Chapter Text
The confessional booth at the back of the Shibuya Catholic Church was cramped, drafty, and smelled faintly of ancient wood polish, cheap convenience-store incense, and raw, unfiltered existential panic.
Inside the priest's compartment sat Honami Mochizuki, who was wearing a heavy, oversized black robe she’d borrowed from the storage closet, and a white clerical collar that kept poking her in the throat. She had only volunteered for church duty to help her grandmother clean the pews, but due to a massive logistical scheduling error, she was currently the only person available to hear the neighborhood's sins.
To make matters worse, the velvet curtain on the penitent's side was completely opaque, and the wooden lattice screen dividing the booth was covered by a thick, dark fabric grate. You couldn't see faces. You could barely see silhouettes.
With a heavy, anxious sigh, Honami adjusted her notepad. "I hope nobody has done anything too illegal today..."
Slide.
The small wooden screen slid open with a sharp clack.
A heavy, jagged silence immediately poured through the screen, accompanied by the distinct smell of expensive strawberry perfume and a chaotic, frantic energy.
"Bless me, Father, because I am currently digging myself a one-way tunnel straight to the boiler room of hell," a voice whispered through the grate. It was pitched low, trying to sound mature, but the high, dramatic cadence was unmistakable.
Honami blinked. Wait... Mizuki-chan?
"What... what is your transgression, my child?" Honami asked, altering her voice into a deep, raspy, and entirely unconvincing "old priest" register.
"Okay, so here's the tea, Father," Mizuki whispered, leaning so close to the fabric grate that Honami could hear the rustle of their hair accessories. "I am currently having a massive spiritual crisis. Is it a mortal sin to have a crush on three fucking different people at the exact same time?! Like, am I just greedy? Am I a polyamorous demon?!"
Honami’s pen slipped from her fingers, clattering onto the desk. "Th-Three people?!"
"Yes! The three other members of my underground music circle!" Mizuki whined, their forehead thudding dramatically against the wooden partition. "It’s a complete structural disaster! First, there's our illustrator. She’s this angry little brunette hamster who screams at her canvas, and I want to kiss her until she forgets to be mad. Then there’s our composer, who lives entirely on cup ramen and looks like a tiny, fragile silver-haired ghost, and I just want to carry her around in a pocket! And then there's our lyricist, who has absolutely zero emotions, and my caveman brain just goes: 'I bet I can make her smile if I try hard enough.' Father, am I broken?! Is this a psychological malfunction?!"
"U-Um... having affection for your friends is natural, my child..." Honami stammered, sweating through her robes.
"But I didn't just have affection, Father! I committed a crime last night!" Mizuki squeaked, their voice accidentally hitting its normal, bubbly pitch. "We had a physical meet-up at our composer's apartment to finish the music video. Everyone was so exhausted that they fell asleep in a giant pile on the futon. And my brain completely short-circuited! While they were unconscious, I crawled over and kissed all three of them on the forehead like a sneaky midnight bandit! I kissed the ghost, I kissed the rock, and I kissed the angry hamster! I am a serial forehead-thief, Father! Do I need an exorcism?!"
Honami covered her mouth to prevent a squeak of pure shock from escaping. Mizuki-chan kissed all of Nightcord while they were sleeping?! "N-No exorcism needed, my child! For your penance... please buy them all pancakes and tell them you like them while they are actually awake!"
"Aw, pancakes? Say less! Thanks, Father, you're a real one!" Mizuki chirped.
Slam.
The screen slid shut violently. Honami let out a long, shaky breath, rubbing her temples. "Oh my god... I shouldn't be hearing this. This is a massive privacy violation..."
Slide.
The lattice screen opened again. A sudden rush of aggressive, defensive energy immediately slammed into the booth, smelling of dried acrylic paint and intense, gay panic.
"Bless me, Father, because I am about to throw myself off a bridge," Ena Shinonome hissed through the grate. She wasn't kneeling; Honami could hear her shifting aggressively on the wooden bench, her boots thudding against the baseboards.
Honami choked on her own breath, instantly sliding back into her "old priest" voice. "Wh-What... what troubles your soul, Ena- my daughter?"
"Father... am I gay?" Ena declared, her hands smacking against the divider screen so hard the whole booth rattled. "No, wait, let me rephrase that. I know I’m not straight because men are repulsive. But is it a sin to want to kiss three different girls at the exact same time?! Am I possessed by a lust demon?!"
Honami’s mouth hung open. Ena-san is here for the exact same thing?!
"Last night, we were all crashed out at Kanade's apartment," Ena whispered furiously, her voice dropping into a desperate, blushing rasp. "I woke up at like 3:00 AM to get water, and everyone was sleeping in this stupid, cozy tangle of limbs. And my brain just... stopped working. I looked at Mizuki, with their stupid pink ribbons, and I wanted to bite them. Then I looked at Kanade, who looked like a literal angel sleeping on a pile of lyric sheets, and I wanted to squish her cheeks. And then I looked at Mafuyu, who actually looked peaceful for once, and I just... I couldn't help it! I leaned down and secretly kissed all three of their cheeks while they were completely dead to the world!"
Honami pressed her notepad against her face to stifle a laugh. They are doing the exact same thing to each other!
"And then," Ena continued, her voice rising in a panicked screech, "I realized Mizuki’s face was already covered in strawberry lip gloss, which means someone else had already kissed them, or they just sleep in makeup like a freak! Father, I am suffering! My heart rate is hitting illegal parameters! I am in love with my entire music circle! Do I need to do penance?! Should I delete my social media?!"
"N-No, do not delete your account!" Honami squeaked, trying to maintain her deep register. "My daughter, your feelings are not a sin! Your penance... is to confess to them over text! Today! Do not let the panic consume you!"
"Over text?! They'll screenshot it and bully me forever!" Ena grumbled, though Honami could hear the telltale rustle of her hiding her face in her cardigan. "Fine... whatever. Thanks, priest guy."
Slam.
Honami slumped back against her chair, completely exhausted. "This is a comedy of errors. They are all committing the exact same crime..."
Slide.
The screen opened slowly, clicking into place with a cold, absolute finality. The air inside the booth instantly dropped by twenty degrees. The air smelled like instant cup noodles, old dust, and an extreme lack of sunlight.
"Hello," Kanade Yoisaki whispered from the other side. She was breathing heavily, as if the five-foot walk from the church entrance to the booth had pushed her to her absolute physical limit.
Yoisaki-san too?! Honami wanted to cry. "W-Welcome... what is your transgression?"
"I have violated the unshakeable law of our musical circle," Kanade murmured, her signature ash-gray hair rustling against the wood. "I am a composer. My entire life is dedicated to writing a song that can save people. I am supposed to be a neutral, objective force of salvation. But... I have developed a multi-targeted romantic fixation. Father... is it a sin to want to build a four-person household?"
Honami gripped her pen so hard the plastic cracked. "A... a four-person household...?"
"Yes," Kanade stated simply. "Last night, while the others were sleeping on my floor, I experienced a severe cognitive malfunction. I looked at Mafuyu, and I wanted to protect her forever. I looked at Ena, and I wanted to make sure she never stopped drawing. I looked at Mizuki, and I wanted to buy them every pink dress in the world. So, utilizing the last remnants of my physical stamina, I crawled across the futon and gently kissed the tops of all three of their heads."
Honami almost fell out of her own chair: "You kissed them all too?!"
"Yes," Kanade said, her voice entirely flat and deadpan. "It was an inefficient use of kinetic energy. I am a shut-in who survives on instant ramen; I do not possess the athletic capacity for polyamory. My face became so hot that I spent the next three hours staring at a blank synthesizer track because my brain cells had completely short-circuited from gay panic. I have compromised the circle's workflow, Father. Please grant me absolution so I can go collapse on my futon."
Honami wiped a tear of sheer, comedic exhaustion from her eye. "Yoisaki-san…my child! That is not a sin! Your penance... please eat a proper bowl of hot soup and tell them all you want a four-person household! They will probably say yes!"
"Understood... thank you, Father..." Kanade murmured, her footsteps shuffling weakly away.
Honami slumped completely over her notepad. "Three down... surely Asahina-senpai didn't do it too. She is physically incapable of romantic initiative..."
Slide.
The screen opened with a chilling, smooth slide. The temperature inside the booth instantly plummeted to absolute zero.
Mafuyu Asahina sat perfectly straight on the bench. Her cloudy purple eyes stared right through the fabric grate. Unlike her usual cheerful, masked persona at school, her voice here was drop-dead quiet, heavy with a raw, exhausted bluntness.
"Bless me, Father" Mafuyu said, her voice carrying a quiet, monotone weight that echoed hollowly inside the wooden box. "I think there is something wrong with me. I mean, my mother always says I’m supposed to be normal, but last night…I couldn’t stop myself."
Honami’s voice completely left her body. She managed a small, raspy: "Wh-What did you do, my child...?"
"I was completely numb," Mafuyu stated, her unblinking eyes fixed on the screen. "I have no taste. I cannot see colors. But last night, it was too quiet… The silence was deafening… And before I could even understand why, I leaned down and kissed Ena's nose, Mizuki's cheek, and Kanade's forehead."
Honami held her breath, her eyes widening.
"My cheek was severely hot," Mafuyu continued, her voice dropping into an even deeper, desperate confusion. "For five whole minutes, the voice of my mother inside my head just… completely shut up. I didn't see gray anymore, Father. I saw a massive, terrifying colorful mess. I asked the internet forum called Reddit on my phone this morning to diagnose these symptoms."
"And... what did the forums say, my child?" Honami whispered, entirely invested.
"The top response told me: 'Bro, you are down bad for your entire group, you are gay as hell.' with 3 skull emojis" Mafuyu paused, the silence in the booth growing suffocatingly heavy. "Father, am I a bad daughter for wanting to be a polyamorous lesbian instead of a doctor? Is it a sin to want to throw away my medical books, stay in that apartment and kiss them until I can finally feel something real?"
Honami reached out, her fingers pressing firmly against the wooden lattice screen from her side, completely dropping her fake priest voice out of pure, unadulterated emotional support.
"No!" Honami shouted through the grate. "It is NOT a sin! You are a human being and you deserve to be loved by all three of them! Your penance... your penance is to go back to that apartment right now, open the group chat, and tell them exactly what you did! Because I promise you, they are all currently having the exact same meltdown!"
Mafuyu stared at the shape of Honami's fingers against the grate for a long time. The foggy look in her eyes cleared just a fraction. A quiet, genuine sense of relief washed over her.
"I see…" Mafuyu murmured softly. "If you say so, Father. I will confess to them now..."
[Nightcord at 25:00]
Yuki:
I have a confession to make.
The priest at the cathedral told me I had to post this here, otherwise it wouldn’t work.
Enanan:
Huh?
Since when do you go to church, Mafuyu?
And what confession? Did you accidentally delete our lyric file or something?
Amia:
ooh, church? ⛪✨
yuki, did your mother drag you to a service again? booorrrring!
wait, i went to a church today too
(to look at the vintage architecture ofc!!)
btw the confessional booths are super aesthetic, right?
K:
I went to a cathedral today as well.
The priest gave me some lifestyle advice regarding my nutrition parameters and my emotional workflow.
Enanan:
Wait, what the hell is going on?
Why did three of us go to church on the exact same Sunday morning?
Whatever. Mafuyu, just drop the text so I can go back to sketching.
Yuki:
Last night, while you were all asleep on the futon, I had a weird breakdown.
I couldn’t sleep and when I looked at you all my chest got really hot.
So I leaned down and kissed Ena on the nose, Mizuki on the cheek, and Kanade on the forehead.
K:
...
Enanan:
WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!?!?!?! 😭😭😭😭
MAFUYU?!?!?!?!
Amia:
HOLD ON
WAIT A MINUTE
WHAT. 👁️👄👁️
Yuki:
I looked up these symptoms. The Internet man told me that I am 'down bad for my entire group' and 'gay as hell'. The priest agreed and told me it is not a sin to be a polyamorous lesbian. So I’m telling you guys now.
I like all three of you. A lot.
Enanan:
I AM EVAPORATING. I AM LITERALLY COMMITTING SOCIAL MEDIA SUICIDE.
OH MY GOD.
WAIT.
IF YOU KISSED ME ON THE NOSE... THEN WHO KISSED MY CHEEK AT 3:00 AM?!
K:
That was me.
I experienced a cognitive short-circuit because you all looked like angels…
I crawled across the floor and kissed the tops of all three of your heads.
I am sorry if I compromised our professional parameters.
My face is currently 200 degrees celsius.
Amia:
OH MY GOD KANADE TOO?! 😭💖🏁
THIS CHAT LOG IS IN ALL-OUT WARFARE!!!
wait, enanan, if yuki kissed your nose and k kissed your head... then who put strawberry lip gloss on your forehead?!
Enanan:
...
MIZUKI.
YOU SNEAKY MIDNIGHT BANDIT. IT WAS YOU.
Amia:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA BUSTED!!! 🤪✌️
guilty as charged! I am the serial forehead-thief!
wait... does this mean we all spent our sunday morning crying to the exact same priest about the exact same crush?! 💀💀💀
K:
The priest told me to tell you that I want a four-person household.
Yuki:
The priest told me that we are all currently having the exact same meltdown and that my desire to stay in Kanade's apartment and kiss you all until my mother's voice disappears is entirely acceptable.
Enanan:
I CANNOT BREATHE. MY APARTMENT IS RUNNING OUT OF OXYGEN.
THE PRIEST TOLD ME I HAD TO TAKE YOU ALL TO A CAFE ON SATURDAY AND CONFESS PROPERLY SO I WOULDN'T LET MIZUKI DO ALL THE WORK.
Amia:
OMGGGGG ENANAN IN LOVE!!! 😂💖
wait, guys, if the priest heard all four of us... do you think he figured out who we are?
K:
He called me 'Yoisaki-san' by accident before correcting himself to 'my child.'
Enanan:
He almost called me 'Ena-san' too!
Wait... 'proper bowl of hot soup'... 'mwah mwah mwah' registers...
There is only one high school girl in Tokyo who speaks like an old man trying to sound holy while sweating through a black robe…
Amia:
aint no way… 😭
@Honami_Mochizuki_Official
[Honami has left the server]
Amia:
LMAOOOOO SHE GHOSTED US 😂😂😂💀💀💀
anyway! the mandate is clear!
saturday cafe double-date?? (or quadruple lmaoo) with all four of us!
prepare your lips~
the midnight bandit is coming back for round two! 💋🏁
K:
I will buy the soup.
Yuki:
I am looking forward to Saturday. I want to see what soup tastes like now
Enanan:
SHUT UP ALL OF YOU!!!
...But yes. Saturday is fine. Just don't wear the lip gloss, Mizuki, it leaves a sticky residue.
Amia:
enanan thinks about the residue~ 😉💖