Work Text:
“We are on work property,” Chim said sternly, in the voice he only ever used to discipline his kids.
“We’re also on break,” Eddie argued back. “A Fire Captain should be more aware of his surroundings!”
Buck sat on the couch, hands folded in his lap and cheeks puffed out while he watched his good-friend-slash-brother-in-law go toe to toe with his best-friend-slash-boyfriend. He felt like that drawing of the wolf kid crying as the silhouettes of his parents fighting cast a shadow over him. Only, you know, without the implication of furries and with innumerable gay dramatics from his boyfriend.
But don’t tell Eddie he said that.
“You two are out of control.” Chim settled his hands on his hips and set his jaw. His captain stance. “A hazard to everyone around you. It’s a violation of our civil liberties.”
Eddie laughed humorlessly and stood up, throwing his arms out dramatically as he walked around to the back of the couch. Buck’s eyes tracked Eddie as he went—a built-in feature he was incapable of turning off—ever so pleased when he lost sight of his boyfriend, because that meant Eddie was standing directly behind him.
Right on cue, Eddie’s hands laid on the back of the couch, sitting on either side of Buck’s shoulders.
“What about your Captain’s Dibs?” Eddie asked. “Seems like we should all get a fair shot at being the first to dessert.”
Though Buck couldn’t see him, he knew Eddie’s eyebrows were raised and his lips were downturned. The expression he wore when he was certain he’d won the argument. Buck had half a mind to kiss it off him, but that probably wasn’t wise given their current situation.
“That’s my privilege as captain, Di-ahz,” Chim replied. “Besides, I’m sure Buckley here gives you the first bite of everything he makes off the clock.”
“It’s true,” Buck said absentmindedly, wishing he were anywhere else.
Eddie grabbed either side of Buck’s face and tilted his head backwards so they could see one another. He was pouting, which Buck found immensely cute, but since Buck was in trouble, he kept that information to himself.
“You’re supposed to be on my side,” Eddie reminded him.
“I am on your side!” Buck said, but Eddie was unmoved. He sighed and sat up to face Chim. “Eddie is my official taste tester, which is why he has to get the first bite of everything I make!” From behind him, Eddie cleared his throat, so Buck was compelled to continue. “And he’s never done anything wrong, not even once, unlike you, who is wrong right now.” Buck leaned back to look at Eddie again. “Right?” he asked.
“Right,” Eddie agreed, leaning down and dropping a kiss to Buck’s forehead.
Chim rolled his eyes so hard they nearly popped out of his head.
“The couch is a communal space,” Chim told them. “I am a victim!”
“Sounds like you might be homophobic,” Eddie countered reproachfully.
“Oh, here we go.”
Buck wasn’t sure how he’d ended up as an innocent bystander in this argument when he was neither innocent nor a bystander, but that didn’t mean he was going to complain. He was on Eddie’s side, but Chim had a couple good points too. Not that Buck would heed any of those warnings, but that didn’t lessen their validity.
Fine. So he’d been kissing his boyfriend on the couch in the loft. Oh, Buck and Eddie are oblivious and should be together, no wait, Buck and Eddie are sooooo annoying now that they’re together, blah, blah, blah. He needed everyone to make up their minds. God forbid a man and his best friend lie on the nearest piece of cushioned furniture and spend some quality time together. They’d already been unjustly banned from the bunk room. For the record, Buck and Eddie have never done anything more than share a few kisses at work. They’re not animals. At work, that is. Home was no one else’s business.
All that to say, not only was Buck no longer being kissed by his boyfriend, his lower back was sore, and, perhaps worst of all, Buck’s piece of cake was left abandoned on the kitchen counter (from when he’d been propositioned about the aforementioned kissing).
“You have to stop accusing everything and everyone of being homophobic,” Chim said with a groan. “You’re thirty-four years old and you’ve been out for a month.”
“Uh, not true, Buck said I could use it for as long as I wanted.”
Disgruntled that he was being dragged into the argument again, Buck threw Eddie a very unamused, “Dude?!”
Chim scoffed. “That doesn’t mean anything, he’d let you get away with murder! When Buck twisted your ankle, I thought he was going to grab the hacksaw and take off his own leg to give to you just so you wouldn’t be injured anymore.”
Again, Buck had no idea why he was the target here. His jaw dropped in betrayal. “Dude?!”
Thankfully, Hen, ever the voice of reason, came bounding up the stairs before Buck’s name could be slandered in either direction again. Both of those things had been true, but he didn’t see how either of them were relevant right now.
“What’s with all the commotion?” Hen asked. “And do you have to do it while I’m napping?”
“Sorry, we were being too loud,” Eddie apologized.
“No, the opposite, actually. Sound doesn’t carry well into the bunk room and I’m nosy.” Hen sat down in one of the chairs and leaned forward on her thighs, fingers tented. “Now, what’s happening?”
“Buck and Eddie are menaces to society!” Chim said, at the same time Eddie pointed at him and said, “Chim is homophobic and hates true love!”
“Mhm, mhm. I see,” Hen hummed. She turned to Buck. “What’s your take, Buckaroo?”
“He agrees with me,” Eddie cut in.
“Yes, honey,” Buck said dutifully, earning a gentle shove that made him laugh.
Hen tilted her head this way and that in contemplation. She narrowed her eyes and gave each of them a scrutinizing once over before declaring court was in session.
Ravi and Harry appeared out of nowhere, though Buck suspected their presence had something to do with the speedy texting Hen had been doing. Hen shooed Buck off the couch so she could sit on it with Ravi and Harry while both parties pled their cases. Chim sat in one chair, while Buck sat in the other. Eddie would not sit in Buck’s lap because “it wouldn’t help their case,” but he placated Buck by sitting on the arm of the chair and holding his hand.
“Chim, you’ll present your side of the story first,” Hen announced.
“Why does he get to go first?” Buck asked indignantly. See, he was on Eddie’s side.
“You know how Eddie gets special treatment because he’s your best friend?”
“Yeah?”
“Well, Chim is my best friend, so he gets preferential treatment.”
“Eddie’s also my boyfriend,” Buck grumbled, like the whole room didn’t know that. As if that wasn’t what got them in this situation to begin with. “He’s two things, but it’s fine.”
While Hen did not rescind her judgement, Eddie slid off the arm of the chair and into Buck’s lap, planting a loving kiss on his cheek. All in all, still a win for Buck.
With Eddie situated in his lap and his arms wrapped protectively around Eddie’s waist, Buck focused his attention towards Chim. Most of his attention. At least seventy-five percent of it, but it was important that he used the other twenty-five percent to nudge his face against Eddie’s bicep until Eddie got the message to put his arm around Buck’s shoulders.
Chim stood up and made a show of dusting himself off and straightening his collar. He clasped his hands behind his back and began to pace.
“Friends, colleagues, I stand before you as a victim and a survivor. For today, a splendid Tuesday, I was wronged,” Chim pointed at Buck and Eddie, “by these two ne’er-do-wells!”
“Ne’er-do-wells?” Buck muttered, hiding himself in Eddie’s side to cover up his laughter.
“Shh, you’re gonna lose us brownie points,” Eddie whispered, barely containing his own giggle.
“As you can see, your honors,” Chim continued, “they can’t bear to pay attention to anything but one another for more than a few seconds.”
Hen raised her hand to signal silence from the crowd. “I’m going to allow it because they’re still in the honeymoon phase, but I will be issuing a warning.”
Fighting every instinct in his body, Buck remained quiet of his own volition and not at all because Eddie’s hand came up to cover his mouth.
Chim and Hen shared a knowing look that Buck understood was laced with fondness, even if the teenager in him wanted to glare and ask an attitude-laden rhetorical question. But Eddie’s body was warm and comfortable, and as he squeezed Eddie tight, Buck found he had more important ways to focus his energy.
“Now, I know what you’re all thinking,” Chim began again. “Buck and Eddie are great! They’re good friends, incredible firefighters. They’re loyal. But since entering a romantic relationship, Buck and Eddie have become something else.” He paused for dramatic effect. “A problem.”
“Objection!” Eddie said, raising his hand.
“On what grounds?” Hen asked.
“Inciting the passions of the jury! Obviously Ravi and Harry are going to agree with– Look! They’re nodding!”
Ravi and Harry were indeed nodding, though Buck couldn’t say if they were doing it because they agreed with Chim or because they thought it was funny when Eddie got riled up. Buck would put his money on the latter.
Hen blinked. “Inciting the passions of the jury?”
“He’s been watching a lot of Law & Order,” Buck clarified.
“Let’s just pretend it never happened,” Ravi offered. “Harry, scratch it from the record.”
“Consider it scratched,” Harry said.
Chim made a heartfelt, if not overacted, apology, which Eddie bravely accepted.
Finally, Chim decided to speed the theatrics up and get on with telling his side of the story.
“I was spending my brief moments of downtime as a Fire Captain on a twenty-four hour shift, my sliver of relaxation, in my office, and I decided I wanted a piece of cake. So I came up to the loft, where the cake is, and cut myself a piece.
“So what do you do with a piece of cake? Come and sit on the nice, soft, communal couch to enjoy it! I had the plate in one hand and my phone in the other, which I was looking at. When I sat down, I didn’t land gently onto a cushion. No, I landed on top of Buck.”
The gasps from the couch sounded genuine. Hen, Ravi, and Harry leaned in to confer with one another for a moment before Hen gestured for Chimney to continue.
Chim took a deep breath, steadying himself. “Naturally, I jumped up,” he said, voice wavering. Buck thought it was a nice touch. “And guess what I saw? These two going at it. It was awful. They were pretzeled together, there was bare skin. Your honors, they were panting and moaning with no regard for the way anyone could’ve walked up here and seen them!”
First of all, if Buck was going to have sex with Eddie at the station, it would be in the engine. Second of all, there had been no panting and moaning because he and Eddie had been arguing over whose house they were going to sleep at tomorrow night. Third of all, and most importantly to Buck, Chim practically slammed himself down onto Buck’s lower back! That was a workplace injury! If anything, the court should rule in favor of Buck’s workman’s compensation!
“I see,” Hen said solemnly. “Any questions, boys?”
“I have one,” Harry said. “Why would you be looking at your phone and not where you were sitting?”
Chim put a hand over his heart and answered, “I was responding to a text from my lovely wife, an angel sent directly from Heaven, about my daughter, my little baby girl, who missed me.”
More pandering. It wasn’t enough to insinuate that Buck had Eddie bent in half in the firehouse loft, no, he had to play the working dad card. Shameless, truly.
“That’s a good reason,” Ravi said. “I have to give him that one.”
There were murmurs of agreement from Hen and Harry, and Buck couldn’t help but roll his eyes. It had been so obvious what Chim was doing, and they let themselves get caught up in it. Eddie was really going to have to sell the truth.
Their esteemed judges took a couple of minutes to confer before allowing Eddie to begin.
“We all love love, right?” Eddie began. “For years, you’ve all watched Buck and I dance around each other with no real clue what we were feeling.” He motioned to Buck. “But now we’re in love, and I feel like I’m experiencing so much of my life for the first time because of him.”
“Objection!” Buck shouted.
“Buck, why are you objecting to Eddie?” Hen asked.
“I know why,” Eddie said, fondly exasperated. He walked over and gave Buck two kisses, one on the lips and another on his cheek, complete with a ‘mwah!’ that made him flush pink.
“Thank you,” Buck said happily. “Continue.” He ignored the boos and commentary from the peanut gallery, because Buck already won by having Eddie fall in love with him.
Eddie rolled his eyes, but his smile was wide and his cheeks were beginning to turn red.
“See how we’re cute?” Eddie went on. “That was adorable. What kind of monster would hate on love? And between two men!” He turned and pointed at Chim. “Howard Han would. Today he’s revealed himself as homophobic.”
“My best friend is a lesbian!” Chim interrupted.
“That makes it all the more heartbreaking.”
No one committed to a bit like Eddie Diaz. He was excellent at arguing, Buck knew that firsthand. He’d been argued into bed on more than one occasion. No doubt his skills would be beneficial here.
“Let’s move this along,” Hen said. “What happened, according to you?”
“Buck and I were lying down on the couch together. Both fully clothed. As you well know, it’s been a long shift so far, and we have been unjustly banned from the bunk room. I was holding Buck’s hand, nothing more, when Chim jumped on top of Buck! He was telling us what we were doing was disgusting and wrong. He called us menaces and demanded we separate.
“Your honors, it was not only homophobic, it was an affront to the very concept of love. Can a man not rest with the love of his life in a public space? Must we hide away because some find our love offensive? Should we not celebrate the joy of getting to love and be loved? You and I both know the answers. Thank you for your time.”
Buck began clapping in hopes it would help Eddie’s cause.
He made no apologies for being embarrassingly in love with Eddie. Now that he was allowed, encouraged, to say so, he thought his boyfriend was the most handsome, smartest, dreamiest man in LA. Maybe even the world. Sometimes being in love meant taking time in your mature, adult relationship to be captivated by your partner like he was the popular boy at your high school. In fact, there was a scrap of paper in Buck’s locker that had B+E=<3 written on it, courtesy of Eddie.
Everyone needed to exit the loft immediately so Buck could kiss Eddie again. It was life or death.
“Give us a moment to deliberate, and we’ll be back momentarily to pass judgement,” Hen told them.
“No questions for me?” Eddie asked.
Harry put his hand on Eddie’s shoulder. “I mean this in the nicest way possible. We’ve got everything we need.”
With the three of them moving to the kitchen to discuss, Buck took Eddie’s mouth hanging open in shock as the go-ahead to get his next kiss.
Buck put two gentle fingers beneath Eddie’s chin and closed his mouth.
“The love of your life, huh?” Buck asked teasingly, slipping his hand into Eddie’s.
“You already knew that,” Eddie replied, smiling. He brought his free hand up to Buck’s cheek and kissed him.
“Yeah, but I like to hear you say it.”
In the end, it didn’t matter what Hen, Ravi, and Harry decided. Buck was the love of Eddie’s life, and no silly game could change that.
“Good game,” Chim said, sidling up next to them. He held his hand out, suddenly far less repulsed by Buck and Eddie kissing.
“Good game,” Eddie agreed, shaking Chim’s hand.
Hen, Ravi, and Harry appeared to be taking their roles very seriously. The three of them were deep in conversation, only looking over at Buck, Eddie, and Chim occasionally before making some unreadable gesture. The strangest moment came when they said they’d be back in a couple of minutes before disappearing downstairs.
That was nearly ten minutes ago. Buck was becoming restless. None of this was ever that serious, so what was taking so long? Unless there was something Buck had missed, something he didn’t remember—
“Hey, you know they’re fucking with us, right? They’re making us wait on purpose.”
Eddie’s voice shook Buck out of his ridiculous spiral.
“Yeah.” Buck exhaled. “I know.”
“You’re cute when you get all worked up.”
“If you think that’s cute, you should—“
But Buck never did get to tell Eddie what else about him was cute, because the jury finally returned to pass judgement.
“Alright, we’ve decided,” Hen announced. “Please take a seat on the couch.”
Buck, Eddie, and Chim did as they were told. This entire situation was so formal. Their work life was weird as hell.
“We took what both of you said into consideration,” Harry began. “But ultimately, we needed to consult the evidence before making a final decision.”
Evidence? What evidence could there have been?
“After scrubbing through the CCTV, we discovered the truth,” Ravi explained. “Buck and Eddie were kissing on the couch in a manner we deemed mildly inappropriate for the workplace, but they also spent a decent chunk of time just talking. Chimney was distracted by his phone, but he appeared to be watching a video instead of texting back his wife.”
Hen hummed disapprovingly. “Lying does not become us, gentlemen. How is anyone expected to get a fair trial if we’re all lying under oath?”
“We didn’t take an oath,” Buck said.
“You took an oath as a firefighter. That’s the same.”
There were murmurs of agreement all around. Fair enough.
“We will now dole out punishments,” Hen continued. “Howard Han, we find you guilty of homophobia. You must make a significant donation to an LGBTQ youth organization to atone.”
“I’m not homophobic!” Chimney groaned. “It’s not homophobic to point out that two of my firefighters shouldn’t be kissing in the common area!”
“If you do not abide by our ruling, a harsher one may be made.”
Unimpressed but always a good sport, Chim sighed and threw his hands up in surrender. “I‘ll make two donations just to prove myself,” he said.
How Hen was playing this so seriously, Buck would never know. For his part, Buck’s face was buried in Eddie’s shoulder so he didn’t laugh out loud and ruin the very serious tone.
“Edmundo Diaz,” Ravi said. “You are banned from kissing or being kissed by Buck for the next two shifts.”
Eddie crossed his arms and kicked the ground like a child who’d been told no dessert.
“That’s just punishing me!” Buck complained.
“We did take that into consideration,” Harry said. “And that’s why we will lift the Buck and Eddie Bunk Room Ban on a probationary basis.”
“Starting when?”
”Next shift.”
Buck looked over to Eddie with wide, excited eyes. The ban was lifted. They could nap in the same bed between calls, which was huge for Buck’s personal agenda. He’d never slept better than when he and Eddie started falling asleep in the same bed. Boyfriend nap time in the bunk room was the one thing missing from Buck’s life!
No kissing for two shifts was cruel and unusual punishment, however, and Buck was willing to risk the newly lifted ban to appeal such an unfair decision.
“Can we appeal Eddie’s punishment?” Buck asked sweetly, batting his eyes.
“Put them away, Buckley,” Ravi said. “We’re not Eddie.”
That was one thing in a boyfriend-Eddie world that Buck didn’t appreciate. Why should he be punished just because he was used to getting what he wanted? Not that the ban being lifted wasn’t good compensation, but Buck wanted both. Oh, was he supposed to nap without a little kiss on the forehead first? Unfair. Given that they all knew Buck’s dating history, he should’ve been allowed to do whatever the hell he wanted with Eddie just to make him feel better.
“I resent that!” Eddie said. “I’m not… that… susceptible…” He dragged the second sentence out bit by bit when Buck turned and fixed him with those same pleading eyes.
After all, lying didn’t become them.
“Fine, so I’m very susceptible,” Eddie amended. He pointed at Ravi. “But there has to be a way to appeal! This is unfair.”
“You can’t go two shifts without kissing Buck?” Harry asked, unimpressed. “You’ll be on calls most of the time anyway.”
Buck scoffed. “Maybe you’re homophobic.”
Harry opened his mouth to deliver what would surely have been a scathing reply to such a baseless accusation, but he was interrupted by the one person in Los Angeles that would listen to reason.
“Who’s homophobic?” Athena asked, walking up the stairs.
Perfect. Athena loved Buck and Eddie. She thought they were adorable, easily her favorite couple amongst the whole family! Besides, even if that were something Buck based completely on vibes, Athena was very fond of Eddie. That was a cold, hard fact. She could say no to Buck, but not to Eddie.
“Me, apparently,” Harry said.
“And Chim, but he was convicted,” Buck added.
Athena looked around at all of them, eyes landing on Buck, who was growing increasingly concerned that he had multiple heads.
“Do you people ever fight fires?”
Yes! Sometimes! When his very source of life wasn’t being stripped away from him!
Calmly—or as calmly as Buck could be, given the situation—he explained the trial and the events leading up to it. He did so honestly, there were too many witnesses around for him to bother attempting a lie. In an effort to spin his tale in a way that gave off the illusion of a thrilling saga rather than bored firefighters playing a ridiculous game, Buck employed voices and hand gestures to captivate his audience.
“Alright, I think I’m caught up,” Athena said, then turned to Eddie. “So why do you think Chimney should pay for his crimes and you shouldn’t?”
Eddie cleared his throat and made his eyes huge. Buck knew that look. Dozens of cookies had been baked because of that look.
“I love Buck,” Eddie began. “And I’ve spent so much of my life not living the way I should have been. Not being able to openly celebrate that wouldn’t feel right.”
Palpable silence hung in the loft for a solid ten seconds before the booing started.
“Okay, okay!” Eddie waved everyone off. “How’s this? Buck is my boyfriend and I like getting kissed for being brave on calls!”
Buck couldn’t help it, he started laughing. The entire thing was absurd, but Eddie pouting in front of everyone because he didn’t want to go two shifts without being kissed wasn’t something Buck ever thought he’d see. Not that Buck wanted to either! But it was funny. All of it was so funny.
He threw his arm around Eddie’s shoulders and pulled him close, giving Eddie a kiss on the cheek. Which, of course, everyone objected to, but Buck wasn’t having that.
“You said the next two shifts, not this shift!” Buck told them. “Technically, we can kiss all we want on 118 property until tomorrow morning.”
Annoyed groans of agreement all around. Got ‘em.
“I came here to have lunch with my son, not be the bad guy in whatever game this is,” Athena said.
“You’re a neutral third party!” Eddie replied. “We promise to abide by your ruling.”
Athena sighed. “I think you can choose to lift the bunk room ban or the kissing ban, but not both,” she said. “You both know that’s fair.”
“That’s settled then!” Hen added brightly. “Appeal denied.”
Buck and Eddie stood with matching frowns, very much playing the parts of scolded children as everyone moved around them. That was not supposed to happen! Athena was supposed to be on their side. How could she hold strong against Eddie’s big, beautiful doe eyes? That was impossible, Buck had never been able to say no.
Maybe Buck was a touch more whipped than he thought.
“Hey,” Eddie whispered into the few inches of space between them. He slid his hand into Buck’s back pocket and squeezed.
“Yeah?” Buck tried to respond, but it came out as more of a surprised yelp.
Eddie laughed and covertly walked Buck towards the stairs. “I have an idea,” he said.
“What’s that?”
“Since my punishment doesn’t start until next shift, I think we should go up on the roof and make out.”
Buck’s brain registered so many of his favorite words that he had no time for subtlety. He pulled Eddie’s hand out of his back pocket, linked their fingers together, and led Eddie toward the roof, both of them laughing the whole way.