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As soon as Nezumi woke up, his heart began to race. He kept himself from bolting out of bed only because waking Shion was the one thing that could make this worse. Shion, with an arm and a leg thrown over Nezumi’s body, caging him in. A prison of flesh and bone. One of Nezumi’s hands rested on Shion’s ribs. He could feel the bones just below the skin, protruding more than when Shion had first come to the West Block. He could feel, too, the beating of Shion’s heart. Nezumi slowly pulled his hand back to his own chest, balling it into a fist at his sternum as if that would force his pulse to slow.
Waking up with a hard-on was not the problem. It happened to both of them. Nezumi didn’t give a shit, and Shion got through it with his explanations about biology or whatever. Nezumi only half-listened when Shion got to blushing and babbling. He liked to watch Shion blush, though. He liked the way the blush painted Shion’s neck pink, so he liked to make Shion blush. Shion took it as teasing, not flirting, which suited Nezumi fine. No matter how many times Nezumi told Shion he was hot, Shion didn’t seem to get it. The cluelessness was kind of hot in its own way. The sexual tension was getting pretty intense. Nezumi figured they’d fuck at some point, or they wouldn’t, and it wouldn’t matter much to him either way.
But this? This was just sick. To wake up into the same scene he’d just been dreaming of? A fantasy that was the reality that was cuddling with Shion? Nezumi wanted to puke. The peace he’d felt in the dream twisted into disgust and fear. There had been a sensation of total safety. Contentment. Calm. A dangerous tendency towards trust for a person who could get him killed. Worse, maybe – an indication of attachment to someone he might get killed.
Nezumi realized his leg was still on top of Shion’s stomach. He couldn’t move it out from under the weight of Shion’s thigh. His breath caught in his throat, then came fast and shallow. He didn’t want to wake Shion. Without meaning to, he pressed his forehead into Shion’s shoulder and breathed deep. His heart rate slowed. He fell asleep hoping he could forget the dream he’d just awoken from.