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"John. You know I love you, don't you?" Paul whispered to John.
John was dead asleep in the chair across from Paul, Paul was watching the rise and fall of his chest.
"There's things.. I've wanted to tell you, John... for awhile, now. Things I've been so afraid to tell you. And it's hard to tell you when you've shown interests in the lasses. The girls... They all love you. But I don't know how you would take it if you knew that your closest friend, your best friend. That isn't a girl..."
Paul took a breath.
"It's very hard to tell you everything at the same time, John. I'm telling you this when you're asleep so.. like a little practice memo. Just a practice test, but I don't get your reaction. Not yet I won't."
"Sleep well, John. I'll see you in the morning. I'll stay here, in this cold studio untill you wake up. Goodnight, love."
John woke up, and Paul was still sitting across from him.
"You stayed here.. the whole night? Paul you didn't have to—"
"It's fine, John. I didn't want to leave you in here, kinda creepy in this cold studio alone."
"Oh. Well.. thank you Paul. I appreciate it.."
Paul smiled slightly
"You're welcome, love."
"Calling me love now, are we?"
"Slip of the tongue, twat.."
"Don't get all rude on me now, Paul. But really... Thanks."
"Would you like to come over..? To my house, later. Martha might attack you, but like.. she won't necessarily bite you... Unless she has to. She's sweet.. and really really soft."
"That sounds great, Paul. What time?"
"3:00.."
"3 O'clock? Or like.. 3am..?"
"3am, John."
"Why so late..?"
"Because."
"Why?"
"Because.. we need to have a.. little chat."
"Okay.. fine."
John walks to Paul's house, and Paul opens the door, Martha comes sprinting to the door.
"Martha! Don't go attacking John!"
"You told me she was sweet!!"
"She is.. to me she is."
"You dirty liar!"
They both laugh
"Come in, or I'll have Martha attack you..."
John goes inside
"Come into my bedroom, John."
"You trying to have sex with me or something Paul?"
John chuckles, Paul turns bright red.
"N..No John!! God.. fucking hell."
"Getting all flustered, are we?"
"Shut it you twat.."
Paul sits on the end of the bed.
"Sit, John.."
John sits.
"I have a lot to tell you, John."
"What is it?"
"I.. really like you, John. More then a best friend, way more than that. I've seen you talk to women, how you're so.. smooth with them. How you can have them wrapped around your finger. And you just. Have a way with them. And I've watched you.. for awhile. Doing basic things, even just fidgeting with your pockets. I notice the small things about you, John."
John let out a shaky breath
"I.. I can't love you Paul. I'm not.. allowed to love you. If the public finds out about.. us. If they find out about this.. and how you like me.."
He doesn't even finish the sentence.
"We don't have to make it public, John! We can hide it.."
"This is wrong, Paul.. we shouldn't.. I feel the same.. way. But I.. I can't love you, Paul. We can't be lovers. What if the boys find out? What if we get caught? It's illegal, Paul.. very very illegal."
Paul put his head in his hands.
"I'm sorry, John. I.. probably ruined our friendship."
"Don't think like that, Paul.."
"I could love someone, anyone for who they are. Doesn't matter what gender.. but I have.. I have very strong feelings for males."
"I get that, Paul.. I.. I sometimes do too. But I was raised to like girls. Not guys. Never guys.."
". . ."
"I should leave. I'll see you... Sometime. Bye Paul.."
John walks out, and closes the door. He doesn't leave immediately, but Paul doesn't notice he's standing right outside the door.
"God.. why did I even tell him that. I ruined everything."
John had to cover his mouth to not let out the sob forming in his throat.
God.. god why didn't I tell him I felt the same way.... It's.. not right. I shouldn't feel like this. I shouldn't like him back. I can't.. I can't do this. I really can't.
John's mind was racing, wondering if he should go back in. But he couldn't. He couldn't go back and face the person he told himself he didn't love..
A few weeks later, John finds himself walking to Paul's house. He sees that all the lights are off, and Martha isn't in the window. That was.. odd. Paul never shut his lights off. And Martha was always in the window..
"Fuck it.. I'll go check on him."
John walked over, and knocked on the door.
"Unlock your door, you prick.."
No answer.
Paul would drop everything and answer the door.
This.. was really weird.
"Paul? You sleeping or something?"
Still no reply.
"I'm gonna climb over your fence.. twat."
So, John climbed over his fence, and opened the back door, that door was never locked.
"Paul? Paul I came to check on you.."
Martha ran up to John, pawing at him
"Martha? Martha what's wrong?"
Martha led him to the basement steps.
"He's down there? What is he doing down... No... No.. no no no no no NO NO!!"
John rushed down the stairs, and he flipped on the light.
"PAUL!!!"
Paul was facing the wall, hanging from the ceiling.
"No..no FUCK PAUL!!!"
John ran to Paul and tried to untie the noose with shaking hands.
"It's okay Paul.. Paul just hold on!"
John got Paul down.
"Breathe, Paul.. breathe.. please."
Tears were streaming down John's cheeks.
"Please.. Paul! Wake up.."
Paul wouldn't move. Wouldn't wake up. He was deathly pale, Cold and numb.
"God.. god Paul."
"I loved you, Paul. I loved you so fucking much.. so much. I was.. so scared. So scared to tell you. I didn't get to tell you. I never got to tell you how I felt. I felt the same way as you.. and I was terrified. Terrified how things would end up."
John cradled Paul, holding his head and running his fingers through his hair.
"Sleep well.. my love. Rest peacefully, my beautiful, beautiful boy."