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Jaekwan-ie talked with me, after everything settled down. Hm, well… Agent Grapes, since we have this time, I’d like to clarify a few things if I could!
Do we have to do this now, Agent Choi? Knowing more won’t do you any good. And it won’t change anything I decide, if that’s what you’re hoping for.
Consider it something like—closure. For me.
…Alright.
“People worthy of respect.” We didn’t erase that, by the way. I know you liked us, enough to write something so embarrassing that you wanted us to forget allll about it. Then, why couldn’t you stay with us, let us help you?
I’ve already told you.
Right, so you have. You wanted to go home, right?
…Yes. That was my wish. A wish only Daydream’s potions could grant.
And we couldn’t help you rebuild something like a new home, like we did for my dear other hubae.
I want my old life back! My family, my friends, even my dumb little commute to a boring, ordinary desk job. I… It’s not the same thing.
You’ve been “here” for a while now, you must suspect it’s not as cut and dry as that, surely? And Daydream has a very impressive record of lying and backstabbing.
I have to believe. There is no other option for me.
You’ve been lied to over and over by Daydream.
…
Anyway. Even when you know better than anyone that sometimes it’s best to let the past go. You could bet it all and lose it all, chasing something that no longer exists as you remember it.
That’s not fair. And take a good, hard look at yourself. Like you’re one to talk.
Right, right. Ah, don’t glare at me like that. I mean it sincerely! Even I can admit that I’m a little hypocritical. I’m just a man, too.
Your sincerity always feels a bit performative, Agent Choi.
Ah, you hurt me, Grapes-ie! Tell me, when have I ever not given my all to be the best seonbae for you: to help you prepare for disasters, to look into suspicious items. To help you escape from unfair contracts and sticky situations?
…
Not to put a number on it, but haven’t we sacrificed enough for each other?
Not because I wanted to. And I never wanted that from you either! Seriously…
What’s a little emotional vulnerability between close friends who’ve been through life-threatening situations together? Maybe we would have been closer if we’d managed to go to the hot springs trip like we said we would?
There you go again, I can hear it in your voice. Just get it over with and spit out what you want to ask me.
I wonder if “friends” is the word you would use to describe us. Me. Maybe “coworkers” or “colleagues” felt better? Safer to keep that distance?
…
…Yeah. No matter what I did to try to close the gap. To understand you and your motives better. Didn’t you think it was funny, knowing so much about me while I worked my ass off to know anything real about you?
?!…
But then, only a fool would have learned about your ties to Daydream and still deluded himself into thinking we were more than a means to an end.
! That’s not true!
Just kidding, haha! Don’t look so distressed, Grapes-ie! I’ve long since forgiven you for being a spy. And let’s be honest, you weren’t the best at it either, given that both Jaekwan-ie and I found out.
I had no choice if I wanted to survive and go back home! I did what I had to do, but I didn’t try to go out of my way to lie to you.
Haha. Surviving, huh? I get that. For people like us, constantly bargaining with death to save citizens’ lives as well as your own can really wear you down. You’ve done well, though, despite everything.
But it’s not just “surviving,” and it’s definitely not something to be thanked for.
Then what is it?
Desperation, Agent. Compared to what I had back home…frankly, every day now is hell. I can barely… I don’t think you could ever understand, even if I were to explain it to you.
...
What I go through every day, to even get up in the morning. The things I imagine hiding in every shadow. The fear I wear like a second skin that I want to claw right out of. Maybe you’ve become too numb to it, but I’ve never lost the terror of dropping into a disaster at any moment.
Haa.
I’m a coward, Agent Choi! Like you said, everything you know about me is a mask I’ve put on. I’m not good, or clever, or the kind of agent that saves people.
Say that to the ones that you have saved, Grapes. Every single person—hell, even the entities you’re mysteriously friendly with! All of whom you've rescued, spared, changed in so many ways. This skewed image you have of yourself, it’s not healthy and, honestly, it’s somewhat insulting.
! It’s not…personal. Agent Choi.
Feels a little personal. Because what about me?
…You?
You’ve saved me.
!!!
I think you know what I’m talking about.
T-there were a lot of children to save, too, and Agent Bronze was also with us at the time, so. And some of my former Daydream coworkers helped!
I don’t mean the Mermaid Graveyard.
Then, when I convinced J3 and Director Ho to not kill you?
Nope. Though, those sure were some pretty interesting words you said back then. Guess again!
…I don’t understand…
Grapes-ie, do you remember the first time we met? I’d be hurt if you didn’t. You woke up in the hospital after a daring escape from the Looky Mart disaster, having just saved some students and our dear Jaekwan-ie from a doomed situation.
…!
You looked up at me. You looked at the knife I was using to cut up some fruit for a poor, bedridden invalid. At my charming, friendly face. My scar.
O-of course, I remember! Agent Choi, are you about to say something cheesy like saving Agent Bronze was like saving you, too? T-that’s so sweet.
Hmmm? Oh yes, I agree with that point as well. But what I mean is that you recognized me then, didn’t you? You recognized the situation you were in and my scar, thus you knew who I was.
!!!
And then you looked so devastated and relieved, all at once. As if I had died in front of you, but suddenly came back to life a few seconds later.
You’re crazy. You, what are you even saying.
Even later, after I failed to restrain you in that Daydream lab, and you and that security officer had me on the floor. You said things about me that hardly anyone could have known.
…
I’ve seen it several times now, a similar expression you get whenever a disaster claims someone, but you can come up with a way to save them. For instance, when Bronze-ie was shoved into the coffin box.
What…
Saving me by throwing yourself down on the chopping block before I could. Saving Jaekwan-ie by going in after him so he wouldn’t be suffering alone.
!…
I’ve put together a vague truth, or at least the shadow of a truth. Somehow, even before we met in that hospital room, you’ve saved me. I’m sure of it, so don’t bother arguing with me right now! I don’t know if it’s time travel or clairvoyance or whatever—that’s not what’s important.
…Then what is?
Don’t worry, I’m not so full of myself that I think you saved me on purpose. Maybe it was incidental, at best?
That’s not—!
Oh? Ah, I can’t help but feel relieved whenever you show that you care, even if just a little. But I digress. What’s important is: you’re a hypocrite, too, Kim Soleum.
No, I’m—
Uh-uh, let your seonbae-nim finish his thought. Like I said, you’ve saved me and countless others. You panic at the thought of me dying to save hundreds of thousands of lives, but won’t even hesitate to do the same, given the chance.
It was you, dying once for each of those hundreds of thousands of lives. That’s stupid!
Hubae-nim. You need to let your elders save some face. And you need to know how to pace yourself or you’ll dig yourself into an early grave. Ha. Just thinking those words, even as a joke, makes me go crazy.
Ah…I’m sorry. I’ll reflect on it.
Good, good. I wish I could make you pinky promise me to treasure yourself more, but. Well. And something like a contract is out of the question.
…I promise.
!!! What! Is it my birthday~ To think that you’d say that with so little persuasion from me?
Ugh.
…Ahem. So. I’ve said what I need to. And asked as many questions as I could.
…
I won’t consider this a goodbye. More like, a “see you later.” Right?
…Yeah.
Yeah.
…
…haa.
…
It’s time for you to go “home.”
Take care of yourself, Agent Choi.
Return safely, Grapes-ie.