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Kotone would never admit this simple truth to the rest of SEES, nor her friends who knew nothing of Tartarus or the Dark Hour, but the moment their train left Tatsumi Port Island station for their short time away in Inaba, something deep and exhausted in her relaxed. Sure, she would only be gone two days, which she couldn’t quite decide if it was far too long or not nearly long enough.
On one hand, it was nice to think of just a small moment in time where there was nothing to fight, nothing to save. She didn’t have to be the leader, the soldier, the Persona user. She could just be a teenager again, even if it was for a short time. On the other hand, she could still picture the look in Akihiko’s eyes as they said goodbye. The kiss on her cheek. The “Don’t be gone too long, ‘Tone” that made her desperately wish for the train to turn around and go back. To not leave the back-and-forth indecision and the hope for something more that both terrified and exhilarated her all at once. What if he changed his mind? What if another girl caught his eye, one that wasn’t so complicated, and Kotone was too late before what could happen between them had even begun?
“You look super serious,” Rio said as she flopped down in the seat across from Kotone, fumbling with her overnight bag before setting it down. “Are you not excited for Inaba?”
Deciding to put away the thoughts that would only make her anxious when she should be happy, until later when she could really stew over them, Kotone smiled and nodded. “Yeah, I am. It’s been a really long time since I’ve been to Inaba. I wonder how much it’s changed or if it’s stayed the same as I remember.”
“When have you been to Inaba?”
“My grandparents lived there, so my brother and I would stay every summer when we were little. We would spend all day playing by the river or riding our bicycles around town,” she said, a nostalgic smile on her face at the memories that hadn’t yet been soured by her current fate. “I haven’t been there since they died, though.”
Kotone was grateful that Rio didn’t ask any more questions for the moment, instead letting the excited chattering of the girls around them fill the silence. It was a day much like this when she told her friend about Makoto, gossiping girls all around them as they left practice, before leaving the gym nearly silent, but just her and Rio deep in conversation. It wasn’t at all like when she had confided in Yukari, with her million questions and obvious pity, Rio simply listened and then offered to take her to Wild Duck. That, along with the genuine affection that Rio showed for the people she cared about, made her a good friend Kotone was glad to have. A friend to help her feel normal even when nothing else in her life did.
She was brought back to the present by Rio talking like she hadn’t noticed Kotone drifting into memory. “I can’t believe Ms. Kanou is actually letting us have so much free time between training and lights out,” Rio said, looking at her phone where the “official” schedule, such as it was, sat in their email. “Sounds like she’s going to just leave us at the inn and go off on her own.”
“I’m sure we’ll find something fun to do. Haven’t you ever been to a sleepover? I brought some nail polish,” she replied, knowing it was a bit pathetic-sounding but better than nothing at all. Despite how she made it sound, Kotone couldn’t remember the last time she had spent much time outside of Tartarus with another girl her age, so she was definitely looking forward to a night of girl talk. “Sure, manicures aren’t always the best for volleyball, but they’re still fun…”
Rio laughed and nodded, starting into a story about the last sleepover she attended as the train continued toward Inaba…
***
“Kotone, I heard a very interesting rumor about you today on the train down here,” Yuko said that evening as she carefully took a sip of her drink with her freshly painted nails, not trying very hard to disguise her interest in whether that specific piece of gossip was true or not. Though she had recently met the track team manager through their mutual friend, Rio, Kotone couldn’t help but like the enthusiastic, deeply kind girl for her own sake. Even when it meant being in the middle of an unwanted — though not unsurprising — bit of gossip.
“Oh yeah,” she replied simply, sharing a look with Rio before both of them laughed. “It would be surprising if there wasn’t a rumor about me going around, since there always seems to be. What have they come up with this time?”
“Something about you and Junpei secretly dating.”
Rio laughed again almost immediately, shaking her head. “That’s not what I heard! Besides that, rumor about those two is old news.”
Kotone shook her head. “Yeah, that’s definitely not true. Junpei is just a friend; he always has been. No dating here.”
Something in the way she swept aside the rumor like it was nothing made Yuko’s eyes flash almost like recognition, pulling her legs up underneath herself to sit properly. “Are you saying there’s no one out there you like? The girl half the school’s in love with hasn’t had anyone catch her eye?”
Kotone couldn’t help but cringe just a little as Rio laughed immediately, covering her mouth as if that would do anything to stop her constant string of giggles.
“Well, first off,” Kotone said as Rio continued her giggling, seeming to only be able to continue even if she tried to stop. “There are very few people at Gekkoukan that know me well enough to even come close to being in love with me, and even fewer where it would even be possible…”
“That doesn’t stop Sanada-senpai from staring,” Rio finally calmed down enough to say, the amusement in her voice just as effective as the giggling had been to make Kotone blush. “And the fact that everyone can see you two walking off together almost every night, even after practice!”
That statement, along with the memory of the way Akihiko’s eyes on her felt — like she was beautiful, desirable, far more than just an ordinary girl with an extraordinary ability — even from across a crowded corridor or an empty room, only made her blush brighter. “Ugh, this is so embarrassing,” she said, a laugh escaping her as she covered her face with her hands.
“Oh. My. God,” Yuko said, picking up on the entirety of what was said and what remained unsaid, bouncing up and down and unable to contain her excitement. “You so have a serious crush! Does he know? Have you told him? What did he say? Does he like you, too?”
“I’ve never actually told him,” Kotone said, pulling her hands away just enough to be heard but still hiding her red face. “Not in so many words, but he knows. I know he does.”
Both girls squealed so loud that Kotone covered her ears, turning to each other and talking so fast that she couldn’t keep up with one without the other talking over her.
“Oh yeah, she’s so into him…”
“I wonder if they’ve kissed…”
“Every girl in school is going to hate her…”
Kotone, despite her blush finally beginning to fade, felt herself cringe at the thought of every girl who would absolutely hate her come the new semester. Assuming, of course, she didn’t completely ruin her chances before they returned to school in September.
“How do I tell him without ruining everything? He’s one of the people I just genuinely like the most,” she said, not realizing it was out loud until Rio and Yuko stopped talking entirely. “What if I’ve…misinterpreted everything? What if I’m just another friend, like Kirijo-senpai?”
Instead of teasing, Yuko and Rio came close to sit beside her. It was close, comforting, and exactly what Kotone needed to take a breath as she lay her head on Rio’s shoulder.
“Do you remember what you told me when all the stuff with Kenji happened?” Rio asked, wrapping an arm around Kotone’s shoulder. “You said that I wouldn’t know anything if I didn’t say something. Maybe it’s time that you take your own advice, before one of those other girls decides to make a move.”
“And, if he ends up turning you down, you have us,” Yuko added, wrapping an arm around her other side.
If only that were all she had to worry about.
What would happen to the team if he rejected her? Or worse, if they dated and then broke up? Kotone couldn’t imagine going through Tartarus, fighting shadows, getting rid of the Dark Hour without the person she trusted most at her back. Akihiko, Yukari, Mitsuru, and she were a team. Without even one of them there, she felt…exposed. Like a part of her, or perhaps more accurately, her Persona, was missing.
Was it worth it to break up that team?
Or…was it worth sacrificing her heart to keep it together?
Maybe, just this one, she could be a little selfish. Put herself first.
“Okay…if I did tell him, what would I wear?”
The giggles from the girls surrounding her made Kotone laugh, relaxing and falling into plans for shopping and makeup. Maybe, just maybe, with her best girlfriends by her side, everything would work out.