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don't think I'm even something real at all

Summary:

for a moment,

you felt your heart being gripped.

Notes:

This is something of a companion to my other work, before I get that call. They're both written in the same style, with that one set on a normal route, but it's not required to read it for context here.

aside from the tagged ones, WR typical content warnings do apply (manipulation, psychological horror, etc.)! take care of yourselves and lmk if there's something specific I should add to the tags.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

You stand next to Noelle, facing off against the Virovirokun.

Honestly, you're a little excited. Getting to hang out with Noelle is something you haven't done in a long time. You kind of miss the days back when you were little, when Dess was still around, before...

Well, no use dwelling on it.

It might be even better if you had the rest of your party with you. It's a little funny watching Noelle fluster while Susie somehow stays clueless. The two people you think are close to friends, together and having fun? It could go well. (It could also go poorly...)

The first thing It does is bring out your shield. Noelle seems panicked next to you, eyes darting around.

Oh, wait. She doesn't know how this works.

You can feel It choose for you, whispering words into the world that Noelle hears too. Without thinking too hard about it, she follow the command. A surge of magic is all it takes and the battle is over.

...it's still there.

The Virovirokun is frozen solid, right where you encountered it.

Your ears ring. Something is wrong.

 

-------------

The dump feels wrong. Something about the shapes, like the angles don't quite add up. From behind you, Noelle asks, "A-are you sure this isn't the wrong way?"

It doesn't bother to answer her.

As you keep walking, the space gets worse and worse. The floating screens cease being intelligible at all, and it feels like the darkness in-between is watching you.

It takes you both into a little alleyway. At the end of it, a locked gray door.

"Kris?" she asks you. "Why... did you bring me here? There's no one home."

You have the same question for It. This place feels... significant, somehow.

Noelle shivers. "It's so creepy..." Then, her voice seems to echo in your head. You can't quite tell if she's whispering or not. At the same time, it's kind of nostalgic...

It turns you around. You're more than happy to get away from the door, even if it feels like you shouldn't turn your back to it.

 

-------------------

There is a ring on Noelle's finger now.

The shopkeeper had called it a FreezeRing. It's an apt name, given that the metal is cold to the touch no matter how long you hold it.

You didn't have the money for it- by one measly Dark Dollar. You're cursing yourself a bit for not making more, but somehow it seems like no matter what you did, It would have done the same thing.

You didn't have the money. By all means it should have ended there, with you and Noelle going off and finding the rest of your party, sealing the Dark Fountain together, and going home. It should have ended then.

But instead. Instead.

The look in her eyes. The confusion morphing into fear, It relentlessly telling her to 'get it', your own terror mounting as you both realized what it wanted her to do.

You couldn't stop your mouth from moving.

And she'd...

The shopkeeper is gone now.

Noelle's insistence that they must have given it to you, that it's good to be stronger, with that same echoing quality as in the dump. You want to believe that, more than anything. Her thanks made your stomach twist.

You both know what you saw.

-------------------------

[ANGEL, ANGEL,]

ARE YOU LOOKING FOR THE [RING] OF [THORNS]?

No. No, you're not. But It is.

THaT'LL BE 1997 KROMER.

 

HERE'S YOUR [RING]! CAREFUL, IT MIGHT [STING]! EAHEAHEAHEAH

*You got the ThornRing.

You hate whoever is in that dumpster. You hate them so much, but you can't do anything about it. It's already equipped the ring and you're walking away.

------------------------

You never thought you'd be scared for Berdly, but you are. You're so scared. You have no clue what It plans to do- it hasn't has Noelle cast IceShock yet, and you're both just defending while It dodges and racks up TP. Noelle's hand is bleeding from the ring.

Eventually, TP hits 100% and something changes.

You whisper at Its direction. "Snowgrave?" Noelle responds quietly. "I...I don't know that spell." She doesn't. Neither do you. Your lips move all the same.

"I'm telling you, I don't know what you're talking about." Her voice is a little louder this time. Yours stays quiet. You think. It's hard to hear over the rushing of your heartbeat.

It just keeps going. Noelle insists she's never learned the spell, and it puppets your voice to demand she cast it. Berdly watches on, oblivious to the conflict but obviously concerned.

Until eventually, she cracks under Its barrage. "Fine. You want to see what happens so bad?" she demands, in the strongest tone she's taken to your actions this whole time. "Watch what happens when I cast a spell I don't know!"

For a moment, there is silence.

And then her eyes snap open-

You scream at some point. You're not really sure- all you can hear is the howling of wind and a ringing in your ears. Your vision is obscured by the snow, so thick each flake loses all individuality. The metal of your armor burns with cold where it comes in contact with you.

After an eternity, the snow clears.

--------------------
It drags you into the alleyways, to a manhole at the end. You're shaking hard, and you want to throw up. It doesn't care.

When you make it out of the manhole, you're in front of Queen's palace. Susie and Ralsei are there, too.

They're greeting you, they're saying something, and you can't hear any of it. You're numb and your eyes burn.

It walks you inside anyways.

--------------------

Spamton NEO towers over you, taunting and jeering. It took a long, painful time to get this far. None of your attacks affect him. He just keeps talking and attacking and talking and attacking. It seems as lost as you are, which is not reassuring. Although, staying in this battle forever might be preferable.

On your next turn, you whisper for Ralsei, to no avail.

You try it again, for some inane reason. Even though nobody came.

It moves you on to Susie. She, too, does not appear. Spamton is getting more and more agitated every time It makes you call for them. You wish you could just explain, but you think he already knows.

Then-

* YOU whispered Noelle's name...

Somehow, some way, It speaks with your body. Not the way It did before, where It made your voice work to its ends. No, this time, you do not move your mouth. The sound echoes in your mind and ears, and you know that it is not your voice. It barely sounds like a voice. It has sound in the same way static has a taste. Making out her name is hard, like you're trying to make out the details of a shape at the bottom of a lake. It is the most terrible thing you have ever heard.

YOU'RE STILL TRYING TO [USE] HER?

Spamton NEO is still laughing. You know better. The air cools, and-

You shut your eyes. You can still hear it.

-------------------------

The guilt eats at you when you look at him. He's covered in blankets, breathing slowly.

You don't know why It's doing this. It knows exactly what happened to him- you both do. But for some reason It's shoving him in your face. Maybe It just wanted to see what happened. Maybe It wants to taunt you, shove your own failures in your face.

But It lets you heat him up. It lets you change the hot water bottle. When It turns you to the space heater, you're able to turn up the setting without pushback.

You cannot predict It. It attacks him mercilessly, but the next day comes to check on him in the hospital. You'd almost prefer if It was consistent in its cruelty, because these moments of gentleness just make the rest hurt more.

In all likelihood, It's not trying to be kind; It just wants to know what happened and what It can do. Pushing buttons just for the sake of it, like a little kid. Its actions have this almost detached quality, too, like a scientist running an experiment. Only, you and Noelle are the mice. Somehow, you can't quite tell if that's better than it being personal.

It doesn't linger long; seems It got all It wanted from him.

--------------------------

The exhaustion weighs down your body. When Susie goes for a high five, you don't respond. No energy. You can't be happy and carefree with Susie because you remember yesterday. And now you're going to be in proximity to Noelle. You wish you could forget about it, could believe it was all a bad dream.

But you remember the cold too well for that. And you saw the blood leaking from Noelle's hand in the computer library, staining her books.

It was real. And it's not going to stop.

Susie picks up on your expression. "You, uh, got something against Noelle?"

It seems to. Or some kind of obsession. Neither are good.

"Like," she continues, "maybe things took a weird route right now-I mean, who would expect that she would ask us that way?- but, we should be glad it's going so fast... right?"

You don't think so. Everything is moving so quickly you can barely keep up. It's terrifying how fast It was able to get control over Noelle, get her to listen to Its commands, get her to hurt Berdly. It all happened so fast you haven't had any time to plan, or anticipate what It'll do next, let alone come up with some way to counter it.

There is one thing you know to expect, though. Whatever happens at Noelle's house, you are not going to like it.

-------------------------

You hate this. You hate this you hate this you hate this-

You were so close. So fucking close. And then It was there, and you tried to get Noelle to stop talking but it was too late, and then-

You'll never forget how she looked at you. The feeling of her fur under your hands, the terror in her eyes as she begged you to stop, to tell her none of it was real. The way It just kept going.

The blood leaking from Noelle's hand when It equipped the ThornRing.

You hate It, more than you've ever hated anyone else. It can't fight back when you hurl it into the bathroom trash can and crush the opening.

And you kick it.

And kick it.

Every impact knocks the breath from you. It's still your SOUL, but you deeply do not care. Nothing is worth this. You cannot handle it anymore.

You can feel the fibers of your being starting to come undone as you take more and more damage. Good. You'll take it with you when you go. Then it will finally be over. It can't use you to hurt Noelle if there is no you.

And then-

It's your father.

You're tempted to keep going, but you're struck with the thought of what this will look like to Asgore. If he realizes what you're doing he'll stop you, and there is no way for you to fight him off. (There is. You carry your knife with you everywhere. But you would never.

... It would.)

With the momentary pause, you're able to think about your situation a little more clearly. It seems to you that whatever It is, it doesn't really need you. Your body is a convenient vessel, and even if you destroyed your SOUL, It would find its way back to your world. There is no escape from It. And at least if you have It, no one else does. No other collateral.

Besides...

you promised.

----------------------

Susie's looking at the piano the whole time she tells her story. When she finishes, her eyes drift first to the floor and then to you. "Damn, I got weird there for a second," she huffs. "Probably made you want to stop playing even more, huh." You look at the piano for a moment instead of answering.

It's complicated, you and the piano. You love and hate it in equal measure, but you come back to it. Or maybe it follows you. Either way. It's complicated. But you don't want to lose it, ever. There's something about it.

(In a way, you don't think you could ever lose it. It means too much. Sometimes you think piano is woven into you on the same level as being a human. It's fundamental. And, it makes you remember her.)

It's deliberating, from behind your ribcage. The syllables start to form and you can tell exactly what it means to say, and you refuse. You will not let it make you say that. So you bite your hand as hard as you can.

When you feel the ligaments and bone behind your skin, you wonder maybe, if you bit hard enough, you could destroy this hand. Maybe that would make it stop. If you don't have a hand, it can't hurt Noelle with it.

Eventually the compulsion passes, the words it wanted you to say choked by your skin.

When it does and you take your hand from your mouth, you remember that Susie is still watching you. "You started saying something, and then you, like, bit the hell out of your hand," she says. Her eyes are wide. She looks stricken.

Susie takes a few steps forward to inspect your bitten hand. "Damn, that's gonna bruise..." she mutters. Then she goes quiet, recoiling into herself.

Of course It ruined this. Susie, finally trusting you, despite how much you don't deserve it, and of course It does this. She'll never do this again, you know it.

Pushing buttons, to see what happens.

----------------------

The music from the living room is loud. Your tossing and turning is interrupted by the ring of your phone.

You recognize the number. It's Carol.

. . .

Noelle said

she's really looking forward to seeing you.

 

You cry yourself to sleep that night. If you are lucky, maybe tomorrow will never come.

----------------------

No. You don't want this. Your fingers curl into the bedsheets, the last paltry resistance you can offer. It always gets what it wants in the end, but you're not going to make it any easier. It will have to drag you, fighting all the way, out of this bed.

Of course it wins. It's never lost before. But you tried. You kept It away from you for as long as you could, in the hope that you could delay whatever It's going to do next.

There is nothing more. You surrender control of your body. It moves through the world for you, as you stay detached in numb terror, floating somewhere above your body. You can't think anything through the gray, watching through a stranger's eyes.

---------------------

Noelle's eyes are soft and pleading when she asks, "Tell me, Kris. The words I've been waiting to hear."

Her hands are still warm on yours as she walks the two of you closer and closer to the edge of the lake, but all the same your hands tingle with cold. Her hair is tangled, blowing in the breeze, and you could swear her breath is frigid.

Your lips don't move when It speaks, now.

---------------------

The last thing you are aware of, before the world whites out, is Noelle, screaming your name.

Notes:

used zejok's Deltarune All Weird Route Scenes (Chapter 1-5) as a dialogue reference.

title once again from flavor foley's spoken for.

please point out any glaring grammatical/syntactical errors! I do not have a beta so I am just doing my best to catch them.

really liked writing the other one, and I wanted to write more in that style plus do something WR related, so here we are.

comments feed the brainworms! <3