Whenever he brushed too close to the side of his neck, he scrunched his shoulder up.
“Thihis is soho stupid!” He managed to say, curling forward when Tim switched to a spot near his stomach that even with light touches like this tickled like hell.
“But you’re the one who asked for it!” Tim laughed, and Damian fell against his lap, resting his head on his thigh.
“No-”he hiccuped, hiding his face behind his hand while the other instinctively pushed at Tim’s. Not that it mattered though, because he kept switching spots on his torso, always just out of his reach.
“But you did!” Tim teased. “Don’t worry, it’s cute. You can be such a softie.”
Damian groaned“It’s nohot…Ihi’m not!”
The tickling ceased, and he was ready to give Tim a very sharp ‘why did you stop?’, but yelped when Tim sneaked his hand under his arms. He tried to squirm away, but Tim easily pulled him right back. He was mean, targeting one of his worst spots like that. It made his brain turn to panicky, weak mush. Damian was betrayed.
“You jeHERK!-Stohop!”
“Only if you admit you’re cute!” Tim grinned, but Damian shook his head. “C’mon, that’s all you have to do…and you also have to say that you’re likeable.”
Damian snorted and slapped his hands over his face, shaking with high-pitched giggles.
“I wihill bury you for thihis!”
Tim snickered, delivering a few pinches to his thighs too for the fun of it. Damian kept kicking then pulling his leg up to his chest each time, hiccuping with laughter.
“You’re seriously stubborn…Now you have to say you’re likeable, cute, and really stubborn. Happy?” Tim gently scribbled over his stomach again and Damian let out an undignifying squeal, wrapping his arms around himself in a frail attempt of protection.
“Fine!FihINe!” Tim eased up, only slightly fluttering his fingers up and down his side. Damian groaned, taking a deep breath. “I’mlikeablecuteandstubborn!”
Tim hummed. “You could also add that your most awesome and coolest brother is Tim-”
He received an elbow in the side and he folded in pain. Damian rolled away, letting out a tired huff.
“I think you broke a rib...”
“Don’t be dramatic.” He rolled his eyes, then shyly offered Tim a smile. The older boy reached over to ruffle his hair.
“Enough touching!” Damien growled, then set up to fix his hair. Tim chuckled, giving him a moment before speaking again.
“So how do you feel about dinner now? No pressure, I’ll come up with something to tell the others…but at least you wouldn’t have to be alone.”
Damian thought about it and realized that he actually…felt quite better. Not completely fine, because whenever his thoughts wandered back to school, it made him sad, but the chest pain was barely there now, just like the knot in his stomach. He didn’t want to spiral again, so he deemed it could be another distraction.
“Alright, I’ll go.” He slowly nodded. If anything, he could at least try, and that would be enough. Tim seemed proud.