Chapter Text
Ena sat in front of her PC, staring at the numbers of her most recent drawing that she posted. It has been a week and it didn't even go above 50 likes. It frustrated her, she has always sought out validation, recognition, praise, and yet she rarely ever gotten it for her art.
"God damn it..," she muttered under her breath stifling a sob, closing the tab of the post, already reaching for her phone.
"Everything alright, Enanan?" she heard Mizuki ask over Voice Chat, already hearing the pity in her voice. "Yeah, yeah, everything alright... It's just..," Ena answered, "ugh, no matter what I do, my drawings get ignored. It's just annoying? I see all these other artists get thousands of likes in a day, and here I am... 46 likes in a week."
Mizuki knew about Ena her struggles with art, so she tried to console her in her own way, "You do know these accounts often have a lot of bots following them? Your art is pretty and it helps the Music K makes pop out! Numbers aren't that important!" But Ena didn't really listen, just making an affirming "mhm" sound, already snapping the first few selfies.
If she couldn't get likes on her art, she had to get her praise from somewhere else. While she listened to the sound of Mizuki's voice, she was editing the picture. She had a specific idea on how she always edited her selfies, make the waist a little smaller, making the hips a little wider, and of course her chest. Mizuki often teased Ena about "pushing her little bust up" or being a "cutting board for her fruits". She knew Mizuki didn't mean it in a bad way, but it just worsened her self image issues, so she had to edit it in her pictures.
She threw a pretty filter on the selfie, making sure she looked cute and appealing, and posted it. Within minutes she was seeing the numbers go up, comments flooding in, praising her, like she wanted to be.
"Wow, Enanan! You are so pretty!"
"I am so jealous of her! Look at those curves!" "
You never fail to amaze us!"
There were... uncomfortable comments, of course. More often than not from some middle aged married guys not knowing their limits. They were disgusting, sexualizing her, reducing her to her body, but she still took in the validation. She was pretty, she was appealing, she was in some twisted way wanted.
But recently, some followers noticed her edits.
"Do you see how the background warps around her stomach? she must be a fat pig in real life..."
"she edits her chest, she is an attention seeking whore. She just wants men to lust over her."
She tried to ignore them, she really did, but it still hit a nerve. Even if she has lost weight, even if she was already considered underweight, the comments stung. They warped her self image even more, making her think she is actually fat. She looked perfectly fine, beautiful even. But the models she sees on the internet just looked prettier in her eyes. She wanted, needed to look like them. Otherwise she had no worth. She was, of course, only worth her body, like how the men in her comments told her she was.
She had to go on a diet,
she had to cut off the sweets,
she had to lose weight,
she had to cut--
"Enanan? Hello~o?" she heard Mizuki say, apparently trying for quite a bit to gain Ena's attention. Ena answered quickly snapping out of her thoughts, "Y-yeah? Sorry, I... I zoned out..." Her voice was rough, the lump in her throat was painful. She didn't want to cry, she didn't want Mizuki to know about this whole thing.
Mizuki noticed, of course, she always did. But she knew better than to call Ena out on it, that would only cause Ena to rage quit the call, potentially hurting herself. And she knew it was better if she kept Ena in Voice Chat where she could check on her, even if only through voice. But she had to make sure she is actually okay, she had to actually see her. Mizuki cleared her throat, "I was just talking about how we should go to that new store that opened near your house, it totally is your style! I already sent you the link to where it is!"
Ena clicked on the link, checking the route... It was close enough to walk. "Sure..." she muttered, but quickly trying to lighten up her voice, to be her usual self "Give me 10 minutes to get ready, 5 Minutes to get there! And don't you dare be late!"
"Haha, Me? Never! Not when it's about cute clothes!" Mizuki laughed, "See you there!"
Ena clicked on the link, checking the route... It was close enough to walk. "Sure..." she muttered, but quickly trying to lighten up her voice, to be her usual self "Give me 10 minutes to get ready, 5 Minutes to get there! And don't you dare be late!" "Haha, Me? Never! Not when it's about cute clothes!" Mizuki laughed, "See you there!"