Chapter Text
"I stood in a crowded street that was alive with people,
And no one spoke a word, and the morning shone.
Everyone silent, moving. . . . Take my hand. Speak to me."
Effort at Speech Between Two People - Muriel Rukeyser
Sanghyeok was focused on the screen in front of him, trying not to be bothered by the sounds behind him.
The LoL park waiting room was filled with laughs, probably from Minseok talking with Minhyung, and the sound of a chair scraping against the floor, which was probably caused by Wooje moving like a child in his chair. Or it could be anyone from Gen.G, since they were sharing the room with the rival team.
Sanghyeok stayed silent, trying to concentrate on the screen. Almost by his side, Chovy leaned forward, one hand covering his mouth as he watched a game replay. Sanghyeok's expression did not change; only his eyes moved to Chovy, tracking every detail with a patience that felt familiar somehow.
The sounds in the room stopped. He could only hear and see Chovy. There was no reason to keep looking, but Sanghyeok did anyway. Just for a moment, just long enough to notice the slight furrow between Chovy's brows and the way his fingers tapped against the desk when he was thinking.
Cute.
Then Sanghyeok looked away. The game resumed on his screen, and the room returned to its ordinary sounds. However, Sanghyeok couldn't concentrate anymore. His mind was full of Chovy and his expression when concentrating; how long his fingers are; the way his mouth pouts when thinking hard.
Later, walking back to the dorm, Chovy's small gestures came back to Sanghyeok with a surprising clarity. A single movement, insignificant. He did not know why he was remembering that simple detail about Chovy, only that he was.
✧ ───────── ✧
The waiting room was quieter than normal.
However, the room was not empty, but the only sounds were an occasional soft sound of a keyboard being pressed from time to time and a chair moving across the floor.
Sanghyeok was concentrating on the screen in front of him. It flickered through a replay of the game from that day. It was something easy to watch, more predictable than almost anything he had seen. But the thing is, he was zooming in on a champion specifically: Sylas. The name tag above his head said GEN Chovy.
He zoomed out the moment he heard someone walking in.
Something shifted in the room, but he couldn't say what it was.
Sanghyeok let the replay run a second longer than necessary before stopping it. Only then did he glance up at the door.
Chovy stood near the doorway, one hand still resting against the frame as if undecided whether to enter or not. There was nothing unusual about entering the waiting room because players moved in and out of these rooms all the time, and he had shared the place with T1 players other times too.
Still, he didn't move.
For a moment, neither of them said anything. Just kept looking at each other.
"Using it?" Chovy asked. His voice was even. Casual. Just like Sanghyeok was used to.
Sanghyeok shook his head once, already reaching for the keyboard.
"No."
He stood, stepping aside just enough to get out. Not far, not close either. Chovy nodded, stepping in without hesitation this time. They passed by each other. Hands almost touching. It shouldn't have been noticeable, since it was normal to pass each other in LoL park. But Sanghyeok noticed.
Sanghyeok kept moving to the door, slower than usual, and behind him, the play was pressed on the keyboard. The same sequence and the same movements. He didn't turn back. But he knew, without even looking, exactly where Chovy was standing.
✧ ───────── ✧
Sanghyeok was reunited with the boys in the living room, but he wasn't paying attention to their antics. He was focused on reading his book while the boys were watching an LCK match on TV and commenting about the plays. Sanghyeok only knew that it was GenG against any other team.
Sanghyeok kept reading, and the boys kept laughing and talking about the game.
Then, minutes later, he realized the game had ended when he heard Chovy's voice answering the interview.
"You seemed relaxed in today's match. Is there a player capable of balancing your calmness? Is there a player whose presence you can feel even before the game starts?" Soobin asked, laughing, and Chovy smiled.
"There is."
Oh. Who was this person capable of making Chovy feel something like that?
For reasons he couldn't understand, now Sanghyeok was fully paying attention to the TV.
"Faker-ssi." Chovy didn't even hesitate to answer his name. "He's the only player whose presence changes the atmosphere before champion select even begins. Nothing is really different, but you become aware of him before the game starts. It makes you pay more attention."
Soobin nodded, smiling and satisfied with the answer, ready to finish the interview. Chovy thanked her and got off the stage.
The boys looked at Sanghyeok curiously, ready to tease him about Chovy's words. But Sanghyeok wasn't paying attention to them. His mind could only go back to Chovy's words.
You become aware of him before the game starts.
To him, it was an odd choice of words, and he wanted to believe that Chovy was only talking about the pressure of competition. He told himself that there was no reason to interpret it any other way.
Even so, later that week, as Sanghyeok walked toward the stage for his match against Geng, he found himself searching for Chovy without thinking. He searched long enough to confirm Chovy was already there, ready to play against him.
That was the moment Sanghyeok realized what Chovy had meant the other day.
You become aware of him before the game starts.
✧ ───────── ✧
Faker was in his room trying to enjoy the quietness of the dorm.
The boys were out eating, and at that time Sanghyeok didn't want to go out. He just wanted to rest in his room and review some games. So, the dorm was too quiet. No voices or footsteps in the hallway. Only the sound of his keyboard and the soft glow of the paused game on his monitor illuminating the room and his face with his desk lamp.
He wasn't really watching the game anymore.
Even enjoying the silence too much; lately, he was getting too lost in his own thoughts when there were no sounds outside his head. So, he wasn't able to concentrate on the game. His notebook was empty because he couldn't think about anything to write about his review of the games.
Sanghyeok didn't know how many hours he'd been there watching some games, or how many minutes he'd spent facing the paused screen, the replay timer frozen in the corner. His mind was blank because he wasn't managing to think about anything. He was simply staying…
A soft knock came from his door, taking him out of his empty thoughts.
"Come in." He said, already knowing that it was probably one of the boys, but he was surprised that he didn't hear them arriving.
Minseok peeked his head inside first and then smiled at his hyung.
"Are you busy?"
Sanghyeok glanced at the monitor. "Not particularly."
Just by watching Minseok enter his room, the older could notice he looked strangely nervous and kinda excited.
"Is everything fine?"
Minseok hesitated, but sat on Sanghyeok's bed.
"I got a call." He said, but went silent.
Sanghyeok waited. There was no need to rush the younger. He eventually would speak.
"Did they call you too?"
Sanghyeok got confused. Did he receive a call? He reached out his hand to grab his phone on the table and then saw 5 missed calls from his manager.
Oh.
Sanghyeok had been so lost in his head that he didn't even see the calls.
"We're going to Hangzhou together! Wooje, you and I." Minseok was smiling, but there was something strangely nervous in his smile.
For some seconds, Sanghyeok just looked at him. Then he nodded. He wasn't sure about how he was feeling at that moment, about the Asian Games. Pride, maybe. Relief, a chance to prove he was still in his pride. And, of course, responsibility. But the thing is, his first time at the Asian Games in 2018 felt heavier than excitement; after all, he lost in the finals.
So, there was no room for excitement. Only expectations.
"Congrats, hyung!" Minseok was excited.
"Thank you," Sanghyeok answered simply, looking back at his screen for a second.
The younger found his reaction strange. A little enigmatic.
"Aren't you happy?" Minseok was confused.
Sanghyeok had spent enough years competing to understand that opportunities like this rarely arrived as good surprises. They arrived as responsibilities. So, he couldn't let himself feel this excited and happy. Not yet. But he was happy for Minseok and Wooje; it was their first time at a big event like the Asian Games. It was a chance to prove themselves too.
"I'm happy for you, Minseok-ah."
Minseok thanked him, and a brief silence settled between them. The younger had always been good at filling silences, but this time he didn't. It was as if he was holding onto something. And Sanghyeok noticed it.
"You have something else to say about it." It wasn't a question. Minseok laughed nervously.
"Jihoon hyung is going too."
The room stayed quiet just like before.
Minseok was still at Sanghyeok's bed. The game was still frozen on the screen. Sanghyeok was still stoic in his chair. Nothing changed. Nothing should have changed. Yet, Sanghyeok felt something shift inside him. Something subtle, small enough that nobody else would have noticed.
"I see." Sanghyeok kept his expression unchanged, but this time his words sounded different to Minseok, who tilted his head curiously.
Truthfully, he wasn't surprised. Of course, Chovy would be there. He was one of the best players in Korea. Of course he was going to be chosen. And it made sense, in his mind, having Chovy's name side by side with Faker. The world would be thrilled to see it.
"You will probably spend a lot of time together," Minseok said, still looking curiously at his hyung, trying to study his reactions.
"Probably."
Sanghyeok had played against Chovy for years; watched him from across the stage; shaken his hand after victories and after defeats; exchanged short conversations in hallways and waiting rooms. But it was always brief, always professional.
And, yet… Sanghyeok realized that he could picture Chovy's face immediately, more clearly than it should have been. He could remember the way his mouth pouts when thinking hard, the way his long fingers touch the keyboard when playing, how shy he is when answering interview questions about Sanghyeok even after all this time playing against him. He could remember all of that without even trying. He wasn't trying; he just couldn't control his thoughts anymore.
"… it'll be interesting and fun." Minseok was still talking.
"Yes." Sanghyeok looked at the younger.
Minseok smiled.
"Try to look a little happier, hyung. It's good news." Minseok said and got up to leave the room.
Sanghyeok stared at his monitor again, but this time his hand reached the keyboard and the mouse to close the game screen and search for something. He opened the news. It was there: the roster for the Asian Games. He clicked on the announcement.
Zeus, Kanavi, Faker, Chovy, Ruler, and Keria.
He stayed there looking at Chovy's name longer than it needed to.
Sanghyeok sat alone in his room and wondered why hearing and reading Chovy's name had made his night feel different.
✧ ───────── ✧
Sanghyeok had been restless ever since the news about the Asian Games.
Of course, he was happy, yet nervous because of the responsibility, but something was unsettling him, and he couldn't quite put his finger on what it was. So, he decided to head down to the nearest convenience store to grab something to eat and try to make his mind focus on other things.
He could have chosen to read or even play a ranked game, but when he got up from bed, he heard his stomach growl, so he decided to go out to eat.
Outside, Seoul had already settled into its quieter hours. The streets weren't empty, but it was calmer now. Cars passed less often, and there were just a few people still walking. Sanghyeok kept his hands in the pockets of his T1 hoodie as he walked. Even hungry, he wasn't thinking about what to eat at the convenience store, nor was he thinking about tomorrow's scrim. His thoughts kept circling back to the same thing.
Asian Games.
It still felt strange. Unreal.
He knew he would probably be chosen, but representing Korea had never been just another tournament like LCK. Every decision would be watched, judged. Every mistake would be remembered, especially the ones made by him. The pride of being chosen was there, but the weight too.
But Sanghyeok had grown used to carrying the weight of expectations on his name. So, why did this one time feel different?
Sanghyeok decided to push his thoughts aside before they would dominate his mind. More than it already was.
The moment he stepped into the convenience store, the smell of instant ramen and coffee took over him. Refrigerators hummed steadily against one wall while a radio played softly from somewhere behind the counter - he could recognize IU's voice through it.
Only three customers were inside. A university student was scrolling through her tablet with one hand while the other was mixing her chapagetti. A boy was reading what he could recognize as Sweet Hereafter by Banana Yoshimoto next to the girl, like they were together, while waiting for his spicy ramen to get ready. And an elderly man was drinking a beer near the window while reading the newspaper.
Sanghyeok walked toward the refrigerated drinks and got a barley tea. He moved to the other side of the store to get a kimbap, but when his hand reached toward the refrigerator door, another hand reached for it at the same time. Both stopped.
"Sorry."
The voice was low, polite. And familiar. So, Sanghyeok looked up and, for a second, simply stared.
Chovy was there looking at him.
Neither of them moved immediately, as though their minds needed an extra second to accept what their eyes had already recognized.
"Hi," Chovy said first. His smile was soft, but hesitant.
Sanghyeok nodded.
"Hi."
Chovy withdrew his hand first, letting Sanghyeok open the refrigerator door. The older got his kimbap and waited. He didn't know what he was waiting for. Chovy got the same kimbap and then closed the door. They stepped away from the refrigerator at almost the same time. Then both shifted in opposite directions to avoid bumping into each other. Only to step into each other's path again.
The tension eased just enough for both of them to breathe. Neither walked away. Instead, they found themselves standing close to the refrigerator again, looking at each other.
"So…" Chovy started, hesitantly again.
"I heard it."
"The announcement… I heard it too."
"Congratulations."
"You too."
Silence. But not empty or uncomfortable. They were only waiting.
"I guess we will be teammates for a while."
"We will."
For reasons Sanghyeok couldn't explain, even a little awkward, the conversation felt surprisingly easy. There were no cameras this time, no interviews, no teammates passing by. It was just two players standing close together, discussing the recent announcement in the E-Sports world. Their world.
"I've always wondered what that would be like… to be at the same time as you, even if we're sharing the same role," Chovy said.
Sanghyeok didn't answer immediately; he just looked, analysing. Chovy's expression carried genuine curiosity. No rivalry or competitiveness. Just an honest interest.
"I think it will be good," Sanghyeok answered. The words surprised even him.
Chovy's eyebrows lifted slightly.
"You sound confident."
"I trust good players."
Jihoon smiled.
"I'll take that as a compliment."
"It was."
For the first time that day, Sanghyeok felt something inside him bloom. Only slightly, but enough to make him notice it. The world around them seemed to stop, but everything was normal, like the girl laughing and touching the boy's arm, someone paying for their food, a new client arriving… Life was happening, and somehow they were too.
"You always come here?" Chovy asked, as if he didn't want to stop talking with the older.
"Sometimes."
Chovy already knew the answer. He had seen Sanghyeok other times at the convenience store after scrims and games. Sometimes even when they were on vacation time, and Chovy decided to be at the dorm instead of going home. It was supposed to be normal, since their dorms are close. But the thing is, Chovy was noticing Sanghyeok's presence more than he should. More than it was safe.
"Actually… I've noticed you. Here." Chovy admitted.
"Hm. I thought I was the only one." Sanghyeok said.
"The only one?" Jihoon was confused.
"The only one who noticed."
"Oh." Chovy was stunned.
Their eyes met long enough to engrave Chovy's eyes in Sanghyeok's mind.
"I've seen you buying this same kimbap almost every time." Chovy smiled, and Sanghyeok blinked. He couldn't believe that Chovy remembered it.
"You… you remember that?"
"Yes…"
Neither of them spoke. Chovy didn't deny it, and it surprised Sanghyeok. For reasons he couldn't understand, the realization settled somewhere deep inside the older. Not only because Chovy noticed his order, but because he had been noticing Chovy long before that night. Long before the asian games - long before he had any reason to notice him.
So, for a brief moment, beneath the lights of the convenience store and the sound of IU's voice singing now Blueming on the radio, Sanghyeok had the strange feeling that this wasn't their first time having a comfortable conversation like this. It was only the first time he allowed himself to notice it - to notice Chovy differently.
I know we feel the same, rea-la-lize
Don't think too hard about what you are going to say, just reply
My slightly playful metaphor
I wonder how you will interpret it
Blueming - IU