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I can hear a voice in my head, begging me to come clean, to confess to all my sins and turn to face him.
Silence. Ivan steals a glance. This was inevitable. Mizi was gone, probably dead if she knew what was good for her - and now faced with life or death against the one other person he ever gave a shit about. One glance, two-
No. Not before me.
And it was settled. Ivan shoves the mic away with the instrumentals blasting his eardrums as he walks closer. There isn’t any hesitation, no a sign of reconsideration. Only one thought crossed his mind the whole time.
I love you. I will die for you.
He garners Till’s attention, caressing the side of his cheek before prying him into a kiss. It was overbearing, invasive and sharp… and on some small level… it didn’t feel right. Till’s body was silently pleading for him to stop with the performative act; desperately trying to shove him away and knock some sense into him.
God knows he didn’t need to preform, He saw that Till had already given his heart to him, tucked quietly and neatly under his sleeve. He figured he would’ve found it at some point, realized that he didn’t need to try and shove it down his throat.
Ivan had already made up his mind though, his final breath, decision, everything would be sacrificed for God. He wrapped his hands around Till’s neck, putting enough pressure to be tense for safety, yet not enough to leave marks. Till was compliant, ready to finally be freed of his torture and relentless cycle.
Shot one was fired into Ivan’s upper shoulder, jerking his arm slightly as he held onto Till. surprisingly it didn’t hurt, the only thing he could focus on was trying again. small memories flashed in his head, one in particular standing out.
Till had a scar on his left cheek, probably after getting in a fight with one of the other kids, or his master. Despite sitting away from Ivan, he knew that he couldn’t stay away for long. He sat down in the space next to him, staring at him while he ate.
He glanced over to Till’s hunched back, watching as the grooves in his spine move everytime he readjusted his posture. Then moving back to look at his cheek, he observed a small bit of blood streaming down from the cut. Ivan’s instincts told him to try and consume him, to get a taste of what it would be like to live inside of his skin, to be one with the man he loved. So he did. He swiped his thumb over the cut, startling Till and pushing him away. Ivan smiled contently, licking his thumb clean. It tasted like home.
God knows Ivan, He knows that he doesn’t know the slightest bit about love, so when the first crack formed in the glass heart, He didn’t flinch, this was to be expected. This was apart of His divine plan.
I didn’t do it right…
Ivan started to pull Till in again, a little slower with his movements. Another shot was fired into him, and it stung. Not because it was painful, but because of the deadly “what if.”
He moves in, planting a small kiss on Till’s lips, and for once it all stopped. There was no stage, no next rounds, no light sticks being waved around by distasteful aliens who would later on inevitably try to sell them as “rare collectables”. He could see a dimly room, with a couple laughing and joking, embracing each other with their drinks, almost flaunting their matching rings. He turned to his side, seeing Till gag at the sight.
“You two are disgustingly in love,” he said, covering his eyes with his hands, “Please, I BEG of you both to get a room.”
The blonde one laughs and Ivan turns to face him, only to find his face blurred.
“You act like this is the first time you’ve seen us together, show some respect, we’re getting married!” The brunette laughs loudly, it’s almost contagious.
“Can you tell he’s been planning this for a while?” Till rolls his eyes and smiles, interlocking his pinky finger with Ivan’s. The weight is intoxicating, and he smiles so wide that his cheeks hurt. It’s as if he’s finally been seen, given permission to truly be himself. He’s finally noticed him, finally acknowledged not only his existence kindly, but touched him… willingly.
The sunset from the windows peaked in from the windows, a light shade of pink and orange that kissed the clouds so delicately, reaching out to touch the grass and hills below. And yes, he thought, this must be heaven, the promised land that humans sought after so many years ago, long before aliens. For the first time in his life, Ivan felt like God had spoken to him, reached His divine hands out and blessed him, and for the last time in his life, he felt truly, and utterly loved.
Ivan was dead before even reaching the ground, his last expression being a sullen smile so haunting, it left all who were in his presence shattered. Till was the only one who saw it, and it was his first time ever truly looking at Ivan. He grabbed onto his neck, holding the warm feeling of Ivan’s hand under his own, looking at him as he fell to the ground - a bag of flour being tossed down.
He was smiling, why the hell was he smiling?
Till could feel Ivan’s hands fading from his neck, internally, he scoured for something to hold onto.
Not you too, I can’t lose you too.
As the rain poured onto the stage, he could only stand over the dead weight with shock pooling heavily into his stomach and filling his lungs. All sounds of music and sheer joy exerted by the aliens rang in his ears. Till felt himself being dragged away, and instead of trying to resist like normal, he could only reach his hand out, wanting nothing more than to have something last for once in his life.
but of course, nothing ever really lasts, not even death.