Chapter Text
The dagger trembled in Two Time's hand.
Its polished surface caught the pale moonlight spilling through the curtains, bright enough that they could make out the warped reflection staring back at them. Hollow eyes. Damp lashes. A mouth pinched into something pitiful.
They looked pathetic. When did they not?
Their fingers tightened around the hilt until their knuckles burned white. The leather wrapping bit into their palm, grounding them just enough to keep from floating away entirely. Their breathing had already dissolved into uneven little pulls, each inhale snagging somewhere in their throat.
Just do it.
The point kissed their forearm.
Cold.
For one impossible second, that was all it was — cold steel against warm skin.
Then they pressed.
Pain bloomed sharp and immediate, cutting through flesh with sickening ease. A strangled gasp escaped before they could swallow it down. Their shoulders jerked. The blade slipped deeper by only a fraction before their hand gave out.
"No..."
Their voice cracked into something embarrassingly small. They yanked the dagger away as if it'd burned them, curling over their own arm. Crimson welled from the shallow cut, gathering into glistening beads before lazily trailing toward their wrist.
That was it. That tiny scratch. Such a big reaction over nothing. Pathetic. A sob caught in their chest. "I can't even..." The sentence dissolved into another shaky breath. Their tears clung stubbornly to their eyelashes, refusing to fall. Even crying felt improper. Their gaze remained fixed on the thin line of blood.
It barely hurt anymore. It wasn't enough.
Nothing they ever did was enough.
They needed to kill Azure.
The thought arrived as naturally as breathing, and somehow that frightened them more than anything else.
If this tiny cut had reduced them to shaking, then how — How were they supposed to look Azure in the eyes? How were they supposed to raise this same dagger? How were they supposed to ignore the way he'd undoubtedly call their name?
Azure wouldn't understand. He'd grab their wrists. He'd ask what was wrong. He'd try to make them stop. Maybe he'd cry. Maybe he'd beg. Maybe he'd look at Two Time with that awful, wounded confusion that always made guilt settle like stones in their stomach.
The image alone made bile creep into their throat.
"I'm sorry," they whispered to no one. Their entire body shook. How could they do something so horrible? Another sob escaped before they could choke it back. The room blurred.Their breaths became shorter. Faster.
The coppery scent of blood slowly overtook the familiar smell of old wood and dust. It clung to the back of their throat, metallic enough that they could almost taste it. Their chest tightened until every inhale felt like dragging air through soaked cloth. Their vision swam.
Saliva slipped from the corner of their mouth as they struggled to breathe. They wiped at it frantically with the sleeve of their robe, only succeeding in smearing tears across their face. Disgusting. They probably looked like some frightened animal. Some trembling stray dog.
What would Amarah think if he saw them now?
The answer came immediately. He'd sigh. Maybe laugh. Maybe not even bother hiding the disappointment. "Really?" That calm, cutting voice echoed perfectly in their head. "You're crying over this?" He'd pluck the dagger from their trembling hands as easily as taking a toy from a child. "Move." He'd do it himself. Quickly. Effortlessly. Because Amarah always could. And Two Time...
Two Time always failed.
Always hesitated. Always cried. Always needed someone stronger. Their nails dug crescents into their palms. They brought the blade back to their wrist, pressing down before slashing quickly. Then again. And again.
They managed six cuts. Shallow cuts. Blood barely pooled.
"I'm trying," they sobbed.
Their voice shook so violently it barely sounded like their own.
"I really am trying..."
If they could just do this... Just this once... Maybe Amarah would finally stop looking at them like they were broken. Maybe he'd finally think they were useful. Maybe —
Knock. Knock.
Two Time nearly screamed. Their head snapped toward the bedroom door. The dagger clattered from numb fingers, striking the floor with a sharp metallic ring that sounded deafening in the quiet room. Panic surged through them. They kicked it beneath the bed without thinking, then yanked the nearest blanket around themselves so quickly it tangled around their shoulders.
Blood. The blood — They hid their arm beneath the fabric.
"H-Hello?"
Silence lingered for only a heartbeat.
"...Timey?"
Azure.
His voice was soft. Sleepy. Gentle.
"May I come in?" he asked quietly. "I'm... having terrible night terrors again." Two Time squeezed their eyes shut. Not now. Please.. Not now.
"...You may."
The door eased open with a faint creak. Azure slipped inside carrying nothing but the dim hallway light behind him. It outlined him in gold for a fleeting moment before the door clicked shut again. He looked exhausted. His hair was messy from sleep, and there were dark shadows beneath his eyes.
Then he looked at Two Time. Really looked. His expression changed instantly. Concern spread slowly across his face. "...Timey?" Two Time couldn't meet his eyes. He sees it. He knows. He thinks you're pathetic.
Azure crossed the room without another word. Only then did Two Time notice the small first-aid tin tucked beneath his arm. "When did you..." Their voice disappeared. "I noticed you took it earlier." Azure sat beside them carefully, leaving enough space that they wouldn't feel cornered. "You've been avoiding everyone today." He glanced toward the blanket wrapped tightly around them. "...May I?"
Two Time hesitated. Then gave the tiniest nod. Azure gently peeled the blanket back. His breath caught. The cuts weren't deep but the dried blood trailing toward their fingertips was enough.
"Oh, Timey..."
There wasn't anger in his voice. Only heartbreak. Somehow that hurt worse.
"I-I'm sorry." They choked back a sob, incapable of properly looking at Azure. "What are you apologizing for?" "I made a mess." Azure blinked. Then his shoulders seemed to sag. "...That's what you're worried about?" Two Time stared at the floor. "It was stupid." He hates you. This is inconveniencing him. "No." He probably wishes you went deeper. "It barely even—" "No."
Azure's voice remained impossibly calm. "It wasn't stupid." He soaked a cloth with alcohol. The sharp medicinal smell replaced the metallic scent lingering in the room. "This is going to sting." He waited. Actually waited. Until Two Time gave another tiny nod. Like their input mattered.
The cloth touched the cut. A hiss escaped them immediately. "There we go," Azure murmured. "I know. I know." His touch never rushed. Never hurt more than it had to. He cleaned away every streak of dried blood with careful, practiced movements before wrapping fresh bandages around their arm. His hands were warm. Steady. Nothing like Two Time's.
When he finished, he pressed a feather-light kiss against the bandages. Then another against their forehead. Two Time broke. They lurched forward with a strangled sob, burying their face against Azure's shoulder so suddenly that they nearly knocked the first-aid tin onto the floor. Azure caught them instinctively. One arm circled their back. The other rested lightly against the back of their head. He didn't ask them to stop crying. He didn't tell them to calm down. He simply held them while every ugly, gasping sob they'd been forcing down spilled free.
"I..." Two Time hiccuped. "I can't do anything right..." Azure rubbed slow circles between their shoulders. "Who told you that?" A small beat of silence. "...Amarah." The name came out so quietly it was almost swallowed by another sob. Two Time laughed bitterly through their tears. "He always knows what to do. He's always calm. Always perfect." They gripped Azure's shirt tighter. "I keep trying." Their words tumbled over one another, frantic and desperate. "I try so hard to be useful. To stop messing things up. To be someone worth keeping around, but every time I think I'm finally getting better..." They swallowed hard. "I panic." Their breathing hitched again. "I freeze." Another shaky laugh escaped them. "I can't even hurt myself properly."
Azure stiffened for the briefest moment before pulling them closer. "Timey." His voice was barely above a whisper. "You know what I see?" Two Time shook their head against his shoulder. "I see someone who's exhausted." A pause. "I see someone who's been convinced that making mistakes means they don't deserve kindness." Another pause. "I see someone who's trying so, so hard to become the person someone else demanded they be..." His fingers combed gently through their hair. "...and I don't think that person ever deserved you."
Two Time cried harder. "What if he's right?" Azure didn't answer immediately. Instead, he rested his cheek lightly atop their head. "If he were right," he said at last, "you wouldn't be sitting here terrified of failing people." Silence. "You care so deeply that it hurts you." Another gentle stroke through their hair. "That's not weakness."
Two Time wanted to believe him. They really did. But beneath the warmth of Azure's embrace... Beneath the clean scent of soap and rubbing alcohol... Beneath the slow rhythm of his heartbeat against their ear... The thought still lingered.
Soon...
I'm going to lose you.
Their arms tightened around him. Just for tonight they let themselves pretend they didn't already know how this story was supposed to end.